我和bf Issue 62 习作两篇， 请大家给看看，打分

rgijUID: 3006441

我和bf同时准备4月的aw。这是我们二人今晚半个小时的A的习作，我俩自己互相打分总是难免有主观色彩。麻烦大家帮忙看看，给打个分，如果能给出点意见就更好啦。小女子在这里谢谢各位啦。
题目如下：
Argument 62
The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove
College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.



"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education
rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in
favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But
eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government
wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate
survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve
morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."



习作1：
The arguer insist that the Grove College should keep all-female education than adopt men to its programs. The reasons are based on some investigations which seem to prove most of the students and the alumni are on the opposite of breaking the tradition of all-female education. In addition, he think keep the tradition will improve the morale among students and encourage the alumni to donate more money for the college. This argument is obviously a result of problematic reasoning.
In the first place, the author argued that a survey conducted by the student union showed that most students disagree with adding men to the college. Nevertheless, the arguer failed to describe some important details about the survey such as how many students participate in it and the entire number of the students in the college. Therefore, only a few of students can’t on behave of the every student in that college until they hold a vote which everyone has the rightsto vote. And does the investigations are conducted separately, many students are eaily affected by their classmates or the circumstance.
Secondly, the arguer said over half of the alumni who answered the survey disagreed with coeducation. This argument is apparently weak. How many alumni answered the questions? And how many alumni refused to give an answer? These details are unclear. It’s very important because when most people refused to give an answer, the most common reason is he disagree
Thirdly, even most of the students and the alumni refused to add men to the college’s education. That fact can’t jump to the conclusion that keep all-female tradition could improve the morale or it could convinced alumni to denote more money for the colleges. Most universities around world have kept a balance between men and women, especially the top universities like Yale, Harvard. There are no proof which show that these colleges hold a worse morale situation than the colleges like Grave Colleges. And the author didn’t tell us the reason why the alumni would like to donate more to the college if it keep the tradition.
In conclusion, the arguer failed to show enough proof to support his argument. He need to make a much deeper investigation on a broader range of people from Grove College and present the detail to support his argument.

习作2：
The argument presents a recommendation about Grove College, i.e. it should preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. The evidence provided is the 80% support of respondent students and over half support of respondent alumni in a survey. But it is biased.
The first evidence provided is the survey from students. But it is not convinced enough. Indeed, 80% sounds like a high support rate. But the argument didn't mention how many students are surveyed. Perhaps only 10% of the whole students in the school participate in the survey. Thus, 80% * 10% is actually a low support rate. The argument also didn't mention the responded students are whether students already admitted into the college, or students who have interest in applying to the college. The preference of the students who are interested in the college is important too.
The same arguable issue exists in the survey from the alumni. The argument didn't tell how many alumni participated in the survey, either.
Even if the 2 surveys provide strong statistics, but the conclusion at the last can't be drawn from the surveys directly. We can't say keeping the college all-females will improve the morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially. Firstly, the students support for all female can't stand that they will contribute their effort to study, to the relationship between classmates and improve morale. They may just need a better environment and not that motive. Secondly, even if the alumni supports to keep the college all female students, but it is unnecessary that they would provide financial support. Even if they are willing to provide financial support, those who supports all female are not necessarily rich people. So they can't determine the financial income of the college.
At last, in order to determine whether keeping the college all female or admitting some male, only surveys from students and alumni are not adequate. They should take the suggestion of faculty, the government policy, the financial sources, the preference of students who are interested in this college, etc into consideration too.
In a word, the argument looks to demonstrate the reasons logically, but they are not convinced enough. It should provide more evident to prove the recommendation.

missingusaUID: 2625832

哇 好甜蜜的说~
你们可以和这个帖子里的版友组个小组互改 这样效率高 帖子滴链接:
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1239779-1-1.html

rgijUID: 3006441

2# missingusa
谢谢斑竹

maxine429UID: 2686120

The arguer insists that the Grove College should keep all-female education rather than adopt men to its programs. The reasons are based on some investigations which seem to prove that most of the students and the alumni are on the opposite of breaking the tradition of all-female education. In addition, he/her thinks keeping the tradition will improve the morale among students and encourage the alumni to donate more money for the college. This argument is obviously a result of problematic reasoning.

In the first place, the author argued that a survey conducted by the student union showed that most students disagree with adding men to the college. Nevertheless, the arguer failed to describe some important details about the survey such as how many students participate in it and the entire number of the students in the college. Therefore, only a few of students can’t on behalf of the every student in that college until they hold a vote which everyone
has the rightsto vote.（可以使以确保每个人都参加了投票，ensure） And does the investigation are conducted separately, many students are eaily affected by their classmates or the circumstance.（
这个观点好像有点奇怪。我觉得这里可以递进下，说即使调查结果是这样子，并不代表他们对现在不满，是否有必要回到原来的女校。）

Secondly, the arguer said over half of the alumni who answered the survey disagreed with coeducation. This argument is apparently weak. How many alumni answered the questions? And how many alumni refused to give an answer? These details are unclear. It’s very important
（要不换个词吧，虽然我自己老用，可是仍然觉得这个词很普通）because when most people refused to give an answer, the most common reason is he disagree感觉有点不通。
觉得这段可以再扩充一下，具体点。

Thirdly, even most of the students and the alumni refused to add men to the college’s education. That fact can’t jump to the conclusion that keep all-female tradition could improve the morale or it could convince alumni to denote more money for the colleges. Most universities around world have kept a balance between men and women, especially the top universities like Yale, Harvard. There is no proof to show that these colleges hold a worse morale situation than the colleges like Grave Colleges. And the author didn’t tell us the reason why the alumni would like to donate more to the college if it keep the tradition. 我觉得这段士气可以连着说下如果女校会有什么Negative effects可能比较好，继续捐款可以另外一段，我觉得这个也是蛮重要的一个错误。

这里可以再加一段，就是说即使现在会捐款，以后捐款是否还不一定，捐款要考虑很多因素

In conclusion, the arguer fails(看了一些范文，好像都是一般时态)to show enough proof to support his argument. He need to make a much deeper investigation on a broader range of people from Grove College and present the detail to support his argument.

我觉得具体几个重要的逻辑错误都写到了。其实可以两个调查放一起，然后士气一段，捐款一段，这样子似乎比较好，因为第一个第二个是重复的错误。具体句子方面有些错误，词汇可能还要在细究下。呵呵，四月份考，还可以加油，我还有10天要考了，词汇什么的完全不行，句式也很贫乏，这是我后悔的地方，楼主可以多多研磨下。

maxine429UID: 2686120

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1239779-1-1.html

期待你的回拍啊！