Argument166【StruggleToTriumph】by 逆影 1209

sonicjamUID: 2507839

As the author argued in this case of choice between 2 over-the-counter(OTC) cold medications, Cold-Away is evidently more effective than Coldex because of the longer time on the market and more extensive use of Cold-Away in hospitals. At first glance it seems reasonable of the author’s statement, but when you scrutinize it carefully, there still are some noticeable fallacies can be found.

When it comes to the time that medications appear on the market, we cannot admit that the medication with longer time on sold have a better effect than a newer one. It is possible that Coldex is invented recently, and it has some new constitutions that may work on patients faster than Cold-Away which has been used for a longtime. On the other hand, Coldex may not have been generally acquainted in the public yet because of its new publication, and that also may result in that more hospitals choose Cold-Away rather than Coldex. So consumers should be given more time to appraise the effect of Coldex. Consequently, the time on sold may not make any difference of the effects between them.

For hospitals, their intention of use of an OTC medication may differ from personal use. It can be seen in the author’s statement that Cold-Away can make user sleepy, but the side effect of Coldex is taken only if the high blood pressure exists. For doctors in hospitals, the security of medications may take priority over other reasons of medication choice. They may not choose a risky medication such as Coldex, which even could be more effective, but a safer one like Cold-Away just in case. However, those customers of pharmacies, who do not want to see doctors for cold, probably have to work and keep a sober mind all the time. In this case, if they are clear about their own history of illness, it is out of question to choose a medication that neither cause drowsiness nor harm themselves.Therefore, drug use of hospital cannot be an applicable reason of choice between Cold-Away and Coldex.

In conclusion, substantially speaking, effects of medications have nothing to do with their time on the market and their use in hospitals. If there is no clear back drop of the evidence used in this argument, the conclusion the author makes is questionable.

(384words)

词穷了。。。

Letitia_DUID: 2970714

绿 出彩
洋红 可改进
红 错误
蓝 批注
As the author argued in this case of choice between 2 over-the-counter(OTC) cold medications, Cold-Away is evidently more effective than Coldex because of the longer time on the market and more extensive use of Cold-Away in hospitals. At first glance it seems reasonable of the author’s statement, but when you scrutinize it carefully, there still are【这个反了吧there are still, still应该在be 动词之后，实义动词之前
】 some noticeable fallacies can be found.【however, this argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and suffers from several critical flaws, which render it unconvincing.】
【本段总结】
感觉上来（OTC）很给力。
但是开头还可以再精致一点。

When it comes to the time that medications appear on the market, we cannot admit that the medication with longer time on sold have a better effect than a newer one. It is possible that Coldex is【是不是用完成时好一点】 invented recently, and【but这地方该转折吧】 it has some new constitutions that may work on patients faster than 【有点奇怪】Cold-Away which has been used for a longtime. On the other hand, Coldex may not have been generally acquainted in the public yet because of its new publication, and that also may result in that more hospitals choose Cold-Away rather than Coldex. 【感觉两个句子不太像并列的关系thus resulting in that…】So consumers should be given more time to appraise the effect of Coldex. Consequently, the time on sold may not make any difference of the effects between them.【是不是在点一下是什么，比如two medications 我上次也是这个问题】
【本段总结】
结构和清晰，段落的逻辑和层次也可以，再注意一下一句话内部的逻辑关系吧。

For hospitals, their intention of use of an OTC medication may differ from personal use. It can be seen in the author’s statement that Cold-Away can make user sleepy, but the side effect【unwanted side effect】 of Coldex is taken only if the high blood pressure exists. For doctors in hospitals, the security of medications may take priority over other reasons of medication choice. They may not choose a risky medication such as Coldex, which even could be more effective, but a safer one like Cold-Away just in case. 【这句结构很好，但是不明白这个药怎么既危险又有效呢】However, those customers of pharmacies, who do not want to see doctors for cold, probably have to work and keep a sober mind all the time. In this case, if they are clear about their own history of illness, it is out of question to choose a medication that neither cause【causes】 drowsiness nor harm 【to】themselves. 【是指
选择Coldex吗？】Therefore, drug use of hospital cannot be an applicable reason of choice between Cold-Away and Coldex.
【本段总结】
感觉这一段的中心句不太能够概括全段。。

In conclusion, substantially speaking, effects of medications have nothing to do with their time on the market and their use in hospitals. If there is no clear back drop of the evidence used in this argument, the conclusion the author makes is questionable.
结尾挺好的

【文章总结】
观点和逻辑结构很清晰，有些很出彩的句子~~
有一些细节需要注意一下，比如时态以及长句子之间的逻辑~~
求讨论~~！！

(384words)