argument7 【ForOneReason小组1】 2010.7.20 梦的溪夜

梦的溪夜UID: 2616129

WORDS: 359          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/7/20 22:56:21
    In the letter the author have bad impression about the present council and give an unfavorable commentary for Frank Braun, and show his embrace of Ann Green as the next Mayor. However he just show some statistics which do not necessarily support his claim that the current government do not make effort to protect environment, and he also failed to give reasonable arguments for his sustenience for Ann Green. Thus his argument is questionable.
    First the author put up the reason that Ann Green outwin Frank Braun. He put it as Ann Green is a member of the Good Earth Coalition. But such a position do not guarantee that Ann Green is able to carry out his environmental theories. A member of such a coalition may have extreme consideration about protecting environment, while a governer should do more in balancing economical development and environment protection rather than just walk aroud and shout to crowds about his own environmental theories. We can not judge his political policies of environment  protecting simply based on his social position before he assume duty as a mayor.
     What's more, Frank Braun may be a even more ethusiatic environmentist before he work for the council than Ann Green. The current members actions do not seem that unredeemable.For example, a double of number of factories do hint a higher risk of pollution, but what really relates to the amount of pollution is the total waste of the factories. If the factories are substituted by smaller but greener factories, the total waste can decrease with the number doubled.
    As for the respiratory illnesses increase, it is more ridicular to lay responsibility on the present council. Maybe the population doubled during the past year, for example a large immigration of neibourhood town. Under such cases the ratio of respiratory illnesses to the population is lower than last year. Even if the ratio do increase, it doesn't mean the government do not work for the environment. Maybe without their effort things can be worse. What's more, we can not blame solely on air pollution for the increase of respiratory illnesses. Respiratory illnesses have many types and some are gener
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genetic illness. It is too rash to conclude that these increase are all results of pollution.
    In a word, I think the argument is not persuasive and can not convince me in believing that Ann Green is a better choice for the mayor. To make my deciscion who I will vote for, I need more information of who Ann Green is, what he has done and who gives him finance support, together with what factual effort the government has made on environment protection.

huohuo0101UID: 2760840

In the letter the author have bad impression about the present council and give an unfavorable commentary for Frank Braun, and show his embrace of Ann Green as the next Mayor. However he just show some statistics which do not necessarily support his claim that the current government do not make effort to protect environment, and he also failed to give reasonable arguments for his sustenience for Ann Green. Thus his argument is questionable.
    First the author put up the reason that Ann Green outwin Frank Braun. He put it as Ann Green is a member of the Good Earth Coalition. But such a position do not guarantee that Ann Green is able to carry out his environmental theories. A member of such a coalition may have extreme consideration about protecting environment, while a governer should do more in balancing economical development and environment protection rather than just walk aroud and shout to crowds about his own environmental theories. We can not judge his political policies of environment  protecting simply based on his social position before he assume duty as a mayor.
     What's more, Frank Braun may be a even more ethusiatic environmentist before he work for the council than Ann Green. The current members actions do not seem that unredeemable.For example, a double of number of factories do hint a higher risk of pollution, but what really relates to the amount of pollution is the total waste of the factories. If the factories are substituted by smaller but greener factories, the total waste can decrease with the number doubled.
    As for the respiratory illnesses increasement, it is more ridiculous to lay responsibility on the present council. Maybe the population doubled during the past year, for example a large immigration of neibourhood town. Under such cases the ratio of respiratory illnesses to the population is lower than last year.(已经说了是百分比的增长，所以我觉得这个理由不成立) Even if the ratio do increase, it doesn't mean the government do not work for the environment. Maybe without their effort things can be worse. What's more, we can not blame solely on air pollution for the increase of respiratory illnesses. Respiratory illnesses have many types and some are gener genetic illness. It is too rash to conclude that these increase are all results of pollution.
    In a word, I think the argument is not persuasive and can not convince me in believing that Ann Green is a better choice for the mayor. To make my deciscion who I will vote for, I need more information of who Ann Green is, what he has done and who gives him finance support, together with what factual effort the government has made on environment protection.
很佩服梦同学能在短短时间内写出如此流畅的文章！而且作文没有模板的痕迹，很佩服！
我找的漏洞在梦同学的文章中都有体现，只是排列顺序不同。
我以往写的argument和范文中都会提到，如何bolster the assertion 不知道是不是必须


1# 梦的溪夜

梦的溪夜UID: 2616129

呵呵，你过奖了，这一篇我上次准备是写过的，所以这次找反驳的地方就比较容易了。至于语言流畅，其实很多地方还不太准确，这个我还是很心虚的，还要以后多向大家学习，回头我去膜拜一下你的文章，dycccc夸你夸得我极其好奇和崇拜，呵呵~
你说的bolster，我觉得挺好，虽然不是必要。但是对我而言一般时间比较紧，所以到结尾是来不及太多时间写的，所以索性放弃了，如果以后速度提高我还是会尽量加上的，所以你可以坚持你的写法，我的结尾一般都很烂，呵呵。
百分比我是这么理解，就是比如去年100个，今年125个，所以增加了25%，但是相对于总人口的百分比，比如去年有1000人，今年有2000人，那么去年占总人口为10%，今年占总人口为6.25%，所以就降了，不过这个比较绕，而且有点牵强，我现在觉得还是不加进去比较好，谢谢你哦~~~
2# huohuo0101

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

environmental theories 感觉用environment policy好些， 此外， Ann 应该是女的~
呵呵，比我写的好。 顶一个~~~~