[u'r not alone 小组] Issue130

dreamerdanceUID: 2759402

I130
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."



With the advent of globalization, human socialization has been playing an increasingly important role in the development of society. Children, who are the builders of the future, how they are socialized influences not only their own growth, but also the fortune of society. However, to some extent, the current education system fails to meet the standard that talents training required. Surely, it is not simply a matter of children socialization, but the true function of education.

The nature of education lies in the transmission of knowledge and values. Teachers try their best to impart what they know to students in order to prepare them for the basic existence abilities and make them become civilized citizens. One of the purposes of education is to cultivate students to adapt themselves to social need and enable them to plan for their careers. No matter what field a student may investigate in and whether he can get an A or not, after several years of schooling, he has to come to contact with other people and become involved in society.

Thus, socialization, which means to associate or mingle with people socially, is of great significance for children’s further development. It is the primary method by which children start to acquire the knowledge and skills which are necessary to perform as a functioning member of society. From my perspective, socialization is presented in several aspects, such as communication, cooperation, competition, values, how to make lives meaningful and how to treat success and failure. Each aspect, though subtle, may affect the courses of children’s lives and then change the destiny of society. Before entering into society, children are educated by both their parents and teachers, therefore, they all have the responsibility to help children realize the importance of connecting with others and fully prepare for the basic abilities they need.


However, the current education system does not succeed in achieving this goal. Nowadays, schools are paying excessive attention to grades, which has put great pressure to students. All what they know is just the textbooks and exams, in order to get high marks, they keep their noses in books day and night, memorizing by rote without truly understanding the meaning. I’m afraid, if they go like this, sooner or later, they will lose the creativity and even be isolated by society. To prevent this situation from happening, schools should strengthen the awareness of the importance of children’s communicate and cooperative ability and also, prioritize personal contact and team work that shape student development.

On the other hand, socialization alone cannot bring a better society; at most, it can maintain the social current situation. Only with creativity and fortified conviction, can a person create a better society. Take Deng Xiaoping, who is the chief designer of Chinese reform and opening up, as an example. He not only schemed the blueprint of Chinese modernization, but also put forward the “one country, two systems” policy, which was very creative and audacious at that time, pave the way for the reunion of China and Taiwan. Creative thinking needs courage and long-term view, as long as it serves society, it will possibly bring about a better society.

To conclude, the basic objective of education does not mean that students can recite the text word by word or accept the principles in the book; the fundamental goal of education is to open up students’ minds to develop their potential and creativity. How to build the bridge between education and social needs is a significant mission facing educational workers.

tingsnowyUID: 2739192

With the advent of globalization, human socialization has been playing an increasinglyimportant role in the development of society. Children,who are the builders of the future, how they are socialized influences not onlytheir own growth, but also the fortune of society. (这句话的主语是children还是how they aresocialized呢？)However, tosome extent, the current education system fails to meet the standard thattalents training required(requires). Surely, itis not simply a matter of children socialization, but the true function ofeducation.(这句话感觉没有说完，it is not A but B后面应该加一个强调的成分that/who/….，这样才能突出你想说的重点。)


The natureof education lies in the transmission of knowledge and values. Teachers trytheir best to impart what they know to students in order to prepare them forthe basic existence abilities and make them become civilized citizens. One of the purposes of education is to cultivate students toadapt themselves to social need and enable them to plan for their careers. Nomatter what field a student may investigate in and whether he can get an A ornot, after several years of schooling, he has to come to contact with otherpeople and become involved in society.（一个小问题：这段第一句写the nature of edu is transmission of K&V.即知识和价值观。这如果是主题句的话感觉跟后面的论证没有什么关系啊。因为你后面主要是说studentsprepare for their careers and finally become involved in society.这跟知识和价值观有什么关系呢。我感觉oneof the purposes这句话更像是主题句，建议放到前面来。或者，我并没看懂你的逻辑？欢迎你给我讲解一下啊！）



Thus,socialization, which means to associate or mingle with people socially, is ofgreat significance for children’s further development. It is the primary methodby which children start to acquire the knowledge and skills which are necessaryto perform as a functioning member of society. From my perspective,socialization is presented in several aspects, such as communication,cooperation, competition, values, how to make lives meaningful and how to treatsuccess and failure. Each aspect, though subtle（建议用subtly）, may affect the courses of children’s lives and then change thedestiny of society. Before entering into society, children are educated by boththeir parents and teachers, therefore, they（they指的是谁呢？children还是p&t?我觉得这里可能牵扯到一个主语一致的问题） all havethe responsibility to help children realize the importance of connecting withothers and fully prepare for the basic abilities they need.


However, thecurrent education system does not succeed in achieving this goal. Nowadays,schools are paying excessive attention to grades, which has put great pressureto students. All what(that) they know is justthe textbooks and exams, in order to get high marks, they keep their noses inbooks day and night, memorizing by rote without truly understanding themeaning. I’m afraid, if they go like this, sooner or later, they will lose thecreativity and even be isolated by society. To prevent this situation fromhappening, schools should strengthen the awareness of the importance ofchildren’s communicate and cooperative ability and also, prioritize personalcontact and team work that shape student development.


On the otherhand, socialization alone cannot bring a better society; at most, it canmaintain the social current situation. Only with creativity and fortifiedconviction, can a person create(creates) abetter society. Take Deng Xiaoping, who is the chief designer of Chinese reformand opening up, as an example. He not only schemed the blueprint of Chinesemodernization, but also put forward the “one country, two systems” policy, whichwas very creative and audacious at that time,
pave（paving） the way for the reunion of
China and Taiwan(感觉你用Chinese mainland和Taiwan会更好一些). (另外，建议这里加上一些改革开放带来的好处之类的，可以让论述更加完善)Creativethinking needs courage and long-term view, as long as it serves society, itwill possibly bring about a better society.（“创造性思维需要勇气和远见，只要它服务于社会，它就可能让社会更好。”这句话的逻辑是什么？前后感觉是两个意思啊）



To conclude,the basic objective of education does not mean that students can recite the text word by word or accept the principles in the book; the fundamental goal of education is to open up students’ minds to develop their potential andcreativity. (两句话的主语在意思上其实重复了
建议删去一个整合成一句话)How to build the bridge between education and social needs is a significant mission facing educational workers（how to…. FACINGeducational worker? 我觉得用challenging/testing会不会更好一点？）.

文章的逻辑是: S很重要，家长和学校有责任，但现行教育制度没能达到这个要求，现状是...,所以应该加强，另外，令社会更美好的因素还有... 这个逻辑链很清晰，一层一层论证的也很好。
提出建议的话我觉得结尾还有很大的发展空间，例如如何去激发学生的潜力和创造力等等。

P.S.:你可以直接看我上传的word文档~~~