Fatalerror的作文本

chikako.kUID：2853696

13# Fatalerror
水平有限，如有不当，请谅解～

FatalerrorUID：2798581

8月31日交
09.05.30NA  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Math, science, history and language are the pragmatic skills for children to recognize the world. Meanwhile, art and music are also the indispensible part of the knowledge mix for children’s future development. Thus, I fundamentally agree the statement that we should get the children at the early age involved in the art and music class in addition to the pragmatic courses.

First of all, art and music are good supplements to the math, science, history, and language and thereby enhance the diversity of the knowledge mix. As the famous British philosopher Francis Bacon remarked, “The mathematics makes the men subtle; history wise.” that indicates the significance of acquiring the math and history knowledge. Similarly, science, the knowledge covering general truths or the operation of general laws, and language, a system of signs and symbols and rules for using them that is to carry information, are the basic knowledge for people to live in the modern society. Aside from these critical knowledge areas, there are many other subjects, such as art and music, presenting the beauty of the diversified world. Art and music use the skill and imagination in the production of things of beauty. What’s more interesting, the imagination originated from the art acts an important role in discovering the scientific world. Many of today’s innovative products and technologies, such as the space shuttle and telecommunication technique, are derived from the science fiction. Thereupon, to integrate the art and music study with the study of other courses is a wise choice for children’s development.

Secondly, comparing to other courses, art and music are relatively fun that consequently would relieve the stress, balance the workload, and more importantly, enhance the productivity. The proverb “all work and no play make Jack a dull boy” reveals that a balanced study program would lead a positive impact to the outcome especially for the younger school children who are full of curiosity. Although, with the advent of the computer and multi-media technology, more and more fun are brought to math and many other classes by the introduction of computerization, the fascination of the art cannot be replaced. No matter how computerized a class is, the children may not have the opportunity to express their unbounded imagination by drawing or singing in a math class.

Notwithstanding, it is a little extreme to say that the children should be required to learn art and music, considering about the younger age of the children, they may not have the independent self awareness of identifying the proper courses for their future development. In this case, a well designed education program is good for children to discover and develop themselves.

In a final analysis, a study program with the art and music well integrated to the other courses such as math, science, history and language is recommendable for the early age education. In such a program, the children will not only have fun, but also learn more for their future development.

naqi2010UID：2878960

作业改完了 发到楼主QQ邮箱里了 我不知道怎么添加附件！

wttyuseUID：2755832

感觉你的作文而很不错啊，基础真好。有用什么辅助书籍或者常浏览的网页吗？你是怎么收集作文素材的呢？；

FatalerrorUID：2798581

9月2日交
09.06.12NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

“Part-time job” is a popular word among the undergraduates. Students may get opportunities to apply their knowledge to the practical world, and also receive reasonable income to finance their university study. Aside the obvious benefits, some critical concerns, such as schedule conflict and physical fitness, also need to be taken into consideration. In my opinion, a well-designed part-time job program is a good supplementary to the university study.

First of all, part-time jobs, which are close relative to the students’ major, provide excellent opportunity for students to apply their newly acquired knowledge and practice their recently learnt skills, and hence, consolidate the theories through the practices. A computer science student taking a part-time job as a cell phone programmer may help her associate the abstract programming theories to the tangible cell phone applications; a marketing student taking part-time job as a market researcher may bring her the first hand information for her study; a mass media student taking a part-time job as a journalist may give her the direct impression of public interest. On the other hand, part-time jobs are associated with the income more or less. Practicing skills with reasonable income to finance the study is really a wise choice.

Secondly, part-time jobs could provide a great extent of diversity which universities may not offer. Various kinds of roles in the integrated society are open to the students to take plunge. One can join an NGO project teaching the children in the area where the education is undeveloped; or can be a volunteer serving as a translator for the Olympic Game. All these experiences would be great assets to students’ future development.


Admittedly, the benefits of the part-time job are attractive. Some constrain and shortcomings should be concerned cautiously. Some part-time job event may conflict with the study affair, especially at the end of the semester. Many students may encounter such a situation that they feel overloaded and have several physical fitness problems; they don’t have any ideas to balance their job and study except quitting either the job or some courses.

In conclusion, part-time job brings many benefits to university study. Meanwhile, its shortcomings threat the student’s school work and health. If a well-designed program takes the advantages and controls the risks, it should be undoubtedly encouraged.

FatalerrorUID：2798581

18# naqi2010
Thank you naqi! :)
I will check it out by qq mail.
The reason you cannot attach the word doc is that the group you are in doesn't have the right to upload the attachment. You may need some more credits to get promoted. I think it is 50 credits.

FatalerrorUID：2798581

感觉你的作文而很不错啊，基础真好。有用什么辅助书籍或者常浏览的网页吗？你是怎么收集作文素材的呢？；
wttyuse 发表于 2010-9-2 20:19

Thanks for your encouragement!
I'm a new comer to the iBT world and the GTER family. As you can see, my today's essay is the fifth one. I still cannot finish an essay in 30min. All the prvious essays are the second or third revisions.
I think I may not provide any special tips. Google is my only source. Oh, by the way, the Merriam-Webster dictionay is also a good reference.
Hope it helps.

Ivan1989UID：2602144

08.31 Review Comments by Ivan1989

FatalerrorUID：2798581

23# Ivan1989
Thanks a lot for commenting my eassay in the early morning!


1. 我觉得这个原因有些牵强，没有解释到为什么是younger school children要学art and music
Good point! You are right. This point is too general to support the main idea effectively. My brief idea on writting this paragraph is to define the terms and distinguish the art and music from the rest of subjects. Consequently, draw the conclusion that the art and music are indispensible to children's knowledge mix. Indeed, as you commented out, the point associating the art and music with children's development should be further developed.



2. 应是is吧
I am sorry for writing this awkward sentence. To simplify, the core is "science and language are the basic knowledge ...". I put two appositive clauses right after each noun respectively. This really makes this sentence wordy and clumsy. I need to take the rewording to make the sentence much more concise.


3. 写得很不错，唯一不足就是 music没有展开
I don't have any ideas on differentiate music from art. In this case, I simply combine them as a whole. I may need to think about an example with regard to music.


4. 介词应是on
Nice catch! It should be "impact on". What's worse, I incorrectly introduced the verb "lead". This is also the reason why preposition "to" is presented in between of "impact" and "outcome".


5. 我不太清楚为什么要引入电脑和多媒体来展开，这样并没有很强的说服力，我觉得应该多说说art and music怎样使学生减缓压力、平衡工作量
Good idea! I might feel too tired to develop this point. I am always end with a poor finish. I need to concentrate throughout writting.

FatalerrorUID：2798581

作业改完了 发到楼主QQ邮箱里了 我不知道怎么添加附件！
naqi2010 发表于 2010-9-2 19:33

Thanks a lot for your review comments and encouragement!

1. 句子长度过长，有些表意不清,for using them 这里有些指代不清
Good catch! This sentence is really clumsy. I will remove the attributive clauses for science and language.

2. 加are
The "presenting" should be replaced by "present" and "there are" should be removed.


3. 词性不对
The "advent" is a noun which is a proper object of the preposition "with". "with the advent of" a common phrase.

4. 词性不对
"are" should be replaced by "is" to meet the agreement with the singular subject "fun". By the way, fun is a uncountable noun.

5. 应去掉the
Yes, it should be eliminated. You have a really keen eye.

llacatUID：2628715

9月2日交
09.06.12NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

“Part-time job” is a popular word among the undergraduates. Students may get opportunities to apply their knowledge to the practical world, and also receive reasonable income to finance their university study. Aside(这个词用的很好) the obvious benefits, some critical concerns, such as schedule conflict and physical fitness, also need to be taken into consideration. In my opinion, a well-designed part-time job program is a good supplementary to the university study.

First of all, part-time jobs, which are close relative to the students’ major, provide excellent opportunity (opportunities) for students to apply their newly acquired knowledge and practice their recently learnt skills, and hence, consolidate the theories through(into?) the practices. A computer science student taking a part-time job as a cell phone programmer may help her associate the abstract programming theories to the tangible cell phone applications; a marketing student taking part-time job as a market researcher may bring her the first hand information for her study; a mass media student taking a part-time job as a journalist may give her the direct impression of public interest.(三段排比句写的真好！) On the other hand, part-time jobs are associated with the income more or less. Practicing skills with reasonable income to finance the study is really a wise choice.

Secondly, part-time jobs could provide a great extent of diversity which universities may not offer. Various kinds of roles in the integrated society are open to the students to take plunge. One can join an NGO project teaching the children in the area where the education is undeveloped; or can be a volunteer serving as a translator for the Olympic Game. All these experiences would be great assets to students’ future development.  

Admittedly, the benefits of the part-time job are attractive. Some constrain（这个词好，学习了！） and shortcomings should be concerned cautiously. Some part-time job event may conflict with the study affair, especially at the end of the semester. Many students may encounter such a situation that they feel overloaded and have several physical fitness problems; they don’t have any ideas to balance their job and study except quitting either the job or some courses.

In conclusion, part-time job brings many benefits to university study. Meanwhile, its shortcomings threat the student’s school work and health. If a well-designed program takes the advantages and controls the risks, it should be undoubtedly encouraged. （总结的很到位）

语言方面写的很好，我觉得至少有28分，都看不出有什么缺点了。内容方面，我觉得第一个和第二个分论点方面有一点重复，都是说benefits of part-time job和举例,如果能再写的更深层一点，挖掘一些除了examples之外的方法来论证，那就非常完美了，肯定是30分了！我的水平有限，说的不对的地方LZ使劲拍~

llacatUID：2628715

不好意思 昨天有事没来得及改 交晚了

bbliangUID：2604466

20# Fatalerror

wangxin880107UID：2865822

麻烦楼主可以写一片08.12.05的独立作文么？
题目是
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.
谢谢啊。。。

qlqznbUID：2775512

楼主，麻烦你帮我改改明显的语法错误吧，希望不要花费你太多时间啊，多谢啦~~23号考托福，没人批改，也不知道自己的水平如何。有空希望你能帮我指出明显的错误~~多谢多谢:handshake


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
It was easier to succeed in the past than it is today.

To succeed is the dream of most people. When reading the history, you will find there are many famous people who succeeded in some area. Some people think that it is easier to succeed in the past than it is today, because it was less competitive in the past than today. However, others insisted that to succeed is never an easy thing no matter it is past or today and that is also my point. There are several obvious reasons.

First, people also need to do a lot of work in the past just as today. Tomas Edison, a famous inventor, had done thousands times experiments before he invented one invention. Today, we also need to do a lot of experiments in laboratory and analyze the data carefully. It was even more difficult in the past to be successful, because there weren’t computers and software to help collecting or analyzing data. If a man in the past wanted to be a famous scientist, he should write and calculate the data by himself without any help from modern technologies.

In addition, today we can search abundant of information and do renovations based on the previous result, which is easier than in the past. For example, we can surf the internet to collect information on wastewater treatment methods from abroad. Then we can apply them to treat the wastewater in our country. If we do more research on these methods, we will surely find a developed way to treat another kind of wastewater, which allow us to be experts in this territory.

Furthermore, today we can get more professional help from our teacher and friend than in the past. Today, more and more people get high education, which helps us more creative and innovative than people in the past. As the old saying said, three heads are better than one, let alone three heads which have already full of professional knowledge.

If all the factors are considered, we can know that there aren’t any evidence to support the statement that it is easier to succeed in the past than it is today. To succeed, to some extend , is easier today than in the past.