Issue 51 写作练习第三篇

shcshc2010UID: 2876712

算上今天17号还有三天时间。今天白天还得帮院里去接爱尔兰央行行长，深度焦虑中。
恳请各位牛人指点！！！


"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."


The assertion claims that education needs to be designed to fulfil the specific needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective. To some extent, I agree with the general assertion that education should be designed to meet each student's specific needs and interests. However, this broad assertion is unnecessarily extended to an irreversible extreme that any education designed in other ways couldn't be truly effective. On balance, I think that while education should aim at each student's specific characteristic, multiple methods should be used to design education system. My agreement and contention with the assertion involve the fundamental and profound analysis as discussed below.

On the one hand, I have concede that this assertion, although suffers from some flaws, has some merits. The implicit rationale behind it accords with common sense and our experience in daily life. After all, children are different with each other, even brothers and sisters have different personalities, as a result, every student has his/her own preferred way of learning, and every student has different advantages and disadvantages. For example, some students understand better and learn faster while listening the teacher's lecture, while some other students learns better while reading the textbook. Besides, some students are good at logical thinking and not so good at language, while other are just the opposite. Hence we must design different mothods for different students and put different weights on different subjects for different students. That's why I agree that education needs to be designed to fulfil the specific needs and interests of each student in order to be truly effective.

On the other hand, I would like to point out that the assertion overstates the relative significance of specific designing and overlooks the constraints of the limited education resources. So far as I know, it is impossible for the existing education resources in current society to satisfy every student's specific needs and interests. If we try to design the education system to fulfil every student's specific need, the only result we will get is that some students will get extraordinarily high quality education, probably children from rich families, while children from poor families get no education. Such an education system is far away from an effective education system.

What's more, although students are different with each other, they do share some commen features, especially for very younkids who need to learn a lot of basic knowledge. In these situations, education designed to fulfil the common needs of students will be also effective, maybe even more effective that individual-aimed education systems when the cost is involved in consideration. So a truly effective education system should contain different parts, the common education part and the individual-aimed education part.

In sum, seldom can other issues be more complicated than the issue of how to design a truly effective education system. When we are designing an education system, we must consider both the benefit and the cost of the system. As far as I am concerned, I believe that while education should aim at each student's specific characteristic, multiple methods should be used to design education system, and the system should different parts for both common education and specific education.

nijiaqinUID: 2856025

呵呵，首先感谢你点评我的文章，我来旅行诺言回拍来了。
说说你的吧。三篇练习就能在限时的情况下达到这样的程度，我觉得真的是非常不容易了。我的意见当然只是一家之言，希望能帮到你。
关于你提到我使用provided that替代if的问题，我必须承认我自己看着这个短语都不是很适应，甚至有时候先用if引导完成整个句子再换成provided that，因为我希望文章中尽量少出现重复的词，虽然我的词汇量绝对算不上丰富，但是多次出现同一个单词是否会让考官觉得有些单调乏味呢？比如你的这句：
Hence we must design different mothods for different students and put different weights on different subjects for different students.
这个different是否太多了一点呢？也许可以考虑使用一些various/diversified之类的近义词。当然，用词首先要做到准确，在保证不误用的前提下尽量使文章看起来丰富一些应该是我们的追求。当然在文中套用题目中的关键词是有效避免跑题的方法之一，这也是我目前比较头疼的问题，而我觉得你的情况正好和我相反，如果大家能取长补短应该会比较理想。
鄙人水平有限，就先说这么多了，大家共同努力吧

shcshc2010UID: 2876712

2# nijiaqin

呵呵，确实是太多different了，我自己都没有注意到……谢谢你的意见~~

shcshc2010UID: 2876712

2# nijiaqin

我试着把这一句改成了“Hence we ought to adopt specific method for each student and put different weights on different subjects for each unique type of students."不知道是不是好一点~~