ARouND的作文帖

ARouND1992UID：3098322

题目 ：the most important education for students should be conducted in classroom or out of classroom.

When it comes to education, some people, which I think may be the majority , believes that the most important education should be conducted in classroom. But is it really right? From my point of view, the essential education should be conducted out of classroom.
  To demonstrate this , we first need to define education. Is it just something you have been instilled in class? Obviously not. Education is a lifelong process. Generally speaking, everything that matters you, teaches you, is education. Take my life as an example. Everyday I talk to various people, and I can get their values, ideals through the conversation, and this is education. What's more , when I back to home, then turn on the TV or computer, watching programs or playing games , I'm taking moral values and aesthetic sense in the same time. So evidently you can also learn lots of things by practices, talking to people and touching the world, instead of sitting in the classroom, though we are unconscious most of the time. So it is safe to say that we gain knowledge substantially from being out of classroom.
Further, there have been many people who succeed primarily owing to their self-learning process. Great people like Edison, Carnegie and Rockefeller educated little in school ,but they eventually became great personsthe milestone in their fields. What is the secret? Upward mobility, the spirit of adventure, and creativity. In addition, some schools(especially in Asian countries) tend to kill student's originality, sap their enthusiasm, make them passive receptacles. Few schools educate students according to their aptitude. For those who want to keep their nature quality, school education even can be rather negative.
Nevertheless, there are still some who argue that what we learned in classroom is irreplaceable, and they take it as the most important education. Yes,we can't deny a fact that schooling really brings us some important abilities , including logical thinking ability, critical thinking ability , etc. But this doesn't means it is the most important education. Granted, those abilities efficiently help us deal with issues. But what about the most important things in our life? Integrity, sense of justice, and relationship between you and the ones you loved. It can never be learned theoretically. Without those vital personalities, well, even if one is the smartest guy in the world, he is useless to the society. I feel so sad to mention it that there are several campus shooting in the U.S.. Does the gunman lack education conducted in classroom? No, most of them are the top students in school, it has nothing to do with their education background. They did so mainly because they lacked humanity. And that is a field where the schooling education fails.
  I will never say that the education conducted in classroom is not important. But considering the overwhelming advantages out of classroom educating do have and some intrinsic weakness the former has, I would agree that the most important education for us students should be conducted out of classroom.

mpromanusUID：2565872

1# ARouND1992

the most important education for students should be conducted in classroom or out of classroom. (This is not even a question, is it? An essay question would be more like ‘Should the most important education for students be conducted in the classroom or out of the classroom?’..But even this is hard to argue. By ‘should’, this question implies that it’s an obligation to conduct this most important education EITHER in or out of the classroom – but not both..rather restricting.)

When it comes to education, some people, who I think may be the majority, believes that the most important education should be conducted in the classroom. But is it really right? From my point of view, the essential (The question is not talking about ‘essential’ education, but rather ‘the most important education’. ‘essential’ education might not be equivalent to ‘the most important’ education..You’ve twisted the question in a very subtle manner.) education should be conducted out of the classroom.

To demonstrate this, we first need to define education. Is it just something you have been instilled in class? Obviously not. Education is a lifelong process. Generally speaking, everything that matters to you, teaches you, is education. Take my life as an example. Every day I talk to various people, and I can get their values, ideals through the conversations, and this is education. What's more, when I am back to home, then turn on the TV or computer, watching programs or playing games, I'm taking in moral values and aesthetic sense in the same time. (This whole sentence is a jumbo of short sentences that really should be properly compacted into one proper sentence – ‘when I am back at home watching programs on the TV or playing games on the computer, I’m…’. Also, ‘aesthetic sense’ is rather Chinese-like – you’d say ‘sense of beauty’ or just ‘aesthetics’.. ) So evidently you can also learn lots of things by practices (Where in your example did you talk about ‘practices’?), talking to people and touching the world, instead of sitting in the classroom, though we are unconscious of this learning (If you just say you’re ‘unconscious’, it really means you’re not feeling anything physically – as in a coma.) most of the time. So it is safe to say that we gain knowledge substantially from being out of the classroom. (Yeah, but the question is not about whether you learn anything outside the classroom. It is about whether it’s the most important learning..and again, the word ‘should’ would induce an entirely different hue into this – meaning that you are expected opt for the learning outside the classroom instead of the education in the class room. It’s about choice rather than factual comparison..so this is what I’m saying: the wording of this question as you’ve cited above is very dubious.)

Furthermore, there have been many people who succeed primarily owing to their self-learning process. Great people like Edison, Carnegie and Rockefeller were educated little in school , (Edison, yes, but Carnegie and Rockefeller? Rockefeller finished high school and attended a short course at a commercial college. Carnegie attended a state college and even got a scholarship – if you think this is ‘little education’, then you should understand that very little education was available in their time, and being able to get this much was already not bad. These two are NOT self-educated, mind you..if you read about Rockefeller you’ll know that he studied bookkeeping – the equivalent of accountancy – in that commercial college and that was what enabled him to get into the world of business. Of course, it was pretty much self-education and motivation afterwards, but you can’t just dump their official education because they are motivational examples. Your examiner would of course care nothing about whether they were truly ‘educated little in school’, but please learn to research your facts properly because your future academic writing depends very much on it.) but they eventually became great persons, the milestones in their fields. What is the secret? Upward mobility??, the spirit of adventure, and creativity. In addition, some schools (especially in Asian countries) tend to kill student's’ originality, sap their enthusiasm, make them passive receptacles. Few schools educate students according to their aptitudes. For those who want to keep their natural quality (But what do you mean by the ‘natural quality’ of a person anyway..), school education can even be rather negative. (Now, how you managed to deviate all the way from ‘the classroom’ to ‘school education’ is beyond me..if you are dumping school education like this, then there’s no need for neither kind of education – in or out of the classroom – because both of them can be part of ‘school education’..Here you’re equating ‘education out of the classroom’ to ‘self-education’, which, again, is rather unwarranted.)

Nevertheless, there are still some who argue that what we learned in classroom is irreplaceable, and they take it as the most important education. Yes, we can't deny a fact that schooling really brings us some important abilities, including logical thinking ability, critical thinking ability (Logic is an essential part of critical thinking, so are we talking about two abilities or one?), etc. But this doesn't means it is the most important education. Granted, those abilities efficiently help us deal with issues. But what about the most important things in our life? Integrity, sense of justice, and relationship between you and the ones you loved. It can never be learned theoretically. Without those vital personalities, well, even if one is the smartest guy in the world, he is useless to the society. I feel so sad to mention it that there are several campus shooting in the U.S.. Does the gunman lack education conducted in the classroom? No, most of them are the top students in school. It has nothing to do with their education background. (You’re again packing sentences together into one large sentence without proper separation..) They did so mainly because they lacked humanity. And that is a field where the schooling education fails. (Well, this entire argument is weak on so many fronts that I have a hard time sorting things out..is ‘lack humanity’ the only reason that they committed such crimes, or is it even the only reason that people commit crimes? How can you be sure that people who have integrity, sense of justice and good sense of relationship would never be criminals? Don’t numerous researches prove that crime rates decrease with increasing level of education? If you say schooling lacks humanity and this turns students into ‘useless’ criminals, then more education should not be able to reduce crime rates because the lack of humanity is all the same. The ideas in this paragraph are simply not logically connected, and I can’t get a coherent argument out of it.)

I will never say that the education conducted in the classroom is not important. But considering the overwhelming advantages out-of-classroom-education (Although this construct of a noun is rather awkward.) does have and some intrinsic weaknesses the former has, I would agree that the most important education for us students should be conducted out of the classroom.

总结：

好吧你的感情很充沛语言很优美但是基本上这篇文没有什么论理可言。。基本是各种跑题。。而且题目本身看起来感觉不像是原题。。所以请你仔细检查自己的说理。。不要写得high了就忘记了自己本来应该说神马。。

ARouND1992UID：3098322

2# mpromanus

首先非常感谢JJ的修改。那几个例子我只是凭借映像的。确实不太恰当。。题目是屠龙的原题目Education类第一还是第二篇 。我想当然的认为他的原问题因该是个问句。。。 文章确实各种跑题 不过你也要承认这个题目确实很难写。。The most恶心了点。。


Upward mobility??
这个批注没太看懂。。。

关于unconscious..
2.不知道的,未发觉的[F][(+of)] They were so quiet that he was completely unconscious of their presence. 他们非常安静,他完全不知道他们在场。 3.无意识的,不知不觉的 an unconscious error 无意识犯的错误


then there’s no need for neither kind of education – in or out of the classroom – because both of them can be part of ‘school education’
额。。为什么out of the classroom education也算school education啊。。

另外再问个无关的。。Yet 可以做句首么。。比如我想表达：虽然这么想是没有错的 Yet there's no wrong to think in this way
再次感谢。。

mpromanusUID：2565872

3# ARouND1992

> 那几个例子我只是凭借映像的。确实不太恰当。。

托福作文是不管你事实是否正确的，考官也不见得多么博闻强记，所以这方面倒不是非常要紧。

但是，以后写学术论文，一~定~要注意‘凭事实和逻辑说话’。。

> 题目是屠龙的原题目Education类第一还是第二篇 。我想当然的认为他的原问题因该是个问句。。。 文章确实各种跑题 不过你也要承认这个题目确实很难写。。The most恶心了点。。

如果原题不是问句的话就更加不着调了。‘最重要的教育应该在课堂内或者课堂外进行’，就是说最重要的教育应该选择在课堂内进行，或者选择在课堂外进行 - 那这不是一句废话么！

总之我无法相信这是真正的原题。各种不着调。

> Upward mobility??/ |3 f% ]$ L. B( O* ~5 t) J0 j0 Y
> 这个批注没太看懂。。。

意思是‘神马是upward mobility？’。。看不懂的表达。。就算是‘上进心’也没有这样说的吧。

> 关于unconscious..
> 不知道的,未发觉的[F][(+of)] They were so quiet that he was completely unconscious of their presence. 他们非> 常安静,他完全不知道他们在场。 3.无意识的,不知不觉的 an unconscious error 无意识犯的错误

说一个 人 unconscious，后面什么都不加，是物理性的‘无意识’的意思，而不是心理性的‘无意识’。

你注意到3中的例子是形容 物 而非 人 的么？

He has been unconscious for 4 days after the accident. 打从出事儿到现在他已经昏迷了4天。

> then there’s no need for neither kind of education – in or out of the classroom – because both of them can > be part of ‘school education’
> 额。。为什么out of the classroom education也算school education啊。。

学校组织你去烈士陵园春游算不算school education（好吧我承认国内在这方面的意识形态比较落后。。但是这属于思想道德政治形态教育，也算教育的哦~）？自然课叫你回家观察猎户座算不算school education？ 算不算in the classroom？

游学，field trip，自然观察，甚至体育课，都是很正常的学校教育的一部分。但是这些都不属于‘教室教育’。国内的教育在这方面做的的确不是很多，但不等于没有。我说的是both CAN be part of school education - 学校教育完全可以既包含教室内的部分，也包含教室外的部分，那么in/out of the classroom就不能作为school/non-school education的分野。毕竟classroom不等于school的全部，不是吗？

> 另外再问个无关的。。Yet 可以做句首么。。比如我想表达：虽然这么想是没有错的 Yet there's no wrong to think in this way

可以，但是你这个表达。。没 -> no, 有 -> there is, 没有 -> there is no.. 所以 没有错 -> there is no wrong .. =.=

Yet there's nothing wrong in thinking this way.

或者

Yet it's not wrong to think this way.

但是如果你想表达的是‘虽然’，那么不能用yet，用although。yet做连词是but的意思。。

关于词用，请参考字典，或者google。

ARouND1992UID：3098322

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is it good or not for children to choose a job similar to their parents' job?（我总觉得这个题目又是错的。。anyway,意思理解了。）




From time to time we can see lots of young adults choose jobs that is rather different from their parents'. And I always doubt why they like to choose such  a rough way. In my point of view, though personally I really respect and appreciate their choice ,I think it is not good for children to do so.

    Yes, they may have taken a very serious consideration, it is still risky and unwise. Let's assume a youngster choose a different job. It is quite naturally that he/she will has many doubts about the way he/she choose or face some though problems , especially at the very first begining. And what will happen? He/she may find a kind senior co-worker who would like to help a lame dog over a stile. But the more common situation, I think, is he/she may lose faith and give up. Although we all would agree that failure is the mother of success, why we even fail at first? Had he/she chosen the similar job, he/she would get many useful guidances from the parents and work though the dark togather, because they are the veterans of this career and their favorite love person is - him or her. And I believe with these useful guidances, he or she would easily surmount the obstacles.
   What's more, for the person who choose the rough way, they had to succeed by their own efforts. Although I have to emphasize I highly regard them, I  firmly believe it is unneccesary to suffer an avoidable hardship. We all agreed that a good beginning is half the battle. Even the greatest entrepreneurs like Gates and Buffett have got very crucial help from their parents in their early rising. In this day and age, it is very unlikely for a new to job to succeed without interpersonal relationship. And there's no better way to get interpersonal relationships than to acquire from your family.
   There's nothing wrong with choosing a job different from parents' job. On the contrary, the ones who did it showed their bravery , independence and willpower. for the best possible future, though, choose the similar job is better for most of us.


PS 用的he/she  him/her 我都恶心了。。但是又传说为了防止考官是女权主义者。。怎么办。。感觉不好替换啊。。

ARouND1992UID：3098322

4# mpromanus   

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important education for students should be conducted in classroom or out of the classroom.*
原题目。我也很委屈啊。。

上进心还真是 upward mobility....你可以google一下。

mpromanusUID：2565872

6# ARouND1992

> Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important education for students should be conducted in classroom or out of the classroom.*
> 原题目。我也很委屈啊。。

摸~这个的确错不在你。。其实只是想跟你强调写作最重要是把题目看清楚，不是说你有错误啦，大概我口气太凶了。。其他的不多说了，只能说这就是传说中的以讹传讹啊。。

> 上进心还真是 upward mobility....你可以google一下。

我非常确定upward mobility不是上进心，如果你说的上进心是想要上进的欲望这个意思。

upward mobility是一个社科用语，指一个社会里的个体从低阶级流动到高阶级的现象，也指个体/社会能够让这种流动进行的能力/程度。。跟人是否想要上进的欲望毛关系都没有。一个人可以很有上进心，但没有半点upward mobility，因为他生活在当年等级制度极其森严的印度，而且不幸地是个贱民。。

我google了一下upward mobility+上进心，从页面结果来看，基本属于很可能有一个公司或者商标或者组织以upward mobility为名/口号，宣扬上进（增强个体的upward mobility），造成的以讹传讹。。

这也是为什么我基本坚持只用英英词典。

mpromanusUID：2565872

5# ARouND1992

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is it good or not for children to choose a job similar to their parents' job?

From time to time we can see lots of young adults choose jobs that are rather different from their parents'. And I always doubt why they like to choose such a tough way. In my point of view, though personally I really respect and appreciate their choice, I think it is not good for children to do so.

Yes, they may have taken a very serious consideration, but it is still risky and unwise. Let's assume a youngster chooses a different job (A different job from what? From his parents’? From his previous choice which was different from his parents’?). It is quite naturally that he/she will have many doubts about the way he/she chooses, or face some though problems , especially at the very first beginning. And what will happen? He/she may find a kind senior co-worker who would like to help a lame dog over a stile. But the more common situation, I think, is that he/she may lose faith and give up. Although we all would agree that failure is the mother of success, why do we even fail at first? Had he/she chosen the similar job, he/she would get much useful guidances from his parents and work through the dark together, because they are the veterans of this career and their favorite love person is - him or her? (I’m not quite getting this. Do you mean ‘their most precious is their son or daughter’? You have too many pronouns here. Plus, what does being a son/daughter has to do with getting useful guidance? Are you assuming that, because of the blood relationship, parents will always be willing to help their children?). And I believe with these useful guidances (‘guidance’ is not countable. If you must use a plural, do ‘tips’.), he or she would easily surmount the obstacles. (Sure, but the parents’ knowledge about this career would be like..from 20 years ago? Will their expertise still be adequately relevant? Think about it.)

What's more, for the person who chooses the tough way, they have to succeed by their own efforts. (Meaning their parents will not help them if they choose tough jobs? Hmm..) Although I have to emphasize I highly regard them, I firmly believe it is unneccessary to suffer an avoidable hardship. (Meaning if they have parental help, they won’t suffer as much? Another hmm…you seem don’t quite know of the silent agony of having very ‘helpful’ parents..) We all agreed that a good beginning is winning half the battle. Even the greatest entrepreneurs like Gates and Buffett have gotten very crucial help from their parents in their early rising. In this day and age, it is very unlikely for a newcomer to a job to succeed without interpersonal relationship. And there's no better way to get interpersonal relationships than to acquire from your family’s (This is assuming your family has useful relationships, to start with..what if my parents are poor farmers in a remote village somewhere in the corner of Guizhou, and have hardly seen anyone from outside of their village? Again, think about it. Are you making assumptions without even thinking about them? Are you sinking right into the ‘人情关系’mode when you see a topic about ‘jobs’ and ‘parents’? I might be guessing wrong..but I find it extremely interesting how people can make such strongly biased associations without being aware of them. Of course, this is not saying you are wrong. It is okay to be biased, but please be aware of where your opinions’ boundaries and limits are.).

There's nothing wrong with choosing a job different from your parents' job. On the contrary, the ones who did it showed their bravery, independence and willpower. For the best possible future, though, chooseing a similar job is better for most of us.

总结：

这篇总体很好，只是有少数用语还是比较奇怪的地方需要注意一下。

关于he/she: 完全不必要。这类神马女权主义者需要这么写云云早就过时了，现在流行的风俗是直接一律用she。。再说，如果考官因为你没有用he/she就说你是男权主义者扣你分，这是赤果果的信仰歧视，我们要坚决反对，坚决打倒，坚决与米帝主义的双重标准斗争到底。。

ARouND1992UID：3098322

8# mpromanus
饿，非常感谢，尤其是指出我逻辑上的一些问题。。
只有一个地方。。 A　good beginning is half the battle 是固定用语 不用+winning