作文~T-T~

萌仔UID: 2722956

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life

Different people may persent very dissimlar viewpoint when asked whether it is better or not to make sure other people,in particular ,the bosses or the influntial people know about your strengths and accomplishments ,then you can get successful in life .when it comes to me ,I suppose
the advantage of making them know my strengths and accomplishments carrys more weight than those of donnot let them know,I would explore a few of the important reasons here.

One of the primary causes is that when I let them know my strengths and accomeplishments I may receive awards in my working field.It may motivate me to pay more attention to my future careers.Take my brother as an example his a newcomer in his company.So he made efforts to do everything he can do and never considerate the rewards of his work..Few days after his hard working ,he has accomplished an excellent program for his company. Then his bosses knew this tough work has been finished by such a young man was extrimely satisfy .He approved of him in front of all the employees .How exciting my brother would be! I suppose it was an magical power for him to pursue his future careers .From that moment he did much better than ever and each time he can catch achievements
in a time . One year later he became the youngest manager in his company.I firmly believe that the appreciaton from the influntial person is vital for us to emparks our promicing future.

what is also worth noticing is that when I let the influntial person to know my strengths and accomplishments will get more opportunitys .Because the capacity serves as an extremely important medium to introduce me to the public.If the authoritys reconginze my ability then he will trust me and offer more challanging chances to me .It is essential to develop my capability and help me gaining more experience.Also take my brother's example when his strengths was admired by employs he got different types of works ,arranging from business to management .He can get a large deal of experience from what he has done.Then finding out what is his favourite work and choose it as his life career.

In a world. I insist that people should let their supervisors know about their strengths and accomplishment.
Because people are capable of receiving more chance to become successful and geting more personal experience.



第一次交作业还迟了，悲剧啊~请大家帮忙看下
还有几天就考了，写成这种倒霉样，快抓狂了~:mad:

deep-blueUID: 2877661

别急啊

tautou-fanUID: 2510013

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life 2 A3 A/ Y. Q. N; y" `: f8 w
Different people may persent very dissimlar viewpoint when asked whether it is better or not to make sure other people,in particular ,the bosses or the influntial people know about your strengths and accomplishments ,then you can get successful in life .when it comes to me ,I suppose
% k, N* t  }the advantage of making them know my strengths and accomplishments carrys more weight than those （of） donnot let them know,I would explore a few （of the） important reasons here.

One of the primary causes is that when I let them know my strengths and accomeplishments I may receive awards in my working field.It may motivate me to pay more attention to my future careers.Take my brother as an example， （his） he is a newcomer in his company.So he made efforts to do everything he can do and never considerate the rewards of his work..Few days after his hard working ,he (has) accomplished an excellent program for his company. Then his bosses knew this tough work has been finished by such a young man was extrimely satisfy 此处不通.He前面还是bosses这里就成单数了 approved of him in front of all the employees .How exciting my brother would be! I suppose it was an magical power for him to pursue his future careers .From that moment he did much better than ever and each time he can catch achievements a time . One year later he became the youngest manager in his company.I firmly believe that the appreciaton from the influntial person is vital for us to emparks our promicing future.$ E( l; I* `; }3 M
( M" G# W# m6 C1 [
what is also worth noticing is that when I let the influntial person to know my strengths and accomplishments will get more opportunitys拼错了，是opportunities .Because the capacity serves as an extremely important medium to introduce me to the public.If the authoritys也拼错了 reconginze my ability then he will trust me and offer more challanging chances to me .It is essential to develop my capability and help me gaining more experience.（Also）Again take my brother's example when his strengths was admired by employs he got different types of works ,arranging from business to management .He can get a large deal of experience from what he has done.Then finding out what is his favourite work and choose it as his life career./ X8 l# I) `9 G5 r* G9 U: x
* C7 ^$ Z$ z( \. a8 ]. S
In a world. I insist that people should let their supervisors know about their strengths and accomplishment.
Because people are capable of receiving more chance to become successful and geting more personal experiences.

这个题目我觉得很难，然后我觉得你写的时候有点奥
就是第一段，你的句子太长，读起来容易晕，然后比较拗口，建议用稍微短一点的句子表达
然后你讲的your brother的例子我觉得也有点绕，你应该直击你的观点，看完你哥哥的例子，我有点忘了你要表达什么了
最后，拼写错误，建议放在word里先自己检查一下

萌仔UID: 2722956

3# tautou-fan

我写作文老是很多句子粘在一起， 等分成简单句后就又变成I think ，I suppose 像小学生的文章了， 第一段是没处理好，现在自己都读不通，惭愧:L 谢谢你的批改啊~

萌仔UID: 2722956

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them
Different people present dissimilar perspectives when it comes to the problem whether parents should or not allow children to make their own choices or take the places of them to determine their future Personally I would like to say the advantage of allowing children to make their own choices carrys more weight than those of parents help children to determine their future.There are a couple of reasons for me to choose that ,and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here .
One of the primary causes is that children who make their own decision will become more independence in the future.And independence is the key factor of getting success.Although in the way of pursuing independence they might make some mistakes . They will gain experience form this failure and also can learn how to cope with the problems they have encountered with .Their capacity will be promoted and if they meet the same difficults next time ,they will know how to figure out it and donot have to rely on their parents for help.Take my friend K as an example .when he was still in Junior school ,his parents send him to Tokyo to study japanese.Has been seperated by 4000000 meters from parents each choice he has made only by himself .He choiced which school could attended in and which apartment could live in.Through these wonderful lives, he becomes extremely indepedence .he understands that long time reliance on parents will absolutely lead us lacking the ability to solve problems by ourselves
What is also worth noticing is that our parents are not always make the right choices .They also can make the mistakes .Because some times people making the choice  depend on their own experience or personal emotions.Sometimes this non-sense action may cause a serious consequence .parents and their children live in the different times ,Then the society changes day by day.Although my parent's solution and mind may suitable in his/her age.  but might not solve my problem in my period.then there is no need to follow the parents' oppinion.The immense gap between two generations is obvious and never ever been concealed.For Jane's instance.she dreams to choose software engineer as her life career , each day she practises computer programing skills as diligent as she can .But her parents reject her choice and hope she can become an accountant.They hold the point that accountant is suitable for girls.But Jane insist on her dreaming all the time finally she passes the CCIE test in an excenllent score.
In a word I will agree to the satement that children should make choices by themselves .Because it is significant for  them to embark their promicing future.

增肥UID: 2773671

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them
Different people present dissimilar perspectives when it comes to the problem whether parents should or not(可以这样表达么？没见过呢） allow children to make their own choices or take the places of them to determine their future 。Personally I would like to say（present,say 我个人觉得有点口语化) the advantage of allowing children to make their own choices carrys more weight than those of parents help children to determine their future.There are a couple of reasons for me to choose that ,and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here .7 p# W4 G3 [) d

One of the primary causes is that children who make their own decision（decisions) will become more independence(independent) in the future.And independence is the key factor of(to get) getting success.Although in the way of pursuing independence they might make some mistakes . They will gain experience form this failure and also can learn how to cope with the problems they have encountered with .Their capacity will be promoted and if(when) they meet the same difficults next time ,they will know how to figure out it(them) and donot have to rely on their parents (for help 去掉）for help.Take my friend K as an example .when he was still in Junior school (这个例子事态都应该是过去式吧）,his parents send（sent) him to Tokyo to study japanese.Has(had) been seperated by 4000000 meters from parents each choice he has（had) made only by himself .He choiced(chose） which school could attended in and which apartment could live in.Through these wonderful lives, he becomes extremely indepedence(independent) .he understands that long time reliance on parents will absolutely lead us lacking the ability to solve problems by ourselves

What is also worth noticing( 应该是被noticed ） that our parents are not always make the right choices .They also can make the（不是特指去掉the) mistakes. They

also can make the mistakes .Because some times people making (makes)不然没动词了）the choice  depend on their own experience or personal emotions.Sometimes this non-sense action may cause a serious consequence .(大小写）

parents and their children live in（at 更好？） the different times ,Then（and） the society changes day by day.Although my parent's solution and mind may(加一个动词be) suitable in his/her age（. ) （这个although 跟but不能并用，可是你在but 之前又用句号但but又是小写。。。我有点晕）but might not solve my problem in my period.then there is no need to follow the parents' oppinion.The immense gap between two generations is obvious and never ever been concealed.For Jane's instance.she dreams to choose software engineer as her life career , each day she practises computer programing skills as diligent as she can .But her parents reject （换disagree)her choice and hope she can become an accountant.They hold the point that accountant is suitable for girls.But Jane insist on her dreaming all the time finally she passes the CCIE test in an excenllent score.( [$ j) Z9 a9 v  R6 Q7 m- _' E' l  G

In a word I will agree to the satement that children should make choices by themselves .Because it is significant for  them to embark their promicing future.

总的来说，作者的例子举得很不错，很有说服力，表达地道不会chienglish，希望可以更地道。

但是第二个例子的时候，句子的大小写有点乱，希望注意一下，以免在考试出现这种情况。如第二段第五六句，因为你逗号后面又是大写，句号后市小写。。。

还有就是写句子的时候没注意到动词的形态，如第二段第三句。

以上仅代表个人意见，多多指教。

萌仔UID: 2722956

Telephone has greater influnce on people’s lives than TV  

Which do you think is greater influnce on people’s lives telephone or TV? When facing with the decision of telephone or TV,quite a few  words would claim that TV is more useful than telephone .But others in contrast ,deem telephone as the premier choice .When it comes to me ,I would like to say both of them are make great contrebution to our lives.There are a couple of reasons for me to choose that.

To begin with telephone plays an crucial role of communication among each person .It provides us an opportunity to communicate easily.What’s more, it compacts the large gap into a short distance. even though there is a pacific ocean lying between them.For example ,when I was five years old my parents have left me and went to America to work .You cannot image how a little child felt when she saw other children play with their parents .So I claim to may grandma why my parents left me .Until one day my grandma said to me in an amazing voice that somebody wanted me in the phone .When I picked up the phone and listen to it carefully, I heard the most relative voice in the world ,That was my mother. She said she miss me so much..It  seems everything around me became colorful .How exciting I am..So I think the telephone is an magial machine that serve as an excellent medium for those people cannot meet frequently.

In addition ,TV is as significant as telephone ,especially for old people.It allows old people feel less lonely and tedious.Accoding to the suvey conducted by peiking university ,the number of old people in china is increasing in a rapid rates.Without companying by their children ,they can spend their spare time by watching TV. Take my grandparents for example .When I ten years old my parents have came back ,so I went to NJ to live with them.But my grandparents did not come with me .They just stayed in our hometown,  they didnot have to take care of me anymore. So they have nothing to do everday.(There is no need to surprised about grandparents who have to raise grandchildren in their retired time .Becacuse it is the tradition of China.)The best way for them to spend time is watching TV which helps them forget lonely and unhappy things.

In a world telephone helps people communate easily and TV help us spend lonely time .Taking into account of all these factors ,we may reach the conclusion that both of them have great influnce on people’s lives.

SilviaZhoUID: 2236948

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them( |+ J- }$ Z/ N' [  a7 ?+ p; u( ~) n Different people present dissimilar perspectives when it comes to the problem whether parents should or not allow children to make their own choices or take the places of them to determine their future Personally I would like to say the advantage of allowing children to make their own choices carrys more weight than those of parents help children to determine their future.There are a couple of reasons for me to choose that ,and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here .
One of the primary causes is that children who make their own decision will become more independence in the future.And independence is the key factor of getting success.Although in the way of pursuing independence they might make some mistakes . They will gain experience(s) form this failure and also can learn how to cope with the problems they have encountered with .Their capacity will be promoted and if they meet the same difficults(difficulties) next time ,they will know how to figure out it and donot have to rely on their parents for help.Take my friend K as an example .when he was still in Junior school ,his parents send him to Tokyo to study japanese.Has been(Being) seperated by 4000000 meters from parents each choice he has made only by himself .He choiced(chose) which school could attended in and which apartment could live in.Through these wonderful lives, he becomes extremely indepedence(independent).he understands that long time reliance on parents will absolutely lead us lacking the ability to solve problems by ourselves 8 Z& c6 z1 X) m( w4 [" D
What is also worth noticing is that our parents are not always make the right choices .They also can make the mistakes .Because some times people making the choice  depend on their own experience or personal emotions.Sometimes this non-sense action may cause a serious consequence .parents and their children live in the different times ,Then the society changes day by day.Although my parent's solution and mind may suitable in his/her age.  but might not solve my problem in my period.then there is no need to follow the parents' oppinion.The immense gap between two generations is obvious and never ever been concealed(canceled).For Jane's instance.she dreams to choose software engineer as her life career(.) , Each day she practises computer programing skills as diligent as she can .But her parents reject her choice and hope she can become an accountant.They hold the point that accountant is suitable for girls.But Jane insist on her dreaming all the time finally she passes the CCIE test in an excenllent score.
In a word I will agree to the satement that children should make choices by themselves .Because it is significant for  them to embark their promicing future.
很多句式很漂亮的，但有些“the”可以省略，尤其在第三段，这样可以让语句读起来更顺畅。有些句子的断句再注意一些也会更好。
全文的论述思路不错，讲道理摆事实。但结尾的论述太过简单，再丰富点就可以避免虎头蛇尾的感觉。

fannie227UID: 2732547

改好了，改得不好请见谅

sourjuiceUID: 2869051

改好了

萌仔UID: 2722956

准备二战，再接再厉~