argument38 【ForOneReason小组3】7.21

huohuo0101UID: 2760840

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

The speaker recommend daily use of Ichthaid to prevent colds and lower ansenteesim. The recommendation is based on a report result that people in East Meria where boasts high fish consumption visits doctor scarcely. I find the proposal poorly substantiated in several aspects.

To begin with, the speaker assumes that people in East Meria rarely suffer from colds because they take large amount of fish in daily meal by citing two irrelevant facts that people there scarcely visit doctor to treat cold and fish consumption in East Meria is very high. Perhaps people in East Meria don’t bother to go to hospital for minor ailment like colds, they just like to self treat at home. And high fish consumption in East Meria doesn’t necessarily mean the fish abundant diet of local dwellers. It could be resulted from the fact that food processing is a dominant industry in East Meria. Many food factories need fish as original material and the products are exported around the country. Even assuming local residents do suffer less from colds and eat more fish, we can not put causal link between the former and the latter. Maybe lower rate of colds due to the mild weather in East Meria.

Second, assumption is flawed that residents in West Meria will benefits from eating fish just as ones in East Meria do . The speaker ignores the difference between the two places. Perhaps it is some special minerals contained in the meat of the fish in East Meria that prevents cold, and the minerals is absent in fish of West Meria. And also, Ichthaid contains ingredients not exactly the same as those in the fish, so the effect of preventing colds cannot be guaranteed.

Third, the speaker’s proposal that reduce absenteeism through treatment of cold is very likely to fail. The most frequently used excuse for absenteeism is having colds is unsubstantiated. Even if people always ask for a leave claiming they are having a cold, it may not be the truth at all since having cold is the easiest lie coming out of the mouth with out second thought. If so, colds will not decrease because it never exists. Possibility exists that attendance rate in West Meria is good enough that there is no need to increase, especially at the cost of much money and efforts.

In sum, the speaker’s recommendation is poorly supported. To strengthen it, the speaker must provide authoritative statistic showing absenteeism in West Meria is a pressing problem to solve and underlying reason is people frequently suffering from colds. Evidence indicating eating fish can prevent cold should be provided and the speaker must prove that Ichthaid is as effective as fish in treating colds.

行走天下UID: 2855381

The speaker recommends daily use of Ichthaid to prevent colds and lower absenteesim. The recommendation is based on a report result that people in East Meria where boasts high fish consumption visits doctor scarcely. I find the proposal poorly substantiated in several aspects.

To begin with, the speaker assumes that people in East Meria rarely suffer from colds because they take large amount of fish in daily meal by citing two irrelevant facts that people there scarcely visit doctor to treat cold and fish consumption in East Meria is very high. Perhaps people in East Meria don’t bother to go to hospital for minor ailment like colds, they just like to self treat at home. And high fish consumption in East Meria doesn’t necessarily mean the fish abundant diet of local dwellers. It could be resulted from the fact that food processing is a dominant industry in East Meria. Many food factories need fish as original material and the products are exported around the country(world. export不是出口吗). Even assuming local residents do suffer less from colds and eat more fish, we can not put causal link between the former and the latter. Maybe lower rate of colds due to the mild weather in East Meria.

Second, assumption is flawed that residents in West Meria will benefits from eating fish just as ones in East Meria do . The speaker ignores the difference between the two places. Perhaps it is some special minerals contained in the meat of the fish in East Meria that prevents cold, and the minerals is absent in fish of West Meria. And also, Ichthaid contains ingredients not exactly the same as those in the fish, so the effect of preventing colds cannot be guaranteed.

Third, the speaker’s proposal that reduce absenteeism through treatment of cold is very likely to fail. Having colds, the most frequently used excuse for absenteeism, is unsubstantiated. Even if people always ask for a leave claiming they are having a cold, it may not be the truth at all since having cold is the easiest lie coming out of the mouth with out second thought. If so, colds will not decrease because it never exists. Possibility exists that attendance rate in West Meria is good enough that there is no need to increase, especially at the cost of much money and efforts.

In sum, the speaker’s recommendation is poorly supported. To strengthen it, the speaker must provide authoritative statistic showing absenteeism in West Meria is a pressing problem to solve and underlying reason is people frequently suffering from colds. Evidence indicating eating fish can prevent cold should be provided and the speaker must(is ecpected to, must这个词很硬) prove that Ichthaid is as effective as fish in treating colds.
相当精彩的文章，虽然不幸要改第二遍，但幸运的是又品了一回，简洁、畅快！榜样~
HUOHUO姐对文字的驾驭能力了得，传授传授经验吧，通过什么积累的？
逻辑部分见下帖

行走天下UID: 2855381

本文不围绕三个主要逻辑点论证。第一，作者通过看医生少和消耗鱼多的现象推出鱼治感冒的结论。首先，看医生少不意味生病少，可能有地方习俗。其次，与消耗量大不代表吃鱼多，可能再加工。最后即使生病少吃鱼多，两者也没有必然的逻辑联系，可能气候适宜。
第二，忽略地区差异，不能复制。第三，west是否真的存在这个问题，这是话人力物力解决它的前提，可能只是借口。
逻辑很严密了，期待语言上的进一步提高~

行走天下UID: 2855381

The speaker recommend daily use of Ichthaid to prevent colds and lower ansenteesim.

这个我有问题，过去说的所以用过去时，内容属于科学的陈述所以用现在时吗？在写issue用例子的时候，经常遇到这种时态的问题。