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[作文] 作文第五波求助~限时,关于工业化农业利弊+剑7表格图 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-11-16 13:18:25 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 扇舞丹青 于 2010-11-16 13:20 编辑

Some people support the development in agriculture such as factory farming and creations of new types of fruits and vegetables while others oppose this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


Recently,there has been arisen a heated debate over whether factory farming should be encouraged.Some people are in favor of the fast-developing Industrial Farming.While others are strongly against these novelty types of farming including new pattern of fruits and vegetables.Before presenting my view,I will intend to discuss  both sides of the arguement.


The supporters of this trend have generally focused on three arguements.The first is that farming factory can maxmum profits,thereby generating tax revenue to the country.Unfortunately, factory farming is more productive and efficient in comparison with family farming .Furthermore,in terms of constumer, they can

purchase the identical meat and other agricultrual products a great deal cheaper than ever before ,since factory farming have fulfilled the goal of maxmuming product scale as well as categories.Lastly, according to many exclusive interview on workers in the"Vegetaration workshop",which have bee publicized by The Times,it seems that they are more contented with their working environment in the spacious factory than their field work before.


The sceptisits,however,are strongly against this pattern of agriculture.From their perspectives,Factory Farming should be blamed for the unsecurity of food.Obviously,the explosion of Bird Flu in 2008 has been associated with the development of Industrial Farming.Secondly, is is devastating traditional agriculture and resulting in isolation of time-honored Household Farming Communities.The third and not the least reason is not workers in the"agricultrual factory" are inhumane with stocks such as pigs and chickens there,as a consequence,animal rights have been violated.


In the final analysis,both the two arguements have sound foundations.But if I am forced to make a option,I am no hestitate to choose the latter one. In my opinion,we should not be optimistic blindly to the sweeping trend  of Factory Farming.Only when it is been developed appropriately can we enjoy the convient and secure of food.


Task1 :


The graph illustrates how the consumption of various items in 5 nations varied in 2002.As we can see from the chart,in terms of food,drinks and tabacco,Turkey's consumer expenditure  was 32.14% which was obviously higher than other 4 countries.By contrast,the data of Sweden was merely 15.77%,which was half the same as Turkey.


As for clothing and footwear,It is evident that they are less popular than food,drinks and tobacco around all these 5 nations,with the figure fluated between 5.40% and 9.00% depends on different countries.In the meanwhile,Italy took the first place in the consumption of clothing and footwear,followed by Turkey  

with 6.63% .Similar to food,drinks and tobacco consumption,people in Sweden accounted for the least proportion of consumer spending on clothing and footwear.


As it can also be seen from the table,individuals in all these five Europeans nations the least money on leisure and education,compared with the other two fields.Unfortunately,the figure was only 4.35% for the Top.1,Turkey,of this section,as for Spain,that wa 1.98%,which was the lowest proportion.


To summarize,this table below reveals three distinctive indicators of national consumption.

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发表于 2010-11-16 18:13:18 |显示全部楼层
第一篇看了一下,感觉比你上次写的稍好一点点。。还是模板啊~

单词拼写错误较严重(sceptic 这种词就别用啦,尽管能写对也别用)。

还有是你中间两段的辩论MS个人偏向不是很重;建议把你同意的那一方先写,不同意的后写,最后点名agree with the former...

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发表于 2010-11-16 18:14:24 |显示全部楼层
Freya童鞋把剑桥系列的作文全都写了吗?建议还是写真题,这种题有时候出的也不科学(像那次连题目都出现语法毛病= =),还会误导你。。。

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发表于 2010-11-16 20:33:51 |显示全部楼层
嗯 剑桥系列的在一战的时候写了,我感觉因为没几天了 我好像主要在熟悉可能会考的相关话题的固定用词和固定搭配。。。。汗。

还有呢,真的谢谢你! 只要你也觉得感觉好点了,我也真的觉得感觉好点了! 3# Kinsimon

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发表于 2010-11-16 20:35:12 |显示全部楼层
真心求问,怎样去除模板痕迹呢? 如果不用我会觉得我在那些很明显的地方的表达会是错误的。。。。。。 2# Kinsimon

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发表于 2010-11-16 23:25:26 |显示全部楼层
嗯 剑桥系列的在一战的时候写了,我感觉因为没几天了 我好像主要在熟悉可能会考的相关话题的固定用词和固定搭配。。。。汗。


扇舞丹青 发表于 2010-11-16 20:33


熟悉话题,,也是好办法。 关于用词,还是那一句:保险起见,keep it simple and neat.

(个人觉得你现阶段还不用追求高级表达,句子通顺为上)

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发表于 2010-11-16 23:26:54 |显示全部楼层
真心求问,怎样去除模板痕迹呢? 如果不用我会觉得我在那些很明显的地方的表达会是错误的。。。。。
扇舞丹青 发表于 2010-11-16 20:35
其实 要保证作文overall 6-6.5 模板是允许的。但是要7 就不行了。。。

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发表于 2010-11-17 00:07:52 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 Kinsimon 于 2010-11-17 00:09 编辑

task1 fluctuate这个重要词拼错了;Unfortunately这种带明显个人感情色彩的词应该避免;还有最后一段太单薄 应该想办法再写一点。

就这样,不再补充~(因为task1我也不知道怎么才能得高分 = = )

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魅丽星

发表于 2010-11-17 01:58:05 |显示全部楼层
标准模板啊。。。不过我觉得LZ同学还是用模板的好。真的。。。

随便改一段语法。。。

The supporters of this trend have generally focused on three arguements.The first is that farming factory can maximize profits, thereby generating tax revenues to the country.Unfortunately, factory farming is more productive and efficient in comparison with family farming .Furthermore,in terms of constumers, they can purchase the identical(check for useage... you don't use identical this way...) meat and other agricultrual products a great deal cheaper than ever before ,since factory farming has fulfilled the goal of maximizing product scale as well as categories.Lastly, according to many exclusive interviews on workers in the"Vegetaration workshop",which have bee publicized by The Times,(Fragment)it seems that they are more content (it's an adj.) with their working environment in the spacious factory than their working in field before. (parallel. Or you can say: more content with working in spacious factory than in field.)
God bless~ Give Thanks with a grateful heart!
1 Corinthians 13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love


Bio-med -> Actuarial Math -> CS -> LAW!

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发表于 2010-11-17 12:45:26 |显示全部楼层
长舒一口气了。。。。。。 7# Kinsimon

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发表于 2010-11-17 12:46:00 |显示全部楼层
长舒一口气了。。。。。。 7# Kinsimon
扇舞丹青 发表于 2010-11-17 12:45

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发表于 2010-11-17 12:47:14 |显示全部楼层
其实 要保证作文overall 6-6.5 模板是允许的。但是要7 就不行了。。。
Kinsimon 发表于 2010-11-16 23:26
那就好,长舒一口气。。。

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发表于 2010-11-17 12:50:12 |显示全部楼层
标准模板啊。。。不过我觉得LZ同学还是用模板的好。真的。。。

随便改一段语法。。。

The supporters of this trend have generally focused on three arguements.The first is that farming factory can maxi ...
EmilyS 发表于 2010-11-17 01:58
(*^__^*)  终于没这么多红了 ,我是不是太容易满足了,,我会进步的 相信我 这两天看China Daily 了 经济学人我是看不懂的。。

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发表于 2010-11-17 22:23:06 |显示全部楼层
改后::如下:

Factory farming and the flourishing of transgenic plant in recent years has given rise to fierce debate in the media and on the Internet. Some people are in favor of Modern agricultural development .While others are strongly against these novelty types of farming including off-spring vegetables. Before presenting my view, I will intend to discuss both sides of the argument.

The supporters of this trend have generally focused on three arguments. The first is that farming factory can get rid of natural restrains on agriculture and alleviate Global Food Crisis. Factory farming, doubtless, is more productive and efficient in comparison with family farming Furthermore, due to its international modes of production, it can economize the manpower as well as maximize business profits .Lastly, in terms of customer, off-season fruits and pollution-free vegetables came into reality with not necessarily high prices. Thanks to factory farming, humanity fulfilled large-scale production and diversify food categories.

Interestingly, from the opponents‘perspectives, Firstly, it have destructed ecological balance .According to researches by agriculturalists, the explosion of Bird Flu in 2008 has been associated with the extension of Factory Farming. Secondly, it has devastated traditional agriculture and resulting in isolation of time-honored Household Farming Communities. The third and the most significant reason is Factory Farming should be blamed for the food insecurity. Nevertheless, the fact remains to be proved.

In the final analysis, both the two arguments have sound foundations. But if I am forced to make an option, I will not hesitate to choose the former one. In my opinion, we should not be too critical to the sweeping trend of Factory Farming. As long as it is been developed appropriately can we enjoy the merits.

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RE: 作文第五波求助~限时,关于工业化农业利弊+剑7表格图 [修改]

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作文第五波求助~限时,关于工业化农业利弊+剑7表格图
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