请老师牛人帮我修改下作文

004519qUID: 2713260

小弟初来乍到，写了篇文章，求各位好心老师、同学帮忙批改下，小弟心里感激不尽:$
In your opinion,which one is better, to spend money on something that lasts for a long time,such as valuable jewelry,or spend your money on short term pleasure such as vacation?

There is no doubt that spend money on something for a long time like valuable jemwlry .it provides high position,beautiful and richling howere these benefits may be limited.it may be argue that spend money on short term pleasure can make you more relax,that spend money on short term plesure can open up your visual field,and that spend money on short term plesure may save your money.overall spend our money on shoet term is superior to spend money on something that lasts for a long time.
  The primary advandage of spending money on short  term pleasure such as vocation is that  we can relax more .nowadays .not only our students but also workers all feel tired if we keep working all the days .if we can travel on vacation .our nevous temper may relase,.besides .it is good for our healthy we can breathe fresh air if we travel to some countryside.after travel you may feel energtic to stdudy or work .it is more effective for us to do our work better.
   Another positive aspect of spend money on short term plesure is that if we go to some place of intersted for travel.our our knowledge can be enhanced .and our visual field  may be opened up you can learn more local culture and visit local beantiful place.you may get many news things which you never saw it.these travel experience you can also share wiyh your friends.may be your friends will travel there after  listen to your own interesting experience.
   Finally ,spend our money on short term plesure is that we can save much money. A valuable jewelry may cost us a lot of money to buy it.if we are careless we may lost our expensive diamond .we will feel sad and in a bad mood to do everything,it is very dangerous  for us .so it is not worth to spend our money to buy something that last for a long time.
Gains in good-looking and position is a strong argument for spend our money on something that lasts for a long time.howere,the negative effect of spend money on short term peasure has on relaxed,our knowlegdge and cheaper can not be ignored.ultimately, the positive side of spend money on short term pleasure outweighs the negative side.

004519qUID: 2713260

怎么都没人呢:mad: