我的作文贴，求指正——独立写作小组9月

niunianUID：2864048

论证不充实的感觉，例子少了，而且没有展开，感觉停在表面

newyork2010UID：2548406

OK 9.8

makeithappenUID：2585223

  恩啊 这个可以帮助你判断哪些改写 哪些不该写。。
主要是同意 或者反对要听清楚
然后每个分观点听清楚
之后细节 听到什么就写什么吧。。。

belinda_777UID：2669901

33# makeithappen

谢谢您的关心和意见哦 我会奋发向上的！！！！！！！　好好努力
ｔｈａｎｋｓ

belinda_777UID：2669901

There is a statement that one could learn more about the life while playing sports.
From my viewpoint, I totally agree with idea for the following three conspicuous reasons.

To begin with, it is common knowledge that playing sports is one of the most effective ways to benefit one's physical quality.
People could consume their energies to avoid the extra calories from their diets as people always have too much fat, and sugar nowadays.
What's more, people could also get rid of the deteriorate elements in their bodies when they are having sports and sweating which is also a significant factor for the health.
Not only someone in the older generation like my grandparents, but also people at different ages such as the groups of office ladies and men enjoy the sports time according to their collective pursuit of better physical health.
Hence, sports play a critical factor in building one's body.

Secondly, exercises could contribute directly to the pleasure mood.
As the society continues along the road of economical development, people has become busier and got more pressure from their daily life and work.
During their working time, they might have fewer chances to relax themselves and should be highly concentrated on their jobs in order to be competitive and get a favorable position in the job market.
However, they are ordinary people, and they need something to help them release the onerous burden.
What is it? One should not go far to see the obvious answer.
It is sports.
Take myself as an example, I might feel relax and confident when I am running, jumping, and shouting on the basketball playground.
It could take up my whole time which might be used to worry about the tomorrow's work and the complex interpersonal condition in the office.
Therefore, sports could also do good to one's mental health and tell them to relax themselves at the proper time when it is needed.

Finally, sports could also remind you the importance of teamwork.
One
could develop his ability of corporate with his team members and learn to communicate with others during the games.　Many sports games require the sense of corporation such as football, volleyball. Players in the game should work together to obtain the final goals.
Sometimes they strive to provide opportunities for others to shoot the goals, or they do the trifle and basic jobs for the final success without being noticed.
The spirits of corporation in the game could, to some degrees, help one handle the difficulties and get through the sticky situations. On the other hand, it is also a good way to start true friendship with the players and get closers with one's friend.

In a nutshell, playing sports could result in an increasing awareness of many important lessons in the life.

belinda_777UID：2669901

不知道怎么搞的　传的格式这么奇怪　给我改的同学还是看附件八～　不好意思哦

luolnUID：2689004

独立写作修改好了

综合 我也和你一组来着，怎么没看到你的作文呢？

belinda_777UID：2669901

综合 不好意思交晚了作业哦

belinda_777UID：2669901

９．１５　独立作文　
觉得自己作文没提高呢　

瓶颈啊　

17308001UID：2737541

例子很多 但你要说明一点 他们比提高老师的salary更重要 重新组织下语言 包括 反问 倒装 强调等

内容很充实 但论证 不充分 注意语言质量的提高

belinda_777UID：2669901

TPO11 INTEGRATED WRITING

The reading passage proposes three possible results of reading less literature, whereas the lecture points out the inaccuracies in each of the explanations.

Firstly, the lecture challenges the statement in the passage that only literature works stimulate one's intellectual and creation, citing the evidence of history book, science introduction, and political analysis.  She explains that these kinds of books could contribute to the development of peoples' thought and opinions as well.  Consequently, what the passage indicates turns to be less reliable and unwarranted.

The second theory that less reading on literature would result in a lower level in culture is refuted by the professor.  She suggests that there is an increasing tendency of less reading time in all kinds of books.  Yet more and more patterns of culture emerged to peoples' life, such as music and movie besides the traditional novel, poems and plays.  And it is true that people are more likely to lead their life with the new forms of culture.  Nobody could definite the new culture style in a low lever.  

Finally, the passage blames that it is difficult for writers to gain support and investment nowadays due to the absence of readers.  The professor, however, suggests that the author should take the responsibility of the phenomenon.  Modern literature is more and more difficult and opaque, which could not be well understood by the readers, would obviously lose a group of audiences as a result.  Undoubtedly, publishers and merchants are not interested in books that are not attractive and popular.