issue99 谢谢帮我看看

acumen0210UID: 133965

99"In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."

With the substance has become more and more sufficient, people now customer to indulge into consuming such thing. So many people are pragmatism who only emphasis on the practical results in any fields. They believe that idealism cannot survive in this material world and would be instead by practice. Otherwise, I strongly hold that pragmatic behavior cannot be ignored in any fields while the idealistic views also play a important role in these fields.

First of all, practice is the premise for people to survive in the substantial world. In the primitive period, the competition which took place between humanity and other fierce creatures was great seriously. In order to obtain adequate food to live through, people use their hands and poor tools to fight against the outer world. In our day, although there almost is not competitive creature against human beings, the competition between man to man, or community to community is still alive. Thus the practical purpose is still main aspect for people to live, or to be brilliant in our society. For example, as soon as a new research is inquired, in our time, it is immediately put into practice. And then people weigh its values somewhat according to the practical term.

Otherwise, in so far as academic fields, idealism could enhearten students to learn the knowledge as much as they could do. Great powerful the pragmatism may be, idealism is also powerful in term of its spiritual aspect. As we know, in universities students lay their stress main on the knowledge which is inculcated to them. If students all submerge into the courses which would bring the practical value to them, thus they would loss the soul of education, which purpose is to instruct students to possess critical thinking and the love of whole humanity. Only through the education of some idealistic views could students thoroughly know and understand what really contribution an educated person could do for the society, and hence they would more like their college live and strive to learning.   

Furthermore, in the realm of society, idealism could stimulate and develop the minds of people, and bring the hope to them. In terms of our whole society, people could not only live in the practical world and they also need the hope, happy, love and etc, all of which are concerning to the idealistic realm. For instance, a city would sink into the dark hell if its citizens all aim only at the practice and they do not understand love and laugh. Only with the hope and idealism people can fly without the flings and thus drive people to devote their whole life to the society.

In sum, without practice people could not survive while without idealism people could not learn to sing a song. In any realm of our world, they are both the most important things for us.

paisleyUID: 64183

99"In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."

With the substance（英语里这个substance都是指科学或哲学上的物质，不是我们说的物质生活） has become more and more sufficient（sufficient表示“足够”，很少加more and more的）, people now customer to indulge into consuming such thing. So many people are pragmatism（people怎么可能是某个主义？） who only emphasis on the practical results in any fields. They believe that idealism cannot survive in this material world and would be instead（应是replaced，instead不能这么用） by practice. Otherwise（应是however）, I strongly hold （少the opinon）that pragmatic behavior cannot be ignored in any fields while the idealistic views also play a important role in these fields. （从这句话来看，你对pragmatism的重视在idealism之上）

First of all, practice is the premise for people to survive in the substantial world. In the primitive period, the competition which took place between humanity and other fierce creatures was great seriously. In order to obtain adequate food to live through, people use their hands and poor tools to fight against the outer world. In our day, although there almost is not competitive creature against human beings, the competition between man to man, or community to community is still alive. Thus the practical purpose is still main aspect for people to live, or to be brilliant in our society. For example, as soon as a new research is inquired, in our time, it is immediately put into practice. And then people weigh its values somewhat according to the practical term.

Otherwise, in so far as academic fields, idealism could enhearten students to learn the knowledge as much as they could do. Great powerful the pragmatism may be, idealism is also powerful in term of its spiritual aspect. As we know, in universities students lay their stress main on the knowledge which is inculcated to them. If students all submerge into the courses which would bring the practical value to them, thus they would loss the soul of education, which purpose is to instruct students to possess critical thinking and the love of whole humanity. Only through the education of some idealistic views could students thoroughly know and understand what really contribution an educated person could do for the society, and hence they would more like their college live and strive to learning. 追求学术好象不能跟idealism挂钩吧？有些东西是实用性很强的，马上可以投入实业生产的。如果要把两者联系起来，应该专门用一些句子来说明，或者限定你所说的是那些领域。

Furthermore, in the realm of society, idealism could stimulate and develop the minds of people, and bring the hope to them. In terms of our whole society（不大说in terms of society的）, people could not only live in the practical world and they also need the hope, happy, love and etc, all of which are concerning to the idealistic realm. For instance, a city would sink into the dark hell if its citizens all aim only at the practice and they do not understand love and laugh. Only with the hope and idealism people can fly without the flings and thus drive people to devote their whole life to the society.

In sum, without practice people could not survive while without idealism people could not learn to sing a song. In any realm of our world, they are both the most important things for us.
说理还是不错的，但是题目中whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options.这句话你没有讲到。不一定要花很多笔墨来写，但是得提几句。你写了实用主义产生的根源，这不错，但是只写历史不写现在，感觉有点偏了，本来我以为你要正篇都写实用主义如何，历史上怎样产生，只是个起头。没想到后面就没了。还有理想主义的作用，说得范围窄了，也不够深入。

还有，我还是比较喜欢有明确立场的。折中的个人不赞赏。而且从上文来看，你的时间和笔力都不够驾御双方都论述的那种模式。

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。如果觉得自己的英文还不是特别好，那么不一定要改他们的词句, 提点结构上和想法上的建议也是好的。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！