被删题目：media （revised by paisley）

梦如烟雨UID: 137365

Issue 15:
Unfortunately ,the media tend to highligt what is sensational at the moment. Society would be better served if the media reported or focus more fully on events and trends that will ultimately have the most long_term significance,

The speaker claims that rather than merely highlight what is sensational at the moment the medium should provide more complete coverage of important events which have profound significance. It have some merit from the normative standpoint. I could not totally agree with it.

First ,It is not practical to draw the public attention to the medium without the sensational events—something comparatively shocking, entertaining, or fascinating. Since they could not be popular, the advertising through the medium method would be ineffective ,which result in the end of finacial support, in turn ,the survival of the medium. A dieing media could not serve its purpose even lf it has the responsibility and ideal to cultivate its people or give them profound ideas of their future.. A telling fact is that many magazines in good sale now have noting to do with real contribution to our democratic society, which based on the debate and struggle for the general benefits of its people, they just gain the prevailing by delicate decorate of pages, attractive pictures
Of some super stars or celebrities which always have charm on readers. So the idea is of little possibility according to the economic concern.

Second , the endeavor in reporting sensational events not necessarily mean the abandon of  the pursuit of long_term significance. Without complete ,unfiltered .unbiased account of the current news, we couldn’t be well informed of the facts, not to mention think independently to judge and draw a reasonable conclusion. We must well be aware of what is happening either around us or in the other side of the earth, otherwise we can only blindly delegate everything to the legislators, jurists, politicians who may or may not know what is best for us. For instance ,with the knowledge
Of the details of most sensational thing this year: erac war, from the political to military respects, from regional to worldwide influences, all Americans have got their own point of view, either stand for it or oppose it. The arguments on ongoing events are essential to develop a cultivated and democratic society which is most important for a nation, so, the emphasis on sensational events sometimes not only don’t undermine people ponder over most significant events, but also serve the purpose.

Anyhow,I agree wholeheatly that the medium should provide more meaningful materials to people somehow. Focusing only on following the tides or catering for people’s common appetites will ruin its status as a mentor of its people. Today’s best selling magazine may be tomorrow’s pulp that will be found in the mass book market, because it has little real value in the content. But, something worth being cherished will be maintained in the book case as well as in people’s mind, because it has something unusual to a person who learn something from it. Consider a magazine records various ideas of economic reformation would not be a waste due to its academic and historic importance.

Medium have to balance its reports insidiously to win both popularity and significance. Highlight
The sensational events are not to be criticized. Nevertheless, it is the obligation to transfer people something valuable and significant, or it will defeat its original purpose to serve the society.

paisleyUID: 64183

The speaker claims that rather than merely highlight( rather than后面要用名词，如果是动词则应加ing) what is sensational at the moment the medium should provide more complete coverage of important events which have profound significance. It have（应是has） some merit from the normative standpoint. I could not totally agree with it. （这个开头太像ARGUMENT了，你可以注意一下ETS范文中两种开头的区别）

First（first second这样的词在托福作文里还可以用，在GRE作文里就显得小儿科了） ,It is not practical to draw the public attention to the medium without the sensational events—something comparatively shocking, entertaining, or fascinating. Since they could not be popular, the advertising through the medium method would be ineffective ,which result（第三人称单数应加s） in the end（用cutoff比较好，否则这个end很容易让人以为和前面连起来，变成in the end） of finacial support, in turn ,the survival of the medium.（后半句不是完整的句子了） A dieing （应是dying ）media could not serve its purpose even lf it has the responsibility and ideal to cultivate its people or give them profound ideas of their future.. A telling fact is that many magazines in good sale now have noting to do with real contribution to our democratic society, which based on the debate and struggle for the general benefits of its people, they just gain the prevailing by delicate decorate of pages, attractive pictures
Of some super stars or celebrities which always have charm on readers（这句话缺少谓语）[/COLOR]. So the idea（到底哪个idea呢？还是交代一下吧） is of little possibility according to the economic concern.
你这段在说媒体的生存离不开商业利润。最好能在开头就把这个意思表明。但蓝色字体部分，却脱离了你这个中心。不知道你这么写是什么意思。如果表示让步的话，应该有其他句子把这个转折拉回来。否则就感觉偏了。


Second , the endeavor in reporting sensational events not necessarily mean the abandon（此词做名词时意义已经变化，不在表示“放弃”，所以还是用abandoning比较好） of the pursuit of long_term significance. Without complete ,unfiltered .unbiased account of the current news, we couldn’t be well informed of the facts, not to mention think （mention后面应该跟名词，或者加that，不能直接用动词）independently to judge and draw a reasonable conclusion. We must well be aware of what is happening either around us or in the other side of the earth, otherwise we can only blindly delegate everything to the legislators, jurists, politicians who may or may not know what is best for us. For instance ,with the knowledge 这段里你想表达的意思很好，但是总起句和后面的论述关系不是很大，尤其是longterm的东西，你完全没有讲到。

Of the details of most sensational thing this year: erac（IRAQ） war, from the political to military respects, from regional to worldwide influences, all Americans have got their own point of view, either stand for it or oppose it. The arguments on ongoing events are essential to develop a cultivated and democratic society which is most important for a nation, so, the emphasis on sensational events sometimes not only don’t （not only后面很少用否定的）undermine people ponder over most significant events, but also serve the purpose.

Anyhow,I agree wholeheatly that the medium should provide more meaningful materials to people somehow. Focusing only on following the tides or catering for people’s common appetites will ruin its status as a mentor of its people. Today’s best selling magazine may be tomorrow’s pulp that will be found in the mass book market, because it has little real value in the content. But, something worth being cherished will be maintained in the book case as well as in people’s mind, because it has something unusual to a person who learn （第三人称单数应加s）something from it. Consider（动词不能做句首） a magazine records various ideas of economic reformation would not be a waste due to its academic and historic importance.

Medium（应是the media，media是复数，medium是单数，且很少用单数的） have to balance its reports insidiously to win both popularity and significance（此词意义含混，应该和题目中的“长期价值”联系起来）. Highlight（（动词不能做句首）） The sensational events are not to be criticized. Nevertheless, it is the obligation to transfer（afford比较好，transfer的意思相差太远） people something valuable and significant, or it will defeat（应用ruin之类的词） its original purpose to serve the society.



语言上不错了，运用词汇还是相当得心应手的，句子也很流畅。但有个别错误。

立意上也很全面，而且有深度。

这篇写得不错！！


你这篇文章似乎是有范文的，或者是前人写过。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。如果觉得自己的英文还不是特别好，那么不一定要改他们的词句, 提点结构上和想法上的建议也是好的。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！

梦如烟雨UID: 137365

非常感谢你的认真评改。