剑桥雅思，TASK2作文，求指点！ 谢谢~~

suncitccUID: 2767811

剑桥雅思5，TEST 1，TASK 2:



University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


I agree that male and female have equalright to accept by any university subject, the number of male and female participatorsshould not be limited by universities under normal circumstance. Theparticipators of any university subject should according to their personal interestand ability, so request a requirement of equal male and female participators inany university subject that neglect the willing for male and female universitystudents is impropriate.



According to some researches, male andfemale has different talents in various areas. For example, the gum shuttingmatch and coking program, most of males will more interest in gum shuttingmatch than females, most of females will more interest in coking program thanmales as well.
Requiring of the equalnumber of male and female in every university subject is less appropriate thanthat of willing and interesting from the participators.


Some particular university subjects,however, should require the equal number of male and female participators. Forexample, the university debate competition, which requires both male and femaledebaters in each group, should require the equal number of male and female. Inorder to guarantee the fairness and justifiableness in the subject, the requirementof equal male and female participators is necessary.


All in all, both male and female have theequal right to select any university subject without any obstacle. Universityshould more focus in developing the ability and personal interesting of thestudents. Some specialized roles can be adopted to particular universitysubject, but not all of them.

suncitccUID: 2767811

大家帮忙看一下，写作不好，希望能得到指点！！

suncitccUID: 2767811

鼎

chinese_idiotUID: 2854284

语言问题一大堆 自己先放到WORD里去改吧
逻辑也有问题 比较混乱
不过你还是先去想办法提高你对句子的驾驭能力吧

suncitccUID: 2767811

语言问题一大堆 自己先放到WORD里去改吧
逻辑也有问题 比较混乱
不过你还是先去想办法提高你对句子的驾驭能力吧
chinese_idiot 发表于 2010-8-26 20:50

能不能给做些修改，谢谢指教！

bqianaUID: 193168

呵呵还不错，虽然开场白是美式的

sun_in_nightUID: 2817151

好吧，就说一下自己的感受吧：写作文不一定要长句和大词吧，就拿这句Theparticipators of any university subject should according to their personal interestand ability, so request a requirement of equal male and female participators inany university subject that neglect the willing for male and female universitystudents is impropriate。这个语法错的。。别的不举了。
词汇的话我想应该可以了，如果要求不是很高，但逻辑要清楚
论证用射击比赛和辩论，不太合适吧，毕竟人家要你说的是subject啊。
以上观点仅供参考