【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

应小呆UID：3109940

30min 458字
People consider a lot of things when they make friends with other people. Honesty is the first one to be considered. But in fact, honesty is not only the most important thing to be considered in friendship, but also the most important consideration in any relationship between people. I have the following reasons to support my opinions.

Always telling the truth is the base of communication. What is the aim of communication? The aim of communication is to transform useful information and to make our life more efficient. False information is not useful and can not make our life more efficient as we have to waste time telling which part of it is useless. So we should always tell the truth. Let me take the Japanese earthquake happened in May as an example. When the earthquake first took place, it destroyed some of the nuclear plant in Fukushima-ken. In order to protect the benefit of Tokyo Electric Power Company, they lied to the public. But things got worse and worse. Although in the end the Tokyo Electric Power Company told the truth. Some poor inhabitants were hurt by the nuclear waste. More and more waste was discharge into the sea and polluted the environment of the globe. These pollutions caused serious influence on people who lived in nearby countries. New couple had to abandon their unborn baby, who may be influenced by the radiation. Fishermen lived near the east offshore of China lost their source of revenue. People in Korea can not go out when it rained, which caused a serious effect on their lives. But if Tokyo Electronic Power Company had told the truth at once, then there might not be so much loss. So telling the truth is very important in any relationship between people.

Although always telling truth is very important, sometimes it isn’t the best solution. For example, the white lie. Sometimes in order to protect people we loved, we should beautify the fact. This is a kind of lie. But I think our society needs this kind of lie too. It represents the love between people and can encourage people to be more efficient. For example, when we are confronted with strong enemy and don’t have any other way to survive, the leader may tell his soldiers that he enemy is very weak and we can beat it easily. Then the soldiers may be braver to fight against the enemy. Then the whole team will have more chances to win the battle. So in some certain circumstances, telling some lies may be a better choice.

So in a nutshell, always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. Although sometimes white lie may be a more efficient choice.

应小呆UID：3109940

7月12日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:8 M3 @9 |3 v3 Q) M* ~0 l7 k/ c
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office

30 min 447字
With the development of communication technology, it is more and more convenient to work at home. As a result, many people choose to work at home using computers or telephones. Although it may contribute to their life qualities, it keeps people out of the crowd, which may do harm to their lives as well. What's more, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to improve the productivity. I think the drawback outweigh the advantage.

Firstly, without face to face communication for a long time, people may feel lonely. Many kinds of mental diseases start with feeling lonely. What's more, if those who stay home to work give birth to children, their children may grow up in a lonely environment too. According to a recent survey, those children who grow up in a lonely environment may take the risk of violating laws 3 times more than normal children. What's more, they can not learn how to communicate with other people, as they do not have the chance to imitate their parents.

Secondly, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to be more productive. For example, accountants should work together to analyze a large international company. A single accountant can not handle so much information. What's more, face to face communication can encourage people to share their ideas more easily and to make the company more creative. It is very important for companies such as advertisement companies. What's more, working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs. It is because if you stay blank, other people, like the supervisor will find it, then you will be punished for absent-minded. So working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs. If they do not, they will be found and get punished. If one does his work at home, nobody will supervise him. He may spend a lot of time on unproductive things such as talking to his family, playing with his pets or just sleeping day and night.

Although, working in the office is much better, working at home also has many advantages. For example, those new mums will have more time to take care of their babies without decreasing income resources of the whole family. Writers and painters may have more chance to go out and accumulate more materials for their works. Moreover, this will do good to the environment of the city, because less cars are on the road hurrying to work.

So in a nutshell, working in the office is better not only for employees themselves but also for the productivity of the whole company. In some certain circumstances, working at home has some advantages, too.

应小呆UID：3109940

综合写作 TPO2
15min 235字
The lecturer takes the view that the best way to approach certain new projects is not to assemble a group of people into a team. According to a 6 months research, group work not only did not make any contribution, but also took the benefit away. He has the following reasons to support his opinion.
First of all, the result of the work is recognized as a whole, not a single name is mentioned. So those people who really contribute to the result will hold the opposite idea of the distribution of the contribution.  They may feel unfair.

What’s more, it will take much more time than other ways to approach certain new projects. This is because it is hard for the team to reach consensus. Everyone may hold different views.

The last but not the least reason is that the decision of the team may be restricted to the desire of one or two influential people. If the influential people regard some plans as plans never work, then most of the team will choose to drop the plan, no matter how beneficial it may be. To make things worse, if those influential people strongly support some plans which may be direct opposed by some others. Then the team will ignore the upcoming failure and go straight to the wrong direction. When the failure does come, the blame is on everyone of the team.

theflyfishUID：2101420

改好了。今天改的比较认真，写得也比较多。不对的地方，楼主见谅

tiannipUID：2745078

32# 应小呆

限于我的英文水平，下面的修改仅供参考。还要向你多学习。

30min 458字

People consider a lot ofthings when they make friends with other people. Honesty is the first one to beconsidered. But in fact (In fact 一个句子中有两个but，并且前一句和后一句的内容不是转折的关系), honesty is not only the most important thing to be consideredin friendship, but also the most important consideration in any relationshipbetween people. I have the following reasons to support my opinions.
, m8 {8 ~" `% k& G-t

Always telling the truth isthe base of communication. What is the aim of communication? The aim of communication (It 避免重复单词)is to transform useful information and to make our lifemore efficient. False information is not useful(useless) and can not (and 前后一致:) 可是想不到怎么该。)make our lifemore efficient as we have to waste time telling which part of it is useless(这里写浪费时间来分别真假，是不是好一点). So weshould always tell the truth. Let me take the Japanese earthquake happened inMay as an example. When the earthquake first took place, it destroyed some ofthe nuclear plant in Fukushima-ken. In order to protect the benefit of TokyoElectric Power Company, they lied to the public. But things got worse andworse. Although in the end the Tokyo Electric Power Company told the truth.Some poor inhabitants were hurt by the nuclear waste. More and more waste wasdischarge into the sea and polluted the environment of the globe. Thesepollutions caused serious influence on people who lived in nearby countries.New couple had to abandon their unborn baby, who may be influenced by theradiation. Fishermen lived near the east offshore of China lost their source ofrevenue. People in Korean can not go out when it rained, which caused a seriouseffect on their lives. But(可以去掉) if Tokyo Electronic Power Company had told the truth at once(用beginning 是不是好一点), then there might not be so much loss. So telling thetruth is very important in any relationship between people.
+ R7 K6 N, S: y#^  T$ K

Although always tellingtruth is very important, sometimes it isn’t the best solution. For example, the white lie.(不是一个完整的句子) Sometimes inorder to protect people we loved, we should beautify the fact. This is a kindof lie. But I think our society needs this kind of lie too. It represents thelove between people and can encourage people to be more efficient. For example,when we are confronted with strong enemy and don’t have any other way tosurvive, the leader may tell his soldiers that he enemy is very weak and we canbeat it easily. Then the soldiers may be braver to fight against the enemy.Then the whole team will have more chances to win the battle. So in some certaincircumstances, telling some lies may be a better choice.- y7 G, j4 j7 v8 _; X' \# u



So in a nutshell, always tellingthe truth is the most important consideration in any relationship betweenpeople. Although sometimes a(Word 中显示这句语法有问题，我不知道为什么，加了一个a就好了。汗) white lie maybe a more efficient choice.

tiannipUID：2745078

奇怪，word里有颜色的字体，怎么贴上来就没了。

dadafanUID：2659273

改好了，小呆，加油！

应小呆UID：3109940

36# tiannip

People consider a lot ofthings when they make friends with other people. Honesty is the first one to beconsidered. But in fact (In fact 一个句子中有两个but，并且前一句和后一句的内容不是转折的关系另外一个but是给but also的), honesty is not only the most important thing to be consideredin friendship, but also the most important consideration in any relationshipbetween people. I have the following reasons to support my opinions.3 U' u" f" z0 u' i
, m8 {8 ~" `% k& G-t( K' A0 c* ?& X* N% r

0 t* `" V; Z4 T' U1 T# o7 DAlways telling the truth isthe base of communication. What is the aim of communication? The aim of communication (It 避免重复单词)is to transform useful information and to make our lifemore efficient. False information is not useful(useless) and can not (and 前后一致:) 可是想不到怎么该，前后一致我不太明白，你能具体说一下嘛？)make our lifemore efficient as we have to waste time telling which part of it is useless(这里写浪费时间来分别真假，是不是好一点。对~). So weshould always tell the truth. Let me take the Japanese earthquake happened inMay as an example. When the earthquake first took place, it destroyed some ofthe nuclear plant in Fukushima-ken. In order to protect the benefit of TokyoElectric Power Company, they lied to the public. But things got worse andworse. Although in the end the Tokyo Electric Power Company told the truth.Some poor inhabitants were hurt by the nuclear waste. More and more waste wasdischarge into the sea and polluted the environment of the globe. Thesepollutions caused serious influence on people who lived in nearby countries.New couple had to abandon their unborn baby, who may be influenced by theradiation. Fishermen lived near the east offshore of China lost their source ofrevenue. People in Korean can not go out when it rained, which caused a seriouseffect on their lives. But(可以去掉) if Tokyo Electronic Power Company had told the truth at once(用beginning 是不是好一点，嗯~换成in the begining~), then there might not be so much loss. So telling thetruth is very important in any relationship between people+

Although always tellingtruth is very important, sometimes it isn’t the best solution. For example, the white lie.(不是一个完整的句子嗯，我是拿一个词来举例子，有点像，比方说，苹果。这种状况，确实不太完整，我会考虑的~) Sometimes inorder to protect people we loved, we should beautify the fact. This is a kindof lie. But I think our society needs this kind of lie too. It represents thelove between people and can encourage people to be more efficient. For example,when we are confronted with strong enemy and don’t have any other way tosurvive, the leader may tell his soldiers that he enemy is very weak and we canbeat it easily. Then the soldiers may be braver to fight against the enemy.Then the whole team will have more chances to win the battle. So in some certaincircumstances, telling some lies may be a better choice

So in a nutshell, always tellingthe truth is the most important consideration in any relationship betweenpeople. Although sometimes a(Word 中显示这句语法有问题，我不知道为什么，加了一个a就好了。汗，我是忘记了==) white lie maybe a more efficient choice.

应小呆UID：3109940

35# theflyfish

With the development of communication technology, it is more and more convenient to work at home. As a result, many people choose to work at home using computers or telephones. (我觉得上两句话可以合并为With the development of communication technology, many people choose to work at home using c or t.)Although it may contribute to their life qualities, it keeps people out of the crowd, which may do harm to their lives as well. （这句话不太好理解啊，我是看完了整段才知道是什么意思。）What's more, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to improve the productivity. I think the drawback outweigh the advantage.
（什么的drawback outweigh什么的advantage,没写清楚）

Firstly, without face to face communication for a long time, people may feel lonely. Many kinds of mental diseases, such as…, start with feeling lonely. What's more, if those who stay home to work give birth to children, their children may grow up in a lonely environment too. According to a recent survey, those children who grow up in a lonely environment may take the risk of violating laws 3 times more than normal children. What's more, they can not learn how to communicate with other people, as they do not have the chance to imitate their parents. (这段太危言耸听了吧？首先，除了同事外，还有亲人，朋友可以communicate啊。实在没什么认识的人还可以去相个亲什么的。不至于就mental diseases吧。其次，孩子成长环境和在哪工作无关吧。如果按本段的逻辑，家长在家工作好歹家长还能陪陪孩子，要是家长出去了，那孩子岂不是更lonely, 更take the risk of violating law了吗。而且这么写让人觉得楼主不知道孩子还可以送去幼儿园之类地方似的。第三，最后一句也看不出什么根据。家长天天在家为什么do not have the chance to imitate their parents.家长去外面上班，那孩子不更没机会imitate了吗。另外，还可以送幼儿园imitate other adults漏写了一句other than==)

Secondly, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to be more productive. For example, accountants should work together to analyze a large international company. A single accountant can not handle so much information.（我不太知道会计这个行业，但是单看这个例子，没看出’face to face’的重要性。为什么必须face to face,而不能用视频的形式？如果只是交流合作，那在电脑上好像也可以完成啊。因为大部分时候account都是一个细致连续的工作，很多人在一起不停地持续，如果使用视频，也就意味着你要和大家一起持续不断滴视频，把你的时间和工作地点都限制在一个地方，和去办公室上班无异，而且如果跟每个人视频，这很难做到的，很多时候比如你在跟A视频，但实际上和B视频的窗口也开着，那么B也许会误解你在和他讲话，如果每次只和一个人，当联系其他人的时候就会很麻烦，没有效率） What's more, face to face communication can encourage people to share their ideas more easily and to make the company more creative.(why?为什么不能用电视会议？因为在家里工作时间自由，很难把大家都凑齐了开电视会议，而且很多时候新想法都不是在开会的时候产生的，是在工作的时候产生的==) It is very important for companies such as advertisement companies. What's more（好多what’s more…）, working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs. Because if you stay blank, other people, like the supervisor will find it, then you will be punished for absent-minded. So working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs.
（这句话刚写过一遍，好歹换个词啊focus on their work喵，这个是因为来不及改==我写作文一般都是先写完，意思差不多的地方都用复制黏贴，以期保证字数和结构完整，随后对细节进行修改，所以到处都是差不多的东西==对不起~(>_<)~） If they do not, they will be found and get punished.(同义重复可以，但是最好不要几乎一样的句子重复两次) If one does his work at home, nobody will supervise him. （为什么看了这句话让我觉得还是在家上班好？我的推理是，在公司上班如果你走神会被监督、抓到，所以不敢走神，不走神便会提高效率，而在家没人监督，那么效率就会下降，我不太明白你为什么会有这种结论==）He may spend a lot of time on unproductive things such as talking to his family, playing with his pets or just sleeping day and night.（这一段不是刚说在家工作会lonely，然后mental diseases吗，这里觉得也还可以啊。）

Although（However. Although不是这么用的）, working in the office is much better, working at home also has many advantages. For example, those new mums will have more time to take care of their babies without decreasing income resources of the whole family. Writers and painters may have more chance to go out and accumulate more materials for their works. Moreover, this will do good to the environment of the city, because less cars are on the road hurrying to work.
（这一段写的还不错）

So in a nutshell, working in the office is better not only for employees themselves but also for the productivity of the whole company. In some circumstances, working at home has some advantages, too.

关于文章结构的问题还希望和楼主探讨一下。

本文第一段提出的论点是在家工作的缺点大于优点。但结论变成了 在单位工作有利于自己，也有利于公司。但在家工作也有好处。这二者一个是强调A好，另一个是说A好但B也好，两者并不一致。文章读完后，并不清楚作者到底持什么观点。

另外文章第二段说在家工作不好，第四段又说在家工作的种种好处。写完好处之后又没有任何比较，完全是对第一段观点的削弱。读后的印象就是作者的思路不coherent.

呐，我的观点是在公司工作的优点多，但是在家里也不是说没有好处，只是没有在公司工作的优点大而已~这也是我为什么用although的原因（although后面那个逗号纯属意外......）
我以后会注意提出观点之后，对观点的阐释的~

O(∩_∩)O谢谢你来帮我改作文~

theflyfishUID：2101420

40# 应小呆
1 会计那个例子解释的很清楚，我觉得写的很合理
2 我说的电视会议不是强调一定要用这种形式，而是说face to face communication can encourage people to share their ideas more easily and to make the company more creative.这句话在某些人看来，不是那么不证自明的，应该进一步解释一下。这是我没写清楚
3 “我的推理是，在公司上班如果你走神会被监督、抓到，所以不敢走神，不走神便会提高效率，而在家没人监督，那么效率就会下降，我不太明白你为什么会有这种结论==”
   我是觉得人在自由状态下，而非被人监督下，工作最有效率。Whatever,这也只是我的偏见而已，而且行业不同，情况不一样。楼主这么写就很好了。
4 “呐，我的观点是在公司工作的优点多，但是在家里也不是说没有好处，只是没有在公司工作的优点大而已~这也是我为什么用although的原因”
   这个观点在结尾段提出的，如果放在首段就明确多了。因为下面几段证明的确实是这个结论，而非首段的论点


也谢谢你帮我改作文啊。

应小呆UID：3109940

38# dadafan

我看过你的意见了~O(∩_∩)O谢谢
我也觉得句式变化太少了，努力积累ing~
加油加油多联系~

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

小呆！我又来啦~~~~


With the development of communication technology, it is more and more convenient to work at home. As a result, many people choose to work at home using computers or telephones. Although it may contribute to their life qualities, it keeps people out of the crowd, which may do harm to their lives as well. What's more, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to improve the productivity. I think the drawback outweigh the advantage.



Firstly, without face to face communication for a long time, people may feel lonely. Many kinds of mental diseases start with feeling lonely. What's more, if those who stay home to work give birth to children, their children may grow up in a lonely environment too. （为什么？没明白。你翻译成中文试一试自己读一读，我觉得好像没有什么直接逻辑关系啊； 可能你觉得有关系但是只是我没想到而已，那建议你写作文时多写一句举个小例子给考官解释一下 否则他很可能会被confuse，会觉得你说话不严谨）According to a recent survey, those children who grow up in a lonely environment may take the risk of violating laws 3 times more than normal children. What's more, they can not learn how to communicate with other people, as they do not have the chance to imitate their parents. （这句也有点不严谨，如果你有自己的理由的话最好把你的想法理由写清楚，否则考官可没时间帮你琢磨分析，很可能就pia了== 我自己觉得吧，1.家长在家用电话工作和别人打电话、用电脑视频对话，不也可以让孩子模仿来怎么沟通吗？ 2、家长在办公室工作的话，孩子与家长接触的时间更少了，家长和别人在办公室沟通时孩子根本看不见，又怎么会有have the chance to imitate their parents呢？ 3、即使家长在家工作，难道家长就不会带孩子出去玩、散步，以接触外面世界、和人沟通吗？）




Secondly, some kinds of work need face to face cooperation to be more productive. For example, accountants should work together to analyze a large international company. A single accountant can not handle so much information.（会计在家和同事们视频打电话不也行吗？但是关键是那样也没有面对面方便。对吧。所以建议你把what's more 换成“如果会计在家用电脑电话和同事们一起交流沟通一起工作，虽然可以但是很不方便，然而 接你下面写的那句话） What's more, face to face communication can encourage people to share their ideas more easily and to make the company more creative. It is very important for companies such as advertisement companies. What's more你连着用了好几次what's more,换一换吧 外国人好像不这么连着用==, working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs. It is because if you stay blank, other people, like the supervisor will find it, then you will be punished for absent-minded. So working in the office can make people more concentrate on their jobs. If they do not, they will be found and get punished. If one does his work at home, nobody will supervise him. He may spend a lot of time on unproductive things such as talking to his family, playing with his pets or just sleeping day and night.这个理由特别好很说得通，和前面几个理由比起来就显得没有可以反驳的地方，希望你考试时也尽量写一些这样的没有漏洞的理由^_^




Although, working in the office is much better, working at home also has many advantages. For example, those new mums will have more time to take care of their babies without decreasing income resources of the whole family. Writers and painters may have more chance to go out and accumulate more materials for their works.（不过作家画家是不是本来也没有固定办公室啊我觉得==） Moreover, this will do good to the environment of the city, because less cars are on the road hurrying to work.我觉得你这段的理由都写的特别好..我的作文写的就是同意在家工作更好，但是我觉得我的例子都没你在让步段说的这几个好== 学习了~~




So in a nutshell, working in the office is better not only for employees themselves but also for the productivity of the whole company. In some certain circumstances, working at home has some advantages, too.

这个题目我也写了，欢迎你来提建议：） 我觉得好多都是我自己觉得挺好的，别人一读就能发现大问题 哈哈
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1280367-2-1.html

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1280367-2-1.html

应小呆UID：3109940

7月13日独立
Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future? 10,3,60 j

You will never know what you can do until you have tried. As a result, choosing challenging plans about one's future is better. It not only makes the society to be more creative, but also gives those who try a more colorful life. Although practical plans still have some advantages too, their virtues cannot outweigh their drawbacks. My opinion can be strengthened by the following reasons.
First and foremost, choosing challenging plans means choosing to try something new, or in other word, to explore the unknown. All progress human has made is based on exploration of the unknown. The more people choose to try something new, the faster our society develops. Let me take some examples. Without trying to create a new language, how can we communicate so conveniently with others? Without the invention of steam engine, how comes the industrial age? Without  Columbus, how comes America? So in a nutshell, choosing challenging plans can help the society to enjoy more progress.
One the other side, choosing challenging plans can provide more possibility for one's life. If Chen Sheng and Wu Guang had not risen in arm, they would never enjoy freedom from Qin Dynasty. What's more, I can take myself as an instance. When I was five years old, I hated playing piano, as it was too hard for me to handle and shortened my spare time to play with my friends. But when I was eleven, my opinion about piano has changed totally, as I can enjoy more entertainment from music than my peers. Moreover, choosing challenging plans may mean choosing a harder life experience. However, it also means choosing to give yourself more possibilities f future life.
But I have to make it clear that practical plans also have some advantages, although less than challenging plans. Practical plans can bring stability to the whole society and provide a appropriate choice for those cautious people.
So in a nutshell, challenging plans about one's future is better, although practical plans have some advantages, too.

cherrycarrieUID：2943359

那什么。乃的综合呢= =咱等着批呢。。。。。。

欢迎来批我的综合O(∩_∩)O~
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1240367-2-1.html