【10G10hawk】7月26日作业——argument207

谦行天下UID: 2797557

二改，不要忘记了。。。。

ltymoonUID: 2685371

welltea的
红色 修改
蓝色 生词
绿色 好句
TOPIC: ARGUMENT207 - It is known that in recent years, industrial pollution has caused the Earth's ozone layer to thin, allowing an increase in the amount of ultraviolet radiation that reaches the Earth's surface. At the same time, scientists have discovered, the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs in mountain lakes has declined. Since ultraviolet radiation is known to be damaging to delicate tissues and since salamander eggs have no protective shells, it must be the case that the increase in ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs and prevented them from hatching. This process will no doubt cause population declines in other species, just as it has in the salamander species.

In this argument, the speaker ascribes the population decline of a species of salamander to the increase of ultraviolet radiation imposing on the salamander eggs, which will damages and sterilizes(这个词用在这里不好吧，杀菌的意思） the eggs, and further induced（改成s,语态混乱） that population of other species will also decline for the same reason. Although it is true that industrial pollution is undermining the ozone layer of Earth and this process happens at the same time of the population decline of that salamander, this only correlation is insufficient to turn itself to causation. （感觉怪怪的，有种不中不洋的感觉。。。）
这种先说时间顺序混乱成因果再分开说的感觉很好

First of all, the speaker’s assertion that the damage of eggs is the very reason of population decline of this kind of salamander is ill founded. Industrial pollution not only weakens the ozone layer, but also brings other environmental problems which can decrease the population of that salamander either, such as global warming, increase of acid rain, and etc.（这段有些间接说明了，不要说industry引起了啥，直接说温室效应等等会也会影响，会不会更好写？？~~） The global warming can change the climate of mountain lakes, like increasing the average temperature, bring more natural fire, and even drying out the lakes, which may kill the salamander directly, or drive them to other places. The increase of acid rain can cause disease, destroy plants in the area, or even kill them either. Although the decline of salamander population is observed at the same time when increasing industrial pollution occurs, (还是那个建议，直接抨击紫外线和数量下降的关系，而不是从industry）there also exists the boom of human population and thus the damage of natural environment during this period, which can also influence the population of salamander. Consequences like over deforestation will reduce the habitat of all species and thus reduce the food of salamander, or even drive the natural enemy of that salamander in other lakes to where this study has performed. Before ruling out other possible reasons, this assertion of the speaker is inconvincible.

In addition, even if the speaker manags to prove that the damage of salamander eggs caused the population decline, he or she still fails to convince me that it is the increased ultraviolet radiation that have damaged the salamander eggs. As we all know, the damage of ozone layer varies from place to place, and it is thinner in polar areas than that near equator. Thus the increase of ultraviolet radiation is very small in places near equator(长知识了，以前不知道~）. The speaker fails to provide the location of the discovery, and it may be possible that the population of the same species of salamander in mountain lakes closer to polar has no sign of decline. This will overturn the foundation of this argument. Further(改成to take a step further，字数多了不胡搜按呢), Even if higher density of ultraviolet radiation can damage the egg, the speaker provided no evidence to prove that the eggs will be exposed to sunlight and the weather there during the hatching season will be mostly sunny（说的好！）. If the weather is always cloudy or rainy（不过据说阴天紫外线更强）, how could we say ultraviolet radiation is the reason? Besides, many other reasons also can damage the eggs, like the above mentioned acid rain or increase of other animals that eat these eggs.

Finally, the conclusion that stronger ultraviolet radiation causes the decline of salamander population is unreasonable. As a result, another assertion of the speaker that other species will also suffer the population decrease by the same reason has obviously lost its rationality, not mention other species may have protective shells or even lay eggs where sun light can never reach.（展开写吧）

In sum, the speaker failed to provide enough information to support the assertion that the correlation is the very causation. What’s more, the speaker has ridiculously extended the assertion to an immense range of species, which is completely inconvincible.