chenyyalex的烂作文本

evaeva0330UID: 2773544

chenyyalex(young).doc (18 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2010-9-22 00:00:13 上传

下载次数: 4

恩 改好了~

fangyu1210UID: 2897152

不好意思，这么晚才修改...
也请帮忙修改一下https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1155295&page=1&extra=#pid1774358237

卡束斯UID: 2836974

What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Nowadays, some people think that if they have any special characteristic, they will be easier to be successful. （转折有些突兀。Creativity和characteristic不存在对立）However, some people, like me, prefer choosing the creativity is the indispensable requirement to be successful in the world today, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

Why do I like to choose creativity?（As for why my answer is creativity.） (There goes)Bernard Shaw said ：“ The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them.”According to this sentence, Creativity is one of the most important reasons that we can use to become successes. For example, Mark Zuckerberg, he is the face book’s founder, when he studied in Harvard, one day, he thought that he could build up a website to make his classmates more convenience to gossip. In fact, this website became popular rapidly. Although there are abundant students could not see how creative Mark was from his appearance, he created the facebook, he just changed(make) his dream to (come)true. Consequently, (转折词语逻辑欠妥)although a lot of people have dreams, they have never tried to make it come true, of course they cannot success.（Those people who dreams a lot and never perform it would have little chance to success.）

The first example is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, (逻辑欠妥)that is if we （practice）our creativity, we can save more time than our competitors. An instance of accompanies that why can I use less time than others? Because when I was a child, played models was one of favorites to me. If I had pocket money, I would definitely buy models, such as transformers, spider man and iron man, at the same time, I would ask myself: the new one must slightly than before, so, I must create the new idea to conquest the later one. Playing models thought（tought） me how to design a way not only save time but also has the amazing creation. So, I can be easy to defeat my competitors. As a result, we can understand that a strong creativity can not only help people to have a special idea but also save more time than our competitors.

Of course, other skills have also some advantages, such as having intuitive. If someone has remarkable intuitive, he/she can understand competitors' ideas easily. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is, because my opinions can conquest all opposes: creativity to success as the catalyst to chemical, it can help people rapidly to find the successful way.

In conclusion, although some people still believe their mind: having some special characteristic can be easy to success. However, I still trust myself: The creativity is the most useful to conquest all the difficult.
全文结构上有些不明确 支持的论点较少

S酱UID: 2883188

改好啦·内详～～写了很多字哇＝ ＝

卡束斯UID: 2836974

你给我改的，我下载不下来诶，能不能再发一次？。。

ginacatUID: 2744381

What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.这货是题目，不是正文，对吧？

Nowadays, some people think that if they have any special characteristic, they will be easier to be successful. However, some people, like me, prefer choosing the creativity is（换成to be） the indispensable requirement to be successful in the world today, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint. 第2句话有两个谓语动词，是个病句，而且感觉把第二句中的，to be successful改成achieve success更给力一点

Why do I like to choose creativity? Bernard Shaw said ：“ The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them.”According to this sentence, Creativity （不用大写吧） is one of the most important reasons that we can use to become successes(应该接形容词successful). For example, Mark Zuckerberg, he is the face book’s founder, when he studied in Harvard, one day, he thought that he could build up a website to make his classmates more convenience to gossip.（同位语句型：Mark Zuckerberg, the face book’s founder, thought that he could build up a website to bring his classmates more convenience to gossip when he studied in Harvard one day.）
In fact, this website became popular rapidly. Although there are abundant students could not see how creative Mark was from his appearance, he created the facebook, and he just changed (made) his dream to true. Consequently, although a lot of people have dreams, they have never tried to make it come true, of course they cannot success.（这是一个与Mark的事例相比较的句子，连词不对）

The first example is only an illustration that（换成and） there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, that is (这个说法很中式)if we practice our creativity, we can save more time than our competitors. An instance of accompanies that why can I use less time than others? （不懂，明显的错误时后面那个不应该是个问句，所以也不应当是问句的语序）Because when I was a child, played（playing） models was one of favorites to me. If I had (any) pocket money, I would definitely buy models, such as transformers, spider man and iron man, at the same time, I would ask myself: the new one must (more) slightly than before, so, I must create the new idea to conquest（这是个名字，应该改为动conquer） the later (latter)one. (既是ask ,为什么不是问句)Playing models thought（taught） me how to design a way not only save （saving）time but also has(making/bringing) the amazing creation. (又是两个谓语动词)So, I can be easy to defeat my competitors. As a result, we can understand that a strong creativity can not only help people to have a special idea but also save more time than our competitors.

Of course, other skills have also some advantages, such as having intuitive. If someone has remarkable intuitive, he/she（he or she） can understand(s) competitors' ideas (more) easily. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is, because my opinions can conquest all opposes: creativity to success as the catalyst to chemical, it can help people rapidly to find the successful way.

In conclusion, although some people still believe their mind: having some special characteristic can be easy to success. However, I still trust myself: The creativity is the most useful to conquest all the difficult.

17308001UID: 2737541

投资问题 Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.《---这是题目！

Nowadays, some people think updating computer facilities as（is） （an） indispensable reason to improve people-oriented 好science and technology. Some people, like me, prefer choosing （to）spend money on more basic needs, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First of all, why governments should improve basic facilities? Because I think though governments spend（spending） money on developing computer technology can show the city's economy, they（which） should serve most of citizens. Improving basic facilities can serve a large part of citizens more conveniently than sophisticated technology. For example, in Guangzhou, there are a lot of public facilities in downtown. Although governments must use many properties to preserve them, governments still insist（insist to） . Because citizens need basic devices, such as basketball playgrounds, shopping malls, and swimming pools. Compared with updating basic device, there are less people who support the computer technology. As a result, we can understand that basic needs are always MORE useful than computer technology to citizens

The example above is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem, which is civilians are the base and vast. If governments want to become outstanding, they should be more concern（concerned with） civilians' wealth than rich men. Compared with upper level, basic needs are the best way to get advocates. For instance, Thomas Jefferson, the second president of United State, before he assumed, there were two types of parties represented different levels, one belonged to rich men; the other was workers and famers. Although Whig, the rich men's party can increase the countries economic rapidly, Jefferson wanted to choose Democrats, because he knew that civilians were the most important power, there were about 80 percentage（percent） citizens belonging to Democrats. So if this party wanted Jefferson as their presidential nominee, he could be easy to win. According to this example, we can understand that why governments should concern civilians? The main reason is they will be easy to have abundant advocates.

Of course, updating computer technology also has some advantages, such as it can show the city's sophisticated science. Today, one of standards of the cities accomplishment is how many science institutes are set up in this city. So, governments improving computer technology can be easy to absorb scientists. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is. At the same time, I think advancing basic needs is more useful than computer technology, because it will be agreed by most of citizens. 不充分

In conclusion, although some people still believe that improving computer technology can absorb foremost scientists, I trust myself that most of civilians prefer choosing basic needs.

文章论述不是很充分 我觉得不应该站在政府的角度说对提高政绩之类的 而要说确实一些基础设施 对人民更有利

grandyangUID: 2730087

我修改的结果给你发QQ邮件了，请你查收并对我的修改不妥的地方给我回邮件反馈一下，谢谢