louisa427的作文，就把我当个球，猛拍吧

stoptalkingUID: 2807919

对于批改有问题的话，可以到我的作文贴里留言，这样比较容易看到~

louisa427UID: 2458920

8月25，独立综合

stoptalkingUID: 2807919

tpo 7 的回复~

swolf54UID: 2421931

8月25，综合写作.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-8-26 19:48:58 上传

下载次数: 6

只有一些小问题

longxue26UID: 2687755

在改你的tpo8 但是没有网络 稍等哈

louisa427UID: 2458920

8月26

longxue26UID: 2687755

47# louisa427


综合改完了

serena-blueUID: 2811284

八月二十五号作文修改完毕

lanzhi_gjyUID: 2717147

改好了，请查收~

belinda_777UID: 2669901

改好了哦

estopUID: 2864494

8-26 综合 改

傲视天下UID: 2843577

跟大家学习

louisa427UID: 2458920

8月30， 独立，用时25分钟，现在要开始正式的卡时间了，不管写的怎么样，先写完再说，还有十天，加油

shadowranUID: 2864083

It is a heated issue that how one can be successful in his/her life. Some people believe that making sure those influential and potential people know about your strengths and accomplishment would be helpful, while others hold the idea that continually improve your different abilities and finally you will be successful（题目没有让你说这个意思，应围绕show the strengths来说）. As far as I’m concerned, I support the later idea.

There is an old saying goes like these（删）: all roads lead to Rome. Let me make a little revise, I would like say that: all roads lead to success. Of course, with(as) the keen competition in the modern world, it is very difficult for one to distinguish himself/herself, in another word, to be successful. Therefore, the more preconditions one gets, the more chances he/ she would be successful(would obtain). According to some sociologists’ research that the crucial aspects for one to attain success include the abilities of coopering with (cooperating with)others, keeping minds updated with latest information and consistent learning.没有些是不是要show the strengths，只写了如何能成功

I want to talk about one of these three points which I think is the most significant one(删). It is undeniable that the way you working(work) with others and dealing(deal) with the difference relationship among people(various relationships) plays（play） an important role in the process of（删） getting success. There is a famous merchant in China ever says that: good relationship with others would take（provide） you（尽量不用第二人称） unbelievable opportunities in the future. And the facts(既然有这个词和这句话了了我感觉应该有个例子在这句话前面或后面) have proved his word to be effective from many successful people.（这段感觉跑题了，没有写show the strenth to others）

As to（删） making the influential people know about your accomplishment would do little help for us. For the reason that relying on others to decide whether you will be successful or not is just a short-cut, it can（应该是cannot吧，这段应该是反对的点吧） guarantee the true success in your life.

To sum up, if you want to be successful, you must consistently improve your abilities rather than simply make famous ones know about your尽量不用第二人称 strengths and accomplishments. The great efforts you have made are the most practical ones for you to get accomplishments in your life.

全文的意思是人们不能光去show，还要update。但是题目问的是是否应该show，应该围绕着show来讨论。文中前两个主要段落只是讲了如何成功，没有扣住show the strenths，感觉审题方面有些失误。还有就是应该多给一些例子。语法上还是有一些chinglish，虽然我的语言也是很差，但是有些句子感觉还不是很地道。就先该这么多吧