argument 149 求狠批 求各种狠批 批过必回

kelvinwhuUID: 2778961

149The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines.

"Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining our aircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-Care Seminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. I recommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment, given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that the performance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after their crews had attended the seminar. These maintenance crews perform many of the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. The money we spend on sending our staff to the seminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance and thus to greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits for our airline."



The memorandum is well-presented, but not well-reasoned.By making a analogical deduction that the automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews improved their performance after attending Quality-Care Seminar so Get-Away Airlines’ machanics should attend the seminar to develop their skills therefore Get-Away can achieve greater customer satisfaction and greater profits, the director’s suggestion seems logical at first.
However the director fails to consider other possible alternatives to the progress that automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews achieved. It is possible that the progress on their performance is not due to the seminar but to the advanced management or incentive method, such as efficient salary, that the automobile racing industry currently adopts. If so, it ‘s reasonable , therefore, for Get-Away Airlines to focus on the more efficient management method than to send the mechanics to attend Quality-Care Seminar.
In addition, what undermines the suggestion is that the director commits a false analogy. The two situations are not similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. Even if the automobile racing crews improved their performances because of the Quality-Care Seminar, it doesn’t follow that Get-Away Airlines’ mechanics can do better after attending the seminar. Although their functions are similar to that of the automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews, the mechanics may have different skill levels compared to the crews. Perhaps the crews are all newly employed and lack of experience and primary guide while the seminar provide this to them, fortunately. But the mechanics of Get-Away are all skillful and have several years of experience of maintenance to aircraft. Therefore the seminar is not only unnecessary but also a waste of time and money for if the mechanics go to attend the meaningless seminar, the company has to pay not only the employers who take the place temporarily but also the cost of the seminar.
What’s more, even if the performance of the mechanics can be improved markedly by the seminar, can the greater customer satisfaction be realized? How about the greater profits? It is possible that customers are more sensetive to the price than to the maintenance of the aircraft. There is no doubt that , with the uncertain improvement of performance of mechanics, the seminar will increase the cost, then the price, centainly. Hence it is not sure that either of the customer satisfaction or the profit can be improved by the seminar.
Overall the director’s suggestion about the seminar seems reasonable and logical, but actually is lack of evidence and unconvincing. Before any decision about the seminar is made, the director of Get-Away Airlines needs to do more surveys and consider other alrternatives and causes for the improvement of performance of the automobile racing industry’s maintencance crews.

joyce==UID: 2857353

看到你对我那篇argu的建议了，谢谢啦~~

以下是我的拙见:)

细节方面：
1.第二行应该是"an analogical"
2.开头的叙述如果有标点停顿应该更好一点吧，尤其是so和therefore那里，虽然整个句子逻辑是对的，但是读起来容易产生逻辑混乱的感觉
3.倒数第二段'how about profits'那句有些突兀，最好调整一下句子表述

攻击的顺序方面，我认为这个argu最大的问题在于，航空公司和赛车企业不具有可比性，也就是你攻击的第二条。所以我的攻击顺序是
1.航空和赛车的seminar不具可比性，所以参加seminar不一定起作用(你文章的第三段)；
2.即便起作用也不一定是主要作用，存在其他因素(第二段)；
3.即便提高了维护水平也不一定提高满意度和利润(第四段)
另外感觉你倒数第二段表述上不太清楚，尤其是最后一句

kelvinwhuUID: 2778961

en 谢谢了  你什么时候考？

joyce==UID: 2857353

8.12号，现在还这种水平，焦虑啊~~你呢？

kelvinwhuUID: 2778961

我晚一些  8.25

kelvinwhuUID: 2778961

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774219599 我觉着你时间其实还好  网上那个17d的方法也还是比较可行的，我觉着……你应该已经开始写i了吧，i的素材准备还是又不少要背的东西的 这是我最近的一篇a   接下来我就开始整i了  你有时间顺便拍一下O(∩_∩)O~    跟上个比有什么进步不足的也尽管提呵呵

shadow1987UID: 2605840

The memorandum is well-presented, but not well-reasoned.By making a an analogical deduction that the automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews improved their performance after attending Quality-Care Seminar so Get-Away Airlines’ machanics should attend the seminar to develop their skills therefore Get-Away can achieve greater customer satisfaction and greater profits, the director’s suggestion seems logical at first.
(哇你真的不用断句的啊，你自己念念看，一段文字两句话，一句半行，一句三行= =!)

However the director fails to consider other possible alternatives alternative reasons for to the progress that automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews achieved. It is possible that the progress on their performance is not due to the seminar but to the advanced management or incentive method, such as efficient salary（你想说绩效工资吗？merit pay）, that the automobile racing industry currently adopts. If so, it （refers to what？）‘s reasonable , therefore, for Get-Away Airlines should to focus on the implement more efficient management administrative method than to but not sending the mechanics to attend Quality-Care Seminar.
（把这个点放这么前面不好，不是主要矛盾，因为文中说在去过这个seminar之后performance好了，暗含了因果关系，你是不好驳的）

In addition, what undermines the suggestion is that the director commits a false analogy. The two situations are not similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. Even if the automobile racing crews improved their performances because of the Quality-Care Seminar, it doesn’t follow that Get-Away Airlines’ mechanics can do better after attending the seminar. Although their functions are similar to that of the automobile racing industry’s maintenance crews, the mechanics may have different skill levels compared to the crews. Perhaps the crews are all newly employed and lack of experience and primary guide while the seminar provide this to them befor attending the seminar, fortunately.(想了半天，终于发现你想说他们幸运的得到了去研讨会的机会，主语是the seminar 副词用个fortunately，错了) But the mechanics of Get-Away are all skillful and have several years of experience of in maintaining the maintenance to aircraft. Therefore the seminar is not only unnecessary but also a waste of time and money for if the mechanics go to attend the meaningless seminar, the company has to pay not only the employers who take the place temporarily but also the cost of the seminar.
这个点是可以的，但是句子写得不是很顺，你可以自己改流畅一点。

What’s more, even if the performance of the mechanics can be improved markedly by the seminar, can the greater customer satisfaction be realized? How about the greater profits? It is possible that customers are more sensetive sensitive to the price than to the maintenance of the aircraft. There is no doubt that , with the uncertain improvement of performance of mechanics, the seminar will increase the cost, then the price, centainly. (adverb做独立成分放句末，没见过= =！如果你确定可以这么写的话给我留个言，谢了)Hence it is not sure that either of the customer satisfaction or the profit can be improved by the seminar.
点是抓到了，但是没写充分，可以是aircraft质量很好，fault rate很低，consumers很难发现维修水平高了，再有即便经常维修，只要不出事故，consumer是没理由知道公司到底maintain的咋样的，这些点都可以写

Overall the director’s suggestion about the seminar seems reasonable and logical, but actually is lack of evidence and unconvincing. Before any decision about the seminar is made, the director of Get-Away Airlines needs to do conduct more surveys and consider other alrternatives and causes for the improvement of performance of the automobile racing industry’s maintencance crews.

第一：这个，我没有贴到word去，但是直观感觉字数不够；
第二：思维上感觉没把握住argument的逻辑推导过程，你可以自己列一下，什么是evidence，什么是assumption，什么是conclusion，列完你对文章的逻辑认识就比较直观了，再驳一下试看看，会容易很多。
第三：语言有点问题，多看看范文吧，这个一时半刻也提高不了多少，我水平也有限，大家共同进步。
第四：同题，正好是这两天写的，有兴趣可以看看，留些意见。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1131197&page=1#pid1774220865