issue 130 处女作 求狠拍 必回改 另诚求组队

dowhenshouldUID: 2769120

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

Admittedly, it will never be overly stressed when we talk about the importance of the generation of the child, for they determine the future of our society, and the socialization is one of the most significant aspect during the process of children's mature. Considering these two premise, however, can we go to the extreme and say that the socialization today determines the destiny of our society? My answer is no. Besides, although the education system nowadays is far from perfect, we still cannot excessively conclude it as an total failure.
Let's begin with the very notion of socialization. Socialization refers to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It provides the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. Certainly, Socialization is indispensable during one's growing up.
Every individual should learn to cooperate with others and participate in the team work if he want to contribute to the society. Especially in the society of
knowledge explosion and technology development, every individual's limit is highlighted when faced with the more complicated jobs than ever. So we calls for the ability of cooperation, which is cultivated during the process of socialization. However, from the identification of socialization we can draw two conclusions, firstly, socialization lays much emphasize on the link between person to person rather than the personal competence of individual. Secondly, socialization is antithesis of innovation to some extent. Therefore, socialization alone cannot determine the destiny of society. Let's talk about these two conclusion separately.
To begin with, the speaker lay too much emphasis on the socialization and ignore the significance of the personal ability. Sometimes, people who have outstanding personal competence but poor social skills can still contributes greatly to society. An example is not far to seek, consider John Nash, the Nobel Prize winner, who struggled with paranoid schizophrenia and had extreme difficulty in communicating with others, still made great contribution to the society through his research on game theory, which had a impact on the modern market economics, computing, biology, artificial intelligence and so on. Besides, we can see Beethoven, his deafness and eccentric character in the early year make himself an unapproachable person. However , his masterpiece like moonlight sonata is still the treasure of the humankind. These example tell us that even without a appropriate process of socialization one can still make significant
work relying on his personal competence, and even determine the destiny of society, which is ignored by the speaker.
Secondly, the socialization is to some extent antithesis of individuality and innovation, so only the balance between these two aspects can bring about a better society. Socialization demand people to obey the traditional rules, norms and ideologies of a society while the innovation calls people to break up all these barriers. Bill Gates, who was treated as a Geek in his early years, which means an peculiar person with outstanding talent and is hard to get along with, give up his college education and go to work, which is unintelligible in that society, establish Microsoft empire and totally change the life of the citizens by personal computers. We can imagine if the Gates socialized very well and accept all the traditional concept of the society, the appearance of personal computer may happened ten years later. Certainly, we should experience the socialization in order to get along with others, however, things go too far is as bad as not far enough, we should also keep the balance between socialization and individuality if we want to make innovative contribution to the society.
Consider next the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can make society better. I don't agree with the author. On the one hand, with the development of society, the education sources are more abundant than ever. In developed countries and most of the developing countries, children have enough chances to receive the basic education during which they were taught moral values and basic skills. On the other hand, the society of this era have a greater tolerance of different point of view and laws are made to protect the principle of liberty and equality, the children have more freedom to choose what they want to learn without the interference from politic and religion. Actually, the situation is far from perfect, but it's presumptuous to judge that we have not yet learned anything about how to raise children.
To sum up, personal ability is as crucial as the socialization of children to the destiny of society, and the balance between socialization and individuality cannot be overlooked. And to consider the result of current education system a total failure is too pessimistic.

昨夜星辰UID: 2386440

谁能告诉我，当significance, crucial这样的词语看到快吐了的时候应该怎么办？。。。我今天刚写I 130，无独有偶，在第一段用了significance，在最后一段，第一句，也用了crucial，全文唯一的一处，结果随随便便看一个帖子就跟别人重复了。。。这可咋整。。。

LRXSSUID: 2695903

请别人改麻烦先把格式弄的方便改点好伐。。。。

little2UID: 2110333

我觉得楼主写得很好。赞一个。

little2UID: 2110333

社会化是和创新、个性相对应的一个概念，我觉得这个有点没有说清楚。整体结构和语言都很好。

mingshanUID: 2737023

建议换换例子。beethoven ，bill gates，甚至John Nash都经常见到。例子还是新一点好

wangxue6677UID: 2821615

1# dowhenshould
首先请更改段落格式
Admittedly, it will never be overly stressed when we talk about the importance of the generation of the child, for they determine the future of our society, and the socialization is one of the most significant aspect during the process of children's mature. Considering these two premise, however, can we go to the extreme and say that the socialization today determines the destiny of our society? My answer is no. Besides, although the education system nowadays is far from perfect, we still cannot excessively conclude it as an total failure.

Let's begin with the very notion of socialization. Socialization refers to the process of inheriting norms, customs and ideologies. It provides the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society. Certainly, Socialization is indispensable during one's growing up. Every individual should learn to cooperate with others and participate in the team work if he want to contribute to the society. Especially in the society of knowledge explosion and technology development, every individual's limit is highlighted when he (or she)faced with the more complicated jobs than ever. So we calls for the ability of cooperation, which is cultivated during the process of socialization. However, from the identification of socialization we can draw two conclusions, firstly, socialization lays much emphasize on the link between person to person rather than the personal competence of individual. Secondly, socialization is antithesis of innovation to some extent. Therefore, socialization alone cannot determine the destiny of society. Let's talk about these two conclusion separately.

To begin with, the speaker lay too much emphasis on the socialization and ignore the significance of the personal ability. Sometimes, people who have outstanding personal competence but poor social skills can still contributes greatly to society. An example is not far to seek, consider John Nash, the Nobel Prize winner, who struggled with paranoid schizophrenia and had extreme difficulty in communicating with others, still made great contribution to the society through his research on game theory, which had a impact on the modern market economics, computing, biology, artificial intelligence and so on. Besides, we can see Beethoven, his deafness and eccentric character in the early year make himself an unapproachable person. However , his masterpiece like moonlight sonata is still the treasure of the humankind. These example tell us that even without a appropriate process of socialization one can still make significant work relying on his personal competence, and even determine the destiny of society, which is ignored by the speaker.

Secondly, the socialization is to some extent antithesis of individuality and innovation, so only the balance between these two aspects can bring about a better society. Socialization demand people to obey the traditional rules, norms and ideologies of a society while the innovation calls people to break up all these barriers. Bill Gates, who was treated as a Geek in his early years, which means an peculiar person with outstanding talent and is hard to get along with, give up his college education and go to work, which is unintelligible in that society, establish Microsoft empire and totally change the life of the citizens by personal computers. We can imagine if the Gates socialized very well and accept all the traditional concept of the society, the appearance of personal computer may happened ten years later. Certainly, we should experience the socialization in order to get along with others, however, things go too far is as bad as not far enough, we should also keep the balance between socialization and individuality if we want to make innovative contribution to the society.
Consider next the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can make society better. I don't agree with the author. On the one hand, with the development of society, the education sources are more abundant than ever. In developed countries and most of the developing countries, children have enough chances to receive the basic education during which they were taught moral values and basic skills. On the other hand, the society of this era have a greater tolerance of different point of view and laws are made to protect the principle of liberty and equality, the children have more freedom to choose what they want to learn without the interference from politic and religion. Actually, the situation is far from perfect, but it's presumptuous to judge that we have not yet learned anything about how to raise children.

To sum up, personal ability is as crucial as the socialization of children to the destiny of society, and the balance between socialization and individuality cannot be overlooked. And to consider the result of current education system a total failure is too pessimistic.

题目讲孩子的社会性决定社会命运，不幸的是我们还不知道如何教导孩子才能让他们创造更美好的社会。但是你用了大篇幅论述社会化不能影响社会的命运，跟孩子好像没啥关系，就更不要说提及如何培养孩子了。

我略微觉得有点偏题。
但是语言功底不错。