【作文铺子】over

xulinxiUID??2996978

重新写过了一篇 写的第二篇。。。。 是在看了“argument就应该这样写”的那帖子后写的
按照他的说法 我觉得这个题目的逻辑链式这样的：
1、文章根据一个假设：GM 学院有比较多的关于 商科 和 计算机技术的课程，并且有较多的就业顾问。所以使GM学院的就业率比较高。
2、文章的结论是：我们（MV学院）也应该开设更多的关于 商科 和 计算机技术的课程 也应该再聘请一些就业顾问 以此来帮助毕业生就业
3、作者通过将两个学院的就业率做比较 来作为结论的论据

我的想法是这样的 不知道是否够谈得上逻辑性 另外 感觉自己在句式多样性上缺乏
也不知道这样的攻击方法及语言是否够力啊 文章结构行不行啊

3月中旬考啊 才开始复习。。。。。
238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira
Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and
more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last
year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But
at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who
informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had
found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half
of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help
Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in
business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to
help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."

邻近的Green Mountain学院拥有比Mira
Vista学院更多的商业课程和就业顾问，去年其毕业生有90％得到了公司的工作机会。但去年在Mira
Vista，所有通知了就业办公室说他们要就业的毕业生中只有70％的人在毕业后三个月内找到全职工作，而且这些毕业生只有一半在本专业就业。为帮助Mira
Vista的毕业生找到工作，我们必须提供更多的商业和计算机技术课程，并雇佣更多的就业顾问来帮助学生提高准备简历和面试的技巧。


From this argument, the author try to convince us that in order to help Mira Vista’s graduates find employ more easier, they should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills. To support his conclusion, the arguer cites a comparsion between Mira Vista College and their neighboring Green Mountain College. However, I’m afraid this argument can hardly bear a further consideration since there are several flaws in it.

To begin with, the arguer falsely depends on a gratuitous assumption that more business and computer technology courses and job counselors are responsible for a high rate of job hunting in Green Mountain College. The arguer provides none evidence to substantiate it, which make me highly suspect. As we know, there are a variety of majors in a college such as math, art and so on. The author provides little information about how many graduates major in business are involved in the 90 percent of employed students last year for Green Mountain College. Perhaps, only a little contribution are related to the graduates major in business for the successful job hunting, maybe the other students playing the key roles in it. So it is unconvincing for us without more evidence to support the arguer’s assumption.

Even assuming that the arguer’s assumption above is true, we still questioning that it is effective to apply the measure to Mira Vista College. The author ignores the difference between two colleges. It is highly possible that the Green Mountain College is strong at business and is nature to offer more business courses so that it can attract more students. Moreover, maybe the job market in where the Green Mountain College locate in is in short of students those who major in business and so does the students major in computer technology. However, the author does not point out any similarity between these two places. In a word, the arguer fails to provide sufficient evidence to support that it is similar enough for taking it into action.

Obviously, the author take it granted that the job counselors of Green Mountain college are making a big difference in its job hunting of graduates. Maybe it is, maybe it is not. But insofar no valid data is available to substantiate it. Besides, 3 months seems to be a little short to evaluate the situation about job hunting of Mira Vista College’s graduates. It is entirely possible that more than a little students would find a employment after 3 months and 1 day.

Anyway, I’m appreciating that the Mira Vista College making a hard work to improve the situation of job hunting. But as it stands, faced to the insufficient evidence, make it arguable, I cannot fully agree with the arguer. To strengthen it, the arguer should provide more evidence and details to evaluate the whole situation of job market anew then it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.

咖啡盐UID??2973669

Grounding on a study of a comparison between a group of first-time ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor’s direction and anther group who did not take Zorba, the arguer makes the conclusion that Zorba will be highly effective in preventing not only recurrent ulcers but also first-time unlcers. To support his claim the arguer showed us a data that only 25 percent Zorba takers developed new ulcers while in the group of who did not take Zorba the recurrence rate was 75 percent. While this argument seems somewhat specific and plausible at first glance, close inspection would reveal it fraught with vague, oversimplified and unwarranted claims in several aspects.这样是不是好些嘞？

First of all, it is dubious that a new ulcer is somewhat different from a recurrent ulcer, the author has a fallacy to make these two things equaled.
new ulcer和recurrent ulcer是存在着差异的。new ulcer 很可能发生在原来溃疡处以外的地方，或者以不同的形式在原创口发生；而recurrent ulcer 则是原来的病情再次发作。这种差别很可能由于受伤程度不同引起的，第一组由于伤的很重，需要Zorba控制病情，而第二组只是无关痛痒的ulcer，如：口腔溃疡。在这种情况下，第一组的病人很可能由于治疗中的其他并发症使得出现其他ulcer，这和第二组的复发就完全不是一个概念了。作者在没有根据的情况下建立的比较关系是不科学的。也可能，第一组的病人除了出现new ulcer外，还有复发的情况，比例可能高于第二组，那么，Zorba能够控制ulcer的发生就站不住脚了。所以，在没有其他科学依据的前提下，武断地将两种不同情况相比较是毫无根据的。


Even if the study could be the representative of the whole group of patients, these two groups of who took Zorba or not remain many other differences as well. 首先，病人自身的情况并没有统一，可能第一组病人全是青壮年，而第二组全是老人，年轻人自身的身体素质以及康复速度自然高于老人，所以第二组的复发率高并不能有力证明Zorba的作用。其次，两组病人所处的环境也可能存在差异，第一组是在设施齐全的医院进行康复，而第二组则是在自己家里；又或者，第一组康复的全程都有医生的专业指导，在这种情况下，病人的康复率自然比没有医生的情况下要高得多。


Moreover, even assuming that these two groups of patients are under the same circumstance, only Zorba's effect on preventing the recurrent ulcers or new ulcers can we prove. How can we know that Zorba are effective in first-time ulcer preventing?
上文的试验都是针对已经first-time ulcer的患者，而且new ulcers是在那些first-time ulcer 的基础上发生的，也无法成为Zorba能防止first-time ulcer 的证明，基于我们能从文中获得关于Zorba和first-time ulcer之间联系的信息过少，无从证明其真实性。


重新梳理了下....不知道这样是不是好一点....

紫陌纤尘o0UID??2745492

34# 咖啡盐

第一组由于伤的很重，需要Zorba控制病情，

Zorba能够控制ulcer的发生就站不住脚了

看看，写段中文也自相矛盾了吧？第一个不合适，Z就是个dietary supplement。

首先，病人自身的情况并没有统一，可能第一组病人全是青壮年，而第二组全是老人，年轻人自身的身体素质以及康复速度自然高于老人，所以第二组的复发率高并不能有力证明Zorba的作用。其次，两组病人所处的环境也可能存在差异，第一组是在设施齐全的医院进行康复，而第二组则是在自己家里；又或者，第一组康复的全程都有医生的专业指导，在这种情况下，病人的康复率自然比没有医生的情况下要高得多。

这个还是有些问题，其实你说病人一组青壮年一组老人这是有些找茬的意味，做实验的也不是傻子，这么低级的错误不会犯。他们犯的是根据实验结果不恰当的推理出结论。往往实验不会有那么多白痴的问题，倒是实验中有些可能忽略的细节，但是不要作为重点。至于那所处的环境，实验的基本常识美国人还是有的，不要就这么低级的错误来说。就这个点来看，其实医生的指导是关键，如果医生作用不大也不会有国外那么强调doctor direction了，你主要立足于这个写要好些。这段重写！

这篇就这样吧，看看范文，慢慢来，还有很大提高空间。

紫陌纤尘o0UID??2745492

33# xulinxi

蓝色：逻辑结构  绿色：我的建议 紫色：评注 红色：有问题的地方

1、文章根据一个假设：GM 学院有比较多的关于 商科 和 计算机技术的课程，并且有较多的就业顾问。所以使GM学院的就业率比较高。
2、文章的结论是：我们（MV学院）也应该开设更多的关于 商科 和 计算机技术的课程 也应该再聘请一些就业顾问 以此来帮助毕业生就业
3、作者通过将两个学院的就业率做比较 来作为结论的论据

我的想法是这样的 不知道是否够谈得上逻辑性 另外 感觉自己在句式多样性上缺乏
也不知道这样的攻击方法及语言是否够力啊 文章结构行不行啊

只看到个皮毛，没有深入分析~

238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira
Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and
more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last
year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But
at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who
informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had
found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half
of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help
Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in
business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to
help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."

对比注意点：
学校情况
GMC 客观条件>business courses >job counselors
        就业情况 90%prospective employ
MVC 客观条件 -
        就业情况 70%informed full time(in 3个月) 70%*50% 对口
1.找到工作用的时间？GMC未知
2.两个学校的性质？（eg.一个是技校，一个是Uni） 未知
3.两学校毕业生工作的性质？未知
4.MVC有个关键informed， 那其它的未informed呢？未知

隐含推论：
经过上面4点的考虑能否认为GMC就业确实比MVC好？

结论注意点：
1.强调的是resumes and interviewing，言外之意是这GMC“成功”这两项是关键，同时开设一些课程都是为这两项服务的。
2.computer technology 从何而来？

From this argument, the author try to convince us that in order to help Mira Vista’s graduates find employ more easier, they should offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills. To support his conclusion, the arguer cites a comparsion between Mira Vista College and their neighboring Green Mountain College. However, I’m afraid this argument can hardly bear a further consideration since there are several flaws in it.

前面划线的都是照搬题目，没有任何作用，考试是这么写纯浪费时间。最后一句通用模板句，说了和没说一样。
第一段基本没有表达出任何信息。注意要体现逻辑，深层逻辑，起码要把它的隐含推论体现出来吧？让人看了开头觉得你是真看懂这个题目了。

To begin with, the arguer falsely depends on a gratuitous assumption that more business and computer technology courses and job counselors are responsible for a high rate of job hunting in Green Mountain College.  The arguer provides none evidence to substantiate it, which make me highly suspect.<1> As we know, there are a variety of majors in a college such as math, art and so on. The author provides little information about how many graduates major in business<2> are involved in the 90 percent of employed students last year for Green Mountain College. Perhaps, only a little contribution are related to the graduates major in business for the successful job hunting, maybe the other students playing the key roles in it. So it is unconvincing for us without more evidence to support the arguer’s assumption.
<1>模板，无信息含量。
<2> 这个偏离了题意，把讨论限定在了很小的范围内。
这段不太和谐，前面用的模板，后面的表达与模板表达<1> 相去有段距离，一看就看出来了。模板都是废话，阿狗就这么点儿字，话语用在关键处。

Even assuming that the arguer’s assumption above is true, we still questioning that <3>it is effective to apply the measure to Mira Vista College. The author ignores the difference between two colleges. It is highly possible that the Green Mountain College is strong at business and is nature to offer more business courses so that it can attract more students. Moreover, maybe the job market in where the Green Mountain College locate in is in short of students those who major in business and so does the students major in computer technology. However, the author does not point out any similarity between these two places<4>. In a word, the arguer fails to provide sufficient evidence to support that it is similar enough for taking it into action.
<3>语法问题
<4>指出相同点要干什么？说清楚，不要抛出莫名其妙的理论不加解释。

论述问题挺大，首先是论述信息含量不足。而且alternative explain找的比较蹩脚。没有看到题目中比较核心的内容。

Obviously, the author take it granted that the job counselors of Green Mountain college are making a big difference in its job hunting of graduates. Maybe it is, maybe it is not<5>. But insofar no valid data is available to substantiate it. Besides, 3 months seems to be a little short to evaluate the situation <6>about job hunting of Mira Vista College’s graduates. It is entirely possible that more than a little students would find a employment after 3 months and 1 day.
<5>到底是神马？这句话不仅没用，还影响逻辑。
<6>why?

信息含量不足，论述没用focus。

Anyway, I’m appreciating that the Mira Vista College making a hard work to improve the situation of job hunting. But as it stands, faced to the insufficient evidence, make it arguable, I cannot fully agree with the arguer. To strengthen it, the arguer should provide more evidence and details to evaluate the whole situation of job market anew then it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.（结尾原则上不看）

这篇文章问题不小，综观全文，几乎没有一点说到点上，更别提一针见血的效果了。
对题目的分析不到位，还得好好思考。“argument就应该这么写”虽然通俗易懂，但是你如果没有对阿狗深刻的认识，看完后也仅是觉得“噢，原来如此”，不会有多少共鸣。建议先从intro开始好好研究，慢慢来，时间还多，从基础抓起。
语言表达方面，尽量抛弃模板，多写有价值的内容。语言要适当提高，句子不要写太长，容易出错。

个人意见，仅供参考。

布丁的爱恋UID??2769395

我2.17号就考了，只有二十天不到。。但就是觉得自己可以提高的地方太少。。感觉写来写去都是那个样，逻辑很单一，语言也很一般。。
心里确实有点点急。。而越急我就越慌，越慌我就越不知道干啥好。。what a vicious circle。。sigh。。
所以我想问下紫陌~剩下的二十天该着重干什么好。。我觉得自己陷入了很迷茫的境界。。谢谢。。
下面就是我今天写的文。。竟然写了70分钟。。哎。。
ISSUE8 - "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."

Along with the advancement of society and technology, public's viewpoint about whether political leaders should withhold information has changed greatly. Previously people held the opinion that as long as they could live a life, what political leaders did didn't matter, while nowadays increasing numbers of people recognize that they have the right to supervise what political leaders have done. So the transparency of information is becoming more and more crucial. However, not every piece of information about a nation can be revealed to the public. Hence, how to deal with the information is a significant task for political leaders.

First of all, sometimes withholding information from the public is quite necessary especially when the information involves confidential document and the fundamental interest of a nation. Such information, once revealed, would cause adverse impacts. For instance, when the first atomic bomb was in the process of development by United States, its whole procedure remained top secret. Just image if the procedure of atomic bomb was let out, what great chaos it would induce. Public would be stuck in a frightening condition because anyone who knew the procedure might be possible to create one. If every country had the access to how to make an atomic bomb and then if disputes emerged between nations, using atomic bomb would become the underlying danger. Therefore, this kind of information that may bring about chaos has to be taken good cared of.

Some top secrets about a country could not be revealed to public, but it can not be extend to the degree that political leaders should withhold all the information from the public. People have the right to know the operation of the country as well as the right to supervise political leaders. If all information is withhold from the public, then supervision will turn impossible and people's own interest will be under damage even without consciousness. An instance may be apt to illustrate the point. Every year, Chinese government has to reveal its fiscal budget to public in order to let its people see where the revenue goes and whether the budget is reasonable or not. If this information is withheld which means tax-payers even have no idea of the utility of their money, then no individual will trust the country and be loyal to it because they would think that the nation may waste their money which is earned not easily. Consequently, if political leaders want the trust of the public, they should first show their trust to the public by revealing some information.

As discussed above, keeping secrets and withholding information are both necessary for political leaders. Just as the old saying goes--one careless move forfeits the whole game, political leaders have to be prudent and find the balance between those two. Therefore, deciding the standard that which information can be withhold and which can't is extremely vital. One of the standard that political leaders are ought to take into consideration is the effect of the publicized information. If the information may stir up immense damage to both the nation and its people, political leaders have to think twice before taking action.

To sum up, withholding information or not is a case-by-case discussion. Sometimes some information should be withheld and sometimes they must be revealed which depend on the standard that political leaders set up.

谦虚的小公鸡UID??2961678

喔喔，希望紫陌能帮大公鸡的忙
我2月17日考，最近刚刚看过了你的Issue指导，感觉启发很大
可我写文章很慢，这篇文章从分析到写完用了75分钟，还不包括修改时间。
谢谢你啦。

我划定关键词大致是students  skepticism study question accept passively这几个，主角是students，话题重点是skepticism，speaker的论点是学生应对所学所有内容都有怀疑态度，并给出了一个方法（质疑）。

首先讲了自己对skepticism的理解。
然后讲分析主角学生学习的内容，这个着墨不多。
再考虑学生和skepticism的关系，分析skepticism在学生学习的领域是否可行。（这时候基本上就开始靠近speaker的观点了）
一旦可行，讨论这个对学生有没有好处（两种视野：学生以后为了科研；学生以后不搞科研）。
最后保留态度，提到两种不必采用怀疑态度的情形（一种是已成定论，非要说孔子是韩国人这种，另一种是研究南京大屠杀准确死亡人数这种）。

呃，发现了一个问题，就是关于被动接受的危害我基本没怎么写（好象只是第二段提了一点）。不过现在字数已经超了……
=======================================
题目：ISSUE 153
"Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively."

提纲：
1. The explanation of skepticism.
2. What do students learn in school? Is skepticism adaptable?
3. Is it good for students?
4. What if a student instructed with skepticism if he/she doesn't want to be a scientist?
5. Reserve in two points.

正文：
We are calling for a revolution in the realm of education in accordance with the development of economy, technology and society, to wit the step of the times. One measure that many people advocate is that students should learn with the spirit of skepticism to whatever they study, i.e. they should question what they learn rather than just accept it. Though with reserve, I generally agree that it is wise to inculcate students with skepticism and lead them to applying that to most of what they learn.

Before we start, it is advisable to take a gander at the meaning of skepticism. The speaker has mentioned the nub, or what we call the pivot, of the skepticism, which is the capability for asking questions. To make it further, we can arrive at an idea that skepticism is to find something new rather than say "this is it." What students are taught includes science, liberal arts and literature, sports, some pratice training and so on. It is clear that the spirit of skepticism is adaptable to what students learn regardless of various subjects.

Furthermore, skepticism is both adaptable and useful in the realm of education. Concerning the latter point, skepticism is conducive to opening a student's mind and improving his/her capabilities for investigation. First, by skepticism students are imbued with the sense of disentanglement. He/she would know that it is not something forbidden to ask questions. This is especially meaningful for Chinese education, where traditionally a student would be batted if he/she dared to ask even a simple question in order to  maintain the teacher's authority. Though the era has changed, we need to further liberate the thought now. Second, a student could acquire the ability for investigation which is the precious gem of modern science. Pitifully, this is what traditional education does not recommend, which could explain why there is even no scientist who has got a Nobel Prize with the sole nationality of the People's Republic of China. That is to say in traditional Chinese education a student who always enjoys "looking for something new" which is a good habit in the eyes of a Western teacher would be regarded as a "naughty boy" who "does not concern what he/she should be wrapped up in". And a naughty boy, in traditional Chinese education, is equal to a "bad guy" who "is totally rubbish and contributes nothing to the society." It seems unfair and unreasonable, but it is not exaggerating to say that it was the truth in the past several milleniums in Chinese history, and that it still makes a difference in modern Chinese education. In this sense skepticism is doubtless quite imperative.

Even if this student does not want to be a scientist, investigation is conducive to his/her future development. A student who does not want to be a scientist will probably devote himself/herself to a certain job which links directly to society, or more specifically, he/she will work in a firm. From the view of a firm, of course it wants to make profit by producing products and services. Regardless of oligopoly, there is competition among several firms, some leaders of which could be called barons. Therefore, the firm would like to know what is going on in other firms and the whole situation in this realm. Then an investigation is needed. The manager expects his/her employees  to master the ability to conduct a investigation without inculcating them from ABC, which could significantly whittle a large amount of expenses. This would make sense both in employment and working, where one who acquires that capability is more favored.  

I deem it is also just what the GRE test wants to train students in. It is a postgraduate entrance examination, but not restricted to the scientific area. It is unreasonable to rule out the possibility that some postgraduates would not be engaged in science anymore. But whatever he/she will be a scientist in future, ETS wants to imbue who participates in the GRE with a skepticism to prepare them for future development. Let's just take Analytical Writing as an instance. An issue asks students to show their talents by logically broaching their opinions; through the Argument Test a student is trained to tell the errors in a speaker's sentiments, which is of great help for this student to make a big decision in the future work. This is what we should advocate.

Of course, nothing is accurate from every aspect. Skepticism is not adaptable in every field. For example, it is unwise for a student to spend a long time wondering whether Confucius was a Korean or not. We all know it is the fact that Confucius was Chinese without doubt, but years ago some Korean scientists wanted to refute that and provided unreliable sources to strengthen their stupid points. It was absolutely a waste of time. Also, it is both unnecessary and harmful if one is dubious about the accurate number of the deaths in Nanjing Massacre in WWII. The accurate number makes no sense. Besides, it would give some people opportunity to deny the sins Japan committed during that time. We cannot allow this to happen.

In sum, generally speaking it is wise to teach student with the spirit of skepticism in most fields. As mentioned above for Chinese  education it is specifically urgent. It is high time to take the plunge. And I believe there would be a bright future if we could adapt that notion in practice.

lostmjUID??2922171

2月10号
目前我使用的自己从网上找到的模板，经过自己的一些加工。
问题：1.打字的速度还未跟上
          2. 写错的单词较多，打字不熟练。
          3.中文翻译的题目反映很快，但是英文的就差了很多
          4.对于几个错误孰重孰轻把握不够，也就是安排不好几个错误的论述顺序。
此文逻辑上的错误很好找出，在这篇文章的分析中能够找到很多的错误，但是想创造自己的一面比较难。我就想到了一个提纲之外的。那就是文学的书一般阅读周期较长，而小说较短，所以小说的借阅量会比较大。

下面是文章链接
http://63.dc.ftn.qq.com/ftn_hand ... 9aa836d16481374588e[/url]

小冥王UID??2922698

羞愧一下~振作！！！
最近纠结单词的说~

stchengUID??2997619

51. “Education will be truly effective onlywhen it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests ofeach student.”

正因为社会对于个人发展的诉求使这样的观点被提出，有其先进性的一面，但是仍值得商榷

The present society commences callingattention to the individual development, which guides suggestions of education reformationas we know as the individual education, which is to exclusively cater for everydistinctive student. This revolutionary education method indeed has itsredeeming features, yet I have my reservations. What I think through over andover again is its efficiency of achieving a balanced basic knowledge andcultivating a qualified sociable people.


Clearly, this “individual education”viewpoint is based on correcting the inadequacies of current education mode – tostrangle a student’s personality, to sacrifice a student’s interests and to limita student’s capability and potential due to “collective education”--- Studentsattend same courses, have same homework, and take same exams. Especially inthose developing countries that have a tremendous population like China and India, the contemporary suite ofeducation form hardly differs for each student from elementary school tocollege or university. On the other hand, individual education offers students chancesto communicate with teachers individually, to choose what to learn and how tolearn freely. The indispensable significance of this education form is that it perhapslargely reduces the apathy of learning and dropping out of school, and it easesstudent’s pressure.


But, is individual education the bestsubstitute? As is known, a proper form of education closely connects family andsociety, thus it should take on the responsibility not only to help the familyshape a student’s unique personality, but to assist cultivating students’sociability. In a conventional form of education, learning to develop anappropriate relationship between peers and teachers should be important part ofschool education that could never be ignored. Such education acquaints studentswith the excitement of competition and the happiness of discussing and sharingviews or opinions, while all these cannot be achieved when a much specificallydesigned form is put into operation. Suppose there is a talented person full ofknowledge, but he doesn’t even know how to effectively communicate with others,how to express and convey his ideas clearly and candidly and to carry out theconcepts in his mind, could we conclude that the education he receives benefitsthe society, or in another word, an effective one?


Another aspect that should be concerned iswhether an individual education can offer a general foundation of knowledge andlearning skills. The education process, I consider, is a series of progressesstarting from broad to narrow, from rudimentary to intricate, from universal tospecific. Thus, an undue haste to cater to the students’ needs and interestsmight lead to a student’s lack of solid foundation of learning, and could be aloss when a student drifts his/her attention to another branch of learning.

So far, I’ve been discussing the positive aspectsan individual education presents – its freedom to exploit students’ potentialand capability, and somewhat the rather negative sides as the absence ofsociality and insufficiency of fundamental knowledge. This education form mightnot properly replace the present one we have; nevertheless, putting forward it denotesa sharp alteration of current education system, not an upheaval one, butcomparatively more gradual and step-by-step one, to achieve a stage thatindividual advancement and general development can be both pursued.

4月18日考试
正在aw的起步阶段。

关于issue，想请教
1. 如何在总体保持中立态度的同时能够让文章避免行文趋于平淡？
2. 对于题目中概念比较模糊的词语是否需要在文章中单独进行定义？
比如此题目中的 education effective 等

另，关于这篇文章，有以下几个困惑：
1. 这个题目的关键点在individual needs and interests呢还是在effective education上？本文没有很明确的明确这一点，是否需要在开头或者文章靠前位置点名：effective education means 为社会培养所需要的人才，这个方面？
2. 全文的正文部分的第一段旨在”欲抑先扬“，肯定这个教育体系的改革之处的先进性的一面，正文后两段则偏重于对其能否达到“为社会培养所需要的人才”这个目的进行质疑，并提出自己的看法和观点。因为这个方向的例证比较少，不知如何能够很好的support自己的观点。
3. 文章中为了比较简洁的概括题目意思，将其conclude为一种individual education并且把这种education和现行的更普适性的education方式进行比较来说明其不足之处，是否有偷换概念的嫌疑？是否将individual needs and interests和social requirments做两方面的比较会更加妥当？

谢谢。

wowoyuweiweiUID??2754055

请教几个问题，
1.argument我现在能按照逻辑链去攻击，但是对于写作的时候攻击顺序不明白。
  比如我现在的攻击点有两个，（1）假设--->结论 (2)论据--->假设
  我是先说（1）呢，还是（2）？我觉得先说以（1）是可以体现重点，但是感觉要先承认假设的成立。
  要是先攻击（2）呢，这个毕竟不是重点哈。不知如何最好。
2. 对于argu的开头，怎么一种开头方式啊？是按照自己的话，把文章的逻辑链写下来，然后指出错误，还是
  直接说错误就好。
3. argu的结尾（或者是每个主体段段尾）要不要写出如何改进啊？如果不写，那是不是写写总结话就好。
4. issue的结尾段应该是一种什么样子为好啊？我就是比较简单的总结，基本把论点再说一遍，没两句就完。
   但是看到很多人都说结尾很重要，而且看到不少人的文章的结尾也挺长的，范文有的也是。不知如何最好
5  issue的主体段现在感觉有点模式，上来主旨句，接着论述原理，然后摆明例证，最后总结下例子和论点。
   但是我也没有特意弄固定的模板，但是基本上的形式句子的内容是这样，感觉比较套路。还有就是整个文
   章都是1+3+1。。不知这么写可以么？

先谢谢啦：）

紫陌纤尘o0UID??2745492

43# wowoyuweiwei

1.argument我现在能按照逻辑链去攻击，但是对于写作的时候攻击顺序不明白。
  比如我现在的攻击点有两个，（1）假设--->结论 (2)论据--->假设
  我是先说（1）呢，还是（2）？我觉得先说以（1）是可以体现重点，但是感觉要先承认假设的成立。
  要是先攻击（2）呢，这个毕竟不是重点哈。不知如何最好。
     你这个问题说得有些抽象，我不大明白，按我的理解给你说说，你看是不是你要的答案。
阿狗的基本逻辑形式我总结了下大体上有两种：1.基于某前提下的论据推出结论 2.论据-->假设(前提)-->结论
如果是属于第一种类型，那就自然是先破前提，把它的大前提破了整个论据就没有了根基，结论自然不正确；如果是第二种情况，就从逻辑链的连接处“-->”破它，也就是从论据推到假设的时候，和从假设推结论的时候，攻击它的充分性。下面是我在水平最好时候写的关于这个问题的帖子，近一年没怎么看AW了，可能不及当初的水平。不知道我有没有说到点上，要么你举个例子说说你的意思，再讨论。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1074675&highlight=

2. 对于argu的开头，怎么一种开头方式啊？是按照自己的话，把文章的逻辑链写下来，然后指出错误，还是
  直接说错误就好。
     关于这个开头的问题可以研究一下官方范文，从它开头可以看出点儿大致的方向。系统的分析开头的，要数一个前辈的帖子，也给你看看吧，希望对你有帮助。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=920961&highlight

3. argu的结尾（或者是每个主体段段尾）要不要写出如何改进啊？如果不写，那是不是写写总结话就好。
    我觉得结尾就不太重要了，能把上面提到的问题点简单的总结一下就好。写改进方法也没什么必要，你的任务是考察它的逻辑结构，如果你提出了改进的措施，也就是给别人留下了审视你观点的地方。你提出改进措施一定要解释为什么这样好啊，不然怎么能让人信服呢？这样就变成了issue的一部分，那么有限的时间不太可能写得无懈可击，这样不仅起不到积极作用，还会拖了后腿。大多数人提改进措施只是说should怎么怎么样就完了，一定要解释why呀。所以我认为还是不写得好，可以看看intro，貌似是没有要求让你提出改进措施。

4. issue的结尾段应该是一种什么样子为好啊？我就是比较简单的总结，基本把论点再说一遍，没两句就完。
   但是看到很多人都说结尾很重要，而且看到不少人的文章的结尾也挺长的，范文有的也是。不知如何最好
      issue的结尾也没那么重要，就是对你上面的观点简单总结下，呼应下首段提出的主题，说简单点儿就是整理一下你这篇文章的逻辑链，这样最好。长短不是问题。结尾就是你开头加上中间论述段的一个简单的缩影，最理想的状态是，把结尾写出像argument题目那样，但是是没有明显逻辑错误的一个“题目”。等其它部分写得差不多了，再关注结尾，不要本末倒置。

5  issue的主体段现在感觉有点模式，上来主旨句，接着论述原理，然后摆明例证，最后总结下例子和论点。
   但是我也没有特意弄固定的模板，但是基本上的形式句子的内容是这样，感觉比较套路。还有就是整个文
   章都是1+3+1。。不知这么写可以么？

    这个没有问题，所有议论文都是这么写的啊，当然也有语言控制能力好的人写得比较自由。一般情况下中规中矩就很好，只要你把这个框架构建得逻辑严谨即可。关键是看你层层支持有没有做好。

SpriteTCUID??2765113

42# stcheng

同样是I51，参考参考~:)相互学习~
---------------------------------------------

关于issue，想请教
1. 如何在总体保持中立态度的同时能够让文章避免行文趋于平淡？
2. 对于题目中概念比较模糊的词语是否需要在文章中单独进行定义？
比如此题目中的 education effective 等

答：
1。完全的中立态度会让人觉得没有主见，在三段论模式下，一段正说，一段反说，剩下的一段我认为是关键，继续反着说还是发散来说决定了文章的倾向，具体怎么选择看题目和自己的思维喜好。
2。我觉着要，这样会把讨论范围缩小很多便于进一步论述，我记得130社会化的那题，先定义“社会化”我觉得就很有必要。这道题中education effective，随意吧。


<1>The present society commences calling attention to the individual development, which guides suggestions of education reformation as we know as the individual education, which is to exclusively cater for every distinctive student. This revolutionary education method indeed has its redeeming features,<2> yet I have my reservations. What I think through over andover again is its efficiency of achieving a balanced basic knowledge and
cultivating a qualified sociable people.

<1>文章大体还是反对这个观点的，首段就没必要花这么多去写它的好了，精简一点。
<2>从下文看，basic knowledge算是提到了，qualified sociable people涉及的还不够。


<1>Clearly, this “individual education”viewpoint is based on correcting the inadequacies of current education mode – to
strangle a student’s personality, to sacrifice a student’s interests and to limita student’s capability and potential due to “collective education”--- Students attend same courses, have same homework, and take same exams. Especially in
those developing countries that have a tremendous population like China and India, the contemporary suite of
education form hardly differs for each student from elementary school to college or university. <2>On the other hand, individual education offers students chances to communicate with teachers individually, to choose what to learn and how tolearn freely. The indispensable significance of this education form is that it perhaps largely reduces the apathy of learning and dropping out of school, and it easesstudent’s pressure.

现学现卖，这一段2层意思都有点太主观了，collective education的不好，individual education的好，都没有正面的或者反面的例子来支撑，叙说的部分太多，而且常识来说，collective education也不至于导致学生不能和老师独立交流吧？减少逃课就更瞎了。。。总之，应该再用例子充实一些，减少主观说理的部分。

But, is individual education the best substitute? <1>As is known, a proper form of education closely connects family and society, thus it should take on the responsibility not only to help the family shape a student’s unique personality, but to assist cultivating students’ sociability. In a conventional form of education, learning to develop an appropriate relationship between peers and teachers should be important part of school education that could never be ignored. Such education acquaints students with the excitement of competition and the happiness of discussing and sharing
views or opinions, while all these cannot be achieved when a much specifically designed form is put into operation.
<2>Suppose there is a talented person full of knowledge, but he doesn’t even know how to effectively communicate with others, how to express and convey his ideas clearly and candidly and to carry out the concepts in his mind, could we conclude that the education he receives benefits the society, or in another word, an effective one?

<1>这一句应该是这段中心句，但是后面关于传统教育并没有和“家庭”“社会”扯上关系，论述有点脱节。
<2>例子不充分，观点是说传统教育带来的好的方面，例子中的人没有这些好的方面>>>所以得出结论传统教育不可少，文中没有提及缺少这些好的方面是因为没有受过传统教育或者是受individual education所导致的，反面论证的不够有力。使得看不出来这段是对individual education进行质疑。

Another aspect that should be concerned is whether an individual education can offer a general foundation of knowledge and learning skills. The education process, <1>I consider, is a series of progress starting from broad to narrow, from rudimentary to intricate, from universal to specific. Thus, an undue haste to cater to the students’ needs and interests might lead to a student’s lack of solid foundation of learning, and could be a loss when a student drifts his/her attention to another branch of learning.

<1>别出现主观的痕迹
这段讲过度的 individual education的不好，最好来个例子支持一下。

So far, I’ve been discussing the positive aspectsan individual education presents – its freedom to exploit students’ potential and capability, and somewhat the rather negative sides as the absence of sociality and insufficiency of fundamental knowledge. This education form might not properly replace the present one we have; nevertheless, putting forward it denotes a sharp alteration of current education system, not an upheaval one, but comparatively more gradual and step-by-step one, to achieve a stage that individual advancement and general development can be both pursued.

文笔值得学习~
主体思路：新教育的好>>>老教育的好>>>过分强调新教育的不好
这个逻辑不够顺畅，读完看不出作者的倾向。

另，关于这篇文章，有以下几个困惑：
1. 这个题目的关键点在individual needs and interests呢还是在effective education上？本文没有很明确的明确这一点，是否需要在开头或者文章靠前位置点名：effective education means 为社会培养所需要的人才，这个方面？
2. 全文的正文部分的第一段旨在”欲抑先扬“，肯定这个教育体系的改革之处的先进性的一面，正文后两段则偏重于对其能否达到“为社会培养所需要的人才”这个目的进行质疑，并提出自己的看法和观点。因为这个方向的例证比较少，不知如何能够很好的support自己的观点。
3. 文章中为了比较简洁的概括题目意思，将其conclude为一种individual education并且把这种education和现行的更普适性的education方式进行比较来说明其不足之处，是否有偷换概念的嫌疑？是否将individual needs and interests和social requirments做两方面的比较会更加妥当？

答：
1。我认为关键点自己定。你要是认为individual needs and interests好，那它就是effective education；要是不好，那就提出你认为的effective education，到时候你必然会解释effective education。
2。“正+反+反”的思路完全可行，段落间的连接关系要自然顺畅，这也是AW里提到的起承转合，我认为可以改成“individual education的好>>>>过分individual education的不好>>>（individual education所到不到的）老教育的好”这样连接性会自然一些，倾向也很清楚
3。我认为可以提炼为individual education，开头交代一下就好了，让读者知道你是这么指代原文的。至于和social requirments的比较，我觉得可以在“过分individual education的不好”这段里加进去，说过度的individual needs and interests导致忽略了一部分social requirments，是论证有力，不用单独把两者比较。



以上都是个人观点，水平有限，我写的在30楼，欢迎探讨~

紫陌纤尘o0UID??2745492

37# 布丁的爱恋
蓝色：逻辑结构  绿色：我的建议 紫色：评注 红色：有问题的地方

ISSUE8 - "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."
这个题目信息量很少，所以分析点就自然从withhold information的种类入手了，通常用conditions的方法入手，但是这种方法入手容易，写起来可能写散了。恩，且看文章吧~

Along with the advancement of society and technology, public's viewpoint about whether political leaders should withhold information has changed greatly. Previously people held the opinion that as long as they could live a life, what political leaders did didn't matter<1>, while nowadays increasing numbers of people recognize that they have the right to supervise what political leaders have done. So the transparency of information is becoming more and more crucial. However, not every piece of information about a nation can be revealed to the public. Hence, how to deal with the information is a significant task for political leaders.
<1>换个表达更清楚一些，而且下划线标出的部分可能引起歧义，太笼统太概况的一个概念。
这段有些不恰当地把重点转移了，题目说的是information, 这个information可未必是leader做了什么事情的消息。
引子引入的不好，有歧义，笼统。
而且首段只是做到了对题目的回应，但是没有明确提出你的主旨。

First of all, sometimes withholding information from the public is quite necessary especially when the information involves confidential document and the fundamental interest of a nation. Such information, once revealed, would cause adverse impacts. For instance, when the first atomic bomb was in the process of development by United States, its whole procedure remained top secret. Just image if the procedure of atomic bomb was let out, what great chaos it would induce. Public would be stuck in a frightening condition because anyone who knew the procedure might be possible to create one. If every country had the access to how to make an atomic bomb and then if disputes emerged between nations, using atomic bomb would become the underlying danger. Therefore, this kind of information that may bring about chaos has to be taken good cared of.
恩，这段写得不错，论点明确，论据合理，例子恰当。sometime对题目“often”的回应也不错。

Some top secrets about a country could not be revealed to public, but it can not be extend to the degree that political leaders should withhold all the information<2> from the public. People have the right to know the operation of the country as well as the right to supervise political leaders. <3>If all information is withhold from the public, then supervision will turn impossible and people's own interest will be under damage even without consciousness. An instance may be apt to illustrate the point. Every year, Chinese government has to reveal its fiscal budget to public in order to let its people see where the revenue goes and whether the budget is reasonable or not. If this information is withheld which means tax-payers even have no idea of the utility of their money, then no individual will trust the country and be loyal to it because they would think that the nation may waste their money which is earned not easily. Consequently, if political leaders want the trust of the public, they should first show their trust to the public by revealing some information.
<2> 这里有些偷换概念，题目也没有说all
<3> 好像是又把矛头指向了领导所做的事情上

其它部分基本没有问题，就是把<3>再斟酌一下，这个问题和首段是一样的。还有两段的承接可以再修改下，做得严密自然些。

As discussed above, keeping secrets and withholding information are both necessary for political leaders. Just as the old saying goes--one careless move forfeits the whole game, political leaders have to be prudent and find the balance between those two. Therefore, deciding the standard that which information can be withhold and which can't is extremely vital. One of the standard that political leaders are ought to take into consideration is the effect of the publicized information. If the information may stir up immense damage to both the nation and its people, political leaders have to think twice before taking action.<4>这个评判准则后面再三言两语举些具体的例子就更好了。

这段也不错，结合上述观点，提出合理的评判标准。
To sum up, withholding information or not is a case-by-case discussion. Sometimes some information should be withheld and sometimes they must be revealed which depend on the standard that political leaders set up.(结尾原则上不看)

     总体看来文章写得很不错的，快考试了，坚持模考，保持状态就好。这个题目分析简单，也不可掉以轻心，有些issue关注点还是很多的，有机会的话我还会给你看看其它的题目。
     缺点就是开头是个败笔，没有提出文章的核心思想，也就是没有一个主旨，总结一下下文，加个主旨就没有问题了。
     加油！

vavachelseaUID??2793851

Issue01:We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.

  时间：3月1号

  正文：
I can't fully support the view presented above.The experience of learning can only be enhanced by the combination of approval and contradiction.
First of all,learning is defined as the acquisition of knowledge.The approach to acquiring knowledge can be divided into two parts.One is offered by schools and institions.The other one is known as self-studying or home-schooling.The learning experience conforming to the requirements is offered by schools and institions.

If learning was nothing but the progress of approving others' views and accepting your supporters' opinions,it would to some extent create a more harmonious learning atmosphere in which learners respect each other and pay more attention to solving the problems presented before them together.However,this learning experience can also be of devastating outcome.Taken the feudal society of China for example.In that historical period,students have no personal views and all consent to the mainstream opinion that there is no way but to write those rigid artilcles so as to live a notable life. The result of no contradiction arising was that the society at that time lacked the spirit of innovation and courage,which in turn ultimately inhibited the formation of an innovative learning environment and accelerated the fall of all those dynasties.

It's essential that we gained knowledge through both sharing common views and modestly learning from those who carrying differernt understandings.Learning fom those who bear contradictory opinions can be of great significance.To begin with,contradictory views can stimulate the common view holder to think twice over the spectrum of their views.Imagine the condition that all the executives in a company sit around a round table sharing the same business plans.How ridiculous!If so,how could a company sketch out a business plan that best fits the market and maximize their profits?Moreover,opposing opinions can help create a competitive atmosphere in which every participant is active to join the decision-making process and express their opinons and finally give rise to an innovative environment.

Neither of simply resisiting contradictory views nor just keeping learining from opponents is adoptable for the sake of efficiency.Therefore,one advisable way to learn is assimilating in the good elements from our supporters and critically observe the merits and short-comings of the views held by our contradictors.

  心得：这是我的第一篇issue,大概花了70分钟吧，写的算是比较艰难，因为在破题和构思方面花了很多时间。我知道前面已经有朋友写过这一篇，但是还是希望能够相互交流吧。
             提纲：
            第一段：提出自己的观点。
            第二段：定义“learning”，指出本文所讲为学校教育。
            第三段：让步说明全面赞同的优势和劣势，劣势用于引出下一段。
                           优势：有利于形成和谐氛围。
                           劣势：以封建社会举例，无法形成创新。
            第四段：说明既要赞同又要从反对意见学习的好处。
                            1、了解观点的适用范围，以公司决策举例。
                            2、形成创新环境。
            第五段：总结自己观点。
            
            还是想问紫版主，issue题目的归类可以如何总结每一类的句型和词汇，是看经济学人等杂志总结么？


  二次总结：发现自己对题目的理解是正确的，但是在列提纲的时候明显偏离了比较的关系。题目的意思是share和contradict都是学习的手段，但是由于contradict造成压力、阻碍学习，所以要更多的采用share。我觉得这是一个并列型的题目，两者的优点都要总结，最后自己的观点应该是将两者结合起来，然后说明这样的有点并举例。