哎 零散版互改agr已经乱了。来个个人版互改，请勿贴链接直接贴文章，请遵守规则...

guo0693UID: 2540167

互改规则
1。请先占一楼 只写“改xx楼”就OK了
2。在下一楼贴出自己习作
3。 返回先前所占楼层，编辑自己的帖子，完整的批改xx楼的习作。

例如 1楼有习作
先在2楼占位
然后在3楼贴出自己的作品让别人改，这里之所以先贴出来，是防止3楼被别人占了
最后返回2楼改他人习作。

请务必遵守规则，否则一旦乱套就不好互改了。

每改一篇换的被改一篇的权利。
没有改别人习作的一律不回改。
最好是直接在回复里贴出文章，不要贴链接，会乱的。

guo0693UID: 2540167

占沙发

guo0693UID: 2540167

清板凳

guo0693UID: 2540167

擦地板。
下面正式开始互改。
即 从5楼开始

guo0693UID: 2540167

TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."

WORDS: 478          TIME: 01:03:21          DATE: 2010-8-2 21:51:33

The arguer has made three fatal fallacies to reason his conclusions:(1) Pat Salvo should be asked for resignation just because the last three quarters' reduction of their profits;(2) Rosa Winnings, who is president of Starlight Jewelry, should be appointed since her company's profits have increased dramatically over the past several years;(3) The soon improvement in benefits brought by Rosa will makes her high salary worthwhile.

To begin with, no evidence illustrates that it is Pat Salvo's fault that result in their financial reduction. How can the arguer ensure that no other factors rather than Pat's leadership caused such lose? As we all know that profits of one company are strongly related to the cost of raw materials and transportation and the salaries that should be paid to workers. These factors may also lower their benefits.

Even though Pat Salvo fail to lead their company to increased profits, her resignation is still not one good solution, which may bring more serious problems. Because such huge alternation in human resource may cause everyone in the company to get worried about themselves thus will cause passive effect on their daily works and thus will finally influence their company's operation and profits. Therefore Pat should not be fired no matter whether it is her fault to cause the fall of profits.

Secondly, the fact that Starlight Jewelry's success lends no support to that Rosa will be the best person for that position. Since no detailed information about Rosa and Starlight Jewelry are provided, I suspect that Rosa's company may be different with Fancy Toy Company in production pattern, market demands and business strategy, which may request for different leadership ability. Therefore Rosa may not be able to bring Fancy Toy back to life. Moreover, paying Rosa the twice salary that Pat has been receiving may not be worthwhile since other possible candidates, who may also be competent for that position, may charge less while do better. So, the declaration that Rosa should be appointed is not convinced and poorly supported.

Last of all, the arguer's assumption that we can soon expect Rosa to bring us considerable profits is unwarranted. It is impossible for a new leader get familiar with a new team and makes suitable strategy which can bring a company back to life after successive deficit within a short period of time. Thus, even Rosa is better than others and accepts to take the position, we could still not anticipate that the current situation of deficit could soon be overcome.

In conclusion, to better improve Fancy Toy's profits, we should thoroughly analyze the reasons that why we suffer continuous loss and accordingly take action to solve those problems. Here are some of my advises: On the one hand, more candidates should be test for the position of president to select the best one who will do help us with the problem; On the other hand, Pat can be temporarily demoted to the vice president and responsible for assist the new president and strengthen the cooperation of our team.

MaydaysjUID: 2805242

占座~改楼上五楼，贴楼下~~
刚弄错了，带来麻烦，sorry,sorry~~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."

WORDS: 478          TIME: 01:03:21          DATE: 2010-8-2 21:51:33

The arguer has made three fatal fallacies to reason his conclusions:(1) Pat Salvo should be asked for resignation just because the last three quarters' reduction of their profits;(2) Rosa Winnings, who is president of Starlight Jewelry, should be appointed since her company's profits have increased dramatically over the past several years;(3) The soon improvement in benefits brought by Rosa will makes her high salary worthwhile.（我觉得很清楚很好，但也有认说不要在开头罗列论据，共同探讨）

To begin with, no evidence illustrates that it is Pat Salvo's fault that result in their financial reduction. How can the arguer ensure that no other factors rather than Pat's leadership caused such lose?(lose非n.--loss) As we all know that profits of one company are strongly related to the cost of raw materials and transportation and the salaries that should be paid to workers. These factors may also lower their benefits.(这个地方感觉论证不够充分，建议展开一个假设某些情形说明成本过高致使获利过低，如过去三季度恰遇金融危机兴起，导致。。。。)

Even though Pat Salvo fail （s）to lead their company to increased profits, her resignation is still not one good solution, which may bring more serious problems. Because such huge alternation in human resource may cause everyone in the company to get worried about themselves(cause sb to do用法不常见，worried about themselves表达不清楚,参考换成their qualifications) thus will cause passive effect on their daily works and thus(可以换成which，这样就词语不重复了) will finally influence their company's operation and profits. Therefore Pat should not be fired no matter whether it is her fault to cause the fall of profits.（最后一句改了吧，太绝对看了我都想Argue）

Secondly, the fact that Starlight Jewelry's success lends no support to that Rosa will be the best person for that position. Since no detailed information about Rosa and Starlight Jewelry are provided, I suspect that Rosa's company may be different with Fancy Toy Company in production pattern, market demands and business strategy, which may request for different leadership ability. Therefore Rosa may not be able to bring Fancy Toy back to life. Moreover, paying Rosa the twice salary that Pat has been receiving may not be worthwhile since other possible candidates, who may also be competent for that position, may charge less while do better. So, the declaration that Rosa should be appointed is not convinced and poorly supported.(挺好的)

Last of all, the arguer's assumption that we can soon expect Rosa to bring us considerable profits is unwarranted. It is impossible for a new leader (to) get familiar with a new team and makes suitable strategy which can bring a company back to life(小建议换成to rescue Fancy Toy Company，不要和前面用语重复) after successive deficit within a short period of time. Thus, even Rosa is better than others and accepts to take the position, we could still not anticipate that the current situation of deficit could soon be overcome.

In conclusion, to better improve Fancy Toy's profits, we should thoroughly analyze the reasons （for代替后面四个词更简练）that why we suffer continuous loss and accordingly take action to solve those problems. Here are some of my advises: On the one hand, more candidates should be test for the position of president to select the best one who will do help us（还是觉得不要用第一人称吧）with the problem; On the other hand, Pat can be temporarily demoted to the vice president and responsible for assist（ing） the new president and strengthen(ing) the cooperation of our team.（点明仅是就在Human Resource 方面的建议吧，不然复杂的原因仅在这两方面建议是不充分的）

写的不错，逻辑很清楚，语言也很干净明确
注意一些用语的替代不重复，和展开说明时扣论点的连结就更好了
另外今天看到别人的一句评语“学习掌握能涵纳较多信息的句型”很受用，共勉之
加油，再接再厉！！~

shadow1987UID: 2605840

你在干吗？

MaydaysjUID: 2805242

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
WORDS: 105          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/8/3 9:03:28

The dean of Omega University suggests teminationg students evaluation system in ordr to enable graduats seecure better jobs.He ascribes their graduats less successful performance in job market to the evaltionation system which lead to a inflated grades compared with the nearby Alpha University.However,there are many flaws in the dean's reasoning which render it into question.

First of all,the implementation of a new evaluation system fifteen years ago does not necessarily reasults in professors high grades aggignment since then.There are many alternative reasons why overall student grade average have risen by thirty percent.It's possible that  the professors promote their teaching skills since they know their teaching problems from the students evalustion of teaching effectiveness. That's to say,the evaluation system not inflate students grades but improve teaching quality advance overall students grades increase.The advantages of the evalustion system should't be ignord, for instance, it can better reflect professors's performance and evaluate teaching effectiveness. And what's more,the15 years is long enough period which can change many things, for example Omega University have enrolled many more deligent and intelligent students since then,and they may also have carried reforms in terms of school management,equipment replacement and so forth which can also lead to effective teaching and learning indirctly.

Secondly,the increased average grades of overall students does not lead to potential employer conceiving the grades are inflated.Besides considering the alternative reasons of grade increasing mentioned above,potential empoyer will take many other factors into account before hiering an employee.As we all know,scholastic attainment only play little part in job market,what really matters is students overall ability such as good adaptability,communication and coopration ability and so on.In addition,the formor graduates' performance in potential companies also impact whether they will hier the latter graduates or not.In a nutshell,the Omega Univerity has better interview potential employers of their appraise before arbituarly assert that "they apparently believe the grades infalted".

Finally,why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University  may have many intricate reasons.The conceived infalted grades is not sufficee in itself to support a low employment.There are many possible distinction between the two university which may lead to different conditions of employment in job market.It's likely that the overall quality of  Alpha University is better and it has a good reputation among employers which alone can result in graduates better employment. And furthermore, Alpha University may have a more reasonable course arrangement and majority setup which satisfy the society needs and thus help graduates find good job.Or maybe  Alpha University have hired many professional job counselors to assist their interms of resume and interview skills so that graduates are better show up than that of Omega University.

In sum,before terminating the evaluation system,the dean should carefully weight its  pros and cons.And also he should interview graduates and potential employers to assure the real reason of low employment.Understanding fully the different with Alpha University is benefitial to play to its strengths and excellence and avoid to its inadequacy based on own characteristics.

guo0693UID: 2540167

占位改楼上 8# Maydaysj
TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
WORDS: 105          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010/8/3 9:03:28

The dean of Omega University suggests teminationg students evaluation system in ordr to enable graduats seecure（secure） better jobs.He ascribes their graduats less successful performance in job market to the evaltionation(evaluation) system which lead to a inflated grades compared with the nearby Alpha University(这个从句读起来有些混乱,到底是修饰grades呢还是修饰学生找工作成功率低呢？).However,there are many flaws in the dean's reasoning which render it into question（这句which后面有些chinglish的感觉）.

First of all,the implementation of a new evaluation system fifteen years ago does not necessarily reasults in professors high grades aggignment since then（累赘的修饰）.There are many alternative（在这里用有些不合适，两者中的另一个和many,难道是想说有很多种其他的原因,而这些原因都是二选一的那种。。。建议直接用Possible） reasons why overall student grade average（students’ average grade） have risen by thirty percent.It's possible that  the professors promote(have promoted) their teaching skills since they know their teaching problems from the students evalustion(建议每次贴出来前用word检查下基本的拼写和语法) of teaching effectiveness. That's to say,the evaluation system not inflate students grades but improve teaching quality advance（此句不通） overall students grades increase.The advantages of the evalustion system should't be ignord, for instance, it can better reflect professors's performance and evaluate teaching effectiveness. And what's more,the15 years is long enough period which can change many things, for example Omega University have enrolled many more deligent and intelligent students since then,and they may also have carried reforms in terms of school management,equipment replacement and so forth which can also lead to effective teaching and learning indirctly.（总结一下加过度一下）

Secondly,the increased average grades of overall（这个词用太多遍了。。。entire/all） students does not lead to potential employer conceiving the grades are inflated.(这句有点主次不清了，你想说学生的成绩提高并不能导致雇主认为成绩膨胀这一观点？事实上雇主已经这么认为了，我觉得应该说雇主认为…并不一定是学生成绩提高导致.)Besides considering the alternative reasons of grade increasing mentioned above,potential empoyer will take many other factors into account before hiering（hiring） an employee.As we all know,scholastic attainment only play little(a little) part in job market,what really matters is students overall(再一次看到这个词…) ability such as good adaptability,communication and coopration ability and so on.In addition,the formor graduates' performance in potential companies also impact(have impact on/influence/decide/result in/contribute to/account for/….) whether they will hier the latter graduates or not.In a nutshell,the Omega Univerity has better interview potential employers of their appraise before arbituarly assert that "they apparently believe the grades infalted".

Finally,why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as those who have graduates from nearby Alpha University  may have many intricate reasons.The conceived infalted grades is not sufficee in itself to support a low employment.There are many possible distinctions between the two university which may lead to different conditions of employment in job market.It's likely that the overall(- -!) quality of  Alpha University is better and it has a good reputation among employers which alone can result in graduates better employment. And furthermore (and去掉), Alpha University may have a more reasonable course arrangement and majority setup（and 后面部分是？） which satisfy the society needs and thus help graduates find good job.Or maybe  Alpha University have hired many professional job counselors to assist their interms of resume and interview skills so that graduates are better show up than that of Omega University.

In sum,before terminating the evaluation system,the dean should carefully weight its  pros and cons.And also he should interview graduates and potential employers to assure the real reason of low employment.Understanding fully the different（形容词） with Alpha University is benefitial to play to its strengths and excellence and avoid to its inadequacy based on own characteristics.

遣词造句有待加强，一些词性部分的问题需要注意(呵呵 和我一样)，此外不要急于求快，我基本上陷入修改拼写错误和语法错误的泥潭中了，没办法跳出来看整体的思维框架和文章的脉络结构。希望以后发习作之前用word检查下拼写和基本的语法。谢谢你对于上面我的文章的修改和意见，关于找替代词的问题确实需要加强

guo0693UID: 2540167

先谢过楼下的了~

TOPIC: ARGUMENT10 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a Batavia newspaper.

"The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Market has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers."

WORDS: 448
TIME: 00:54:44
DATE: 2010-8-3 17:24:09

The arguer claims that the number of farmers throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago and the price of milk at local Excello Food Market has increased and thus reasons the presumption that farmers’ profits have improved excessively. Next, according to this precondition, the arguer suggests that regulation should be put forward in order to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers. However, clear scrutiny reveals that these two assumptions are poorly supported thus not thoroughly reasoned.

To begin with, the assumption that farmers in Batavia are receiving excessive profits is baseless since no detailed information about their incomes is provided. On the one hand, how much is the really increased number of farmers? Twenty five percent means nothing. If only several farmers lived there 10 years ago, the current increased number will be less then ten which is far away from enough to support that farmers make more profit. On the other hand, even if the number increased is to some extent large, how can the arguer ensure that all these farmers are milk suppliers? Maybe just a little proportion of them live on milk supplication while others may earn money by selling fruits or vegetables. Therefore, the arguer fails to prove that most farmers’ profits apparently increased and thus become poor to support the latter point.

Even that the farmers are making more money from milk in local market, the arguer's declaration that regulation is necessary to constrain such phenomenon is unwarranted. Why we should place obstacles in their way to become rich? If one becomes rich, then we should stop him or her? Next, is there any evidences show that the local Excello Food Market's situation will represent for the whole country's average milk price? The answer is no, at least until complete statistics are provided. Moreover, this comparison of price is unreasonable, because people's level of life must be improved within the ten years and such improvement may require a higher price of most commodities to meet the market demand. As we all known, price of one thing fluctuates around its value. Ten years past, the improved technology in processing original milk and the cost of transportation may expand as well as the cost to store milk. Thus, the inherent value of milk may be higher which will present by the change of price. Thus, this request for regulation should be objected until such fact is proved that the increased price may passively influence the milk market.

In conclusion, this argument is unconvinced and weakly supported according to what I have argued above. To make it more cogent, some detailed surveys are needed rather than base the conclusion on one's subjective assumptions.