阿波罗作文

Icybaby77UID: 2893399

9.24号的批改。

chxh2020UID: 2587109

09.01.17 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Our human's eating habits has changed a lot with the high speed development of technology and more frequent interaction among provinces and even countries, which is not turning better but becoming worse instead. So, what is the most important factor which cause of unhealthy eating habits, advertisement? I don't think so.
First of all, advertising, in some sense, indeed conduce to the deterioration of daily diet. As we all know, some food lack of nutrition which is quite harmful to own healthy if we consume frequently, like KFC, Mcdonald's and other quick food, is quite popular nowadays because of the overwhelming and successful advertisement. The New York city's government statistic shows that the number of consumer is a line function to the amounts of investment to advertise the quick food from these companies every year, which means the more investment spending on advertisement, there will be more consumers to buy the quick food.
Ostensibly, advertising is the main aspect leading to the unhealthy eating habits, if we dig the causes deeper, however, we will find that is not the case at all. Quick space is the label of modern society, and the day is turning shorter and shorter. The modern people have to sacrifice amounts of important stuffs in order to make full use of the scarce time, such as healthy diet, enough quantity of sleeping hours, casual vacation and so on, as which lead to the deterioration of human health. So, in my view of point, the main cause of the unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure of daily life.
The quick space and high pressure in our daily life is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. Let's still take the KFC and Mcdonald's quick food as an example, the New York city's government investigation statistic shows that 80% of consumers buying the quick food as their lunch during the work time, and the statistic also shows that 70% of buyers of these quick food in the night are still working. Following to the clue of this statistic, we can safely get the conclusion that the reason of the worsening unhealthy eating habits is not advertisement, but the quick space and high pressure instead. Because of the high space of development of our society, we almost have no time to cook a delicious and nutritious food for ourselves; Because of the high pressure in our work, we have to work until night eating the unhealthy food to avoid hunger. Having food at night is already a bad habit, and eating the quick food at night will make the eating habits worse.
To sum up, it is superficial to attribute the main cause of unhealthy eating habits to advertisement. After scrutinize the change of modern society, we will find that the main aspect of unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure in our daily life. To have a food on the modern society, we have lost a lot.

caorenboUID: 2548468

09.04.03NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education in a country is to increase teachers' salaries.

How to improve the quality of ed ...
chxh2020 发表于 2010-9-23 19:29

晚了哈，不好意思。

chxh2020UID: 2587109

18# caorenbo
高手的批改就是不一样，很详细很到位。多谢多谢，你的几点建议我慢慢尝试。多试试。一起加油哈！

chxh2020UID: 2587109

16# Icybaby77
谢谢指点！

chxh2020UID: 2587109

TPO 9 的作文。都超时严重。郁闷。哪位帮忙看下，指导指导。多谢。

dongftUID: 2879105

09.01.17 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Our human's eating habits has changed a lot with the high speed development of technology and more frequent interaction among provinces and even countries（首尾不平衡，建议调整）, which is not turning better but becoming worse instead. So, what is the most important factor which cause of unhealthy eating habits, advertisement? I don't think so.
First of all, advertising, in some sense, indeed conduce to the deterioration of daily diet. As we all know, some food lack of nutrition which is quite harmful to own healthy if we consume frequently, like KFC, Mcdonald's and other quick food, is quite popular nowadays because of the overwhelming and successful advertisement (句子有问题，读起来怪怪的). The New York city's government statistic shows that the number of consumer is a line function to the amounts of investment to advertise the quick food from these companies every year, which means the more investment spending on advertisement, there will be more consumers to buy the quick food.
Ostensibly, advertising is the main aspect leading to the unhealthy eating habits, if we dig the causes deeper （more deeply？）, however, we will find that is not the case at all. Quick space is the label of modern society, and the day is turning shorter and shorter. The modern people have to sacrifice amounts of important stuffs in order to make full use of the scarce time, such as healthy diet, enough quantity of sleeping hours, casual vacation and so on, as which lead to the deterioration of human health. So, in my view of point, the main cause of the unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure of daily life.
The quick space and high pressure in our daily life is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. Let's still take the KFC and Mcdonald's quick food as an example, the New York city's government investigation statistic shows that 80% of consumers buying the quick food as their lunch during the work time, and the statistic also shows that 70% of buyers of these quick food in the night are still working. Following to the clue of this statistic, we can safely get the conclusion that the reason of the worsening unhealthy eating habits is not advertisement, but the quick space and high pressure instead.（Perfect） Because of the high space of development of our society, we almost have no time to cook a delicious and nutritious food for ourselves; Because of the high pressure in our work, we have to work until night eating the unhealthy food to avoid hunger. Having food at night is already a bad habit, and eating the quick food at night will make the eating habits worse.
To sum up, it is superficial to attribute the main cause of unhealthy eating habits to advertisement. After scrutinize the change of modern society, we will find that the main aspect of unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure in our daily life. To have a food on the modern society, we have lost a lot.

楼主行文流畅，词语丰富。 文章通篇实例实证，表述到位，细节丰富。多多讨论哦！

sunsuncyUID: 2849888

这两天都在上课有点迟了。不好意思！今晚下课后肯定发过来；

chxh2020UID: 2587109

请狠批！

顺水飘扬UID: 2715101

2008.10.17NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.

With the improvement of living condition, there are more and more extra money for people spending on travelling, resulting in the broad discussion about the advantages travelling abroad or domestically. Some person point out travelling in their own country is better than travelling in a foreign country, while other person think just the opposite is true. In my point of view, I agree with the statement that people benefit more from travelling domestically than travelling abroad.

Firstly, travelling in their country is more convenient than travelling abroad. I don't need to do lots of boring process to get a certification travelling abroad, that will save me copious of time. For example, I just need two or three days to travel to my dreaming place by air or other vehicles. However, if I want to travelling abroad- like Paris or New York- I should at least spend one week applying for the permission to travel there, and then at least one or two days travelling on the road. Therefore, travelling in my own country will save me lots of time.

Secondly, travelling in a foreign country will cost me more than travelling in my own country. For example, I got a chance to travel to Berlin- the capital of German- last year. The short one week trip cost almost 10000 yuan. And later the same year, I went to Beijing for travelling with my parents. That was one week trip as well, which cost only 3000 yuan for three persons in the end. Since the Beijing and Berlin equal with each other in the status of world, travelling in my own country will save me more.

Finally, travelling in my own country provide me a good topic discussed with the same experience after the trip. Because most people just travel in their own country, so travelling domestically can provide me a good topic to talk with other people who had been the some(same?) place. At the time, you will find that is really fantastic experience since different person have different memories. In the same way, that will benefit me a lot to improve the relationship with that（those？） person. （最好可以举个具体的例子）

Based on the above discussion, the advantages of travelling in my own country outweigh travelling in a foreign country a lot. I will choose to travelling in my country but not travelling abroad if I have a time for a trip.

我理解的题目的benefit是受益于，收获的意思，你的firstly和 secondly的感觉和题目不太搭，但也不应该是跑题吧，也可以算是受益，但不是很有说服力。最后一个finally里面的观点和题目就很搭。第一第二感觉是在说好处，而不是去某地旅游受益了什么。

sunsuncyUID: 2849888

09.01.17 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Our human's eating habits has changed a lot with the high speed development of technology and more frequent interaction among provinces(是不是写states比较好？) and even countries, which is not turning better but becoming worse instead. So, what is the most important factor which cause（causes） of?? unhealthy eating habits, advertisement? I don't think so.

First of all, advertising, in some sense, indeed conduce to the deterioration（这词挺好） of daily diet. As we all know, some food lack of nutrition（这个不对吧） which is quite harmful to own healthy if we consume frequently, like KFC, Mcdonald's and other quick food, is quite popular nowadays because of the overwhelming and successful advertisement. The New York city's government statistic shows that the number of consumer is a line function（高级） to the amounts of investment to advertise the quick food from these companies every year, which means the more investment spending on advertisement, there will be more consumers to buy the quick food（后半句也倒装比较好）.

Ostensibly, advertising is the main aspect leading to the unhealthy eating habits, if we dig the causes deeper, however, we will find that is not the case at all(这个太绝对了). Quick space is the label of modern society, and the day is turning shorter and shorter. The modern people have to sacrifice amounts of important stuffs in order to make full use of the scarce time, such as healthy diet, enough quantity of sleeping hours, casual vacation and so on, as which lead to the deterioration of human health. So, in my view of point, the main cause of the unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure of daily life.

The quick space（可以这么说吗） and high pressure in our daily life is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. Let's still take the KFC and Mcdonald's quick food as an example, the New York city's government investigation statistic shows that 80% of consumers buying the quick food as their lunch during the work time, and the statistic also shows that 70% of buyers of these quick food in the night are still working. Following to the clue of this statistic, we can safely get the conclusion that the reason of the worsening unhealthy eating habits is not advertisement, but the quick space and high pressure instead. Because of the high space of development of our society, we almost have no time to cook a delicious and nutritious food for ourselves; Because of the high pressure in our work, we have to work until night eating the unhealthy food to avoid hunger. Having food at night is already a bad habit, and eating the quick food at night will make the eating habits worse.

To sum up, it is superficial to attribute the main cause of unhealthy eating habits to advertisement. After scrutinize the change of modern society, we will find that the main aspect of unhealthy eating habits is the quick space and high pressure in our daily life. To have a food on the modern society, we have lost a lot.

我觉得总体写的挺好的，我自己水平也不好。感觉上调理可以更清晰些，句子可以锤炼的更简洁些~一家之言哈~一起努力~

sunsuncyUID: 2849888

大前天晚上就准备发的，可是学校的网络在升级。奇慢无比，怎么也发不了……今天终于发成功了！！！内牛满面啊！！！！

robertxjUID: 2645881

总体的逻辑和每一段的逻辑都很清楚，唯一的不足就是一二段的论点感觉和benefit有点出入 能将就 不能算跑题 就是感觉怪怪的 呵呵 下次可以更多的时间构思一下 很棒了~另外一些语言的修改在附件中。

S酱UID: 2883188

1005 综合写作改

ella_dylUID: 2595060

今天临时有事，改晚了，抱歉！ 21# chxh2020