8.21 备考作文本 STONE

mikestoneUID: 2734495

今天开始写作文，请大家多多指点。

mikestoneUID: 2734495

7.17 All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

In the progress of education reform, some people take the opinion that schools should require all their students to take basic science courses even if their majors have no relation with science. However, others have the opposite view. As far as I am concerned, students, especially those who know little about science, should be required to take some basic science courses.

To begin with, there is no doubt that it is necessary for students, whose majors are engineering or technology, to take basic science classes. As we know, engineering and technology can not develop without science. If we read the professional books of these majors, it is easily found that there are a lot of calculations and models. And only after studying the elementary or even advanced mathematics can we understand those theories and do further research. Sometimes, theories in physics, chemistry or biology are also indispensable in these majors’ courses. Therefore, schools should require these students to learn science.

Besides, general or introduction courses of science often offer common sense to students. And some of the knowledge is really helpful in our daily life. For instance, through studying general courses of biology, we can learn what compose our bodies, how every organ works, why we need water and so on. Therefore, every student, no matter they set science their major or not, should take some of these basic courses.

Finally, for students from special majors, which seem have nothing to with science, they should take some science classes too, because they may need these knowledge in their work. Take writers for example, they sometimes use scientific phenomena as materials among their writings. Journalists, who want to make scientific programs, also have to collect enough materials. Without basic classes of science, they may be more difficult to finish their work.

To sum up, science classes can provide tools, common sense and materials to students and can benefit their future works. Therefore, every students should be required take some of these courses.

半个小时只写了300多字，后面一定好好练习。

mikestoneUID: 2734495

7.15
people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.


According to personal experience, there are many factors lead some people to move from one place to another in their lives. For example, some of my classmates have lived a new city since they graduated, because they find good jobs there. And some started new lives in foreign countries. I, myself, also live in a new city now. Although living in one city or country all life has some advantages, in my opinion, people should move to another place when needed.

To begin with, there are many advantages for people to live in one city or country all life. For instance, staying in one place for a long period can help people form strong relationships with their friends and neighbors. If they meet troubles, their may get help from their friends or neighbors immediately. Also, they can share the spare time with their old friends. Another advantage is that one can take care of his/her parents when they are old, because they live in the same city.

However, many people cannot live in one place in all their lives. Take one of my classmates for example; he wanted to go back to his hometown at the beginning. However, after finding a good job in Shanghai, he changed his mind, because he can make more money there. People often have to move to another place when they are facing financial or family problems. And if they don’t do that, some troubles cannot be solved. Suppose a husband and his wife live in different countries; they cannot meet each other often, because airplane tickets will take them a lot of money. However, if they don’t meet often, they may divorce at last. So, one solution is that one of them abandons his/her work and they live together.

In fact, not all people are forced to move to a new city or country. Some of them may want to experience a new life style. And some wish to make more friends. Anyhow, people should move to another place when they need or want.

mikestoneUID: 2734495

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

Are businessmen only motivated by desire of money? As far as I am concerned, this is statement is too extreme. In my view, businessmen concern more about money than other people in their works; however, they are not only motivated by desire of money.

To begin with, a businessman really pays more attention to money in his work. When he makes decisions, profit is the main factor needed emphasized. In other words, usually, profit leads his decisions. If he can not make money, it is waste of time and effort for him. In real life, profit he makes is equivalent to the salary a worker obtains. However, since the markets are unpredictable, a businessman is always at risk of the profit. Thus, businessmen concern more about the profits all the time.

However, I don’t agree that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. The most important reason is that work, or making money, is not all his life for a businessman. In one’s life, except work, family and friend are also important. It is impossible for a businessman to make their family members happy just for money. For instance, usually, businessmen send their son or daughter to a better school which cost more. If they are just motivated by desire of money, they should choose a cheaper one. Also, when their parents are ill, they find the best doctors, which may take more than finding an ordinary one. So, to their family members and some of their friends, what they do have nothing to do with desire of money.

Moreover, businessmen often donate money to public affairs. For example, they often give money to their hometowns to reconstruct the local roads, or to schools to help those students who cannot afford the tuitions. Sometimes, when there are earthquakes or other disasters, they also donate a lot of money. However, it seems that these donations are of little relations to the desire of money.

Therefore, based on what have been discussed above, I think businessmen make decision in their works usually based on the profits—desire of money. However, money is not the only motivation for them.

mollymollymollyUID: 2839509

5 O0 ^2 j0 [6 M/ HAre businessmen only motivated by desire of money? As far as I am concerned, this is statement 两个谓语了is too extreme. In my view, businessmen concern more about money than other people in their works; however, they are not only motivated by desire of money.
5 {) r" N- p1 i& d7 s6 X
+ G9 T0 D/ O1 r1 STo begin with, a businessman really pays more attention to money in his work. When he makes decisions, profit is the main factor needed emphasized. In other words, usually, profit leads his decisions. If he can not make money, it is IT没有指代waste of time and effort for him. In real life, profit he makes is equivalent to the salary a worker obtains. However, since the markets are unpredictable, a businessman is always at risk of the profit. Thus, businessmen concern more about the profits all the time.
( y* x2 h- R" h2 E; }6 ~, z 感觉论证不够有力
/ Z0 y+ K+ H2 E, q% a4 t" AHowever, I don’t agree that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. The most important reason is that work, or making money, is not all his life for a businessman. In one’s life, except work, family and friend are also important. It is impossible for a businessman to make their family members happy just for money. For instance, usually, businessmen send their son or daughter to a better school which cost more. If they are just motivated by desire of money, they should choose a cheaper one. Also, when their parents are ill, they find the best doctors, which may take more than finding an ordinary one. So, to their family members and some of their friends, what they do have nothing to do with desire of money.
; \0 N- p1 M& d& i
8 h  x5 |; u. H- H+ r* o8 h0 k+ DMoreover, businessmen often donate money to public affairs. For example, they often give money to their hometowns to reconstruct the local roads, or to schools to help those students who cannot afford the tuitions. Sometimes, when there are earthquakes or other disasters, they also donate a lot of money. However这里和前面没有转折 没有必要用这个语气词, it seems that these donations are of little relations to the desire of money.
/ N  N3 O  i9 `$ y
& V4 d, p# L- I: aTherefore, based on what have been discussed above, I think businessmen make decision in their works usually based on the profits—desire of money. However, money is not the only motivation for them 不错 思路比较清晰

101roseUID: 2546525

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

Are businessmen only motivated by desire of money? As far as I am concerned, this is这个is要删掉 statement is too extreme. In my view, businessmen concern more about money than other people in their works; however, they are not only motivated by desire of money.

To begin with, a businessman really pays more没有比较对象 attention to money in his work. When he makes decisions, profit is the main factor needed emphasized. In other words, usually, profit leads his decisions. If he can not make money, it is waste of time and effort for him. In real life, profit he makes is equivalent to the salary a worker obtains. However, since the markets are unpredictable, a businessman is always at risk of the profit. Thus, businessmen concern more about the profits all the time.
这段看起来有一点乱
However, I don’t agree that businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. The most important reason is that work, or making money, is not all his life for a businessman. In one’s life, except work, family and friend are also important. It is impossible for a businessman to make their family members happy just for money. For instance, usually, businessmen send their son or daughter to a better school which cost more还是没有比较对象. If they are just motivated by desire of money, they should choose a cheaper one. Also, when their parents are ill, they find the best doctors, which may take more than finding an ordinary one. So, to their family members and some of their friends, what they do have nothing to do with desire of money.
其实你这段比我的好，我的感觉论证不足
Moreover, businessmen often donate money to public affairs. For example, they often give money to their hometowns to reconstruct the local roads, or to schools to help those students who cannot afford the tuitions. Sometimes, when there are earthquakes or other disasters, they also donate a lot of money. However, it seems that these donations are of little relations to the desire of money.

Therefore, based on what have been discussed above, I think businessmen make decision in their works usually based on the profits—desire of money. However, money is not the only motivation for them.
建议：第二段放在第四段让步写效果可能更好

mikestoneUID: 2734495

7.22
It is important to know the event happening around the world that not affects your daily life.

In modern society, events happening around the world are more accessible to ordinary people, thanks to the magazines, news papers, televisions, Internet and so on. However, some people take the opinion that it is of no use to learn the events that don’t affect one’s daily life. As far as I am concerned, to know the events happening around the world is important to us, although there are some tiny disadvantages.

To begin, it can enhance our responsibility to the society to pay attention to the events happening. In the beginning of 2010, water supply in the southwest of China was really a serious problem because there had been of little rain for more than 200 days. A lot of people were so thirty that they drank dirty water. The events seemed not to affect our daily life, because my classmates and I lived in a big city and we never experienced that kind of situation. However, the events made us shocked; after that, we realized that it is our responsibilities to save water. Although we don’t experience the event ourselves, it actually strengthens our sense of responsibility.

Moreover, we can enrich our experience and knowledge from the events we learn. Take Toyata for example, it recalled nearly 8 millions cars with faulty Break and accelerator, globally, which have a great impact on the company. The event likely affected us, who didn’t own our cars, little, however, from the failure of Toyata, we learnt a lot. For instance, we know we should make best use of our success and do things better after we succeed; We should pay more attention to the faults of our work; otherwise, they may become terrible events. In sum, from an event, we can usually learn a lot; therefore, we should make the best use it.

We must concede that there are some tiny disadvantages to know the events happening around the world. One of them is that it waste us time to collect pieces of information from the media; and sometimes, we actually spend most of our time to pick up valuable things from useless ones. However, according to my point of view, we cannot try one thing just because it takes much time.（我想表达我们不能因为它浪费时间就不去做，不知道对不对） If our work or studies are not influenced, we should know as many events as possible.

To sum up, I basically agree the statement based on what have been discussed above. Although there are some disadvantages, we still should spend time in learning events happening around the world.

frlenderUID: 2629962

7# mikestone
题目写得不对啊....这个不可以啊

mikestoneUID: 2734495

8# frlender
老弟，我记得写7.20号的时候，22号的好像就是这个题目啊。。。
我上午重写了，帮忙改改哈。

7.22（08.10.25NA）

You agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

Among my classmates, some keep their rooms neat and organized; others pay little attention to that. Recently, there is a hot debate that whether those who keep their rooms tidy and organized will be more likely to succeed that those who do not. As far as I am concerned, it reflects an attitude or habit of one person to life, therefore, students who keep their rooms neat and organized may be more likely to obtain success.

To begin with, students who often clean their rooms, desks and beds, usually, keep their studies and work organized, because it reflects their attitude to what they do. They rarely forget something in their schedule since everything is organized, so are less likely to make some unnecessary mistakes which may lead to serious problems. Thus, they may be more competent in their studies and works. For example, one of classmates used to keep everything organized in his life, and received an incredible job offer in a big company. When he talked about his experience, we learned it was his habit that made him success in the job interview.

On the contrary, if one is used to the unorganized and dirty rooms, he may also be accustomed to this kind of situation, no matter in his work or mind. Take myself for example; I was in charge of writing programs in one project. However, since my programs were so disordered that it took my teammates more than 2 hours to find one small mistake. Finally, I was appointed other kind of work. In fact, I worked very hard in daily life; however, since I have been used to unorganized life style, this bad habit is taken into my work and gets troubles to my friends and myself.

I must concede that there are some tiny disadvantages to keep our rooms neat and organized every day. One of them is that it takes time to do so. However, we can use some of our leisure time to clean our room, such as at noon or in the evening. Besides, cleaning a room, regularly, doesn’t take much time, actually.

To sum up, a good habit can benefit us, usually. Although there may be some disadvantages, we should often spend some time tidying our room.

longxue26UID: 2687755

同学 您的作文我改好了

看下  有问题直接找我

mikestoneUID: 2734495

7.24（08.12.05NA）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

I like sports, also like watching sport games, because not only I can relax myself from them, but also can learn a lot from them. In my opinion, sports teach people lessons about life.

To begin with, even if you are the best in your field, you may not win every time. There are lots of games in witch stronger teams lost. Actually, they have convinced others that their skills are the best; however, many factors determine the results of a sport game. For example, fortune is one of great importance. Maybe, one indispensable player’s hurt will lead to the failure. So, often, we can learn from the sports that we should try our best in one thing, whereas must not treat success too serious.

Moreover, you should always struggle; despite you may not success at last, you will be the best in others’ mind. In many games when weak teams or players facing stronger ones, we often see that they don’t stop fighting until the last second. Sometimes, these weaker teams or players may win; and sometimes, they lost; however, they ultimately earn others’ respect, honor and claps. Therefore, never giving up is an important character for a person, which can be learnt from a sport game.

Finally, you may be a promising worker; but, without friends and cooperation, you can hardly succeed. When watching a basketball game or a football game, we understand cooperation is more important than personal skills. One can never kick in, if other players don’t give him the ball. Similarly, one can hardly fulfill any project, if others don’t help or support him. From these games, we know that we should rely on our team members and teamwork is a significant element in one’s success.

In fact, except what have been discussed above, we find we can learn many other aspects of life, if digging more details of sport games. Anyhow, sports really give many lessons to people.

dy008UID: 2284812

结构立论不错

liuxiaoyinUID: 2631993

7.24（08.12.05NA）$ S- A  d- O8 k7 ]8 kDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life

I like sports, also (also是副词，不能做并列连词使用，建议改成and) like(还有用词最好不要重复，改成 in favor of 等比较好). watching sport games, because not only I can relax myself from them, but also can learn a lot from them. In my opinion, sports teach people lessons about life.感觉你首段有点少，不够充实。

To begin with, even if you are the best in your field, you may not win every time. There are lots of games in witch(which) stronger teams lost. Actually, they have convinced others that their skills are the best; however, many factors determine the results of a sport game. For example, fortune is one of great importance. Maybe, one indispensable player’s hurt（好抽象~~） will lead to the failure. So, often, we can learn from the sports that we should try our best in one thing, whereas must not treat success too serious. 感觉你这一段基本抓不住重点，我明白你的意思，但我觉得你这段前面几句话说得有点远，建议更多地论述重点。

Moreover, you should always struggle; despite you may not success at last, you will be the best in others’ mind. In many games when weak teams or players facing stronger ones, we often see that don’t stop fighting until the last second. Sometimes, these weaker teams or players may win; and sometimes, they lost（都是短句，有点口语化）; however, they ultimately earn others’ respect, honor and claps. Therefore, never giving up is an important character for a person, which can be learnt from a sport game. 我觉得你没有直接说出来sports是怎样帮助人们的。你是想说sports help people to earn others’ respect...么？

Finally, you may be a promising worker; but, without friends and cooperation, you can hardly succeed. When watching a basketball game or a football game, we understand cooperation is more important than personal skills. One can never kick in, if other players don’t give him the ball. Similarly, one can hardly fulfill any project, if others don’t help or support him. From these games, we know that we should rely on our team members and teamwork is a significant element in one’s success. 这段不错~~~

In fact, except what have been discussed above, we find we can learn many other aspects of life, if digging more details of sport games. Anyhow, sports really give many lessons to people.
行文流畅，个别句子有点口语化，总体感觉是你的思路很好，但是你的分论点不够明晰，有的段落有点含糊。加油哈~~

mikestoneUID: 2734495

(09.01.17 NA )
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Recently, people's life styles have been greatly influenced by media, especially their eating habits. Increasingly, they are concerning their eating habits more than before, because doctors have found that a couple of diseases are caused by bad eating habits. Some people think that the most important factor that leads to unhealthy eating habits is advertising. However, in my mind, it is not the most significant one. There are many other elements which result in bad eating habits.

To begin with, I must concede that advertising misleads people in many ways of their eating. Take fast foods for example. It is widely known that they are not healthy foods. Like hamburger, many kinds of fast foods are high in salt and fat, which are not good for our bodies. Some of them, such as fried chickens, contain much hormone, which is also harmful. However, in the advertising, these disadvantages are not included. Advertisers just introduce that they add a piece of vegetable or an egg in it, which helps keep fit. What’s more, most advertising mainly persuade people to buy their foods, just because they are continent and can save time. In fact, the biased information mentioned above misleads people. Thus, many of them don't even know that their health is threatened by these bad eating habits.

However, a more important factor that contributes to people's bad eating habits is the increasing pressure in their lives. For example, our stress in work is accumulating. We must work harder, otherwise we may be fired. In some cities of China, except pressure in work, inflations, which contribute to the augment of daily expenses, have also been a serious problem. Some graduates have to take several works in order to cover their consumptions in daily life. If they want to buy a house in major cities, they will have to spend more time in working. So, they have no choice but to have their meals in KFC. Their eating habits may have nothing to do with advertising, instead, are caused by the changes of life pressure.

Actually, there are many other factors which relate to bad eating habits. For instance, my little brother eats a lot of meat instead of vegetables. This unhealthy eating habit is due to his personal taste. Anyhow, I think bad eating habits are formed because of a couple of reasons. We cannot just blame advertising.

wendychuengUID: 2811319

(09.01.17 NA ) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
建议把they 换成our
       Recently, people's life styles have been greatly influenced by media, especially their eating habits. Increasingly, they are concerning their eating habits more than before, because doctors have found that a couple of diseases are caused by bad eating habits. Some people think that the most important factor that leads to unhealthy eating habits is advertising. However, in my mind, it is not the most significant one. There are many other elements which result in bad eating habits.
       To begin with, I must concede that advertising misleads people in many ways of their eating. Take fast foods for example. It is widely known that they are not healthy foods. Like hamburger, many kinds of fast foods are high in salt and fat（可以这样说吗，怀疑。。。）, which are not good for our bodies. Some of them, such as fried chickens, contain much hormone, which is also harmful.  However, in the advertising, these disadvantages are not included. Advertisers just introduce that they add a piece of vegetable or an egg in it, which helps keep fit. What’s more, most advertising mainly persuade people to buy their foods, just because they are continent (convenient) and can save time. In fact, the biased information mentioned above misleads people. Thus, many of them don't even know that their health is threatened by these bad eating habits.
      However, a more important factor that contributes to people's bad eating habits is the increasing pressure in their lives. For example, our stress in work is accumulating. We must work harder, otherwise we may be fired. In some cities of China, except pressure in work, inflations, which contribute to the augment of daily expenses, have also been a serious problem. Some graduates have to take several works in order to cover their consumptions in daily life. If they want to buy a house in major cities (metropolis) , they will have to spend more time in working (at work). So, they have no choice but to have their meals in KFC. Their eating habits may have nothing to do with advertising, instead, are caused by the changes（我觉得这里用challenge 比较好） of life pressure.
      Actually, there are many other factors which relate to bad eating habits. For instance, my little brother eats a lot of meat instead of vegetables. This unhealthy eating habit is due to his personal taste. Anyhow, I think bad eating habits are formed because of a couple of reasons. We cannot just blame advertising.
      写得挺好，内容很充实，文章有条理，看得出来有注意连接词的使用和同一意思（比如：导致）换不同表达（文章中用到好多不同词组） ，如一定要说不足，就是最好能增加高级词汇的应用。 贴过来红色都没了。。。