新人作文，求重拍。。。

cairen1986UID：2599310

改好了

allthetimeUID：2898309

15# zcnvszwj
我从来没写过类似两种同样重要的文章（凡是问Do you agree我都明确地选择其中一个来回答），所以文章的结构是很值得我学习的。有几处我有不同意见。


2009.9.19 NA  Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.9 o1
* e" e4 I3 }- W# q& oDefinitely, it's ridiculous to make educational sites in community, such as museum and music performance, apart from recreational facilities including of swimming pool and play ground, since they express no difference as indispensable parts in everyday life and have no special significance be compared with each other. In my opinion, the government should support not either, but both of them.
7 r% k% x# ~# J7 k8 @' R9 ~( T9 IUnder one hand, education is（加上the） major responsibility to the government, because it's the government that establishes organizations to educate residents on various knowledge, in order to develop the country and harmonize the society. The educational site, besides of school, is just the key to this process. Visiting a history museum, for instance, we will get proud of unbelievable ancient achievements and feel sadness(应是sad) from catastrophe, understanding our duty on how to develop our motherland suitably. Another example is music performance, which could teach us to appreciate the tranquility of Noctume and the magnificence of the Ninth Symphony. Learning their effects, how can we refuse building educational sites? They are full of importance.
% x: u7 T1 h# g6 o, |On the other hand, the support to recreational facilities should not be weakened but strengthened. As the name’s meaning, recreational facilities bring entertainment and comfort to people. Many children prefer to play water ball with their parents in swimming pool, as well as some teenagers fond of holding a baseball match on play ground after class. Everyone find his or her happiness within staying in these facilities. There is no excuse to destroy them(为什么会突然写到destroy), or stop developing them. In that case, the society will absolutely become spiritless, with no more genuine laughter.; ^% n7 ]( Y4 {; i% ]) v
Furthermore, education and recreation can sometimes transform to each other. A place setting up primarily for educational purpose also owns several recreation functions. Watching an opera in music performance, we will not only appreciate the beauty of art, but also relax our spirits and body. What's more, no one can deny that the swimming pool encourages citizens nearby to learn swimming. So to some extent, we should regard educational sites and recreational facilities as the same conception.
  H6 J  B" O; z$ `/ P: W  c& lSummarizing the points above, both educational sites and recreational facilities are quite necessary to us, both on education and recreation. The government should meditate how to develop them well, rather than to decide which part is more meaningful.

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

As a proverb says, high profit equals to big adventure, which also appears in job market nowadays. Some jobs attaches low salary and high security, while others owns the opposite, leading to making a vital choice. In my opinion, there is not any unconditional answer, since everybody holds different solutions, just resulting from their specific environments. Therefore, we should judge not a better option, but a more suitable one.
Initially, what kind of job is better keeps in close touch with one’s financial background. Living in villa with millionaire parents, you could select various kinds of work, despite of considering its salary or security. On contrary, people growing in an ordinary house are likely to prefer occupation with high salary and low security, since they have to sustain their whole family. Definitely I'm an example. I signed up employment agreement with a nuclear power plant as a first-place worker. The main reason of that is its high salary, about 15,000 dollar per year which can afford all pay expenses of my family. At the same time, however, even encountering a little mistake, I will lose this job immediately.
Secondly, the age has important effects on preference of job choice. High salary means not only being easy to lost, but also arduous and burdensome assignments to complete. Being young and energetic, I can absolutely reach my goal on time, whether it includes thousands of papers to write or a difficult professional model to build. Inversely, if I'm an elder, perhaps I will fall asleep within finishing these boring tasks. Can you imagine an old man with white hair operate computer in Wall Street as a stock dealer merely because of high salary and low security? That's impossible.
Furthermore, in addition to financial background and age, different personality will write different answers to this question. With outstanding and striving character, a person may be addicted in profession with high salary and low security, instead of worrying about how old he or she is. We are all used to appreciating achievements by many aging CEOs, some of whom have already said goodbye to their teeth. Similarly, there are many people, consisting of a few teenagers, who desire stable and simple lives, just meeting with work with low salary but high security. As a word, personality impacts job preference seriously.
Summarizing the points above, jobs with low salary and high security doesn’t own more advantages or disadvantages than ones with high salary and low security. It lies on various critical factors, such as financial background, age and personality. Only taking our own situations in account will we be able to verdict more suitable occupation choice.

chikako.kUID：2853696

18# zcnvszwj

As a proverb says, high profit equals to big adventure, which also appears in job market nowadays. Some jobs attaches (attach)low salary and high security, while others owns (have/are) the opposite, leading to making a vital choice (why lead to a vital choice? Don't understand). In my opinion, there is not any unconditional answer, since everybody holds different solutions (opinions), just resulting (stemming) from their specific environments. Therefore, (what) we should judge (decide is) not a better (right) option, but a more suitable one. (here I think  better=more suitable one)

Initially, what kind of job is better keeps in close touch (is closely connected) with one’s financial background. Living in villa with millionaire parents, you could select various kinds of work, despite of considering its salary or security. On contrary, people growing in an ordinary house are likely to prefer occupation with high salary and low security, since they have to sustain their whole family(not necessarily so, if you lose your high salary the very next day, do you still prefer to have it? Better have a long term secured job). Definitely I'm an example. I signed up employment agreement with a nuclear power plant as a first-place worker. The main reason of (for) that is its high salary, about 15,000 dollar(s) per year which can afford(cover) all pay (delete pay) expenses of my family. At the same time, however, even encountering a little mistake, I will lose this job immediately.' k5 `0 ?: a" @% K# _8 W. `
Secondly, the (people's) age has important effects on (the) preference of job choice (delete choice). High salary means not only being easy to lost (lose), but also arduous and burdensome assignments to complete. Being young and energetic, I can absolutely reach my goal on time, whether it includes thousands of papers to write or a difficult professional model to build. Inversely, if I'm an elder, perhaps I will fall asleep within (while) finishing these boring tasks (not persuasive). Can you imagine an old man with white hair operate computer in (on) Wall Street as a stock dealer merely because of high salary and low security? That's impossible.
Furthermore, in addition to financial background and age, different personality will write (offer) different answers to this question. With outstanding and striving character, a person may be addicted in profession with high salary and low security, instead of worrying about how old he or she is. We are all used to appreciating achievements by many aging CEOs, some of whom have already said goodbye to their teeth. Similarly, there are many people, consisting of a few teenagers, who desire stable and simple lives (teenager? Young people), just meeting with (don't understand) work with low salary but high security. As a word, personality impacts job preference seriously.3 x5 s& e: M0 [  n
Summarizing the points above, jobs with low salary and high security doesn’t own more advantages or disadvantages (are not advantageous or disadvantageous ) than ones with high salary and low security. It (what does it refer to?) lies on (depends on) various critical factors, such as financial background, age and personality. Only taking our own situations in account will we be able to verdict more suitable occupation choice.

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.
Good people being rewarded while bad people getting punished, the common characteristic belonging to quite a few movies and televisions, apparently hold positive effects on our lives. However, if there were always such programs, would audiences accept it with a good grace? Absolutely the answer is no. what we learn from movies and televisions comprises not only two simple and opposite kinds of people, but also something more interesting and authentic.
Initially, excellent movies and televisions own important influence on audience. For instance, teenagers often subconsciously imitate some behavior of the protagonist. Consequently by watching movies and televisions which just tell good people being rewarded and bad ones published, we will naturally amend our own actions, helping others more and avoid committing serious mistakes. On contrary, motivated by other programs different from the formers, many people, especially some children who haven't built rounded system of ethics, are likely to do awful deeds that harm our community. In general, this kind of movies and televisions is indispensable.
At the same time, however, movies and televisions are not merely composed by ones simply about good people and bad people. Usually they don't have categorical roles that are good or bad, but zigzag stories in which even bad persons sometimes do good things, leading to an interesting and appealing feeling. We will hardly enjoy a film with satisfactory end, which could be judged through its first five minutes. Then how can we get relaxed and comfortable? It’s the main function of movies and televisions.
Furthermore, even movies and televisions without telling good people being rewarded and bad ones punished, something previous is still worthy of learning, due to their reflections about cruel truth on life. Take a famous film in China, Nanking, as an example, which describes a catastrophic massacre happened in Nanking during the Second World War. At the end of the film, Japanese soldiers who did the crime were still alive while Chinese habitants almost died out. It teaches a meaningful lesson to all of Chinese, to appreciate peaceful time and respect the fragility of life.
Summarizing the points above, movies and televisions should not always demonstrate good people being rewarded and bad ones punished. There are some other golden substances worthy of containing, such as bringing audiences happiness and relaxation, as well as telling complicated truth on life. Only in that case will movies and televisions become good teachers in our lives.

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

08.12.05NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life
Most celebrities, interviewed on various kinds of media, often mention their favorite sports when sharing their successful lives, such as how hobby of playing I-go leads to completing considerably and staying up for several days energetically to complete a key assignment due to experience of long-distance runner. These reports definitely demonstrate some life lessons we could learn from sports. As well as offering a healthy body, sports do have some other valuable influences.
To begin with, sports could make us being competent. As its initial purpose, usually sports encourage people to try their best to reach goals, shooting more or running fast, and then, more importantly, keep this competitiveness spirit to confront life challenges and overcome them. During my preparation for TOEFL, for instance, I often fell quite tired and brokenhearted, when finding more and more multifarious difficulties created by ETS. However, memorizing the period of being swimmer, I understand barriers are merely parts of challenges. To span them, what I should do is keeping competent during my preparation, just like keeping swimming in match. Without sports, perhaps a little deterrent could stop my steps, both in match and in life.
Secondly, sports teach us to comply with the rule. A wonderful basketball match, absent of normal rules and referee, will probably degrade to an exchange blows. Only under correct judgment can we really appreciate the inner beauty of sports. Similarly, only complying with rules, will we undergo happy and harmony lives with one another, since every problem can find its suitable solvent from rules. There will not be conflict, crime and even war. Although this is an ideal scene, rules have made it true in matches and urge everybody to do so outside gymnasium.
Furthermore, sports remind us one content of life is rest. Living in society nowadays, we nearly contribute all of our time to finish countless job or study. But it's not the whole life, which consist of rest at the same time. Doing sports is some kind of rest, from which we could feel total relaxation both spiritually and physically, and enjoy scarce comfort which hardly appears in work. What’s more, after a rest of doing sports, we will get more energetic and better ready for next mission. As a word, no one would refuse having a rest comprising sports.
Summarizing points above, sports teach people precious lessons, including being competent, complying with rules and valuing rest. It's more than simple entertainments to do sports, waiting for us to discover and learn from. To some extent, catch on the essence of sports; catch on the essence of life.

灰色精英UID：2664078

网坏了，晚了，求谅解word07传不了，。。。郁闷

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

09.05.30NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Quite a few people contradict the addition of art and music in school when children are only five or so, since they insist that these abstruse courses are definitely incomprehensible for kids. In my opinion, however, young school children should be required to study art and music. Will parents agree on that math should be removed from little children' curriculum due to comprising difficult equations? Of course the answer is no, which is also suitable for art and music. In general, they are of the same importance as math, science, history and language.
To begin with, art and music are two effective paths for children to appreciate essential beauty, which appears relatively boring in other classes. Under one hand, children could learn the objective beauty from art and music naturally, such as how an artist applies scientific layout structure to make paintings appealing. On the other hand, the subjective beauty, hard to find in a science textbook, can be touched by children through their own thoughts. Asking children within watching a masterpiece by Van Gogh, you will hear thousands kinds of feeling, from happiness to sadness. This appreciation process will absolutely develop children's ability on independent thinking. As a word, the objective and subjective beauties leant from art and music are quite vital to children's education.
Secondly, studying on art and music, children are just experiencing a heart purification. Most excellent art or music works, as we know, were completed though an industrious period when the creator was keeping a pure heart. Educated from them, children will begin to understand this spirit purring course and admire to be a simple and honest in the future. You can hardly imagine an imitable person, hurting others frequently, is fond of classical music. There is no doubt that art and music are mental guiders in children's growing, leading them to love humans and the world.
Furthermore, above appreciating beauty and experiencing heart purification, children will also get relaxed during enjoy art and music. To children, whether a physical theory or an historic event seems nothing else but boredom. They are not interested in such study. Adding art and music classes, on contrary, is a feasible solution. No one can deny that children will get comfortable and energetic immersing soft music. Therefore, it will increase the efficiency of study on other courses, as well as being helpful in their health.
Summarizing the points above, I do believe that art and music should be studied by children even their ages arrange from five to ten. They will achieve big wealth in study process, including beauty appreciation, heart purification and relaxation. Only by having education appropriately mixed with various kinds of courses, will children grow healthily and surpassingly.

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

09.04.03NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.
Definitely, I think it's ridiculous to regard increasing teachers ‘salaries as the best way to improve the quality of education, since there are a few teachers with poor professional knowledge and little incentive to change it. They can't guide an excellent education program whether earning one thousand dollars annually or one million. In my opinion, instead of merely increasing salaries, we should apply a series of educational supports in all associated fields, including facilities, teachers and students.
Initially, good education requires various educational facilities, arranging from spacious classroom to technical laboratory. Without them, students will not even find place to stay during learning. I' m proud to take my campus, Tingshua University, as an example. Compared with most universities around China, it owns the best education conditions allowing hundreds kinds of major completed successfully. A teacher could design a complicated aerodynamics experiment in lab, as well as searching a rare literature book in library. Abundant facilities have helped it to stand on top of education in China. As a word, good facilities are the first key to good education.
To continue with, teachers should also get strong support in good education, due to their identities as educational executors. Under one hand, it's vital to keep teachers' salaries relatively high, making them focusing on teaching without worry about basic lives. On the other hand, the policies in school should be tolerant for different teachers, who hold different approaches. Only permitted to walk their own path will teachers manage to create best educational effects. This is a main reason, for instance, why many universities in United States get admired by outstanding teachers around the world. Therefore, finance and policy support will absolutely contribute much to education.
Furthermore, beyond facilities and teachers, students, the reviewed roles in education, do need multifarious supports in education, too. If parents can't afford their children to study at school, how can these poor kids get taught under even best teachers? Some financial aids ought to be taken to avoid such problems. What’s more, students need decent atmosphere when studying at school. For example, teachers should endure little mistakes made by students carelessly, rather than roaring or punishing them. After the support on them plays a part, students then could benefit from facilities and teachers.
Summarizing the points above, increasing salaries is not the only method to improve the quality of education, which should be implemented with other measures to reach the best goal. We do hope that one day good teachers will teach good students in good school. Only every portion gets more and more perfect, will the quality of whole education get better and better.

凼凼55667UID：2904147

9.23
Definitely, I think it's ridiculous to regard increasing teachers ‘salaries as the best way to improve the quality of education, since there are a few teachers with poor professional knowledge and little incentive to change it. They can't guide an excellent education program whether earning one thousand dollars annually or one million. （这个论据很主观，说服力不够，可以不写）In my opinion, instead of merely increasing salaries, we should apply a series of educational supports in all associated fields, including facilities, teachers and students.

Initially（学习了）, good education requires various educational facilities, arranging from spacious classroom to technical laboratory. Without them, students will not even find place to stay during learning. I' m proud to take my campus, Tingshua（Tsinghua,这不能拼错哦！） University, as an example. Compared with most universities around China, it owns the best education conditions allowing hundreds kinds of major completed successfully. A teacher could design a complicated aerodynamics experiment in lab, as well as searching a rare literature book in library. Abundant facilities have helped it to stand on top of education in China. As a word（改成in a word）, good facilities are the first key to good education.（key是“关键”，再加上first感觉缀余）

To continue with（这个短语感觉生硬）, teachers should also get strong support in good education, due to their identities as educational executors. Under one hand（on one hand比较常见）, it's vital to keep teachers' salaries relatively high, making them focusing on teaching without worry about basic lives. On the other hand, the policies in school should be tolerant for different teachers, who hold different approaches. Only permitted to walk their own path will teachers manage to create best educational effects（on academia）. This is a main reason, for instance, why many universities in United States get admired by outstanding teachers around the world. Therefore, finance and policy support will absolutely contribute much to education.

Furthermore, beyond facilities and teachers, students, the reviewed roles in education, do need multifarious(学习了) supports in education, too. If parents can't afford their children to study at school, how can these poor kids get taught under even best teachers? Some financial aids ought to be taken to avoid such problems. What’s more, students need decent(学习了) atmosphere when studying at school. For example, teachers should endure little mistakes made by students carelessly, rather than roaring or punishing them（小毛病~这个例子没有体现出decent的气氛）. After the support on them plays(palying) a part（in  xxx，不说清楚的话，这个比喻就有点费解）, students then could benefit from facilities and teachers.

Summarizing the points above（不自然）, increasing salaries is not the only（题上是the best，最好别偷梁换柱~） method to improve the quality of education, which should be implemented with other measures to reach the best goal. We do hope that one day good teachers will teach good students in good school. Only every portion gets more and more perfect, will the quality of whole （quality of）education get better and better.
优点：用词不错，论证逻辑清晰有力，是一篇佳作。
不足：鸡蛋里挑骨头：首段论证过于丰富，这样会消耗考试精力。据说老外并不看重首尾两段内容~
我也写了这篇，欢迎  回批！（见13楼）

我把你这篇作文推荐到优秀作文贴了~
继续加油哦~

第五希云捷UID：2457467

9.23~TOELF Writting
09.04.03NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.

Definitely, I think it's ridiculous to regard increasing teachers ‘salaries as the best way to improve the quality of education, since there are a few teachers with poor professional knowledge and little incentive to change it. They can't guide an excellent education program whether earning one thousand dollars annually or one million. In my opinion, instead of merely increasing salaries, we should apply a series of educational supports in all associated fields, including facilities, teachers and students.（陈述立场驳论很好，但since那一段和后面那一句貌似不是很合适，而且我觉得最后一句应改为类似于I think applying a series of educational supports including facilities, teachers and students are more important than merely increasing salaries.毕竟，这是在论证一个the best way。而本文有点类似论证提高教育质量的方法有哪些，而不是最好的方法）


SInitially, good education requires various educational facilities, arranging from spacious classroom to technical laboratory. Without them, students will not even find place to stay during learning. I' m proud to take my campus, Tingshua University（抱歉……清华的校名打错了……囧）, as an example. Compared with most universities around China, it owns the best education conditions allowing hundreds kinds of major （hundreds of kinds of majors）completed successfully(这句话什么意思啊？allow sth to be done？). A teacher could design a complicated aerodynamics experiment in lab, as well as [as well as 前后动词的形式应该一样。所以，这里应该是search吧？]searching a rare literature book in library. Abundant facilities have helped it to stand on top of education in China. As a word, good facilities are the first key to good education.（希望加上一句，good facilities is more important）


To continue with, teachers should also get strong support in good education, due to their identities as educational executors. Under one hand, it's vital to keep teachers' salaries relatively high, making them focusing on teaching without worry about basic lives. On the other hand, the policies in school should be tolerant for different teachers, who hold different approaches. Only be （加个be） permitted to walk their own path will teachers manage to create best educational effects. This is a main reason, for instance, why many universities in United States get admired by outstanding teachers around the world. Therefore, finance and policy support will absolutely contribute much to education.

Furthermore, beyond facilities and teachers, students, the reviewed roles in education, do need multifarious supports in education, too. If parents can't afford their children to study at school, how can these poor kids get taught under even best teachers?（Under even best teachers在这里用的不合适，应该是even there are best teachers in school之类，否则就好像有好的教师但是学生自己不去学习的感觉） Some financial aids ought to be taken to avoid such problems. What’s more, students need decent atmosphere when studying at school. For example, teachers should endure little mistakes made by students carelessly, rather than(rather than 前后动词的时态应该一致) roaring or punishing them. After the support on them plays a part, students then could benefit from facilities and teachers.* r! w8 r4 Z6 d3 c


Summarizing the points above, increasing salaries is not the only method to improve the quality of education, which should be implemented with other measures to reach the best goal. We do hope that one day good teachers will teach good students in good school. Only every portion gets more and more perfect, will the quality of whole education get better and better.

虽然这篇文章写得文笔我觉得还不错，但是有个问题，正如文章总结所言：increasing salaries is not the only method to improve the quality of education。本文论证的观点成了“提高教师薪水是否是提高教育质量的唯一方法”而非“最佳”办法。我觉得有点偏题了。如果作者认为需要提出其他的方法，是不是需要把每种办法与提高教师薪水比一下，每段接一句，这个方法比提高教师薪水的办法好，自然而然提高教师薪水的办法不是最佳的办法了。
仅供参考。

zcnvszwjUID：2815734

09.01.17 NA   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
It happens frequently that children cry out to their parents and refuse having dinner, merely because of not tasting a new flavor Macdonald's hamburger showed appealingly on television. This is an epitome of advertising's influence, mostly negative, on our eating habits. Although there are so many factors leading to unhealthy eating habits, I do believe that advertising is the most important cause.
Under one hand, advertising often manages to divert the attention of customers from everyday meal to advertising food, bringing about the absence of nutrients absorption from nutritious traditional food, such as vegetables and fruits. Quite a few examples could be present here, from children fond of various snacks to the aged addicted in enjoying so-called tonics. This deviant change on eating habit, unfortunately, brings people the eating disorder, and makes no contribution but setting up unhealthy body. In a word, advertising would generate the disgust to traditional food.
On the other hand, the food on advertisement is averagely lack of nutrients, which is vital to consumers’ health. Since entrepreneurs focus on profits achieved through sale, the development on taste and packaging of their products will absolutely keep going, in order to attract more customers. The nutrients in their products, however, can't be found out or felt directly, thereby owning no meaning to increase and staying low level. For instance, Lays potato chips tastes delicious, but can't help us physically. What’s more, the investment on advertising gets higher and higher nowadays, urging food companies to decrease the cost of products furthest. Hence, sometimes they will choose cheep cooking material within little vitamin or protein, like dehydrated vegetables, to replace fresh material. As a result, we can hardly take up nutrients from advertised food.
Furthermore, several other factors will also build unhealthy eating habits, including friends' recommendation and the affection on junk food. But these factors all own more or less connection with advertising. At most of time, whether a commendation or affection on food mostly comes from advertising. So advertising is just the paramount one among these causes.
Summarizing the points above, it's advertising, not other reasons, that contribute to unhealthy eating habits to the hilt, because of both no interest in traditional food made by it and absence of nutrients on advertising food. Learning from dietetic books and lectures, we are able to form our own healthy eating habits. Only then can we identify the essential purpose of food on advertising and make the best choice.