argument.207 求猛拍！！

hoshiyukiUID: 2806032

再过10多天就考了，这才开始复习AW。
写之前看过一些模板，也用了一些。
大概一共写了40多分钟，具体时间没看，因为是第一篇，不抱太大希望……。Words：408。
这是我写的第一篇argument，加上英语荒废多年，恐怕错误百出，求各位猛拍，不甚感激 。


207. It is known that in recent years, industrial pollution has caused the Earth's ozone layer to thin,allowing an increase in the amount of ultraviolet radiation that reaches the Earth's surface. At the same time, scientists have discovered, the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs in mountain lakes has declined. Since ultraviolet radiation is known to be damaging to delicate tissues and since salamander eggs have no protective shells, it must be the case that the increase in ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs and prevented them from hatching. This process will no doubt cause population declines in other species just as it has in the salamander species.

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The arguer's reasoning in this argument, linking  the increasing in the amount of ultravilolet radiation with the animal's population declining, seems reasonable on the surface. The arguer gives us a instance to proof that his or her point of view is right that population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs, which have no protective shells to stop the damage to them, in mountain lakes has declined. Nevertheless, it may not be ture after further scrutiny.


First of all, In spit of the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs in mountain lakes has declined, we have no evidence suggesting that this phenomenon is caused by the ultraviolet radiation. Many factors, for instance, ills, new predators, the lacking of food, weather changing, temperature declining, can also make the population of a species decrease, and we do not have any data of the enviroment in which the salamanders live.

Secondly, perhaps ultraviolet radiation is known to be damaging to delicate tissues and the salamander eggs have no protective shells, the fact that eggs can be damaged stii cannot support the claim that ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs nor that prevented them from hatching. We know the species of salamander lay the eggs in the lakes in which the water can absorb an unknown proportion of sunshine, and we don't know if the ultraviolet radiation can still damage the delicate tissues after being sbsorbed, so we cannot say the ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs.  On the other hand, we cannot find an experiment shows ultraviolet radiation would prevent the eggs from hatching.

Finally, Even asuming all the points of view of the auguer, that the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs -- which have no protective shells to stop the damage to them -- in mountain lakes has declined, is right, it is nevertheless impossible to assess the auther's broader contention that this process will cause population declines in other sepecies. Every different species have their own protection skills to stop the enviroment or other species from damaging their babies, we cannot say that one enviromental factor will hurts other species when it hurts one species.
In sum, this argument is unconvincing as it stands. The author would have to present more evidences or data to prove the viewpoint, that the increasing in the amount of ultravilolet radiation will cause the population of species declining, is right.

DemoUID: 2331967

在职考试吗? 加油
写的不错 点都找到了 语言表达很顺
小问题: 第一点和第二点之间应该有点退步的关系 "即使和UV有关 也没有证据说是直接损害蛋蛋 举例可能是减少了食物或改变了水的pH etc"
注意拼写 illness(instead of ills?) evidence是不可数 pieces/lines of evidence..

hoshiyukiUID: 2806032

2# Demo


太感谢啦！
我写完之后也觉得第一点和第二点的顺序有点不对，不太多去想，感谢斑竹帮我提出来。
thank you very much！