帮忙给作文打分并指点！谢谢！

sally0218UID: 2858441

题目：
In the past, people used to travel to many places to see the differences from their home country. Now all places around the world are getting more and more similar. What is the cause of this similarity? Do you think that the advantages overweigh the disadvantages?

Quite a few fears and doubts are raised recently about the similarity of many places around the globe. One of the main concerns is the lack of choices in determining travelling destinations. It is far-fetched for people to fill up expectations but only to find a counterpart of their home country.

Several reasons contribute to this phenomenon. The most important factor may be today's globalization. On the verge of revolution, tons of cities and places are prone to draw on the lay-out of other advanced areas, sacrificing their unique traditional spots for the better of the cityscape. More than this, the environmental issues have also killed and will be continue to kill many beautiful sceneries, like smaller lakes and moderner architectures. The world is getting monotonous.

As for the merits and demerits of this similarity, personally, I believe it brings more banes than boons. Admittedly, thanks to the progress of modern technology, we benefit a lot from globalization. We get a clear prospective of the outside world which used to be unimaginable in early days. Also, globalization adds a brilliant touch to the boosts of economy.

However, what we should be contemplating is that this similarity has cast negative influence on our life. First, many unique urban features, which are the souls of a place, are gradually disappearing as the result of similarity. The historical fabric is being ripped apart, leaving a lamentable frame without flesh and blood. Moreover, it spreads a materialistic lifestyle and attitude that sees consumption as the path to prosperity. It is standard practice for people to lose sight of the significance of internal development and innovation.

My conclusion is, therefore, not only is similarity detrimental to the prosperity of tourism, but also a threat to the initiative for countries and cities to develop on their own, which is counter-productive. So it is time that we stopped before going too far. Otherwise, we are likely to abide by the consequences.

第一次修改后的文章贴于3楼。。谢谢大家继续评分建议！！非常感谢！！

bqianaUID: 193168

6-6.5

eweUID: 2891191

个人感觉这文有点浮夸,可能修辞用多了? 汗一个...

然后有些表达不是很舒服.....比如
Quite a few fears and doubts are raised recently about the similarity of many places around the globe.
have been raised recently about the progressive unification of the styles among different cities all over the world.

然后在讨论优势和劣势的时候,你说的实际上是GLOBLIZATION的优势和CITY一体化的劣势...而不是CITY一体化的优势和劣势.....  比如可以说, 这样有利于人们更好的适应另一个城市的生活,当他们不得不背景离乡,去另一个城市寻找工作的时候....  

然后像 The historical fabric is being ripped apart, leaving a lamentable frame without flesh and blood. 这种句子, 你不觉得拿到哪个文章里都可以用么.... 还是要联系一下上下文那...
The historical fabric, which reflects the glory or gloomy past of the unique city, is now being ripped apart, leaving only a lamentable frame without flesh and blood.

sally0218UID: 2858441

个人感觉这文有点浮夸,可能修辞用多了? 汗一个...

然后有些表达不是很舒服.....比如
Quite a few fears and doubts are raised recently about the similarity of many places around the globe.
have been rai ...
ewe 发表于 2010-9-7 09:16

谢谢提出的问题！

我已做了如下修改，修改后的文章：

Quite a few fears and doubts are raised recently about the similar architectural styles of many places around the globe. One of the main concerns is the lack of choices in determining travelling destinations. It is far-fetched for people to fill up expectations but only to find a counterpart of their home country.

Several reasons contribute to this phenomenon. The most important factor may be today's globalization. On the verge of revolution, tons of cities and places are prone to draw on the lay-out of other advanced areas, sacrificing their unique traditional spots for a better cityscape. More than this, the environmental issues have also killed and will be continue to kill many beautiful sceneries, rendering the world monotonous.

As for the influences of this similarity, personally, I believe it brings more banes than boons. Admittedly, thanks to globalization, we have received benefits from this progressive similarity. When we have to leave our home and step on a strange land for study or work, no longer do we feel unfamiliar, which somehow, will release some of our homesick and give us a sense of belonging.
However, what we should be contemplating is the larger negative influences on our life. First, many unique urban features, souls of a place, are gradually disappearing as the result of similarity. The historical fabric is being ripped apart, which reflects the glory or gloomy past of the unique place, leaving a lamentable frame without flesh and blood. Moreover, the blind imitation of other places may spread a materialistic lifestyle and attitude that sees consumption as the path to prosperity. Governments are highly likely to lose sight of the significance of internal development and innovation.

My conclusion is, therefore, not only is similarity detrimental to the prosperity of tourism, but also a threat to the initiative for countries and cities to develop on their own, which is counter-productive. So it is time that we stopped before going too far. Otherwise, we are likely to abide by its consequences.

请大家继续帮忙提出建议以及评分！非常感谢！

eweUID: 2891191

我仍旧觉得一些句子的风格和另一些不协调，　然后仔细分析一下．．．

Quite a few fears and doubts are raised recently about the similar architectural styles of many places around the globe. One of the main concerns is the lack of choices in determining travelling destinations. It is far-fetched for people to fill up expectations but only to find a counterpart of their home country.　（第一段说了对旅游业的不利，但从后面看，除了总结的地方说道旅游，其实大多数都在说丧失了自己的文化特征．．．．所以逻辑上和后文不连贯．．．所以要么说 The main concerns of the doubtists come from the potential harmfulness of this monotonity on tourism and culture peservation.  要么干脆就抛弃旅游业，直接说，主要的不良影响是使城市丧失了自己的灵魂　One of the main conern of this degneration of uniqulity of each individual city is the accompanying fading of its tradition and culture. ）

Several reasons contribute to this phenomenon. The most important factor may be today's globalization. On the verge of revolution, tons of cities and places are prone to draw on the lay-out of other advanced areas, (which ensures the functionality and efficiency of the city sturcture in price of their unique traditional spots 感觉这个语序更好得承接前文)  sacrificing their unique traditional spots for a better cityscape. More than this, the environmental issues have also killed and will be continue to kill many beautiful sceneries,（这个说法没有任何的铺垫和根据．ＣＩＴＹ统一化会造成环境问题么？前文没有提到） rendering the world monotonous.

As for the influences of this similarity, personally, I believe it brings more banes than boons. Admittedly, thanks to globalization, we have received benefits from this progressive similarity. When we have to leave our home and step on a strange land for study or work, no longer do we feel unfamiliar， which somehow, will release some of our homesick and give us a sense of belonging.　（这个长句太长，不是很清楚，建议改成两句话．no longer do we feel alienate due to the still familiar city structure. People tends to feel more a sense of belonging to a miserable homesick. ) However, what we should be contemplating (can not overlook觉得ＳＨＯＵＬＤ有点颐指气使的感觉） is the larger negative influences on our life. First, many unique urban features, (in other words, the )souls of a place, are gradually disappearing as the result of similarity. The historical fabric, (which reflects the glory or gloomy past of the unique place) is being ripped apart, leaving a lamentable frame without flesh and blood. Moreover, the blind imitation of other places may spread a materialistic lifestyle and attitude that sees consumption as the path to prosperity (又是一句没什么根据的话．为什么说统一化就会导致物质化的生活那？）. Governments are highly likely to lose sight of the significance of internal development and innovation. （同样是没有什么根据的论词）

My conclusion is, therefore, not only is similarity detrimental to the prosperity of tourism, but also a threat to the initiative for countries and cities to develop on their own (culture and distingushed spirit), which is counter-productive(没有必要的赘述). So it is time that we stopped before going too far. Otherwise, we are likely to abide by its consequences.

sally0218UID: 2858441

谢谢楼上的辛苦修改 虽然有一些地方我不是很认同，也许是思维差异导致的 但是还是非常感谢！