minnielily作文贴——求高手指点

minnielilyUID: 2879008

今天比较闲，先上作文！！拜求高手指教！！

minnielilyUID: 2879008

求高手批改啊

minnielilyUID: 2879008

8.19独立作文

每天写还是有效果的，写了两篇后慢慢有点感觉了

minnielilyUID: 2879008

8.20独立作文

longxue26UID: 2687755

3# minnielily

改好了

bearseuUID: 2873933

貌似发不了附件。。。可能是等级问题吧，你的QQ多少？我发你邮箱里吧。

minnielilyUID: 2879008

6# bearseu

我的邮箱minnielily@foxmail.com
谢谢！！

minnielilyUID: 2879008

5# longxue26

thank you!

minnielilyUID: 2879008

8.31独立一篇

MELODYSKIINGUID: 2841950

楼主...求问怎么上传附件？我这等级是不是上传不了啊？
谢谢吖

MELODYSKIINGUID: 2841950

改完了……已发至邮箱

minnielilyUID: 2879008

积分到50就能上传了，再努力灌个水吧 10# MELODYSKIING

minnielilyUID: 2879008

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should pay more attention to health-care issues than environmental issues.

参考了部分意见修改了一些，请童鞋们继续批~

第一篇综合

猫小南UID: 2891865

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should pay more attention to health-care issues than environmental issues.
Nowadays, many governments pay more and more attention to health-care and environmental issues. Some people argue that authorities should pay more attention to health-care issues rather than environmental issues. But in my point of view, I demonstrate that government should pay more attention to environmental issues for several reasons.
First and foremost, environmental problem is no doubt （there’s no doubt 的句型是不是好点呢？）a global problem closely related to every living organism including humans and other living things. From air pollution to pollution of water resources, from soil erosion to food pollution, （再加个更好，构成排比）the world’s environmental problems have deteriorated gradually. Environmental experts point out that increasing pollution not only would（） cause serious problems such as global warming but also could （为什么用过去式？是虚拟么？第二段都是现在时态啊）threaten to end human life on our planet. Take the global warming for example, human activity（activities） and the decrease （decreasing）of forests lead to the increase  （increasing ，lead to 的to 是介词）of CO2 in the atmosphere, which contributes to the warmth of the earth. The world’s average temperature has increase 0.48 centigrade from 1981~1990 compared to（是with吧？） that was one century ago. The serious consequence of global warming is the melting of icecap in polar region which will cause the elevation of sea level and further destroy （加个in）the coastal cities.
Moreover, environmental problem also has adverse affects（affect是动词，应该用have effects on） on people’s health. According to a research conducted by Remains, an assistant professor at Emory University, indoor air pollution causes pulmonary diseases that kill an estimated 420 thousand people per year, outdoor air pollution accounts for another 470 thousand deaths in China. Besides, water contamination and sea pollution kill a considerable number of fish every year. People who eat these fish by mistake will also be infected with terrible disease. Thus, in view of the seriousness of environmental problem, effective measures should be taken before things get worse.(指出是什么样的方法~~~~老外肯定好奇，可是你这段却结束了)
Admittedly, health-care issues also should be taken into consideration, but compare to the grim situation of environmental problems, I still deem that governments should pay more attention on environmental issues.

优点：第二段和第三段编数据编得很真~很好~~~
缺点：你有没有发现，第二段~你前面的铺垫有点多？

shadowranUID: 2864083

9.1 独立 改