issue190 （revised by gteryy）

treesUID：82785

这是第2篇，还是写的没感觉。哎
请XDJM多多指教，谢谢！谢谢~
114. "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate --and, perhaps, even cruel--when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

思路：支持when all use to support the arts, is inappropriate. 但也要精神物质共进。

What is the chief gist of a country to develop splendidly and a government not to be subverted? It might be the happiness lives of the public. When people face to lack of material to maintain the basic livelihood, they are always hard to create, share and pay more attention to the arts. So I espouse the viewpoint that it is improper to make all expenses on the arts and similar spiritual activities until people could sustain their subsistence, and at the same time part of encouraging on mettle is necessary.

The main reason why we should emphasize the substance rather than spirit is that human beings must exist depending on foods and other necessary objects. In other words, because human reliant on material and spirit created by human, material is the precondition of spirit. As we all know, the people in North-Africa fall into the morass that hunger became the first difficulty to them and disease as malaria, smallpox and cholera outbreak many a place. The sari, a garment of oriental countries that consist of several yards of lightweight cloth, is used to filter the water from river for the prevention of microorganism in Bangladesh instead of being a weaving art. From the example we should acknowledge that the money should be spent on solving essential problems of persons living in the destitute place. On the contrary, if it has used on the arts and all that, the public would oppose the government. Such as the L Fourteen, the monarch of France in fifteen century, when people fell into the severe predicament, he still only paid attention to building constructions and dabbling in the dance, eventually killed on guillotine. And there were some other emperors from different counties behaving like him and having the similar punishment in the history as well, accordingly to live affluently is the first necessity of people and only after that they have enough time to admire arts.（后一个例子可能比较牵强）

In addition, it is indispensable to make some investments on amusement to enhearten people. When human tolerate the poverty or disaster, spending on keeping the optimistic attitude is valuable. On the famous movie, Beautiful Life, earned the Oscar Prize, the farther used his whole life to make his family members enjoy themselves in the concentration camp, where is full of hunger and desperation even the threat of death. It is obvious that the health mentality gives people more courage to overcome various straits, so investing some money on keeping the spirit is worthy such as making sculptures, encouraging painting and building some museums.

To sum up, investing both on fundamental material and arts would promote our world much more beauteous and to the area where still have some serious social problems the local government should allocate the major funds on the pedestal of economy principally.

问题1：写的时候对题目的扩展可以扩到什么地步呢，有朋友说这个题目可以完全转成物质和精神的关系来写，觉得过于牵强，因为还有MONEY，还有ARTS毕竟和精神不同。

问题2：关于例子。看很多例文里都举实例，如果不用实例而用一些其他方法阐述是不是不如用实例的证明力度强，如果实在是想不出什么例子来，实例最少也要占到大概多少呢？

gteryyUID：114434

114. "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate --and, perhaps, even cruel--when one considers all the potential uses of such money."

思路：支持when all use to support the arts, is inappropriate. 但也要精神物质共进。

What is the chief gist of 可能改成for好点a country to develop splendidlyprosperously好点 and a government not to be subverted这样说感觉有点唐突，一个政府好好的当然不会被颠覆，你找个合适的词或短语修饰一下吧? It might be the happiness词性不对了吧 lives of the public. When people face to face sth. 就可以了，不要to。按你那样说意思就成了“面对着去减少。。。”lack of material to maintain the basic livelihood, they are always hard to create, share and pay more attention to the arts. So I espouse the viewpoint that it is improper to make all expenses on the arts and similar spiritual activities until people could sustain their subsistence, and at the same time part of encouraging on mettleencouraging on mettle我不明白 is necessary.
第一段吧，就是提出观点就好了，不要做什么论述。一来这样的论述不便展开；二来后面再论述相同的观点就有重复的嫌疑。还是利索的提出自己的观点，然后就开始第二段。我原来看过angei贴的写作文的方法，好象说第一段3、4句话就可以了

The main reason why we should emphasize the substance rather than spirit is that human beings must exist depending on foods and other necessary objects. In other words, because human reliantc词性不对rely on或者前面改成because of，human后面还要加‘s on material and spirit created by human, material is the precondition of spirit. As we all know, the people in North-Africa fall into the morass that这个连词是啥意思呢？ hunger became the first difficulty注意词性 to them and disease要加S as malaria, smallpox and cholera outbreak many amany a啥用法？ place. The sari, a garmenta garment是一件衣服的意思，a kind of吧？ of oriental countries that consist of several yards of lightweight cloth, is used to filter the water from river for the prevention of microorganism in Bangladesh instead of being a weaving art. 一？这句为什么不再接下去提醒一下这正是因为物质的需要大过了精神需要嘛From the exampleS we should acknowledge that the money should be spent on solving essential problems of persons living in the destitute place感觉改成condition要好点. On the contrary, if it has used on the arts and all that, the public would oppose the government这句也可以再加长，为什么反对呢？因为威胁到了他们的生存呀. Such as the L Fourteen, the monarch of France in fifteen century, when people fell into the severe predicament, he still only paid attention to building constructions and dabbling in the dance, eventually killed on guillotine. And there were some other emperors from different counties behaving like him and having the similar punishment in the history as well, accordinglyly不要 to live affluently is the first necessity of people and only after that they have enough time to admire arts.（后一个例子可能比较牵强） 这个例子不算牵强，如果你强调一下这些东西后来都被作为艺术品珍藏。我记得前些天看电视还介绍了一个普鲁士国王送给俄国沙皇的一个琥珀宫什么的，很奢侈的
这段我认为还是不错的。不过呢，可以再深入一下探讨人本质的需要是什么

In addition, it is indispensable to make some investments on amusement amusement和arts可是绝对有区别的哦to enhearten people. When human tolerate the poverty or disaster, spending你是不是想用depending啊？ on keeping the optimistic attitude is valuable. On the famous movie, Beautiful Life, earned the Oscar Prize, the farther used his whole life to make his family members enjoy themselves in the concentration camp, where is full of hunger and desperation even facingthe threat of death. It is obvious that the health mentality gives people more courage to overcome various straits, so investing some money on keeping the spirit is worthy such as making sculptures, encouraging painting and building some museums.
这段是让步吗？如果是一段论述的话就欠缺了点。并且，这段和前面那段融合的不好。没有突出重点。

To sum up, investing both on fundamental material and arts would promote our world much more beauteous and to the area where still have some serious social problems the local government should allocate the major funds on the pedestal of economy principally.
结尾有点简单、草率。

问题1：写的时候对题目的扩展可以扩到什么地步呢，有朋友说这个题目可以完全转成物质和精神的关系来写，觉得过于牵强，因为还有MONEY，还有ARTS毕竟和精神不同。

[B]我能想到的就是物质和精神啦，ARTS就是对人的鼓舞吧。虽说ARTS和精神不同，但是在食不裹腹的年代，谁还能考虑ARTS其他的意义呢？[/B]

问题2：关于例子。看很多例文里都举实例，如果不用实例而用一些其他方法阐述是不是不如用实例的证明力度强，如果实在是想不出什么例子来，实例最少也要占到大概多少呢？

[B]个人认为啊，实例一段里面一个足矣。当然实例的说服力强些。但是如果你能把道理说清楚，也可以自己举例说明。还有呢，实在不行嘛，生活中的例子可以“无中生有”嘛。你就说我一同学怎么怎么着。。。[/B]


语法错误呢还是要自己改，反复回头读你写过的句子，就可以发现毛病了。这个题目我觉得倒是可能考的，因为和三月的题目那个ideal VS practical的有点雷同。可以好好按照自己的观点深入分析一下吧。如果是我写，我是反对的，呵呵。

tomatoeggsUID：82073

真得谢谢gteryy，评得太好啦！

treesUID：82785

谢谢！谢谢！感激涕零啦~修改中~
从2篇作文看来开头研究的不成功，再去练习一下开头。结尾还没开始研究，这2天读读例文再来修改。记得上东方G班时说结尾不重要，好象也不是，我一些结尾就容易写的跟前边观点不太一样，就是所谓的升华升歪了，尤其是跟第1段观点不太一样，就不太敢写了。一般结尾是不是还要升一下的？ 谢谢：）