TPO8独立写作 求批改

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Nowadays, all kinds of advertisements flood in my eyes after I flick on a television. As is known to all, television is a paradise for advertisers and companies as well as television shopping zealots. Nevertheless, there arises a heated discussion on whether television advertising can directly toward children or not. Arguments have appeared and opinions are divided. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree 你不同意什么要说清楚啊 for the following reasons.
感觉话题引入不是很自然。children出现得很突兀，考虑第一句话里加上chidren或相关的词（如parents）。

Firstly, as to children, they are too young to tell good from wrong. It is far beyond their capabilities to recognize the tricks hidden behind the well-designed commercial advertisement toward them. They are glad to buy goods attractively advertised on television if without the supervision of their parents. As a result, they are cheated, and it wastes their parents' money earned from diligent work. Under this circumstances, they指代谁？ are prone to be blamed by their parents, which may leave a bad effect on their vulnerable hearts. Probably, they will cry helplessly in a dark corner with endless regrets. Also, in order to get the money for goods such toys and games, they have to take it from their parents without permission. As a proverb says, child is the father of the man这什么意思啊，孩子是（男）人的父亲？. So whether the children will have a bright future or not deserves everyone's attention.
美国人会以为第一句就是你的论点，而你的第一句跟你的观点（应该禁止针对儿童的广告）毫无关系！“儿童不能分辨是非。”“所以呢？”“广告会教坏小孩子”——这才是你真正的论点吧？

Secondly, from the companies' perspective, what they gain from television advertising is more than money. Of course, by means of television advertising, they tend to sell more products in a short time. Then they are afford to continue their investigation on advertisements. Furthermore, in such an efficient business, they also obtain solidly established brand loyalty, whose seeds are set at an early age. Additionally, once the children grow up and have their offspring, they seem to choose the same brands without hesitation. Last but not the least, companies make their brands well-known. It is one of the paramount requirements to become a successful company. Obviously, their success builds on the sadness and the sacrifice of numerous naive children.
厂家做广告，使它的品牌深入孩子的心里，所以这些孩子长大后也会用这些品牌。为什么说这“牺牲”了孩子呢？

For all the words presented above, I should reiterate that television advertising can't toward children directly. And combined efforts from both parents and government ought to be taken to protect the young children.