高频ISSUE207，第二次限时写作，望指正！

qiongpingUID: 2766031

TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 422
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-8-14 1:51:31
(改后：427)

I agree with the statement insofar as rituals and ceremonies are needed to retain the identity of any culture and group of people. Yet we should not lose the sight of the fact that rituals and ceremonies are not the only method to preserve cultural identity, nor is cultural identity the sole content of people's identities.

First, I admit that a major purpose of rituals and ceremonies is to preserve cultural identity. For instance, nearly all of the 55 national minorities in China are still clinging to respective ceremonies and corresponding costumes of their own, in order to resist the trend of nation assimilation in modern China. In the level of daily life, people also hold weddings to avow their marriage, hold funerals to lament the deceased, attend inaugurations and commencements to formally witness the beginning of a new stage. All the rituals and ceremonies mentioned above reflect certain heritage, customs and values of different cultures, hence providing groups of people an identity that they can call their own.

Nevertheless, rituals and ceremonies are not the only means to define and maintain a culture. The fundamental factors such as historical accumulation and people's experience in everyday lives offer material(就用单数) to their culture, which can be represented and generalized by rituals and ceremonies. What really diminish the sense of identity may be wars and social instabilities, and the change or loss of rituals and ceremonies is merely a sign of them. The Great Depression serves as a cogent example from the opposite side. It is the widespread poverty and chaos, which overturned people's peaceful lives, that boosted the doubt toward capitalistic culture. Despite government's effort to stress on social rituals and traditional festivals, people generally lost the idea of who they are, because the root in their cultural identity--the relatively orderly and peaceful life in capitalism--had been messed up by the social turmoil.

Finally, people build up their cultural identities in more than one way. People do not simply "receive" their cultural identities. In fact, cultural identity must be created by people for their own, by making significant choices that require courage, perseverance and loyalty in the face of challenges or even ordeals. Only through such progress, can cultural identity be truly cultivated in peoples value systems, which means the principles and the values they live by.

In conclusion, I agree that rituals and ceremonies(老是多一个r) serve as indispensable roles to retain cultural identity. While the importance of historical accumulation, social trends and people's creativity should not be underestimated in defining and maintaining cultural identity.

lyjordosUID: 2605332

/* 文法比较流畅，前半篇还较好，后半篇有些问题。批的话比较直白，请做好心理准备。这篇的确比较难。 */

I agree with the statement insofar as rituals and ceremonies are needed to retain the identity of any culture and group of people. Yet we should not lose the sight of the fact that rituals and ceremonies are not the only method to preserve cultural identity, nor is cultural identity the sole content of people's identities.

First, I admit that a major purpose of rituals and ceremonies is to preserve cultural identity. For instance, nearly all of the 55 national minorities in China are still clinging to respective ceremonies and corresponding costumes of their own /* 这个不是ritual和ceremony了~服饰可以说成是另外一个东西，然后展开在下一段写。北美范文有相应的这篇文章，可以借鉴一下~ */, in order to resist the trend of nation assimilation in modern China /* clinging to one's ceremonies 并不是为了“抵御民族同化”~，抵御民族同化是一种自然而然的结果，而不是一开始这些仪式明确的目的。这些传统仪式本身就是生活的一部分呀，我觉得最好说成"as a result ..." */. In the level of daily life, people also hold weddings to avow their marriage, hold funerals to lament the deceased, and attend inaugurations and commencements to formally witness the beginning /* commencement is not a beginning */ of a new stage. All the rituals and ceremonies mentioned above reflect certain heritage, customs and values of different cultures, /* 此处可以展开写，写不同的文化之间到底仪式有什么区别，仪式的这些区别到底怎么帮助"define"了。aw最忌讳“贴标签”了~ */
hence providing groups of people an identity that they can call their own.

Nevertheless, rituals and ceremonies are not the only means to define and maintain a culture. The fundamental factors such as historical accumulation
and people's experience in everyday lives offer material(就用单数) to their culture, which can be represented and generalized by rituals and ceremonies. /* 前面这句为什么说明了仪式的不唯一性呢。如果要真地想说明的话，就要指出历史积累到底积累出来了什么东西，这些东西如你所说的更多地被仪式所概括了。要举出证据。 */ What really diminish the sense of identity may be wars and social instabilities /* 最好加上一句because，否则后面直接说了change or loss就有点跳跃性思维了。这种思维是咱们中国人作文的思维，但不是aw思维。 */, and the change or loss of rituals and ceremonies is merely a sign of them. /* 到此就有点跑题了吧，这段说的是仪式在帮助人们define a culture时的不唯一性，但是目前为止的论述成了什么东西导致了identity的缺失 */ The Great Depression serves as a cogent example from the opposite side. /* 这里的opposite side指的是什么？“diminish”的opposite side还是“define”的opposite side? */ It is the widespread poverty and chaos, which overturned people's peaceful lives, that boosted the doubt toward capitalistic culture. Despite government's effort to stress on social rituals and traditional festivals, /* 不能捏造证据呀，哪一个政府一直在强调仪式、通过仪式来拉拢人心呢？要说出来呀。 */ people generally lost the idea of who they were, because the root in their cultural identity--the relatively orderly and peaceful life in capitalism--had been messed up by the social turmoil. /* 这句本身就有些牵强了，凭什么说人们就lost the idea了呢，仍然要举出证据。其次，这个和本段的Topic Sentence，ritual and ceremony的不唯一性，有什么关系呢？ */

Finally, people build up their cultural identities in more than one way. People do not simply "receive" their cultural identities. /* 这句和上句之间没有逻辑关系。不是简单地receive 和 不止一种方法 两者之间没有逻辑关系。 */ In fact, cultural identity must be created by people for their own /* for their own是啥意思…… of their own? */, by making significant choices that require courage, perseverance and loyalty in the face of challenges or even ordeals /* 这段整个到此也跑偏了，和第一段你提出的观点已经不怎么吻合，或者直接说，一点关系也没有了。 */. Only through such progress, can cultural identity be truly cultivated in peoples value systems, which means the principles and the values they live by.

In conclusion, I agree that rituals and ceremonies(老是多一个r) serve as indispensable /* 前面也没有证出来"indispensible"，即必要性啊 */ roles to retain cultural identity, while the importance of historical accumulation /* 此处在前面也没怎么展开 */, social trends /* 前面也没有点明“大萧条”什么的是social trend */ and people's creativity should not be underestimated in defining and maintaining cultural identities.

qiongpingUID: 2766031

I agree with the statement insofar as rituals and ceremonies are needed to retain the identity of any culture and group of people. Yet we should not lose the sight of the fact that rituals and ceremonies are not the only method to preserve cultural identity, nor is cultural identity the sole content of people's identities.
First, I admit that a major purpose of rituals and ceremonies is to preserve cultural identity. For instance, nearly all of the 55 national minorities in China are still clinging to respective ceremonies and, as a result, resist the trend of nation assimilation in modern China. In the level of daily life, people also hold weddings to avow their marriage, hold funerals to lament the deceased, and attend inaugurations and commencements to formally witness the beginnings and ends of a stage. Besides, in different cultures have respective forms of conducting the same rituals. In Chinese weddings, new couples drink wedlock wine in red costumes, while in traditions of many Western countries, new couple exchange wedding rings and make wedding vows in churches. With such differences, rituals and ceremonies achieve its function of defining a culture specifically, hence providing groups of people an identity that they can call their own.

Nevertheless, rituals and ceremonies are not the only means to define and maintain a culture. The fundamental factors such as historical accumulation and people's experience in everyday lives, substantiate to their culture, which can be represented and generalized by rituals and ceremonies. For example, the Chinese ritual that offers sacrifice to heaven and to the ancestors derives from the conviction that respectable spirits who subtly and powerfully influence mundane living exists in the deceased and heaven. The conviction was passed from generation to generation and finally evolves in to the ritual mentioned above. Thus, rather than the loss of rituals, what really diminish the sense of identity may be the loss of belief, which are usually caused by social instability. For instance, during the 1930s, American people generally lost the idea of who they were. A doubt against the validation of capitalistic culture pervaded the whole society and few could assure that they were still Americans as their past generations had been. It is the widespread poverty and chaos in the Great Depression messed up the root in people’s cultural identity--the relatively orderly and peaceful life in capitalism.

In conclusion, I agree that rituals and ceremonies serve as general roles to retain cultural identity, while the importance of historical accumulation and people's creativity should not be underestimated in defining and maintaining cultural identities.
版主君：根据你的指正，我把文章大改了一下，变成两段论证了。感觉整体的确比之前圆整严谨了，希望你能再看看。
还有这个大萧条危及美国人的文化认同的事例...其实我是参照了《光荣与梦想》这本美国史的内容。但是具体事例很难在一两句话里铺陈开，所以改成如上的样子了。这样会好些吧？
2# lyjordos