Issue99， NND，写上500字我准备请大家吃饭！

shadow1987UID: 2605840

TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 425
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-8-4 16:39:33

In this era, rapid social and technological changes bring about a complex society wherein people place more emphasis on the reality than the ideals. It seemingly coincides with the common sense that the only way to succeed is to take a practical view but not an idealistic view. Moreover, idealistic ideas tend to be（容易有多用谓语动词） superceded by simpler and immediate options. However, the speaker fails to consider the meaningful role played by idealism not only in our history but also in modern society. Consequently, I find the speaker's claim unilateral with two respects that we can also succeed by taking an idealistic view and that the idealistic views will never be superceded by other options.

In the first place, I must concede the significant function of pragmatic behaviors in our society and the negative influence brought about by idealistic views. For example, in 1966, China initiated the "Great Leap Forward" which was led（容易写错） by Chairman Mao. Facing the under-developed China, the project includes many plans which are considered insane today. People were even instigated to product steel by themselves and used their own cookers as materials. As a result, these ideas are alienated from the reality and caused millions of people dead. In short, ideals should be（容易缺谓语动词） in accordance to the reality and those taking idealistic view blindly could bring about terrible aftermath.

However, we should be aware that（be aware of或be aware that都可以，be aware of that是错的） our development in the fields of politics, economy, science and technology benefit from（短语容易用两个谓语动词） the ideals' lasting values. For instance, during the dark ages in Europe, thousands of artists, scientists and other well educated people were calling for a social revolution. Bruno sacrificed himself at the fire stake for the willing to overturn the religious governing and changed the fallacy in the astronomy which was believed by most of the contemporaty people. Moreover, Da Vinci created his masterpiece the “Last Supper” to reveal the humanism for people and Dente wrote "The Divine Comedy"（注意拼写） to appeal spiritual freedom. Consider, without their idealistic view and their contributions to pursuit these ideals, how can we be what we are today? Hence, I believe we can absolutely being successful by taking an idealistic point of view.

Additionally, the idealistic views lighten out imagination and point out the way to the perfect society for us, and the robot's invention may serve as a proper example here. Asimov, who is a great science fiction writer in our history, described the image of robot several decades before. The people could not believe such an idealistic idea, however, this fascinating idea was noticed by the scientists at that time. With numerous experiments and tremendous amount of work, scientists finally brought this idealistic image into the reality. Today, robots flood our lives and they are helping us build a better society. In this way, pragmatic behaviors and reality could sometime base on the idealistic ideas. Therefore, in my view, idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options.

To sum up, I find the speaker's claim fails to consider that idealism can be seen as the source of our forward momentum. As far as I see it, which sort of view does one take would not relate to his achievement directly, it is his ambition and persistence determine his future. What's more, the idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options due to the tremendous influence can these views make.

德芬郡奶油UID: 2843869

Dante "The Divine Comedy".写不对还不如不写。建议在word里好好查下错 学得不扎实的地方太多了。

shadow1987UID: 2605840

2# 德芬郡奶油

谢谢抓到一只苍蝇^o^我还会继续写的，现在写错总比考场写错好，不是吗？

另：此文已通过word07检查，你的“太多的不扎实”能再帮我列出来一些吗？诚恳的表示感谢！！

德芬郡奶油UID: 2843869

1)views are tend to be一句话里有两个谓语动词;2)lead的过去分词是led不是leaded;3)caused millions of people died这搭配不对;4)ideals should in accordance to缺少谓语动词;5)be aware of或be aware that都可以，be aware of that是错的;6) is benefit from和1是同一个问题.不多举了，你的word可以考虑卸载了…

shadow1987UID: 2605840

4# 德芬郡奶油

caused millions of people died这个用成dead就行了吧，或者caused the deaths of numerous people。朋友，我还有6天就考试，心急火燎的~你都看到这份上了帮我改改文章吧，我今天刚能限时上500字。还有你放心，我自己会检查一遍语法和拼写的，所以你的每一次纠错对我来说都很有意义。再次感谢你的指点，因为每天写的量会比较大，你有空的话挑着帮我改改就成~I really appreciate it^o^

huchengbinUID: 2817854

楼主和我同时考也~加油。另外弱弱的提醒下，还是不要光想着字数了，我现在也就只能写500不到，关键我觉得还是不太容易展开，分析思路什么的还是有点僵，我现在在恶补思路。另外祝愿楼主AW大爆RP，我是在广州8月10号考的，敢问LZ呢？ 5# shadow1987

shadow1987UID: 2605840

6# huchengbin

我是11日在厦门呢，字数其实是硬指标诶，很少有见到不到500字就拿高分的，而且我之前练笔的时候一直是按不低于550字练的，习惯了，所以如果低于这个数字的文章基本是写不完的。另一个是打字问题，本人打字比较慢= =！所以只有把字打得游刃有余了才能留出空间去注意文章思想！看到大家都在拼了，我也不觉得苦了，加油吧朋友！

doraliuUID: 2842061

我晚点试着改改~~~

doraliuUID: 2842061

In this era, rapid social and technological changes bring about a complex society wherein people place more emphasis on the reality than the ideals. It seemingly coincides with the common sense that the only way to succeed is to take a practical view but not an idealistic view. Moreover, （不知道moreover 用的恰不恰当，我觉得前后倒是没有替进的感觉）idealistic ideas tend to be（容易有多用谓语动词） superceded by simpler and immediate options. However, the speaker fails to consider the meaningful role played by idealism not only in our history but also in modern society.（到这里我觉得你后面应该从这两个方面来说了）
Consequently, I find the speaker's claim unilateral with two respects that we can also succeed by taking an idealistic view and that the idealistic views will never be superceded by other options（1,这个还是有点口号的感觉的，不知道后面能不能充分的证明）.
In the first place, I must concede the significant function of pragmatic behaviors in our society and the negative influence brought about by idealistic views. For example, in 1966, China initiated the "Great Leap Forward" which was led（容易写错） by Chairman Mao. Facing the under-developed China, the project includes many plans which are considered insane today. People were even instigated to product steel by themselves and used their own cookers as materials. As a result, these ideas are （alienated from the reality and caused millions of people dead 感觉上是因为自家炼钢导致很多人死了，觉得不妥，要么说大家都去炼钢了，没人生产粮食了，很多人饿死了，这样会不会好些）. In short, ideals should be（容易缺谓语动词）
in accordance to the reality and those taking idealistic view blindly could bring about terrible aftermath.

However, we should be aware that（be aware of或be aware that都可以，be aware of that是错的） our development in the fields of politics, economy, science and technology benefit from（短语容易用两个谓语动词） the ideals' lasting values. For instance, during the dark ages in Europe, thousands of artists, scientists and other well educated people were calling for a social revolution. Bruno sacrificed himself at the fire stake for the willing to overturn（will of overturning不知道会不会好一些） the religious governing and changed the fallacy in the astronomy which was believed by most of the contemporaty people（感觉还是有点怪的，which seem to be so self-explanatory  today?大概也不是特别好）. Moreover, Da Vinci created his masterpiece the “Last Supper” to reveal the humanism for people and Dente wrote "The Divine Comedy"（注意拼写） to appeal spiritual freedom. Consider, without their idealistic view and their contributions to pursuit these ideals, how can we be what we are today? Hence, I believe we can absolutely being successful by taking an idealistic point of view. 跟前一段的最后一句是有冲突的吧？
Additionally, the idealistic views lighten out imagination and point out the way to the perfect society(大概我们用词比美国人用词更富有感情些，不过 a better society似乎好一些吧？) for us, and the robot's invention may serve as a proper example here. Asimov, who is a great science fiction writer in our history, described the image of robot several decades before. The people(感觉the people 似乎是用来特指人民的 government by the people ,for the people , of the people…) could not believe such an idealistic idea, however, this fascinating idea was noticed by the scientists at that time. With numerous experiments and tremendous amount of work, scientists finally brought this idealistic image into the reality. Today, robots flood our lives and they are helping us build a better society. In this way,（以这种方式实用和现实能建立在理想的基础上，其实你没说In this way是以哪种方式吧？至少没有明确说明） pragmatic behaviors and reality could sometime base on the idealistic ideas. Therefore, in my view, idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options.（到这里我觉得1还是没有被充分证明的，至少我看这篇文章没有被说服）
To sum up, I find the speaker's claim fails to consider that idealism can be seen as the source of（这个就很好，但是文章是不是没有在这个上充分展开呢？） our forward momentum. As far as I see it, which sort of view does one take would not relate to his achievement directly, it is his ambition and persistence determine his future. What's more, the idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options due to the tremendous influence can these views make.


我觉得逻辑连词一定要慎用，不然让人容易觉得我们逻辑不清的，这是我要改正的地方，加油O(∩_∩)O~

个人意见，说错了还请见谅~~~

shadow1987UID: 2605840

9# doraliu

In this era, rapid social and technological changes bring about a complex society wherein people place more emphasis on the reality than the ideals. It seemingly coincides with the common sense that the only way to succeed is to take a practical view but not an idealistic view. Moreover, （不知道moreover 用的恰不恰当，我觉得前后倒是没有替进的感觉）1:这里有点不仅idealistic views不能帮助我们成功，而且他正在逐步被取代的意思在里面，可能有些牵强吧，但是听过一个论调就是，英文中前一句和后一句一定是要有链接的，如果你在逻辑和语言上没把握，就加连接词= =！关于这个问题还可以再讨论哈。idealistic ideas tend to be（容易有多用谓语动词） superceded by simpler and immediate options. However, the speaker fails to consider the meaningful role played by idealism not only in our history but also in modern society.（到这里我觉得你后面应该从这两个方面来说了）2：你这么说我才有些感觉，不过还好我段尾直接说通过前后句的两个部分展开了，上句话的影响应该就不会太恶劣了吧。
Consequently, I find the speaker's claim unilateral with two respects that we can also succeed by taking an idealistic view and that the idealistic views will never be superceded by other options（1,这个还是有点口号的感觉的，不知道后面能不能充分的证明）.
In the first place, I must concede the significant function of pragmatic behaviors in our society and the negative influence brought about by idealistic views. For example, in 1966, China initiated the "Great Leap Forward" which was led（容易写错） by Chairman Mao. Facing the under-developed China, the project includes many plans which are considered insane today. People were even instigated to product steel by themselves and used their own cookers as materials. As a result, these ideas are （alienated from the reality and caused millions of people dead 感觉上是因为自家炼钢导致很多人死了，觉得不妥，要么说大家都去炼钢了，没人生产粮食了，很多人饿死了，这样会不会好些）3：有道理，so called "三年自然灾害"都还没来得及说呢，写太赶了. In short, ideals should be（容易缺谓语动词）
in accordance to the reality and those taking idealistic view blindly could bring about terrible aftermath.

However, we should be aware that（be aware of或be aware that都可以，be aware of that是错的） our development in the fields of politics, economy, science and technology benefit from（短语容易用两个谓语动词） the ideals' lasting values. For instance, during the dark ages in Europe, thousands of artists, scientists and other well educated people were calling for a social revolution. Bruno sacrificed himself at the fire stake for the willing to overturn（will of overturning不知道会不会好一些）4：保留意见吧，willing也可以做noun的不是？ the religious governing and changed the fallacy in the astronomy which was believed by most of the contemporaty people（感觉还是有点怪的，which seem to be so self-explanatory  today?大概也不是特别好）. Moreover, Da Vinci created his masterpiece the “Last Supper” to reveal the humanism for people and Dente wrote "The Divine Comedy"（注意拼写） to appeal spiritual freedom. Consider, without their idealistic view and their contributions to pursuit these ideals, how can we be what we are today? Hence, I believe we can absolutely being successful by taking an idealistic point of view. 跟前一段的最后一句是有冲突的吧？5：其实仔细看的话区别在于blindly这个词

Additionally, the idealistic views lighten out imagination and point out the way to the perfect society(大概我们用词比美国人用词更富有感情些，不过 a better society似乎好一些吧？) for us, and the robot's invention may serve as a proper example here. Asimov, who is a great science fiction writer in our history, described the image of robot several decades before. The people(感觉the people 似乎是用来特指人民的 government by the people ,for the people , of the people…) could not believe such an idealistic idea, however, this fascinating idea was noticed by the scientists at that time. With numerous experiments and tremendous amount of work, scientists finally brought this idealistic image into the reality. Today, robots flood our lives and they are helping us build a better society. In this way,（以这种方式实用和现实能建立在理想的基础上，其实你没说In this way是以哪种方式吧？至少没有明确说明） pragmatic behaviors and reality could sometime base on the idealistic ideas. Therefore, in my view, idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options.（到这里我觉得1还是没有被充分证明的，至少我看这篇文章没有被说服）
To sum up, I find the speaker's claim fails to consider that idealism can be seen as the source of（这个就很好，但是文章是不是没有在这个上充分展开呢？）6：嗯，其实应该归咎于我在上一段没有点出来，Asimov提出robot的想法不就是在说明这句话吗？还有一层考虑是我想在结尾段言之有物一点，不然总是paraphrase效果不好的。 our forward momentum. As far as I see it, which sort of view does one take would not relate to his achievement directly, it is his ambition and persistence determine his future. What's more, the idealistic views will never be superceded by simpler and immediate options due to the tremendous influence can these views make.


我觉得逻辑连词一定要慎用，不然让人容易觉得我们逻辑不清的，这是我要改正的地方，加油O(∩_∩)O~
关于逻辑连接词你可以再说说你的具体的一些想法，我没有太多的思考这个问题，属于收集了一些，拿起来就用的那种= =！
个人意见，说错了还请见谅~~~

再次感谢你的认真修改，对我帮助很大^o^