louisa427的作文，就把我当个球，猛拍吧

jjooyyUID：2704028

敬佩的递上第一份修改作业~

louisa427UID：2458920

不好意思 我要明天来改了 今晚赶火车。。
jjooyy 发表于 2010-8-19 21:48

谢谢啊，注意安全

serena-blueUID：2811284

不好意思啦,最近有点忙，呵呵，改的比较晚了，不过你写的很赞，学习了。。。

serena-blueUID：2811284

　　Sports teaches us lessons about life' I7 ~0 r: c! W4 |, K
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Well, to this statement I can’t be more agree with it. Sports, developing with the social progress, have （has,用单数，如sports is good for health)been the spirit of the world. Of course, its specific properties, such as persistence, never giving up when confront with difficulties and how to treat the relationship in reputation，money and daily life are （are 去掉）always give us vivid lessons about our modern life.& `" @/ o% |, h0 G
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When coming to persistence, someone would treat it with contempt and holds the idea that it’s not a big deal. Yes, maybe we all have something been doing day after day, such as housework, and so we take this kind of repeating such matter as persistence for grounded. However, we may ignore a key point that the athletes exercise most of a day with highly-concentrated and highly-tensed（with 后面加名词，不能直接加形容词）. They repeat this unbelievable process day after day and can not stop even they get the gold medal of Olympic Games. In our daily life, if we make our mind and concentrate in an important thing, I think we would be successful in the end.5 W3 U! o3 x- ~+ _

Also, I think in any Championship or any other kind of sports game, making mistakes is unavoidable. However, how to tackle with this problem seems to be crucial for their future performance. There are many instances about some athletes who had a fault in the competition or perform not that well as usual, they choose a negative way to handle these problems. Some of them quit the sportsdom, and the others would do worse than before. We must draw a lesson from those important aspects and put them into practice in our daily life. No matter what difficulties we will face and no matter how tough they may be, we could not lose our hearts and give up our dreams, we should adjust our attitude and continuously conclude the reason why we have made this mistake and how we avoid it in the future.
我觉得蓝色标记的那段话，和上一段的坚持不懈倒是一致的。

In addition, how the athletes deal with their reputation and money after they are famous has alerted us. Tiger Woods, has earned more headlines in newspapers about his dishonesty in his marriage and sexual scandals than his excellent golf skills and numerous prizes. What he has done challenged the social moral, and people seem change their solid mind about Tiger. I think it’s the so-called: .
这个论点我没有想到，很新颖

In conclusion, sports does a good teacher for our life, we must realize it, draw lessons from it and keep them in mind.
最后一段如果能总结一下前文，就更好了，有点短。

louisa427UID：2458920

19# serena-blue
谢谢修改，可是我不知道你说的蓝色的那段是哪段，因为看上去都是黑色的。。。。。。。

louisa427UID：2458920

8月20作文，独立
How can one form a habit? I think long-time repeating the same thing would result in a habit, as to the statement that advertising plays the most crucial role in establishing unhealthy eating habits, I can not completely agree with it.

I have to admit that, one of my unhealthy eating habits is not eat vegetable. I don’t know why, but just have no interested in them. Lettuce? No, kill me. Bacon? Yes, the more, the better! Maybe the most possibility is that most of my family are fond of meat, so my mom incline to cook more meat in order to gain more praise and satisfaction from us. Therefore, it is clear that the atmosphere you eat in, the members that eat with you have made some efforts in forming the eating habits, especially the bad ones.

Also, after I went to university, I like bring meals to dorm and enjoy them while watching TV or reading newspaper. I found that after a little while, meals got cold but I still focus on what I was doing, which elongated the time of eating. In addition, because of the college study, I can not eat in time. So, I think, the long eating time and lacking of punctual and regular meals are the key points directly lead to my unhealthy eating habits.

When coming to the advertisements, I hold the idea that most recently they are trying to establish the excellent image when customs purchase their products. There is highly possible that advertising would more or less change people’s attitude and being the reference when we are choosing the same products, but not that influential in controlling and changing people’s life, eating habitats include.

To sum up, just I mentioned in the beginning of the passage, habitats could be established by continually repeating the same thing. Therefore, the unhealthy eating habits would have more possibilities formed by the influence of our family and our attitudes to eating, rather than advertising.

louisa427UID：2458920

8月20，综合写作， 啊啊啊啊啊，要疯了，听力好差劲，都听不全啊！！！

In this set of material, the professor in the lecture has completely different views on the topic that made in the reading passage.

First of all, according to the professor, she believes that the polar region was warmer than it is today, and then the dinosaurs did not have to maintain their body temperature. This point of view casts doubt on the author’s view that dinosaurs are endotherms. Because they lived in cold area and they must have the system –endothermy-to keep them warm.

Also, contrary to the statement in the reading that the reason which dinosaur had two legs beneath their bodies is to ensure dinosaur’s body activities. For that the endothermy is used to support animal movements, and then the conclusion is that dinosaurs are endotherms. However, the professor believes that the legs placed in the sides of dinosaurs body because they offer the possibility for them to grow taller and to support their heavy weight. So, this point of view has little connection with endothermy.

In addition, the professor argues that though dinosaurs had the Haversian canals, the conclusion that the dinosaur is endotherm isn’t accurate. Since the Haversian canals in dinosaurs’ body that controls the velocity of their growing. And this idea does not support what reading indicates that the presence of Haversian canals is the evidence to prove dinosaur is medothem.

estopUID：2864494

In my memory, mygrandma always say that ‘ telephone is so magic that you can’t imagine such ametal box could make you collect anyone you want’. Well, I think I have noreason to deny because I have the same idea about telephone. As to thisstatement, though, TV has played an irreplaceable role in our daily life(lives), Istill hold the idea that the influence that telephone has brought us is muchgreater.

Thanks to Edison,his bulb has made us see our world more vivid and his telephone has made ushear the sounds of the world more clearly. To imagine, in the ancient days,letter is the only way to communicate with others. If a man in France send(s) aletter to her mom who is in the USA and tell(s) her he has got a new baby, theremay (be)highly possibility that his daughter would be one year old when his momreceives the letter. What about now? He should(could) only dial the number anddirectly tell his mom the good news, the whole process wouldn’t take more thanone minute.

As to the cellphone, if my grandma was alive, I believe she would go to faint when she knowsthere is a mini-type telephone which you can put it in your pocket, and what’smore, it has no wire at all! I have to admit that cell phone is the one of thebest high-tech products in our world, and the others, which are widely-recognized, are TV and computer. However, there is a trend that the live TVprograms, scanning web pages, playing games, GPS location and even composingmusic would be done in a small cell phone. Cell phone has made our life easierand more convenient than before

In addition, the emergenceof cell phone renders us a simple way when we have troubles, if you witness acar accident on the street, you may quickly call the police and ambulance and shootthe site with the built-in camera to the police for future evidence. Is thereany other product could accomplish them as a whole? What the TV could do justbroadcast the accident as a pieces of news.

In conclusion,telephone, whatever big or small, wireless or not, has been the mostinfluential product that has a profound effect in our daily life.最后应该用现在完成时么，用一般现在时如何？I have spent all of my money.(含义是:现在我没有钱花了.)


水平有限，仅供参考

serena-blueUID：2811284

同学，真的很抱歉，修改的晚了，剩下的会继续修改，so sorry.........

serena-blueUID：2811284

19# serena-blue  
谢谢修改，可是我不知道你说的蓝色的那段是哪段，因为看上去都是黑色的。。。。。。。
louisa427 发表于 2010-8-20 21:11

Some of them quit the sportsdom, and the others would do worse than before. We must draw a lesson from those important aspects and put them into practice in our daily life. No matter what difficulties we will face and no matter how tough they may be, we could not lose our hearts and give up our dreams,

是这段话

estopUID：2864494

8-19综合写作，直接说了，第二部分感觉是不是内容有点问题--还是我理解的不对。是因为有个Light clothes照亮face了，所以说还是realistic.第三部分，wood最初是一块，然后加上的，to enlarge.然后还有就是as same as the kind of the wood for his previous painting

楼主作文写得很棒，但是不知道是不是没检查，单词的时态，单复数，还有比如origin（al） picture，检查一下就更好了。------仅供参考

jjooyyUID：2704028

In this set of material, the professor in the lecture has completely different views on the topic that made in the reading passage.啊 模版之嫌 & ^( k, {; v( X2 R* A( K; ~! O
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First of all, according to the professor, she believes that the polar region was warmer than it is today, and then the dinosaurs did not have to maintain their body temperature. This point of view casts doubt on the author’s view that dinosaurs are endotherms. Because they lived in cold area and they must have the system –endothermy-to keep them warm.
还有个重要的点，migration and hibernation ETS出这种词 真BT，没有听出来
个Also, contrary to the statement in the reading that the reason which dinosaur had two legs beneath their bodies is to ensure dinosaur’s body activities. 我似乎说过，你这句话是不完整的，contrary to the statement 后面就么有主干了For that（4 what?） the endothermy is used to support animal movements, and then the conclusion is that dinosaurs are endotherms. However, the professor believes that the legs placed in the sides of dinosaurs body because they offer the possibility for them to grow taller（不太对） and to support their heavy weight. So, this point of view has little connection with endotherm.

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In addition, the professor argues that though dinosaurs had the Haversian canals, the conclusion that the dinosaur is endotherm isn’t accurate.赞这样的表达！ Since the Haversian canals in dinosaurs’ body that controls the velocity of their growing. 这里太单薄了，没重点And this idea does not support what reading indicates that the presence of Haversian canals is the evidence to prove dinosaur is medothem.

听力不好就要多练，比如多听听那个材料，你写作文的时候，可以多听几遍再写，支撑起内容来啊，还打算留着=什么时候再听？

anyway, 加油！7 }  u+

jjooyyUID：2704028

21# louisa427

How can one form a habit? I think long-time repeating the same thing would result in a habit, as to the statement that advertising plays the most crucial role in establishing unhealthy eating habits, I can not completely agree with it.4 k8 w2 v+ P, y: [" a" P* Q

I have to admit that, one of my unhealthy eating habits is not eating vegetable. I don’t know why, but just have no interested in them. Lettuce? No, kill me. Bacon? Yes, the more, the better!赞！ Maybe the most possibility is that most of my family are fond of meat, so my mom incline to cook more meat in order to gain more praise and satisfaction from us. Therefore, it is clear that the atmosphere you eat in, the members that eat with you have made some efforts in forming the eating habits, especially the bad ones.

$ a8 k
Also, after I went to university, I like bring meals to dorm and enjoy them while watching TV or reading newspaper. I found that after a little while, meals got cold but I still focused on what I was doing, which elongated the time of eating. In addition, because of the college study, I can not eat in time. So, I think, the long eating time and lacking of punctual and regular我觉得这个是现象，一种habit的表现，而不是原因，原因的话 应该是大学生活什么的的 meals are the key points directly lead to my unhealthy eating habits.


When coming to the advertisements, I hold the idea that most recently they are trying to establish the excellent image when customs purchase their products. There is highly possible that advertising would more or less change people’s attitude and being the reference when we are choosing the same products, but not that influential in controlling and changing people’s life, eating habitats included./ G& t2 l* [, \8 Q+ b

To sum up, just I mentioned in the beginning of the passage, habitats could be established by continually repeating the same thing. Therefore, the unhealthy eating habits would have more possibilities formed by the influence of our family and our attitudes to eating, rather than advertising.

建议作者交作业前在word里面改一下语法错误，不要浪费大家的时间。。。
全文流畅，以一种散文叙事的风格展开，读起来很自然，很好
需要注意一下部分逻辑 语法问题& ?) n/ h)

longxue26UID：2687755

9# louisa427


厉害!

louisa427UID：2458920

谢谢大家批改，我会注意的，听力还是要好好训练，实在太差了