issue10

happyman2000UID: 136936

Issue 10, "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation’s cultural traditions are preserved and generated."


There is no other thing more ambiguous than city in its impacts on a nation’s cultural traditions. City, especially big city, as the center of human activities, has created brilliant cultural traditions that we are proud of. On the other hand, also it is serving as a killer for cultural traditions: with the constant expansion of modern city, cultural traditions are disappearing every day. More seriously, as the age globalization approaches, this tend is becoming particularly prominent
  Beijing, the most famous city in China for her glorious history and brilliant cultural traditions, has been respected as the outstanding representative of Chinese traditional culture all along. The great wall, the summer palace and numerous other historic remains recorded and witnessed the extraordinarily splendid cultural tradition of this oldest nation. However, under the urgent drive for economic growth and western modernization, since the age of Chairman Mao, China has resolved to turn Beijing into a highly developed industrial city, parallel to any western metropolis. Surely China has attained her goal. Today, no foreign visitors in Beijing are not surprised at her luxury airports, high-qualified super ways, steep skyscrapers and convenient subways. Is this Beijing, the representative of mysterious oriental culture? What are her differences from New York or Tokyo? The summer palace surrounded with the sea of skyscrapers, the great wall crowded by tourists, the old circumvallation pulled down for years, the street filled with the air of commercialism, one can hardly remind that only one hundred years ago, the city was the very hub of most ancient culture and tradition in this planet. Irresistibly, Beijing is losing her traditions, her culture, and her fascination, degenerating into a banal city that one can see anywhere. (这一段主要谈北京的建筑，没有谈人们的道德、价值观，是否有跑题倾向？)  
  Certainly, what is happening in Beijing is also happening in many other cities. What differs is only the degree. This vividly indicates that where the modern cities invade, where the traditional cultures retreat or even disappear. Three reasons could probably account for this phenomenon. Firstly, modern city civilization in itself seeks after material, and thus intends to destroy any obstructions that hamper their realization of material interests, of course including the cultural traditions. Secondly, modern city civilization is fitted to a quick-tempo and changeable lifestyle. Instant foods, fashionable dress, popular music and fickle consumers add together, converting into a power overwhelming enough to devour any cultural traditions, however resistible they may be! Last but not the least, globalization makes possible the world culture, and therefore any individual tradition that leaves behind or be against the world fashion will find itself into a desperate struggle for existence.
  Can providing financial support to major cities avoid the fate of cultural traditions’ disappearing? Certainly not. In the current world, almost all the cities put most of their resources into economic construction and material search, which will inevitably lead to the disappearing of cultural traditions. However, it is quite forgivable, in that if they fail to do so, the unemployment will rise, the competitive ability will deteriorate, and consequently the fascination of the city will decline. Of course, sometimes these cities will allocate small resources for protecting their historic remains, researching traditional culture, or constructing museum But compared with the irresistible power of modern civilization, what can they do matter? Therefore, the result is just that the more financial support, the more quick the cities lose their cultural traditions.
  In conclusion, though city was ever acting as a cradle of cultural traditions, now it is becoming a tomb for cultural traditions. Any attempt to preserve cultural traditions by means of supporting for the prosperity of modern city is merely going astray. (602 words)

paisleyUID: 64183

你的语言很不错,就不再提什么意见建议了。

关于内容,
1.我觉得你第一段开头后最好先说点理,然后再举例.你第二段一上来就举例,似乎就不够深入了。

2. 第二段且不说有否必要论及思想道德什么的，你没有讲到是否该receive the financial support 就与点偏题. 如果要补上，注意, 这些support可不单单是从自然人文景观的修缮和保护上。还有更重要的方面，主要是经济发展方面。或者如果你这段不讲financial support,也可以，但是篇幅就要缩减一下.不然和后面不太平衡。

3.  后面说理得太少。感觉好象没话说拉，匆匆完结似的.其实你第三段说理都不错，你需要的只是把它们展开论述.

4. 最关键的一个问题，你还没有明确说明，政府的财政支持和保存文化之间是什么关系. 是否给予财政支持就能保存文化? 从那些方面保存？ 如果这笔钱用在非major 城市,或用在乡村，是否更可以达到保存文化的目的. .....等等.

happyman2000UID: 136936

多谢eachout和paisley的热心意见，我的这篇文章逻辑的确不够严谨。我本想换个风格，先举个例子，然后从例子中总结出几条理论性的分析结论。但是，对语言的驾驭能力毕竟有限，例子没举好，主题扣得不紧，三段也没有和例子形成呼应，各说各的，文章结构看上却有些散。