急啊！8/24号就要考了！大家帮忙看一篇argument吧！

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

玩到现在！作文只看了4天，argument拿到手根本没有印象之前有见过...所以超时了！模版什么的也顾不上了，大家帮忙看看，救我于水火吧！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT214 - In each city in the region of Treehaven, the majority of the money spent on government-run public school education comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the value they place on public education. For example, Parson City typically budgets twice as much money per year as Blue City does for its public schools-even though both cities have about the same number of residents. It seems clear, therefore, that Parson City residents care more about public school education than do Blue City residents.
WORDS: 499
TIME: 00:40:42
DATE: 2010-8-19 20:33:18

The arguer assumes that residents of Parson City pay more attention to public school education than people living in Blue City do as Parson City government offers more money than does Blue City on public school. This argument may seem persuasive at first glance, however, it is unfair to judge people's attitude just by examining how much they have planed to spend on it.

The arguer cites that the numbers of residents of the two cities are close so that indicates their governments should receive the same amount of taxes every year, on which the following deductions are based. However, this may not be the case. How much tax incomes a government can get every year depend on how much its residents can earn, which is related to much more complex conditions, such as their average education level, the welfare policies of the local government and so forth. Just same in quantity of people cannot infer that two cities have comparable incomes every year. Besides, owing to different social needs of these two cities, maybe there are pressing issues which are waiting for the BC government to solve and it is not the right time to fund its schools, which does not mean people there do not value public school education. Thus，it is irresponsible to draw a conclusion so hastily of the arguer.

Even if we assume that the two cities' governments have not met such problems and receive exactly same high taxes every year, not giving it to public schools may just mean that there is no need to do so. Perhaps the costs of maintaining a public school in Blue City are lower than in Parson City; or perhaps in fact there are fewer public schools in Blue City, which makes sense that they do not need high budgets. Without ruling out all these possibilities, it is way too early to connect this budget difference to citizens' attitudes at first place.

Besides, the arguer's whole argument also based on a fact that most of the money spent on public schools comes from taxes of each city government, and he suggests that is why smaller budgets can indicate the citizens’ ignorance of public education. However, the arguers ignores there may be some minor amount of funds which comes from individuals, and furthermore, maybe Blue City is an exception that most of its supporting for public schools comes from their residents directly. In that case, plans of government may make no sense, and on the contrary, smaller money investment decision may even suggests that no need of a government's interference, their citizens are already care enough to give assistance to these schools.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince me by giving out such a brittle analysis. To prop up his conclusion, he needs more potent evidences to show us a clear connection between citizens' attitudes and the supporting decision made by their government, some more background information of these two cities and maybe a research of people from both cities.

weaker13UID: 2884044

25号考试，什么都没准备...泪流满面等死中...

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

你怎么可以比我还狠啊！你不知道我有多后悔！！！！ 2# weaker13

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

果然没人理我...其实我只是想别人帮我看看够不够通顺就可以了的...

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

自己顶一下...握知道希望渺茫，但还是希望能有人帮我看一下....

Shuang777UID: 2850011

二段第一句so that 改成so as to.二段第二句真长...第三句好像是个病句...

费话先生UID: 2788924

TOPIC: ARGUMENT214 - In each city in the region of Treehaven, the majority of the money spent on government-run public school education comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the value they place on public education. For example, Parson City typically budgets twice as much money per year as Blue City does for its public schools-even though both cities have about the same number of residents. It seems clear, therefore, that Parson City residents care more about public school education than do Blue City residents.
WORDS: 499
TIME: 00:40:42
DATE: 2010-8-19 20:33:18

The arguer assumes that residents of Parson City pay more attention to public school education than people living in Blue City do as Parson City government offers more money than does Blue City on public school. This argument may seem persuasive at first glance, however, it is unfair to judge people's attitude just by examining how much they have planed to spend on it.

The arguer cites that the numbers of residents of the two cities are close so that indicates their governments should receive the same amount of taxes every year, on which the following deductions are based. However, this may not be the case. How much tax incomes a government can get every year depend on how much its residents can earn, which is related to much more complex conditions, such as their average education level, the welfare policies of the local government and so forth. Just same in quantity of people cannot infer that two cities have comparable incomes every year. Besides, owing to different social needs of these two cities, maybe there are pressing issues which are waiting for the BC government to solve and it is not the right time to fund its schools, which does not mean people there do not value public school education. Thus，it is irresponsible to draw a conclusion so hastily of the arguer.（这个小结很无效，没有关键词，也没有最后一击，像是一句纯模板的风格。。。不好，论证尚可）

Even if we assume that the two cities' governments have not met such problems and receive exactly same high taxes every year, not giving it to public schools may just mean that there is no need to do so. Perhaps the costs of maintaining a public school in Blue City are lower than in Parson City; or perhaps in fact there are fewer public schools in Blue City, which makes sense that they do not need high budgets. Without ruling out all these possibilities, it is way too early to connect this budget difference to citizens' attitudes at first place.（这段我懂楼主意思，但是驳斥跟结论联系还差了一步，只在最后说了一句将预算差异和公民态度联系起来不恰当。。。感觉很突兀，其实这段可以以结论为出发点，说the amount of money given to schools cannot reflect the citizens' attitudes, because the budget is in positive proportion with the expend of a school. it is highly possible that the cost of run a school in blue city are lower than in parson city because lower comsuming price index, lower salaries of the faculty or lower rate of tax and so forth. in that matter, it is reasonable that the budget in....is accordly lower than...since the schools in...do not need extra budget.）

Besides, the arguer's whole argument also based on a fact that most of the money spent on public schools comes from taxes of each city government, and he suggests that is why smaller budgets can indicate the citizens’ ignorance of public education. However, the arguers ignores there may be some minor amount of funds which comes from individuals, and furthermore, maybe Blue City is an exception that most of its supporting for public schools comes from their residents directly. In that case, plans of government may make no sense, and on the contrary, smaller money investment decision may even suggests that no need of a government's interference, their citizens are already care enough to give assistance to these schools.（最大的问题，展开不充分）

In sum, the arguer fails to convince me by giving out such a brittle analysis. To prop up his conclusion, he needs more potent evidences to show us a clear connection between citizens' attitudes and the supporting decision made by their government, some more background information of these two cities and maybe a research of people from both cities.

我先说哈，看到你要考了，不忍心让你对寄托失望，其实寄托很有爱的，只是大家刚刚考完，元气还未恢复。。。。我也是四天前刚考完的人之一，看到作文都想吐，我argument写了30多篇，已经严重审美疲劳了。。。。今天挣扎起来开始复习笔试，结果还是习惯性地点到了作文版。。。。有感情了啊。。。
     楼主这篇文章作为第一篇真的很不错。
    这篇题目的逻辑链是（我自认为的哈，可以参考下）：税收多少可以代表民众的关注度，唯一的理由是学校运作的大部分资金来源于税收。对我来说，这将是我驳斥得最狠的一条逻辑链，因为常识告诉我们，税收是强制的，不管你想不想你都要交，它的税收多少取决于税率，和民众的工资水平，无论是税率和工资水平都跟民众对教育的关注没有直接联系。其实，至于交上去后怎么花，是市议会的事，根本无法代表民众自己的意愿，所以预算多最多代表政府关注度大，不能代表民众关注度大。最后，预算多少和学校的开支成正比（就是楼主的body第二段）ps:翻译成英文就是我要写的第一段body了，因为它是premise，所以我会重点驳斥。
    第二段，让步承认，学校的预算愈多可以代表民意。但是税收总量多不代表每个学校收到的预算多。这个数据很模糊，既没有告诉有多少所学校，也没有告诉有多少个学生。。。唯一的证据是居民一样多。。有啥用? 比如说预算多的那个城市有100个学校，预算少那个只有10所，但是预算只少一半。。。哪个比较重视？很明显后者么。。其次，学校的学生人数也很重要。。。。。。
    不包括开头结尾，五个自然段，两个意群段。。。如果我来写的话。
    既然要考了，给楼主几个tips，都是小哀版主啊，追梦小木耳他们当初启迪我的：
   1、要充分展开，譬如楼主body第二段，只说很有可能两个地方的运营成本不一样啊，没错是可能，但是你要给理由为什么不一样，否则很难信服。譬如你说生病是请假的借口，你要论证，你看这个人很壮嘛，生病可能性很少，第二我今天才看见过这个人打篮球，不可能昨天就肠胃炎了吧，第三。。。。。
  2、 论证顺序上，先挑最重要的前提写，时刻问自己这个问题，这篇argument存在的根基在哪里？有什么证据么？证据合理么？
  3、论证时，为了兼顾深度和广度，小哀告诉我们，挑一个段写深度，挑一个段写广度（尽可能的他因），额呵呵，两者兼顾。
  4、时刻想着说服别人的终极目的，语言上要好懂，逻辑词要用，还有就是不要搞些莫名其妙的他因。
  5、保持自信，楼主你这篇真的可以上考场的，把一些不成熟的地方磨掉就好。开头结尾再老练些。

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

非常感谢你！你启发了我的思路！其实我没抱什么希望了....我issue和argument总共加起来看了不到一个礼拜...现在已经是属于接近放弃的状态.....真是高考都没有这么痛苦过.....我真的很佩服你们居然能忍下来....
我现在对自己的要求是能在规定时间内写完就好....看到你说我这篇还过得去握已经挺高兴的了...只保佑上考场别让我拿到一下子看了就闷掉的题目！
总之非常感谢！
7# 费话先生

yanyun1603UID: 2741629

高中语法都不记得了.....惭愧.....我写到那里着实犹豫了一下的说 6# Shuang777