【独立写作】lszllcy535作业贴

lszllcy535UID: 3485562

作文练习从4月23开始吧，楼主基础差，还请各种重拍，多谢！

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7.20感觉好像没按照听力里的逻辑思路来，求纠正

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7.1135min...果然不超时现在对我是个奢望了啊。。。

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7.1040min,这不科学，明明这么好写的题目竟然还！超！时！

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7.742min,迷迷糊糊写的，还能再慢点么？

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7.637min,不能更水。。。

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7.5 40min写成这样，我勒个去啊，感觉自己破题能力真！是！有！限！

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7.335min.迷迷糊糊写到500也算过关了吧。

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7.2这是我不掐点写作的最后一篇，请监督。

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7.1今天总算没超时了。。。希望以后这种情况多一点吧。

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写超时了。。。这不科学啊

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以前写过，这次比上次快，但是还是47min，这个速度倒是很稳定啊。。。:L

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这一题有点抽象，45min，超时依旧严重，求狠批。。。

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好久没写了，是有点逻辑混乱，47min，依旧超时，我真是超时小王子啊:L

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每次回来碰到的都是综合写作。。。要不要这么巧

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要准备考试了，有些作文来不及改，可能会晚一点，请大家见谅。然后求问各位安排例子的方法，像这种题脑子里一片空白。。。。求重拍。

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Structure of my essay：
Community activities
1,Preventing from the competitions
2,Free from the worry that your partner is unreliable
3,meet someone whose hobbies and personality are the same to yours

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网不行，写得各种烂，求重拍

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隔了几天，没想到又是一篇综合，求重拍。拜谢。

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第三篇综合了，求狠批

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写得各种混乱，今天同样是没状态，应该是我自己的问题。。。写了快一个小时。。。

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写得太迟，就不写文章结构了，求狠批，今天算是完全没状态

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Structure of my essay：
Disagree with the topic
1, Some fields of business do need enormous investment.
2, Some specifical business which did not obssess prolific money source finally got succeeds.
3, Business built on originality did not regard cash as the essence.
电脑修好，继续干活，狠批多谢，与君共勉。

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Structure of my essay：
Disagree with the topic
1,Homework is the main obstacle for students to gain social experiences.
2,the homework limited the space which is used for students to muse.
3,Some professors would cost a lot of time to revise the homework which is a burden for their research career.

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五一快乐，这次胡编乱造了510多个字，用了40来分钟。。。求重拍
Structure of my essay：
Agree with the topic
1,People should lie to their friends about things which would be obstacle or burden in the friends’ life.
2,Some lie can even inspire friends’ spirits so that they can reach the peak of career.
3,Being honest to everything would build a wall around us to segregate from people

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第二次写综合，比上次笔记记得多了，写完之后时间刚刚好。。。求各位不吝赐教。

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Structure of my essay：
Disagree with the topic
1, our activities is the source of pollution
2, the most economical way to solve environmental issues is to gathering individuals' efforts.
3, our support to governments' efforts is vital.
依旧超时，继续练吧，看样子得好好看点东西了。。。

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Structure of my essay：
Disagree with the topic
Body paragraph:
1,Historic buildings shape cities' features
2,Tourism in Historic buildings can help to inspire local economics
3,Some old building still play a vital role in social activities.
不多说了，求狠批，如果和我同组的童鞋改过我的以前，也请指出哪些毛病没了，哪些还有。

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Structure of my essay：
Disagree with the topic
Body paragraph:
1,The rapid growth of cities always leads some negative influence for people who live in the city.
2,Moreover, the rapid growth would ruin development in rural area.
3,Cities can’t maintain their development without the support from the progress of science.
感觉越写越没逻辑了，求各路大神分享破题思路。。。

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第一次写综合，还请大家重拍，感觉字数不大够，才238个

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Structure of my essay：
Agree with the topic
Body paragraph:
1,Seemingly unnecessary research is vital to our societies;
2,the research which can’t be used currently is the premise of the resolution of some difficult issues;
3,Supporting ungainful scientific projects guarantees the hope of the good life.
听从昨天各路大神的意见，今天的习作注意了逻辑方面的问题，例子基本没有，脑子里没有合适的。。。勉强有一个麦克斯韦。。。请重拍！

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Structure of my essay：
First paragraph: Disagree with the topic
Body paragraphs:
1,Competition: creativity declined and innovation of a company stops.
   Example: Haier Kodak
2,Responsibility: Monarch in a commercial field would consider less about customers' rights
   Example: Chinese dairy companies
3,Efficiency: Because of the abundance of customers, employers don't need to push employees
   Example: People's commune.
Ending:Economics and qualities of people's life won't be inspired without the participation of foreign company.

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Structure of my essay：
First paragraph: Agree with the topic
Body paragraphs:
1,socialization :social media make it difficult to trust and share something truly with people
   Example: mentioned Facebook, Blog and Heartbleed bug~~sorry
2,Responsibility: Rumors were used by someone who wants to benefit from turmoil,and people who spread rumor needn't take any responsibility.
   Example: Fukuda radiation leak.
3,Tradition:Historic building was razed because they were in the way of skyscrapers.
   Example:Many religious towers in south China.
Ending
It's necessary for scientists to consider these technologies' influence on relationship of people, public affairs and cultural traditions.

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若雨挂念太多UID: 3457916

改好了呢，抱歉作业交晚了，还请楼主帮看

lszllcy535UID: 3485562

若雨挂念太多 发表于 2014-4-24 20:16
改好了呢，抱歉作业交晚了，还请楼主帮看

第三段主体段确实没想好，写得太急了，谢谢指点。

nixgnayUID: 2874331

改好了,楼主 的词汇运用不错,建议要多强调一下自己 的观点.

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

太晚了，断网了，没改完先这样

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

太晚了，断网了，没改完先这样

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

JohnnyKingki 发表于 2014-4-25 00:03
太晚了，断网了，没改完先这样

我想说的是楼主词汇有，但是用法不太恰当；语法欠缺，不要过分追求长句而乱了句子结构。

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

JohnnyKingki 发表于 2014-4-25 00:04
我想说的是楼主词汇有，但是用法不太恰当；语法欠缺，不要过分追求长句而乱了句子结构。

还有，咱23号不是一个组的。。。

lszllcy535UID: 3485562

JohnnyKingki 发表于 2014-4-25 00:04
还有，咱23号不是一个组的。。。

我第一次参加，把所有人的都改了、、、

david-dingUID: 3395460

Done

清林UID: 3412004

楼主，已改

昨天有事外出了，没有及时改你的作文，不好意思。

david-dingUID: 3395460

lz你在逗我...我们不是一个组的...

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

lszllcy535 发表于 2014-4-25 00:14
我第一次参加，把所有人的都改了、、、

略刁啊兄台，我都没时间改。。。

chopper0UID: 3517804

4.23 独立 已改

JohnnyKingkiUID: 3505144

lszllcy535 发表于 2014-4-25 00:14
我第一次参加，把所有人的都改了、、、

楼主给我结构跟逻辑上的建议很有参考价值，感谢！