camping writing by gamy, aim 25

gamyUID: 2748678

13# fengyanhong
谢谢修改～
提到的问题会注意修改，谢谢~

gamyUID: 2748678

14# juliago
谢谢！
这篇作文在极度混乱的情况下完成，写的很混乱的确，你的意见很好，会好好改正，谢谢！~

冬咚宝UID: 2956480

我也是22号考，↖(^ω^)↗加油

great与众不同UID: 2558121

改好了

gamyUID: 2748678

交作业迟到，有人改不？

liuyuan1990UID: 2894778

改了作文 1.12 的 记得回改~~~

gamyUID: 2748678

越写越没信心是咋回事儿……………………

great与众不同UID: 2558121

这回写得不错，继续加油！

JJohnnyyUID: 2991341

Do you want to be a person who have（has）
numerous of good ideas, or to be a beauty with colorful dresses and charming looks? Maybe some young girls will hesitate on this issue, thinking about which one will be better in individual`s development. While the overwhelming majority, including me, will definitely claim that being a person who is thoughtful and profound is nonetheless the nature choose.（这。。有点没明白） Among countless reasons and facts that support my viewpoint, I will list the most conspicuous and comprehensive（不如用significant essential crucial之类的） ones here.

The first plain truth is that good looks and dresses can not solve the problems in majority situation. It is the good ideas that give rise to（应该可以去掉吧）
significantly positive influence on（to） the complex difficulties. So great is our passion to success in this competitive society that some people devote themselves to find some so-called short ways（short cuts）
to achieve their objectives. However, this can not be a wise and efficiency strategy. The world famous scientist Stephen William Hawking is a good case in this point, he does not own handsome looks and seldom were（worn） beautiful clothes, and even his body is in bad situation, but no one can deny the truth that he is successful. In order to make my demonstration more clearly, I want to cite what one of my favorite celebrates has said ”The brain is the single thing can beat any difficulty in the world ”

Furthermore, good looks and beautiful dresses can be cheating（deceived）. It is universally acknowledged that if one thing is more appealing, there might be bigger traps behind it. Once I have a classmate, who was really a charming and well-dressed girl, at first all the students in the class were glad to make friends with her, however, not long ago（time） we found that she was a person who always told lies in order to get good impression from others and sometimes even regardless hurting others to reach her objectives. Finally, we all recognized her true（real） character and never be cheated by her looks and sweet words.



Finally, if people, especially youth pour remarkable energy on the looks and dresses, it will turn out to be a collapse towards not only the individual but also society as a whole. For example, some young students always fixation（appealed） on the handsome and charming outlooks of singing stars or film actors and obsession with following the flavor of the monsoon. Numerous money and energy are invested in these things, less time is left to their academic study and personal development, which will unavoidably lead to the failure of their study and future career .

As a conclusion, though good looks and dresses may be effective in certain situation, it cannot be valued more important than good ideas. Only with（through） profound thought and excellent ideas can ensure（去掉） a person achieve opportunities to success.

能写这么多字真不容易呀~总体不错
有些词还能再准确些。
有个建议：如果你能在规定时间写完5段的话，中间3段建议2点正方观点加1点反方观点，然后相比之下正方更好。这样可以想的文章更全面不绝对
还有例子能再展开就更好了。。加油哦

gamyUID: 2748678

谢谢修改的同学～

gamyUID: 2748678

24# great与众不同

谢谢修改～
恩，本来一直是换换词的，后来在托福报名送的那份样题的答案里发现人就是这么重复的，想着问题不大就没换……
第三段我再听听～

谢谢～

gamyUID: 2748678

25# JJohnnyy

谢谢修改和建议
文章不是限时写完的……
连个正面观点　一个让步最好的结构，会努力这么做～
一起加油~

冬咚宝UID: 2956480

已改好，句子基本还比较流畅，而且发现有你自己的固定句型了，继续加油↖(^ω^)↗