XMC811作文帖

ct7luteUID: 2777405

Nowadays, with the trend of globalization, the distances among countries become smaller and smaller. Newspapers and magazines, as the major media which can provide abundant information to the public, also contain more introductions (content/information) of foreign countries. When one wants to know about a foreign country, these media are common resources. But when asking are newspapers and magazines the best way? I don’t think so. Following are some reasons.

Firstly, I think to achieve (get) information on the Internet is more useful (effective). Internet service has spread to many families and companies all over the world in the past several years. Diverse databases, encyclopedias have been well established and available online for free. The contents often contain almost all aspects of a country. But on newspapers and magazines, the information is usually fragmental and it often takes us so much time to search relative articles. For example, you heard (hear of) the name “Luxemburg”, a small country in Western Europe, and you want to know something about it. If you search it on the Internet (certain website), such as Wikipedia, it will only take several clicks to get what you want: the geography, economics, tourism, culture… all aspects of this country. There are also some linkages to other websites when you need some detail (detailed) information. However, when you resort to newspapers and magazines, the task may be messy and inefficient. They do provide much information when we do reading. But to choose them as a knowledge source is not the best method.

Secondly, going to that country is the most direct and efficient way to learn about a foreign country. You may hear and see it on TV and the Internet or read in books for a hundred times. But I think they are not better than experiencing it. As we know that, much information in media, no matter books, newspapers, or TV and the Internet, has been more or less modified positively or negatively (reported positively or negatively/modified in a positive or negative direction). Since it may be difficult for us to possess the ability of judgment (right judgment) in front of these things, the best way is to go there and see it by yourself. You can live with the people there, you can observe their customs, eat their food, and visit their places of interest. Thus you can have a deep impression of this country and learn much about it, in fact, more than any other way I think. However, this way is probably a luxury for many people due to its high cost.

All in all, the information on newspapers and magazines are not the best resources for learning about a foreign country. However, they do offer us many stories and photos. To read them at your leisure time can widen your horizon. It must be beneficial to your knowledge about the world.   
        
1.        我感觉用得不太地道的词，或者有问题的词，在括号里给出了自己的意见，不一定很好哈。
2.        结尾似乎不是总结全段内容，而是做了一个让步，承认newspapers and magazines还是有一定效用的。但是用All in all打头的话，会被认为是全文总结，那就应该涉及Internet和trip，这才是文章主要内容吧。

norraUID: 2782571

11.13一起加油吧

fengyanhongUID: 2941762

Should an effective leader make others have been part of decision making?

Nowadays, many people tend to work in a group to achieve the same goal. There is a leader and the rest are group members. Some people think that group members, in addition to the leader, should also be asked to take part in making decisions for the group. I agree this opinion. Here are some reasons which I give.

On the one hand, leaders not always make correct decisions. He may have some excellent abilities. However, it is undeniable that his experience and intelligence are not perfect so that they sometimes drive his own decision wrong. For example, in a marketing planning group, the leader has made some decisions according to his own judgment about the current situation. But in fact there is something unknown to him and it is critical to the whole plan. Thus, his decisions will probably fail to lead him to the goal which he once expected （just due to his negligence about something unknown 这部分可以去掉，thus之前讲的原因就是这个，有点循环论述了：领导有不知道的，所以他的目标不会达到，因为他有不知道的). (我练习下改写Thus，failure of the expected project will be the result of the negligence on the part of the leader).Here, we can see that making decision by just one leader is (taking a risk )->risky.(我比较喜欢化繁为简…)(because of )->because(后面是句子还是把介词短语换成连词吧)the horizon of an individual is limited.

So, to join the group members together is more important now, because different people can come up with different new and valuable ideas. These could help the decision-making process a lot. Just take the above example as well, the leader can hold a meeting and start a brainstorm. Every group member may excel in his or her own field. Finally, the leader can get a lot of ideas from different perspectives which (are sure to more than)?? the previous ideas generated by the leader alone. In addition, the group members also possess abundant information (from去掉，here and there 是副词短语，前面不能有介词吧~) here and there so the whole group are more likely to avoid the mistake of ignoring some unknown conditions. Thus, the group can discuss these ideas and determine a comprehensive decision based on various types of information. The decision will be more correct.

Some people may argue that if the leader let his members play the role of decision making, how he demonstrates his leading role? In my opinion, the role of the leader is not to be a dictator, but an organizer. He should organize the group well and make it function like an efficient machine. He can distribute the tasks to each member can hold some meetings. But in the issue of decision making, the strength and intelligence of the whole group must be better than the leader himself. In all words, an effective leader should make others be a part of decision making instead of make them finishing tasks alone.

看到你最后一段又写了一个新的观点，似乎可以单列出一段写它。和你分享一段话
It is on the basis of your conclusion alone that your readers response to your essay and remember the point it tries to make. Never use your conclusion to introduce new ideas that you did not prepare your readers earlier in the essay

there are many ways to write conclusions

rephrase or make reference to your thesis
summarize or rephrase your main points
offer advice; make a call to action
look to the future
explain how a problem was resolved
aks a rhetorical question
close with a statement or quotation readers will remeber
respond to a question in your own introduction

另外关于几个连词使用的细节，似乎中国老师从来不讲，但外教们总是重申的一点是：But 和And 基本上不作为一个句子的开头。只用在连接两个independent clause（IC）的时候。也就是连接两套主谓宾齐全的句子，比如你这句in fact there is something unknown to him and it is critical to the whole plan中and起的作用. 应该是in fact there is something unknown to him, and it is critical to the whole plan. And引发第二套 IC，之前要有逗号或者分号。建议你可以查找有关FANBOYS的解释。比如http://www.csus.edu/owl/index/sent/fanboys.htm 和
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/conjunctions.htm

我说的也不一定适合托福考试，筛选地参考吧。Enjoying reading your essay.一起努力~

ilovevickyUID: 2937658

Should an effective leader make others have been part of decision making?
5Nowadays, many people tend to work in a group to achieve the same goal. There is a leader and the rest are group members. Some people think that group members, in addition to the leader, should also be asked to take part in making decisions for the group. I agree this opinion. Here are some reasons which I give. 首段观点非常清晰，但要求再高一点的话希望写出新意。I agree this opinion略显简单。
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On the （去掉）one hand, leaders do not always make correct decisions. He (they) may have some excellent abilities. However, it is undeniable that his experience and intelligence are not perfect so that they sometimes drive his own decision wrong. For example, in a marketing planning group, the leader has made some decisions according to his own judgment about the current situation. But in fact there is something unknown to him and it is critical to the whole plan. 这里用 in fact there is something unknown to him，but it is critical to the whole plan. 更好Thus, his decisions will probably fail to lead him to the goal which he once expected just due to his negligence about something unknown. （我觉得这句说得不错，就是unknown找个词来替代。外国人重在语言形式，而中国人重在表达意思，所以偶尔的意思重复是可以的，只要词汇不重复就好） one leader is taking a risk because of the horizon of an individual is limited.句子尽量写得简单明了些。
这段论点不错，但是例子上还是不够具体，比如到底是什么unkown 的事情导致leader fail ,可以具体加进marketing的背景知识，这样更具体生动。
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So,（感觉用在开头比较不正式，您再斟酌一下） to join the group members together is more important now, because different people can come up with different new and valuable ideas. These could help the decision-making process a lot. Just take the above example as well, the leader can hold a meeting and start a brainstorm. Every group member may excel in his or her own field. Finally, the leader can get a lot of ideas from different perspectives which are sure to是确保的意思？
more than the previous ideas generated by the leader alone. In addition, the group members also possess abundant information from （去掉）here and there so the whole group are more likely to avoid the mistake of ignoring some unknown conditions. Thus, the group can discuss these ideas and determine a comprehensive decision based on various types of information. The decision will be more correct.   O+ \6 t- Q" X2 l  T  J2 [: p6 P' S
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Some people may argue that if the leader let his members play the role of decision making, how he demonstrates his leading role? In my opinion, the role of the leader is not to be a dictator, but an organizer. He should organize the group well and make it function like an efficient machine. He can distribute the tasks to each member can hold some meetings. But in the issue of decision making, the strength and intelligence of the whole group must be better than the leader himself. In all words, an effective leader should make others be a part of decision making instead of make them finishing tasks alone.8 T1a- \# g% c: o- s
哦你这是结论段了么？太长了。感觉你前两段说的是同一个方面的两个角度：领导者的不完善致使决定不完美；组员的多想法促使决定的完美。感觉你还可以想象别的角度。加油吧~~~