7.20 vivi凌

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
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In recent years, it has become a common phenonmena that businessmen are exposed to offer bribe to officials and produce low-quality product. Consequently, some people draw the conclusion that businessmen are only motivatied by the desire of money. In my view, however, I don't agree with this opinion. I would like to list several reasons to support my viewpoint.



In the first place, the fact that businessmen bear greater pressure and more fierce competition throw them into cut-throat competition.
It seems unfire to attribute all the blames and criticisms to the businessmen. To take the case of SanLu Companyas, one of the most famous factory which produce dried milk in China, as an example, this company went bankrupt since some children got food potsioning after drinking its product. In fact, it's a potential priciple for companies to add these poisonous additives in the Chinese dried milk industory, SanLu Company just add too much since Sanlu sell its products in a very low price and consequently in order to survive it had no choice.



What's more, it's natural for companies to try their best to struggle to survive and make profit. Since the persons who runthe company burden a high risk and spend a lot of time and money in their career, these businessmen are motivated by the willingness to earn their livings and need for self accomplishment. What's more, many businessmen have a strong sense that they should be responsible for their employees' life. The trend that increasing benefit level and better employer-employee relationship is a sound evidence to warrant this sense of

responsibility.



All in all, the opinion that businessmen are merely motivated by desire of money is unreasonable and unfair because the bad performance to some extent due to the unhealthy market conditions; Moreover, businessmen are just want to survive and burden the obligation to their empolyees.

jjooyyUID：2704028

1# liuxiaoyin

In recent years, it has become a common phenonmena that businessmen are exposed to offer bribe to officials and produce low-quality product. Consequently, some people draw the conclusion that businessmen are only motivatied by the desire of money. In my view, however, I don't agree with this opinion. I would like to list several reasons to support my viewpoint. 这个背景写得好啊!赞一个!

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In the first place, the fact that businessmen bear greater pressure and more fierce competition throw them into cut-throat competition.
It seems unfire(?unfair?) to attribute all the blames and criticisms to the businessmen. To take the case of SanLu Companyas, one of the most famous factory which produce dried milk(milk powder之类的巴) in China, as an example, this company went bankrupt since some children got food potsioning after drinking(having) its product. In fact, it's a potential priciple（潜规则？有点chiglish，因为principle更多的是指好的） for companies to add these poisonous additives in the Chinese dried milk industory, SanLu Company just add too much since Sanlu sell its products in a very low price and consequently in order to survive（两句话，断开） it had no choice. $ `9 F3 K4 F. ^) z

What's more, it's natural for companies to try their best to struggle to survive and make profit. Since the persons who runthe company burden（take） a high risk and spend a lot of time and money in their career, these businessmen are motivated by the willingness to earn their livings and need for self accomplishment. （那又是为什么有这样的动机呢？没讲清楚啊）What's more, many businessmen have a strong sense that they should be responsible for their employees' life. The trend that increasing benefit level and better employer-employee relationship is a sound evidence to warrant this sense of responsibility.
这段讲的有点杂，主题句是 it is natural...，中间再讲其他的动机。。

1 q* p, ~3 ]" @# P( S! e% ^All in all, the opinion that businessmen are merely motivated by desire of money is unreasonable and unfair because the bad performance to some extent due to the unhealthy market conditions; Moreover, businessmen are just want to survive and burden the obligation to their empolyees.

建议多写一点，是计时写的吗？不是的话可以再多些一段哦！另外burden这个词不能乱用，个人觉得你用的两个地方都不是太好

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

7.20修改版~~~
In recent years, it has become a common phenonmena that businessmen are exposed to offer bribe to officials and produce low-quality product. Consequently, some people draw the conclusion that businessmen are only motivatied by the desire of money. In my view, however, I don't agree with this opinion. I would like to list several reasons to support my viewpoint.

In the first place, the fact that businessmen are under greater pressure and undergo cut-throat competition leads them difficult to survive. It seems unfair to attribute all the blames and criticisms to the businessmen. To take the case of SanLu Companyas, one of the most famous factory which produce milk powder in China, as an example, this company went bankrupt since some children got food potsioning after having its product. In fact, it's a hidden rules for companies to add these poisonous additives in the Chinese dried milk industry. Since SanLu Company sells products in a very low price, in order to survive it had no choice but to add large amount of poisonous additives which helps to achieve Chinese quality standard.

What's more, the fact that corporations always make donations make it convincing that businessmen care about society and have a high sense of responsibility. When earth quake took place in China in 2008, Wang Lao Ji is the first to stand out to donate money and necessities to the disaster area. During this earthquake, a large number of companies have support financial and substance aids in different ways. How many people remembered the names of these companies? We may just can tell out several of their names or even we can't point one. Thus the main purpose of the donation is just to help public and fulfill their obligation to the society.

Admittedly, some businessmen have certain immoral(unethical) behaviours, but they can‘t represent all the businessmen. All in all, the opinion that businessmen are merely motivated by desire of money is unreasonable and unfair because the bad performance to some extent due to the unhealthy market conditions; Moreover, most businessmen have showed that they care about society and have a high sense of responsibility.

kingguohaoUID：2752336

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
\
In recent years, it has become a common phenonmena(phenomena是复数，应该是phenomenon) that businessmen are exposed to offer bribe to officials and produce low-quality product. Consequently, some people draw the conclusion that businessmen are only motivatied by the desire of money. In my view, however, I don't agree with this opinion. I would like to list several reasons to support my viewpoint.

In the first place, the fact that businessmen bear greater pressure and more fierce competition throw （主语是the fact,这里应该是throws）them into cut-throat  competition. It seems unfire（unfair） to attribute all the blames and criticisms to the businessmen. To take the case of SanLu Companyas(??), one of the most famous factory which produce dried milk in China, as an example, this company went bankrupt since some children got food potsioning(poisoning) after drinking its product. In fact, it's a potential(潜规则？potential是潜在的、有可能的意思。这里换成covert比较好) priciple for companies to add these poisonous additives in the Chinese dried milk industory, SanLu Company just add（added） too much since Sanlu sell its products in a very low price and consequently in order to survive it had no choice.（这句什么意思，别的牛奶公司都加，三鹿公司只是为了生存加得太多了？能说明什么？）

What's more, it's natural for companies to try their best to struggle to survive and make profit. Since the persons(大于三个人用PEOPLE比较好) who run the company burden a high risk and spend a lot of time and money in their career, these businessmen are motivated by the willingness to earn（of earning） their livings and need(needs) for self accomplishment.(这句的因果关系不好，前半句不能说明后半句的原因) What's more(这段开头就一个what’s more,这里换换比较好，比如moreover), many businessmen have a strong sense that they should be responsible for their employees' life. The trend that increasing benefit level and better employer-employee relationship is a sound evidence （这个短语没看懂）to warrant this sense of responsibility.

All in all, the opinion that businessmen are merely motivated by desire of money is unreasonable and unfair because the bad performance to some extent due to the unhealthy market conditions;（不健康的市场环境不正是由于商人们的恶性竞争引起的么？） Moreover, businessmen are just want to survive and burden the obligation to their empolyees.
第二个例子证明力不够。
用词比较丰富。加油！！：）

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

谢谢评价哈~~我再改改~~ 4# kingguohao

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

7.22（08.10.25NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.


It is a complicated issue whether students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed in future. Different people hold various opinions. Some believe that this habit proves the good characters for success in students. While others think it has no directly and causal relationships with the success of students. Personally, I tend to believe the first viewpoint for several reasons.

First of all, the habit of keeping rooms neat and organized, with no doubt, can reflect a relatively
good capability of organization and arrangement which are the right factor needed in the jobs in future. For example，Chen Fan one of the greatest politician in China, claimed that how can a person conquer a country if he has no capability to clear and organize his own house. I deeply impressed by his word. I argue that everything should be done from the easiest point, for a student, success should begin from the basic arrangement and dealing with their rooms. Hardly can students achieve success if they can't make the first and easiest step.



What's more, the fact that students who keep their rooms neat and organized warrant a kind of respect, both to others and to themselves. Imaging that a person living with you always throw things around and keep dirty clothes and shoes unwashed for a couple of months, you will merely like him very much. The sense of self-respect and honor to other always helps to leave people good impression and contributes to a larger friend circle. All the benefits mentioned above lead a person much closer to success. For example, my sister is a typical person of this kind. Her room is always so neat and tidy that we can never see things thrown around and rubbish in the floor. After graduating, she performed very well in company and both her bosses and colleagues like her very much. Consequently she got promotion quickly.



All in all, I can draw the conclusion safely that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed in future because this habit can reflect a relatively good capability of organization and arrangement and respect to others and themselves.

梦的弃儿UID：2840846

7.22（08.10.25NA）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

It is a complicated issue whether students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed in future. Different people hold various opinions. Some believe that this habit proves the good characters for success in students. While others think it has no directly and causal relationships with the success of students. Personally, I tend to believe the first viewpoint for several reasons.
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8 j1 ?/ J* v/ C9 H) wFirst of all, the habit of keeping rooms neat and organized, with no doubt, can reflect a relatively - a  W% A: R8 Q  _$good capability of organization and arrangement which are the right factor needed in the jobs in future. For example，Chen Fan（，） one of the greatest politician in China, claimed that（claim后面要跟陈述吧= =我只是觉得读不通） how can a person conquer a country if he has no capability to clear and organize his own house. I deeply impressed by his word. I argue that everything should be done from the easiest point, for a student, success should begin from the basic arrangement and dealing with their rooms. Hardly can students achieve success if they can't make the first and easiest step.（说的好！学习之）

What's more, the fact that students who keep their rooms neat and organized warrant a kind of respect, both to others and to(并列的话to可以删掉) themselves. Imaging that a person living with you always throw things around and keep dirty clothes and shoes unwashed for a couple of months, you will merely like him very much. The sense of self-respect and honor to other（s） always helps to leave people (a) good impression and contributes to a larger friend circle(我觉得circle有问题，可能用loop会好一点).
All the benefits mentioned above lead a person much closer to success. For example, my sister is a typical person of this kind. Her room is always so neat and tidy that we can never see things thrown around and rubbish in（on） the floor. After graduating (graduation), she performed very well in company and both her bosses and colleagues like her very much. Consequently she got promotion quickly.

All in all, I can draw the conclusion safely that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed(貌似改写有问题，不需要to 应该是will succeed more easily..) in future because this habit can reflect a relatively good capability of organization and arrangement and respect to others and themselves.

alley-oopUID：2752242

It is a complicated issue whether students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed in future. Different people hold various opinions. Some believe that this habit proves the good characters for success in students. While others think it has no directly and causal relationships with the success of students. Personally, I tend to believe the first viewpoint for several reasons.$ g& b0 }- ~- @: ?1 i; F: \
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First of all, the habit of keeping rooms neat and organized, with no doubt, can reflect a relatively, ~3 p  ^8 O- I) ~
good capability of organization and arrangement which are the right factor needed in the jobs in future. For example，Chen Fan one of the greatest politician in China, claimed that how can a person conquer a country if he has no capability to clear and organize his own house. I deeply impressed by his word缺谓语. I argue that everything should be done from the easiest point, for a student, success should begin from the basic arrangement and dealing with their rooms两个句子，没连词. Hardly can students achieve success if they can't缩写扣分 make the first and easiest step. * t6 L& X" W' P% `
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+ p; m1 Z7 }% K& Q* {What's more, the fact that students who keep their rooms neat and organized warrant a kind of respect, both to others and to themselves. Imaging that a person living with you always throw things around and keep dirty clothes and shoes unwashed for a couple of months, you will merely>hardly吧。。。 like him very much. The sense of self-respect and honor to other always helps to leave people good impression and contributes to a larger friend circle. All the benefits mentioned above lead a person much closer to success. For example, my sister is a typical person of this kind. Her room is always so neat and tidy that we can never see things thrown around and rubbish in the floor. After graduating, she performed very well in company and both her bosses and colleagues like时态。。。 her very much. Consequently she got promotion quickly.
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All in all, I can draw the conclusion safely that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will more easily to succeed in future because this habit can reflect a relatively good capability of organization and arrangement and respect to others and themselves.

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

Sports games such as World Cup and the Wimbledon Championships always draw people's attention and ignate the passion of the whole society. As we all know, sports have become one of the most significant factor in modern society. In my view, the love of public to sports comes from the fact that sports teach people lessons about life.

First and foremost, sports teach people courage and persistence which have great a positive impact on a person's life and work. For example, my cousin used to be a boy who was easily to get cry and hardly to insist on doing as long as he met a few difficulties. His mother sent him to attend football training class. After a month, he turned to be another person who was both brave and persevering. As a result, he became more popular in his school and friend circle and more confident and planed when he tried to finish a task. His mother said with great lief that football is the best teacher to his son.

What's more, I claim that sports provide people a valuable chance to bring up and practice coorperation and teamwork spirit. A large quantities of sports, such as soccer, basketball and baseball, need a lot of to play together. It's a common sense that the force of a whole group is greater that the sum of forces of all members. If a team lacks understanding and team members refuse to trust each other, this group can hardly become competitive and won the Match. Like a sport team, a company is also a team which need to make maximize use of each member by building teamwork spirit and sense of cooperation. For this reason, many companies hold some team sports among employees frequently.

All in all, I can safely conclude that sports help people in many aspects and give people precious lessons because it teach people courage and persistence and contribute to bringing up coorperation and teamwork spirit.

dy008UID：2284812

小修改

mikestoneUID：2734495

9# liuxiaoyin
哈哈，改好了，谢谢你帮我修改哈。

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

8.3
Independent Writing
09.02.21 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country.

Nowadays many people have developed a habit to read newspapers and magazines. It is no doubt that mass media, such as newspapers and magazines, make whole world a small village and have tremendous positive effects on society. Thus I believe that Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about foreign country.

First and foremost, newspapers and magazines contain many meaningful comments and profound analysis about the events and topics about other countries. It is true that we can get information about other countries from television or other media, but only newspapers and magazines have detailed analysis and further explanation. For example, we may know form television that there is a festival called Halloween in America, while in newspapers or magazines, we may learn about its history, its traditional food and its impacts on the society in America. The more detailed information contributes to a more realistic and meaningful impression about foreign country.

What's more, the best way to learn another cultures and customs of other countries is to view them in their aspects. Many foreign prints provide us this kind of opportunity. For example, I'm in favor of reading New York Times since I can understand what American think about a certain event or which will always their attention. This information I get from New York Times helps me to interpret real life of American and characters of US society and culture. In 2009, a research published in New York Times ranked the ideal universities. It has a great significance on the foreign students who want to study in America because the report does answer some key questions, which major is popular among local American students and what kinds of jobs earn most and have a relatively comfortable working environment.

To sum up, I can draw the conclusion safely that Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about foreign country because they contain many meaningful comments and profound analysis about the events and topics about other countries and because the best way to learn another cultures and customs of other countries is to view them in their aspects.


TPO 6
The reading material and lecture have a fierce discussion about communal online. The passage argues that it's less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias because of several important problems, while the lecture believes that the advantages of communal online outweigh its disadvantages.

First and foremost, the passage says that traditional encyclopedias are more accurate than communal online one since some writers of communal online encyclopedia is not so professional. However, the professor in the lecture believes that it is unfair to criticize communal online for the reason that it has some errors. She pointed out that there are no encyclopedias which have no mistakes in or off the line. In addition, the errors of the traditional encyclopedia can exist for many years while ones of communal online encyclopedias can be corrected easily.

What’s more, in view of the writer, communal nature of the online encyclopedias gives users an opportunity to fabricate or change the information in the original encyclopedia. Once this case happened, an unsuspecting user can't tell the entry has been tampered with. While according to the teacher, there are two strategies which will help to solve the above problems. Firstly, they can out the crucial facts which has accepted broadly in read-only articles. Secondly, special editors can act to monitor changes and avoid the fabricate problems.

Finally, the passage claims that communal encyclopedias always create a false impression since it focuses too frequently or in too great a depth. If entering a word, the user can get a large plenty of related and unrelated articles. However the professor has a different opinion in the lecture. It's true that communal encyclopedias can search out a lot of materials, but it also provides a large space for users since they need to choose the articles which are really useful for them. Different people have various requirements and need to search the information in diverse aspects. So it's an advantage for the communal online to provide material in large range rather than a disadvantage.

starbigstarUID：2855966

小修改呵呵·

liuxiaoyinUID：2631993

8.409.02.27NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time

It has been a complicated issue that which kind of job can bring more sense of fulfillment to people, the one with more vacation time but a low salary or the one with a high salary but less vacation time?  The answer is various among different people with diverse backgrounds. As for me, I believe that the former is a better choice for the following toe reasons.

First and foremost, I claim that enough vacation time has tremendous positive impact on physical and mental health of people. In modern society, there is a trend of increasing rate of some diseases, such as obesity, high blood or depression, which comes from lack of exercise and low spirit last for long period. Under this circumstance, vacation really plays an indispensible role in people’s life quality. By enjoying a wonderful vacation, people can relief their pressure which has accumulated during their work and daily life.

Secondly, Vacation contributes to a better relationship with families and friends. By having a long trip in several foreign cities, we can not only enjoy the process of learning new knowledge and getting touch a different culture with our families and friends, we can get further learn about them or even can have a glance of their aspects which we haven’t found in daily life.

Finally, high salary doesn’t represent a high level of sense of accomplishment and satisfaction; in fact it sometimes brings more pressure and frustration rather than happiness. As we all know, all the people are inclined to compare themselves with the people around them. What’s worse, most people who earn relatively high salary show a stronger tendency in this respect. If a person can earn 5,000 Yuan per month, he must have some friends who can earn 10,000 Yuan per month. Thus he will always feel that he doesn’t perform well enough and need to be more hard working. Even he gain some achievements and improved his salary significantly, he will still feel unsatisfied since he begins to compare himself with another group of people who can earn more. He falls into a vicious circle.

All in all, I can draw the conclusion safely that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time since that enough vacation time has tremendous positive impact on physical and mental health of people and helps to build a better relationship among families and friends. In addition, too high salary can sometimes bring more pressure and frustration rather than happiness.

jiangskyskyUID：2478960

8月3号作文修改
分组我没看到。。