作文贴，9月12考试今天开始练习了

againproUID: 2723437

7.20 Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

Here was a famous Chinese poet lived in Tang dynasty said: the merchantman regards profit higher than emotion. He thought the businessmen were always treated the money as the most importantthing. Actually, many people lived in modern society still think what the poet said is pretty right even after one thousand years. But I, on the contrary,would argue that the money is not the only target the businessmen desire.

Certainly, the main goal of businessman is earning more money as possible as one can. But making more money is not the only approach to giving the businessmen tremendous sense of achievement. Mr.Woo, my boss, is a green activist. He selected to develop a small project ahalf year ago that can only afford the cost of running his company rather than the other big project that can earn a large number of money but would destroy 1,000-acre of wood. He told me that he had never felt regretted about it even he almost lost, by contrast, about 500,000 dollars.

In addition, being a businessman is not alway sense entirely of themselves own volition. My high school classmate renovated his wonton restaurant about 3 month ago. Actually, he majored in radio engineering and gained several prizes even at collage. He felt rather ambivalent about his role as he should play. An engineer as he always wanted to be, or a partner of his family restaurant as his father wanted he to be? You know, He is the only son in his family. Oh, it was rather like "Sophie's Choice". He eventually gave up the dream to be writer because it suited what the family anticipated.

What is more? The businessmen are not different from the others and are only an occupation. Business is one of the methods to earn living. And as the matter of fact, who does not want to get more money? If the farmers want to harvest bumper crops, why the businessmen could not want to earn big money? So far as a job objective is concerned, to want to get more crops for farmer is same as to earn more money for business man. They are just both the methods of gain their livelihood.

In sum, based on what I have mentioned, towant get more money is should not be regarded as the only motivation of thebusinessmen.

againproUID: 2723437

"Why don't you clean your room by yourself today?" That is the first voice comes to my mind when I read this title. Speaking keeping rooms clean and organized, most of us, especially boys would think that is just what the mother ceaseless chatter. How can this bother thing relate to the one's succeed in the future? Actually, one needs several good habits or character which will facilitate you gain achievement someday to do it well.

It is very easy to clean a room or arrange the books on the shelves for us. However, not everyone can insist to do it everyday. So, the habit of keeping the rooms neat and organized embodies spirit of insistence, a good quality of successful man. It is hard to imagine that students who are apt to give up can fulfill their dream.

Insistence is not the only merit that keeping house neat can indicate, students who care about that are likely to be the people who concern the details. Various details comprise all kinds of things. As a graphic designer, I know any tiny neglect in the progress of printing could result in disaster. Just one missing letter could destroy thousands of copies for instance. Actually, people who work all kinds of fields, from clerk to president, all need concentrate the details.

In addition, the term of keeping house organized explained itself. Students who can do that must possess good organizational skills. That is one of the indispensable competency which one needs to gain succeed. The more organization, the more efficiency. To do things in more efficient could enhance obviously the odds of success. Writing a paper in three days is better than in one week, isn't it?

To sum up, someone may think keeping room neat and organized is boring thing or consumptive of time. Actually, it is the embodiment of some of the merits: insistence, prudence and organization, which will lead students to their success.

nunulongUID: 2172898

您好，作文已改，请查收！如有不妥，请告知。谢谢！

againproUID: 2723437

Sports, a spirit method, provide peopleopportunity to find out secret of life. First, Sports makes people to know thatsuccess requires hard work. Also, it teaches people the meaning of persistence,which one needs to face failure. In addition, it explains the meaning ofthinking. These three aspects of sports are highly significant for people'slife.

Any sort of sport has its own target, inmost cases, champion, which people must do their best to become. No one canobtain the first place without effort. As we know, Great sportsmen all havetheir own story of struggle. For example, Yang Yang, my favorite badmintonplayer, was not crowned his first world champion until 10 years after hestarted to train. So, if people want to get their position in real life, theymust strive as well as those athletes. The only passport to success is hardwork.

However, all men cannot be first. Anyperson participates in a competition will encounter failure. How people to dowith their lost? One of the correct choices is insistence. It is impossiblethat sportsmen can win every match they involved, so did in their life. Sopeople should not give up their goal even if they suffered heavy defeat.

Now, what if both endeavor and persistencedo not work? It is clear that people should to take more time to think whatthey have been done. Is that all correct? Anything need be adjusted? Maybe theyshould consider the more effective training method, the better tactics, themore useful skill or something else like that. Identically, people shouldconsider for use deep strategy, as well as inflexibly diligent to solve theproblem that they meet in the life.

To the sum, to say that sports are the sameas life would be to exaggerate. But the resemblances are very close. Sports doteach people lessons about life.

jjooyyUID: 2704028

Sports, a spirit method（why？）, provide people opportunity（要复数） to find out secret of life（provide with吧。。）. First, Sports makes people to know that success requires hard work. Also, it teaches people the meaning of persistence,which one needs to face failure. In addition, it explains the meaning of thinking. These three aspects of sports are highly significant for people'slife.

Any sort of sport has its own target, in most cases, champion, （这样插进去，挺出彩的，如果你确定语法没错的话）which people must do their best to become. No one can obtain the first place without effort. As we know, Great sportsmen all have their own story of struggle（struggling）. For example, Yang Yang, my favorite badminton player, was not crowned his first world champion until 10 years after hestarted(??) to train. So, if people want to get their position in real life, they must strive as well as those athletes. The only passport to success is hardwork.比喻，挺好的~
7
However, all men cannot be first(?这话有点问题) Any person participates in a competition will encounter failure. How people to do with their lost? One of the correct choices is insistence（insistence 和persistence是不一样，不能替换，insistence是坚持说）. It is impossible that sportsmen can win every match they involved, so did in their life. So people should not give up their goal even if they suffered heavy defeat（这句话的so有点唐突）.

Now, what if both endeavor and persistence do not work? （这句话是亮点，把前面两段都串起来了）It is clear that people should to take more time to think what they have been done. Is that all correct? Anything need be adjusted? Maybe they should consider the（a） more effective training method, the better tactics, the more useful skill or something else like that. Identically, people should consider for use deep strategy（use改成using，或者deep strategy for use）, as well as inflexibly diligent to solve the problem that they meet in the life. # v( _. Y/ f7 K% x/ b) e$ v

To the sum, (不太对)to say that sports are the same as life would be to exaggerate. But the resemblances are very close（？）. Sports do teach people lessons about life.

看得出来你的功底不错，但是显然你没有放到word里面检查一下语法？我最近电脑破，无法用来检查，觉得很遗憾。。
可以说，你的这篇文章是我最近改的文章里面排第二的文章了，有些用法挺赞的，需要学习一下！也终于看到结构好一些的托福作文了。。但是语法方面是比较致命的伤，the不能乱用啊！词不是太了解，不如不用~
话说你的想法跟我真是不一样啊。我第一想到的就是teamwork，hard working 是看了你的才想到。。。大概是世界杯看多了。。
p.s. 我的文章已经写了，地址也贴了，可以去改了 7 t6 f5 w! v) T. d% D" h  i( \/ O' P# V

tautou-fanUID: 2510013

写的不错的，就是写完后自己最好先揣摩一下语句，有些读着挺让人犯迷糊的，我直接传附件上来了。

7.24_Sports_again修改by饭套头.doc (32 KB, 下载次数: 9)

2010-7-25 16:15:36 上传

下载次数: 9

againproUID: 2723437

Advertising has been regarded as the mostimportant reason for the unbecoming eating habits for a long time by most ofpeople. But in my opinion, it's unfair. People should know about what healthyeating habits is before they start to incriminate the advertising. Generallyspeaking, healthy eating habits should include following aspects: thereasonable amount, various sorts of nutrition and regular time.

First of all, amount. Most of people thinkthe advertising promote their desire of further amount of foods that they werenot going to eat. Actually, how many foods they could or should eat is acommonsense that one is supposed to know. So still eating extended foods whenone has been full up is just a greed behavior, regardless of whether theadvertising shows something delicious.

Another plausible reason indicates thatadvertising may causes wrong choice of foods for people. It seems likeadvertising is always enticing people to choose foods they have never tried andthat let them to eat more than before. But, what's wrong with it? Eatingvarious foods can obtain more sorts of nutrition and is hence good to people'shealth. The advertising exactly provides people with added chances to get morekinds of nutrition in various foods.

Healthy eating habits should also includeeating foods regularly. Some people complain either a new restaurant brand or apost with lively picture of foods on the street makes them stop walking to eatsome snack even if it is not appropriate time. But I want to argue that neitherthe brand nor the post is evil. People's curiosity or their greed does work.This is none of the advertisement's business. In all probability people whoclaim they are lured by the advertisement will go straight into the cafe theyused to if there is not any advertising on the street.

In a word, adverting is advertising. Its functionis just only providing more information. Whether people’s eating habits arehealthy or not does not relate the advertisement. The rights to decide that howto eat, which to eat or when to eat is up to people's mind.

lastgirlUID: 2857776

Advertising has been regarded as the most important reason for the unbecoming eating habits for a long time by most of people. But in my opinion, it's unfair. People should know about what healthy eating habits is before they start to incriminate the advertising. Generally speaking, healthy eating habits should include following aspects: the reasonable amount, various sorts of nutrition and regular time(schedule).
如果最后一句是点题那么则跑题了，应该再多一句话把主题绕回来。比如：ad. Is not the crucial factor in affecting people's eating habits.

First of all, amount(单个词，略显单薄，单独一句不合适). Most of people think the advertising promote their desire of further amount of foods that they were not going to eat. Actually, how many foods they could or should eat is a commonsense that one is supposed to know. So still eating extended foods when one has been full up is just a greed(greedy) behavior, regardless of whether the advertising shows something delicious.

Another plausible reason indicates that advertising may causes wrong choice of foods for people. It seems like advertising is always enticing people to choose foods they have never tried and that (let making删去) them to eat more than before. But, what's wrong with it? Eating various foods can obtain more sorts of nutrition and is hence good to people's health. The advertising exactly provides people with added chances to get more kinds of nutrition in various foods.

Healthy eating habits should also include eating foods regularly. Some people complain either a new restaurant brand or a post with lively picture of foods on the street （can make）makes them stop walking to (and) eat some snack even if it is not ( in )appropriate time. But I want to argue that neither the brand nor the post is evil. People's curiosity or their greed does work. This is none of the advertisement's business. In all probability people who claim they are lured by the advertisement will go straight into the cafe they used to if there is not any advertising on the street.

In a word, adverting is advertising（中国式废话，给老外的感觉就没逻辑）. Its function is just only providing people more information. Whether people’s eating habits are healthy or not does not relate the advertisement. The rights to decide that how to eat, which to eat or when to eat is up to people's mind.
（be up to sb.）

粉色：出彩的地方
红色：个人感觉不妥之处

againproUID: 2723437

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.


Young people, fledgeling in careerism, should not try several different jobs to get more experiences before they take a long term career. Changing different jobs too frequently will harm for these novices’ career. The reasons will be presented following.

First, young people can seldom understand what a job's meaning is in short period. What is the job? Whom one will work with? What the chance the job can provide? They have little idea about these questions. They prefer to try more kinds of jobs in short time while not do one job in relatively long time normally because they think different experiences would help them compare these jobs they have experienced and can hence choose the better one to devote. But is this a correct way? It was worth discussing. Take my classmate at college Wang Tao for instance. He tried several jobs in half year after graduated. The first of those jobs was a position of assistant editor in a local newspaper, and he quit soon after only two weeks because he felt that job was too ordinary. He even did not know that his boss was actually is the most famous editor in that area. So he passed up a ideal opportunity to study from excellent person.

Another reason of young people is inclined to change job in short time is probably on account of money. Certainly, everyone needs money includes me. But in terms of the vocational development, is money the most important thing? Is it that changing a job can really increase one's salary? Here is another example also about Want Tao, his salary almost did not change within three years when he kept in changing jobs after graduated. He was always paid the same money due to he can not enhance any aspect of his ability through every short term job.

In addition, young people can not build their social networks that ones will rely on to carve out their future career. It is hard to become acquainted someone who can help you or make some friends in a particular circle when ones change jobs constantly. My big brother had been working for a computer company since three year ago and he is a sales department manager now. He get this position through his sales achievement that came from three-years accumulation.

In sum, Young people should do a job for a relatively long time to know more about all aspects of this job. With this prerequisite, they would be able to get practical experiences, sharpen their professional skills and build network in the coming future in more efficiency.

jilinlinUID: 2396929

你的作文改好了

againproUID: 2723437

Obviously, there are a good many methods that one can adopt to learn about a foreign country. Newspapers or magazines are merely two of these methods. And both of them are not quite good enough.

Newspapers' content is mainly about the events that happened recently. It helps us to learn about a country's information nowadays. But, if I want to know about the other aspects of a country, take history for example, how should I do? The history is one important aspect of a country that one hardly can obtain information from newspaper. People would not be considered as knowing about a country without relative history knowledge.

However, someone would argue that the magazines, especially some kinds of professional magazines, can over this drawback through providing the knowledge such as culture, education, etc. But in my opinion, it is still called into questions. One of magazines' characterizes is that the contents they offer is present as paragraphs. This form disperses the systematic lore to different periodicals and hence makes it difficult to search out.

Speaking searching, internet conveniently supplies people with almost any knowledge they want to know. Typing several words in the window of a search engine results in thousands pieces of information that would be helpful to learn about something. So, in this regard, internet is better than magazine or newspaper.

Moreover, as we know, both papers and magazines are printed in the paper. It means that we only get information though text or picture from them. What if we want know about a country’s music style? The press could not tell people what a specific tune sounds like. It looks like radios and videos are also better than newspapers and periodicals.

In sum up, there are a larger number of methods that are more preferable than newspapers and magazine could be used to learn about a country: making foreign friends, watching foreign documentaries and so forth. But, actually, I think living in a country for a while is the best way to understand a country.


Moreover, as we know, both papers andmagazines are printed in the paper. It means that we only get informationthough text or picture from them. What if we want know about a country’s musicstyle? The press could not tell people what a specific song sounds like. Itlooks like radios and videos are also better than newspapers and periodicals.

In sum up, there are a larger number ofmethods that are better than newspapers and magazine could be used to learnabout a country: making foreign friends, watching foreign documentaries and soforth. But, actually, I think living in a country for a while is the best wayto understand a country.

fanfan1247UID: 2591669

fanfan1247 修稿 again 7.31.doc (24.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2010-8-1 18:08:30 上传

下载次数: 2

修改好啦~

darkathrunUID: 2813505

已改好，请查收~