argument5，本人第一篇完整习作，求批改，谢谢

monica54UID: 2614280

Argument 5
结论:Perkins will be the profitable pharmaceutical company in ten years
论据：Becton pharmaceutical company’s patent on Xenon will expire in three years, Perkins’s new drug Xylan is preferred by 70 percent most extreme arthritis patients
攻击点：becton still have market seniority, false dilemma, increasing of arthritis is not necessarily indicate that profitability of pharmaceutical company, the fact influence profit ,vague data

    The author asserts that Perkins pharmaceutical company will be the profitable pharmaceutical company in ten years instead of Becton pharmaceutical company. This assertion based on the fact that Becton pharmaceutical company’s patent on Xenon will expire in three years and Perkins’s new drug Xylan is preferred by 70 percent most extreme arthritis patients. However, profitability is much more complicated than the author think, and the argument relies on a series of unwarranted assumptions that render the conclusion unconvincing.
    First of all, the author assumes that the increasing of arthritis patient necessarily leads to tremendous profitability of pharmaceutical company. However, the author provides no evidence that this is the case. Perhaps, most arthritis patient chooses physical therapy other than medication. In fact, the fraction of patient who choose the former one is relatively high since medicine is hard to reach the space between bones in our body. Without ruling out the above-mentioned possibility, the profitability of the pharmaceutical company is open to doubt.
    Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the future profit situation of a company results from the products now. Even if most arthritis patients pick medication, there are other companies in this country, and it is possible that they are doing research to invent new medicine, which would be more popular with the patient than Xenon and Xylan.
In the third place, the expiration of patent on Xenon does not necessarily lead to decline in the profit of Becton, because Becton may have the advantage of market seniority. It is true that other companies will be able to produce a cheaper version of the drug, yet unless the new company invests much money to advertise for its product, people are inclined to select old brand or famous brand, especially for drug. We can’t compare the profitability of these companies without more information about revenue and cost.
    At last, the author provides us vague data. We don’t know the proportion of patients suffer from the most extreme cases of arthritis. Perhaps the fraction is very low, so 70 percent of this group is too few to represent for the all group. Thus, the conclusion based on this survey is unconvincing.
    In sum, the conclusion that the most profitable pharmaceutical company will be Perkins not well supported. The author need more detail information to evaluate which company is the most profitable one.

monica54UID: 2614280

呜呜，没人提意见啊，自己顶一下

monica54UID: 2614280

再顶，等待批改

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

占位，等下该

indigo1007UID: 2858305

我也是新手~~握手握手~~:handshake

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

Argument 5
我的提纲：
1、        专利到期，但别的公司一定能生产吗？
2、        PP公司的药在试验中效果不错，在实际中呢？ 而且新药上是要很久的。
3、        PP一定能赚钱吗？也许有更好的新药呢？


The author asserts that Perkins pharmaceutical company will be the profitable pharmaceutical company in ten years instead of Becton pharmaceutical company. This assertion based on the fact that Becton pharmaceutical company’s patent on Xenon will expire in three years and Perkins’s new drug Xylan is preferred by 70 percent most extreme arthritis patients. However, profitability is much more complicated than the author think, and the argument relies on a series of unwarranted assumptions that render the conclusion unconvincing. （感觉有点长，压缩一下吧）

    First of all, the author assumes that the increasing of arthritis patient necessarily leads to tremendous profitability of pharmaceutical company. However, the author provides no evidence that this is the case. Perhaps, most arthritis patient chooses physical therapy other than medication. In fact, the fraction of patient who chooses the former one is relatively high since medicine is hard to reach the space between bones in our body.（这个观点可靠不？）Without ruling out the above-mentioned possibility, the profitability of the pharmaceutical company is open to doubt.

    Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the future profit situation of a company results from the products（which…..） now（感觉这个说法怪怪的）. Even if most arthritis patients pick medication, there are other companies in this country, and it is possible that they are doing research to invent new medicine, which would be more popular with the patient than Xenon and Xylan.（后面再补充一部分会更好。例如：If so, …….）

In the third place, the expiration of patent on Xenon does not necessarily lead to decline in the profit of Becton, because Becton may have the advantage of market seniority. It is true that other companies will be able to produce a cheaper version of the drug, yet unless the new company invests much money to advertise for its product, people are inclined to select old brand or famous brand, especially for drug. We can’t compare the profitability of these companies without more information about revenue and cost. (这个攻击点我拿不准，你多请教一下他人吧。)

At last, the author provides us vague data. We don’t know the proportion of patients suffer from the most extreme cases of arthritis. Perhaps the fraction is very low, so 70 percent of this group is too few to represent for the all group. Thus, the conclusion based on this survey is unconvincing.

In sum, the conclusion that the most profitable pharmaceutical company will be Perkins not well supported. The author need more detail information to evaluate which company is the most profitable one. （感觉总结的太简单了。）

（前辈曾说过，格式可以顶格写， 段与段之间空一行。）

monica54UID: 2614280

6# wdx19861106
你提到的这句话怪怪的，我当时写的时候也感觉到了，但不知道怎么表达才地道。
Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the future profit situation of a company results from the products now。
还是多谢您的意见，受益匪浅啊！

monica54UID: 2614280

呵呵，:handshake 5# indigo1007

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

呵呵，也是新手，很多前辈指点的。 7# monica54

0129305UID: 2662180

太抽象了，没有具体事例支持。
你去看看6分的范文，对比下就知道了。
issue写不出字来也就是没有specific details
One of the most common and most serious problems in student's writing is inadequate development. You must provide enough specific details to fully support the point in a body paragraph of an essay. You could not, for example, include a paragraph about a friend's unreliability and provide only a one-or-two-sentence example. You would have to extend the example or add several other examples showing your friends as an unreliable person. Without such additional support, your paragraph would be underdeveloped.
没细节=太抽象->paragraphs不能支持thesis->考官不认同->没逻辑
所以有没有逻辑关键看表达
太抽象典型代表句 with the development of our society...
                         ...have some bad effeects on....
                         ...is very important
                         悲剧啊！！！