作文.../

AthrúUID: 2965183

1219考。
作文很想多拿几分。其他单项都非常差。所以拜托同组了，狠狠地改下。


1213

1213 by Ath.doc (23 KB, 下载次数: 18)

2010-12-14 01:01:16 上传

下载次数: 18

xiongcan818UID: 2849571

1219考。
作文很想多拿几分。其他单项都非常差。所以拜托同组了，狠狠地改下。


1214

158547
Athrú 发表于 2010-12-14 01:01

恩，我帮你修改了下，你还是需要大量练习哦~~

darkfinallyUID: 2849005

很好～～

AthrúUID: 2965183

1214

1214 by Ath.doc (22.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-12-15 01:57:29 上传

下载次数: 5

madfrog4227UID: 2840905

改好了，请查收

yaoxiang1015UID: 2311632

改好了~！

Only movies that can teach us something about real life is worth watching.

The statement in the direction is a long-term consideration of many people including me. Many people will argue that only movies that can teach them something about real life is worth watching. However, I, after thinking about it on many aspects, decide to stand up against the point for the following reasons. (第一段很明確地提出了觀點，如果描述的話更多一點就更好了，最好有一個HOOK，來帶著讀者進入你要寫的話題)

The first and the most important（essential, significant 表示重要的詞語有很多，可以去字典查查同義詞，替換一下，這樣可以為你的作文提高檔次，增色不少） reason for my opposing idea is that some movies that seem to no correlative to our real lives, in some senses, can be a goal to our lives. Take me as an instance, I bored（was born）
in a poor family and I really had no idea about famous brand and luxury goods. My life condition was always just satisfied but lacked power urging me to live a better living. One day, I saw an upper-class society’s movie. The beautiful dress, the respectful understrapper, and the delicious food had never been seen in my life. It gave me shock, because I started to realize I should deserve these all but not contented to my previous life. As a result, after hard working and enriching myself continually, I really get what I want today. Thus, movies might be a good tool to extend our outlooks and stimulate us for a new target.


Another reason for my disagreement is that movies itself is a way to relax people. When we went back home after a whole day’s hard working, it is tired that trying to figure out what we can learn from movies. At the time, we tend to watch some entertainment programs. On the other hand, we watch some shows like American Idol, listen to their music, and feel their story behind. We support some player just for appreciating. Also, the vote to them makes us feel that we are important and we enjoy the role. Thereby, movies thought us nothing delight us, and the happiness can not be replaced by other things.

Of course, sometimes some people say that movies that cannot benefit us and have no value to us in addition to happiness.(這裡需要加個像AND這樣的連詞，否則這句話就有2個謂語了) However, a close inspection would reveal how flimsy it is: the happy not only brings about a running up in emotion but it also leads us working more efficiently and actively. Consequently, I am sure that my above examples can conquer all opposes.

In conclusion, although some people support their viewpoint: the worth watching movie is the film can teach us something. I still contend my opinion: all the movies are worth watching because every kind of them all can produce surprise to us in various aspects.

這篇文章觀點很明確，論證也很清晰。 總的來說不錯~

如果同學能夠增加一下词汇，練習一下同類詞的替換就更好了~

AthrúUID: 2965183

1215

1215 by Ath.doc (23 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-12-16 12:43:26 上传

下载次数: 5

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

7# Athrú   怕你没有收到站内信，我给你再说一下，你的作文我改好了，但我不会直接弄成像他们那样的文档然后上传，且我不会粘贴成整齐的版式，所以我只能很悲剧的要给你把作文发你邮箱，所以请速速告诉我你的邮箱~~~

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

5# madfrog4227 能告诉我怎么把文章给人家上传成你这样的文档呢？谢谢了~~~

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

7# Athrú   给你改的文章去我的帖子看吧，我放在那里了。不用给我你的邮箱了~

AthrúUID: 2965183

抱歉额，我刚上论坛，刚看到站内信。谢谢改。帖子看到了。