ELIANE的作文贴

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

9月26号考托。今天加入了花木兰和狐狸的写作群。请多指教！ID：流淌在海德堡。

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life

Movies which are about real life can provide practical knowledge and broaden our visions. Documentary films such as DISCOVERY  and  NATIONAL GEOLOGY are beneficial for our vision span.However, movies with creations have a more lasting significance for the creators of these movies shape and focus reality rather than report it literally.

Firstly, imaginative movies make people to construct a reasonable perspective of a new world, and bring up satisfying purpose to keep passion for life. Jules Verne once said, Anything one man can imagine, other man can make real. Movies of this kind are far from reality, however, full of human spirit, hopes and ambitions. Not to mention large amount of technology and tools Verne plotted centuries ago had become reality.

Secondly,comedian and cartoon movies supply appropriate entertainment which adds intereting elements to our life, in this point it is worth watching. Generally speaking, the pressure of modern society adds so much tension on our neuron, movies ease them up with relaxation. The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars are all these kind of movies which seem far away from real life. However, the influence they made are so wide that from 7 year-old boy to 70 year-old seniors kowns the stories.

Thirdly, movies about real life teach us too much about pragmatic skills and factual accounts which to some extent make us stubbon and lack of imagination.That's why we often find them boring and desparate.

In sum, movies that can teach us something about real life are not enough for us. Since creativity and imagination can serve as an important catalyst for scientific inventions and commercial developments, we need to watch wide range of movies about them.

chxh2020UID: 2587109

movies which are about real life can provide practical knowledge and broaden our visions. Documentary films such as DISCOVERY  and  NATIONAL GEOLOGY are beneficial for our vision span. However, movies with creations have a more lasting significance for the creators of these movies shape and focus reality rather than report it literally. (this sentence is hard to understand. Maybe writing in this way will be better: creative movies have a more lasting significance than those movies focus on reality and perform it literally)
Firstly, imaginative movies make people to construct a reasonable perspective of (to) a new world, and bring up satisfying purpose (method) to keep passion for life. Jules Verne once said, Anything one man can imagine, other man can make real (very good reference) .Movies of this kind are far from reality, however, full of human spirit, hopes and ambitions (good sentence). Not to mention large amount of technology and tools Verne plotted centuries ago (should add “which” here)had become reality. : W" l& ~) o& I9 w" P+ n" V" ^
Secondly, comedian and cartoon movies supply appropriate entertainment which adds interesting elements to our life. In this point it is worth watching. Generally speaking, the pressure of (from) modern society adds so much tension on our neuron that we have to find a way to solve it effectively, while comedian movies can act in this role which will ease that pressure up and give us relaxation. The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars are all these kind of movies which seem far away from real life. However, the influence they made are so wide that from 7 year-old boy to 70 year-old seniors know the stories.& D, E5 u* X'
Thirdly, movies about real life teach us too much about pragmatic skills and factual accounts which to some extent make us stubborn and lack of imagination. That's why we often find them boring and desperate.. @- k" n/
In sum, movies that can teach us something about real life are not enough for us. Since creativity and imagination can serve as an important catalyst for scientific inventions and commercial developments (good sentence), we need to watch wide range of movies about them.

I think your passage used various vocabularies to illustrate your meaning and used lots of good sentence. Your idea is clear and the structure is developed successfully.
However, some word is misspelled and some sentence is hard to understand. I have labeled some place to in your passage.
We still need more practice to get big improvement. Come on.

妄北EchoUID: 2854157

Movies which(最好用that) are 其实这里which are 可以直接删去了about real life can provide practical knowledge for us (provide要和for连用啊) and broaden our visions. Documentary films that could teach us about real life(觉得加上这句可以更切题) such as DISCOVERY  and  NATIONAL GEOLOGY are beneficial for(窃以为这里应该用to么) our vision span.However, movies with creations have a more lasting significance for the creators(为什么是creators) of these movies shape and focus reality rather than report it literally(and后面的语义与前文不对称看起来很奇怪，可以另起一句话).

Firstly, imaginative movies make people to construct a reasonable(这个形容词和imaginative有何关联？) perspective of a new world, and bring up satisfying(这个形容词和imaginative有何关联？) purpose to keep passion for life. Jules Verne once said, Anything one man can imagine, other man can make real. Movies of this kind are far from reality, however,  are full of human spirit, hopes and ambitions.这句感觉不错 Not to mention large amount of technology and tools Verne plotted centuries ago had become reality这是什么意思. 6 R% _: T2 v' w% s: z

Secondly,comedian and cartoon movies supply appropriate怎么形容词都这么奇怪 entertainment which adds intereting elements to our life, in(from) this point it is(they are) worth watching. Generally speaking, the pressure of modern society adds so much tension on(to) our neuron这个也很奇怪, comedian and cartoon movies ease them up为什么是up,不是去除么 with relaxation. The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars are all these kind of movies which seem far away from real life. However, the influence they made (brought about) are(is) so wide that from 7 year-old boy to 70 year-old seniors kowns the stories.


Thirdly, movies about real life teach us too much about pragmatic skills and factual accounts which to some extent make us stubbon and lack of imagination.That's why we often find them boring and desparate(这是n./vi.不是adj.).* X0 R: D7 Q6 N! X/

U
0 n! q2 k1 f3 {; H( U  u5 Z
In sum, movies that can teach us something about real life are not enough for us. Since creativity and imagination can serve as an important catalyst for scientific inventions and commercial developments, we need to watch wide range of movies about them.

妄北EchoUID: 2854157

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1147336&extra=
期待回改
5楼

124245581UID: 2764151

晚交了··真的抱歉啊··最近太忙了··请原谅

Icybaby77UID: 2893399

修改好啦

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

Traveling acrosss the earth has been an activity for long. centuries ago, the nomads began to migrate to distant lands.While the reasons for the immigration are quite different.
The reading told that early nomads went trip for resources to sustain themselves.Later on, the people travelled because of pilgrimage. With the development of some European countries, the tourists to other continents mainly because of conquest and colonization. It's the same in the lecture which told us centuries ago people travelled to distant land mainly for political and economic reasons.
Both the reading passage and the lecture introduce that the later tourists tripped for cultural, educational, and scientific purpose. The rich class in control of wealth were interested in recreation and traditional trips. Ethnical tourists who liked observing other traditional customs were fond of folk dances and songs. Some big game hunters such as Ernest Heminway went to savage lands for sports. Other tourist were merely went for pleasure or personal growth. They were interested in local ceremonies, songs and costumes. In addition, some environmental tourism tripped for ovserving the nature.
In sum, the reading and the lecture told us the reasons of tourism and shared a lot of similatities.

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

9月14日交# V' b" k: J' r7 p( Q* c, [8 r
2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.- O# w5

Most of us face the choice of job several times in our life. A few people occupied a job as career for lifelong. Fewer are always changing the jobs for various reasons. When choosing a job, one should consider both the stability of it and the salary you get.

Some youth tend to find jobs with high salaries even if they are not so secure. Since they are energetic and adaptable, they want to accumulate expierences and earn more money. Once they lose the jobs they will make an effort to find
new ones until they finally find what fit for them. However,the middle aged people have to support their family and house, cars and so on. In that case they have to own a stable job to make sure the income. What's more, it's difficult for them to learn new skills and get use to new habitats.

Women choose jobs of high security. In this way, they can have more time to take care of their familis without caring too much about the job. Since jobs with high security are often less remanding than those that are easy to lose. At the same time, They can make some money and satisfy their needs to work.

In sum, I think there must be at least one person in the family to owe a stable job to make sure the income to maintain the daily cost and fixed time to accompany their family members.

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

Most of us face the choice of job several times in our life. A few people occupied(用现在式occupy) a job as career for lifelong. Fewer are always changing (用现在式change)the jobs for various reasons. When choosing a job, one（统一成you会更好） should consider both the stability of it and the salary you get.
Some youth tend to find jobs with high salaries even if they are not so secure. Since they are energetic and adaptable, they want to accumulate experiences(拼写错误) and earn more money. Once they lose the jobs they will make an effort to find new ones until they finally find what（添加are）fit for them. However, the middle aged people have to support their family and house, cars and so on. In that case they have to own a stable job to make sure the income. What's more, it's difficult for them to learn new skills and get use to new habitats.

Women choose jobs of high security. In this way, they can have more time to take care of their families without caring too much about the job. Since jobs with high security are often less remanding than those that are easy to lose. At the same time, they can make some money and satisfy their needs to work.

In sum, I think there must be at least one person in the family to owe a stable job to make sure the income to maintain the daily cost and fixed time to accompany their family members.
明显的优点是，文章意思表达得很清楚流利。
1,字数稍微偏少
2，全篇都是短句，句式缺乏变化。
3，全篇举例较多，但缺乏论证
4，对于观点对比型文章，题目要求是让考生偏向一个观点，但此文章结论是提出解决措施，有点偏题。

teresaliqUID: 2371296

修改贴
Most of us face the choice of job several times in our life. A few people occupied a job as career for lifelong. Fewer are always changing the jobs for various reasons. When choosing a job, one should consider both the stability of it and the salary you get.

Some youth tend to find jobs with high salaries even if they(改为the jobs,不然指代不清) are not so secure. Since they are energetic and adaptable, they want to accumulate expierences and earn more money. Once they lose the jobs they will make an effort to find/new ones until they finally find what fit for them. However,the middle aged people have to support their family and house, cars and so on. In that case they have to own a stable job to make sure the income. What's more, it's difficult for them to learn new skills and get use to new habitats.

Women choose jobs of high security. In this way, they can have more time to take care of their familis without caring too much about the job. Since jobs with high security are often less remanding than those that are easy to lose. At the same time, They can make some money and satisfy their needs to work.

In sum, I think there must be at least one person in the family to owe a stable job to make sure the income to maintain the daily cost and fixed time to accompany their family members.

文章有些短，最好在文章中添加一些具体的例子，可以使文章丰满一些，基本没有语法错误

我很喜欢你这种写作方式，把题目涉及到的情况分成几种形式来讨论，不落俗套。

流淌在海德堡UID: 2619542

9月16日交
6 J5 D- D: [5 W$ @7 N2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.) \& u5 n1 D6 t8 R7 }

The concept of one good turn deserves another has been embedded in our minds since we were young. How much of us don't like the Transformers and Spiderman? In the cartoons for children, good people are always rewarded while bad ones are being punished. Nevertheless, if the scripts and scenarios of televisions and movies for adults went in this way, we would lose the dazzlingly rich and colorful parts between the two absolute concepts. Since most of the time, people couldn't be divided into the good and the evil. Thus, it is superficial naive for movies and televisions to show that all the time.

Above all, in realistic world, life consists of various colors but not just white and black. It is an insult to the intelligence of the seasoned people that televisions and movies are plotted as the juvenile programs. Everyone occupies his niche, thus people consider the interests from his perspective. When their interests contradict, conflicts begin, compromises or wars-competitions, combats, litigations would follow. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are rewarded and bad people are punished. Profound psychological movies like Inception, The Game are in this condition. The hero could be a thief or a cold-blooded investor who are all traditional evil characters. In the end, they're rescued or find what really matter to themselves rather than be punished. After all, we're born in sin.

Secondly, the contents of the movies and televisions are far beyond distinguishing the good from the bad. Amelie from Montmartre portrays a story of an ordinary girl, longing for love and happiness, bringing surprise and artistic romance to people. Some think it ridiculous and unintelligible, others find it fascinating. Televisions series such as Desperate Housewives, portrays a middle class lane where lives several families with interesting stories. Almost everyone has some dirty secrets, joy, hopes, selfishness and sorrow. However, it's intriguing and entertaining. Stendhcl says, a novel is a mirror walking along a main road. so are the series. We could find the image and shadow of our life from them.


Still, we have to admit that the plots of programs for children should adhere to the statement. Mostly because children lack of the ability to distinguish things that bless them from those that are detrimental to them. Moreover, both common senses and our experiences with children inform us that people tend to mimic the language and behavior they're exposed to. The increase of juvenile delinquency in recent years is related to the violent and pornography scenes in media.

fsi206914UID: 2684106

12# 流淌在海德堡

要熄灯了~~~很难的题感觉，看的有点吃力。。。。

倒数第二段的例子，很牵强的感觉，最后一段没有回应题目，不知道在说什么


给你一点思路的启发，你说的是电影中的好人坏人，不好区分，题目要求是rewarded  punished，我觉得更应该从电影的发展，然后说，道德~~~~~~例子围绕观众的感觉，观众的想法...


最主要，我感觉，你这个G作文痕迹很明显，把背过的例子，材料 想通过修改放上去，感觉虽然很有深度，但我觉得T的作文，还是简单明了比较好~~~~


我水平也比较一般，也不知道说的对不

lizhengjiangUID: 2619543

9.16 改。。

呵呵，看的比较马虎，词用的不错。

12# 流淌在海德堡