xiaoyu的写作贴~

高小鱼UID：2714619

小鱼的写作贴，欢迎评改~

高小鱼UID：2714619

7.22（08.10.25NA）, `; s) A  P( D8 m$ f
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. 2 l9 D, N6 m% R% w" P8 E8 ^& y

Draft Responses:

When it comes to the question that whether students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more likely to succeed in future than other students who do not, people's opinions may diversify in a significant way.
Some believe that the outlook of students' rooms has no direct connection with their future success; others including myself maintain, however, that such outlook may well predict the future of such students, at lest to some extent.

First, students who like to keep their rooms in a neat and organized way are more likely to have better academic performance, which may have an affect of success in their future.
Such kinds of students are most probably to organize their assignments systematically.
For example, they will make a careful plan for their spare time and make every thing on their hands working in an efficient way.
Therefore, such kind of students are likely to achieve better scores in their academic works.
On the other hand, students who don't like to clean their room are most probably to have their time and studies left randomly and are therefore less possible to get better performance of their studies.

Second, it is quite apparent that such kinds of students are more likely to have a logistic mentality and will influence their works directly.
They opt to organize every thing in their works and are likely to achieve success in their future work.
Because they are always more logistical and are most probably to get their works done in a proper and timely manner, they are more likely to get attention from their bosses or superiors.
As a result, they are likely to get more chances for promotion.
Or, even if they start their own business, such kind of working style is likely to win confidence from their clients and will provide them with more opportunities for future success in their businesses.
There is a survey online recently which suggests that most of successful business men are quite logistical and organized persons.
They likely to make plans of their times and always keep everything done in a timely and organized manner.

Some people may argue that, the neatness habit of a person has no direct connection with a person's success in the future.
Of course, we could not make a judgement in a absolute way.
However, such kind of habit may reflect a persons personality from some perspective that whether a person is a logistical and organized person, which is quite essential sometimes to decide whether or not such kind of person has more potentiality to achieve success in his/her future.

远远在笑UID：2742022

7.22日

高小鱼UID：2714619

收到, 非常感谢~

siehahaUID：2668909

:)

高小鱼UID：2714619

to siehaha：改的好认真，谢谢哈，很多表达值得参考，那么mentality我也觉得用得有问题，谢谢指出来~

高小鱼UID：2714619

724作业by高小鱼（因为不会粘附件，段落可能会比较乱，共3段，见谅...）

Sports are playing important roles in our life that no one could deny the significance of them.  Most obviously, they help people to gain and maintain health if people keep on exercising regularly and constantly.  Besides, many students exercise hard on sports to achieve better performance during their examinations because they are also compulsory course in most elementary and high schools.  However, not everyone recognizes that the importance of sports may go further: they also teach people lessons about our life.

First, sports tell people that perseverance could bring success and respect.  Usually, doing sports is not a quite easy and enjoyable experience.  We have to shred the sweet and sometimes have to suffer injuries and failures.  However, through the continue exercise and repeated failures, we learn the way to be stronger and will concur our cowardice and will start to built confidence.  For example, my favorite sport star is Ming Yao, a famous basketball player playing the NBA in the USA.  Playing basketball is really an arduous thing that he has to run constantly during every game and suffered injuries regularly.  However, because of his perseverance on the basketball, he finally became the most famous basketball star in China.  He also gain respect from people in the America due to his hard and outstanding performance in the NBA.

Second, people learn the importance of group synergy and how to cooperate with others from sports.  This is especially true in team sports like a football or basketball.  During team sports, it is not any individual player but the group as a whole that matters to determine the success or failure.  Therefore, any outstanding player have firstly to learn how to cooperate with others.  Only when people in the team cooperate with others in a congenial and harmonious way, can the group finally achieve success in the end.  Take the world cup 2010 for example.  Since Argentina have the most football stars in their team that each of them possess outstanding skills in playing football, many people believe that they are most probably to win the first in this cup.  However, due to the bad cooperation among them during their encounter with German, the German, though being young and inexperienced at the world cups but cooperate much better with others than their peer, kick them out from this year’s world cup.

serena-blueUID：2811284

7-24修改
文章的论证很好，有例子有论证。
但是稍微注意一下语法，特别是第三人称单数。ps貌似最后没有结尾哦，补上去再修改吧。
加油！！！
Sports are playing important roles(直接用一般现在时就可以啦） in our life that no one could deny the significance of them.  Most obviously, they help people to gain and maintain health if people keep on exercising regularly and constantly.  Besides, many students exercise hard on sports to achieve better performance during their examinations because they are also compulsory course in most elementary and high schools.  However, not everyone recognizes that the importance of sports may go further: they also teach people lessons about our life.
|: [9 ]: x2 ]% O- n/ e
First, sports tell people that perseverance could bring success and respect.  Usually, doing sports is not a quite easy and enjoyable experience.  We have to shred the sweet （这个词组有点不理解)and sometimes have to suffer injuries and failures.  However, through the continue(continuous) exercise and repeated failures, we learn the way to be stronger and will concur(conquer) our cowardice and will start to built(build up) confidence.  For example, my favorite sport star is Ming Yao, a famous basketball player playing the NBA in the USA（直接说a famous basketball player in NBA就可以了）.  Playing basketball is really an arduous thing that he has to run constantly during every game and suffered（suffers) injuries regularly.  However, because of his perseverance on the basketball, he finally became the most famous basketball star in China.  He also gain(gains) respect from people in the America due to his hard(不适合修饰performance) and outstanding performance in the NBA.% [1 U5 ]% E( {" p

Second, people learn the importance of group synergy and how to cooperate with others from sports.  This is especially true in team sports like a(删除） football or basketball.  During team sports, it is not any individual player but the group as a whole that matters to determine the success or failure.  Therefore, any outstanding player have （has)firstly to learn how to cooperate with others.  Only when people in the team cooperate with others in a congenial and harmonious way, can the group finally achieve success in the end（fianlly 和 in the end重复了，选择其一）.  Take the world cup 2010 for example.  Since Argentina have the most football stars in their team that each of them possess （possesses)outstanding skills in playing football, many people believe that they are most probably to win the first(删除） in this cup.  However, due to the bad cooperation among them during their encounter with German, the German, though being young and inexperienced at （in）the world cups but cooperate much better with others than their peer（rivals), kick them out from this year’s world cup.(删除）

高小鱼UID：2714619

感谢serena的修改，早上赶着出去，写的匆忙，草草修改一下就传上来了，实在抱歉。

觉得你改的很好啊，我极其容易犯语法错误，行文也比较罗嗦，呵呵...

关于“Sports are playing important roles(直接用一般现在时就可以啦） in our life ”，这个我是从初稿的一般现在时改成现在进行时的，也不确定哪个好一些。不知道你发现了没，我感觉老外非常喜欢用现在进行时（例子却一下再想不起来，囧...)

伶女UID：2797207

Sports are playing important roles in our life that no one could deny the significance of them.  Most obviously, they help people to gain and maintain health if people keep on exercising regularly and constantly.  Besides, many students exercise hard on sports to achieve better performance during their examinations because they are also compulsory course in most elementary and high schools.  However, not everyone recognizes that the importance of sports may go further: they also teach people lessons about our life.) q0 ?! r2 H; v8 n) a+ l% O# x
, _$ t' Z$ c2 G& C+ h( I. Y3 v
First, sports tell people that perseverance could bring success and respect.  Usually, doing sports is not a quite easy and enjoyable experience.  We have to shred the sweet and sometimes have to suffer injuries and failures.  However, through the continue exercise and repeated failures, we learn the way to be stronger and will concur our cowardice and will start to built confidence.  For example, my favorite sport star is Ming Yao, a famous basketball player playing the NBA in the USA.  Playing basketball is really an arduous thing that he has to run constantly during every game and suffered injuries regularly.  However, because of his perseverance on the basketball, he finally became the most famous basketball star in China.  He also gain respect from people in the America due to his hard and outstanding performance in the NBA.& ~' d- C, k, R0 y

Second, people learn the importance of group synergy学习下 and how to cooperate with others from sports.  This is especially true in team sports like a football or basketball.  During team sports, it is (not a stage of加上是不是好点) any individual player but the group as a whole that matters to determine可以去掉～ the success or failure. Therefore, any outstanding player have firstly to learn how to cooperate with others.这句话不太明白～是想说再优秀的球员也要学会teamwork吗？  Only when people in the team cooperate with others in a congenial and harmonious way, can the group finally achieve success in the end.  Take the world cup 2010 for example.  Since Argentina have the most football stars in their team that each of them possess outstanding skills in playing football, many people believe that they are most probably to win the first in this cup.  However, due to the bad cooperation among them during their encounter with German, the German, though being young and inexperienced at the world cups but cooperate much better with others than their peer, kick them out from this year’s world cup.


我觉得开头很好呢～～学习了～～后面那个论点特别像啊，呵呵～～  怎么没有结尾总结呢
另外谢谢你的评语，我也会好好学习的，一起加油！

高小鱼UID：2714619

谢谢伶女的修改。

727作业见附件，批地越细越好，谢谢哈~

高小鱼UID：2714619

为啥总是时间不够啊，郁闷郁闷。。。

serena-blueUID：2811284

真巧，这是第二次修改你的作文了。。。加油！

littlekuoUID：2860535

I agree that young people should try several different jobs before they start to take a long term career.

First of all, young people will learn to find their true interest during their practices on different jobs.  It is a quite common phenomenon that a lot of youngsters don't know what kind of career they'd like to pursue in the future.  There is an online survey asking high school students "which kind of job you would like to take in the future"?  Surprisingly, more than 50% of them said they are not quite sure about it.  Indeed, when I was a high school student and when it came to the moment to choose a major, I relied on my father to make the decision for me, because I'm not sure which subject I would really love to invest my whole life in.  Taking various kinds of jobs will help the students to obtain experience and help them decide which kind of subject really attracts them.  When it comes the time to make a decision for a life long career, they will no longer wondering around and make a better decision.

Further, job experience will also contribute to our life experience.  Taking different jobs will help young people to understand the society better.  Different kinds of jobs in various forms will become valuable treasures to people and accumulatively lead to a person with rich life experience.  Take my college time for example.  I took more than 4 social jobs during the four-year study time.  I had a job in a consultant company, one part time job at a restaurant serving Shanghai cousin, an internship in an international internet service company and the last one in a law firm.  Although most of them are not related to my major, I learn a lot from each of them.  I have a better understanding of the society and start to know how to handle personal relationships with different kinds of people.  All of them will contribute to the future success of my career.

Although many people may blame that life is short therefore people should focus on one thing.  However, I believe we are not wasting our time to take various jobs.  We learn which career we are belonging to and accumulate our social experiences during the process of pursuing. I do believe young people should take jobs as more as they can.

我真是能力有限，真的挑不出来这篇文章有什么错误，逻辑不错，观点也棒，例子也很生动，我学习了。
纯属个人观点，最后一句话是不是有点极端呢？