作文求改【目标6分】，望高手指点

melboyUID: 2896933

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Recently, whether children should be encourged to take competitive sports has been highly debatable. Some believe the advantages of competitive sports overweigh its disadvantages while others just hold the opposite viewpoint. This is an interesting topic worth discussing.

There is no denying that competitive sports have some positive effects on children. To begin with, it is benificial to children's health by taking part in such kind of sports. The more exrcises they do in sports, the more health they will keep. Furthermore, competitive sports cultivate children's creativity. They can probly acquire skills from those sports in order to beat their competitors. To make one final point, competitive sports bring children stimulating experience. For instance, children are likey to enjoy the feeling of winning in every goal of a football match.

In the meantime, however, competitive sports sometimes have some negative effects on children as well. For one thing, that kind of sports may destory children's awareness of cooperation. Winning is the only target of competitive sports and, therefore, children will reach the goal by all means including some selfish behaviors. Needless to say, they can hardly be good teamworkers when they grow up. For another, it must be noted that some competitive sports are very dangerous especially for children. Without adequate experience, they may easily get hurt in the sports such as football, basketball and iceball.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that children should be encourged to participate in some competitive sports occasionally in order to take advantage of the strenth and minimize the weakness.

eweUID: 2891191

逻辑很顺6-6.5左右吧....

感觉LZ如果再想提高可以把注意力放在词句的构造上,就是把句子写得更漂亮一点.... 然后拿,  LZ的文支持论点的分论点很多,但我觉得似乎展开不够.  或者是显得有点苍白... 比如 To begin with, it is benificial to children's health by taking part in such kind of sports. The more exrcises they do in sports, the more health they will keep.  后一句话基本是在解释前面一句话,而不是更深入地展开... 比如你可以说, 首先,参加竞技性体育运动有助提高孩子的健康. 因为这类体育运动可以给与小孩强壮的体格, 加快他们的神经反应速度, 同时磨练他们坚忍不拔的毅力.....  有研究表明,经常参加体育运动还有助于小孩智商的发展....

这样的展开就会比较丰满....  

基本从语法和逻辑上,这个文章已经很顺了...如果目标是6应该不会有太大的问题....

5橙UID: 2784075

个人感觉，第二段有点明显偏向listing ，建议将listing的每个分论点内容写的饱满点，比如说first写一段，furthermore写一段，各段也要多点说明，这样会好一点，毕竟是议论文~

EmilySUID: 2922208

5.5-6的样子。再高就不太可能了。思路还可以，语法及用词不到位。还有拼写错误。如果拼写是打字的问题的话，那6应该有。

第一段 This is an interesting topic worth discussing. 可以删掉。开头结尾都不错。

There is no denying that competitive sports have some positive effects on children. To begin with, it is beneficial to children's health by taking part in such kind of sports. The more exercise children do in sports, the healthier they will be. Furthermore, competitive sports cultivate children's creativity.  Children can probably acquire skills from those sports in order to beat their competitors. 这句话和creativity有什么关系？ To make one final point, competitive sports bring children  winning experience so that children are stimulated to win for other events. For instance, children are likely to enjoy the feeling of winning in every goal of a soccer match.

In the meantime, however, competitive sports sometimes have some negative effects on children as well. For one thing, that kind of sports may  compromise children's awareness of cooperation. Winning is the only target for competitive sports and, therefore, children will reach the goal by all means including by adopting/taking some selfish behaviors. Needless to say, they can hardly be good team playerswhen they grow up. For another, it must be noted that some competitive sports are very dangerous especially for children. Without adequate experience, they may easily get hurt in the sports such as soccer, basketball and ice hockey.

最后那个sports are dangerous的论点有点牵强。。。technically, all sports are dangerous...

EmilySUID: 2922208

额为什么旧帖会被顶上来 = = 没有仔细看时间 = =