【Daily Writing作文特训小组】栗子造楼ｉｎｇ．．．求督促，求指导

栗孒UID: 3120977

个人背景～～
四六级裸过，雅思７　７　６．５　５
大三末，暑假在工行实习一个月，边实习边复习托福。
托福报了８月２１的。ＧＭＡＴ报了９月１４

目标与打算～～
由于妹纸２１１大学，绩点也不高，无牛推，无牛实习经历，属于三无产品＞３＜
故要求不高，想上美国１００以内学校，加拿大亦可。
当务之急就是把寄托考粗来。。
目标托福１００，ＧＭＡＴ７００（目标总是要高一点嘛～）

望各位哥哥姐姐多多督促，多多指教～

栗孒UID: 3120977

7,4Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If parents want their children to do well at school, they should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.

Children are considered as susceptible, immature and lack of self-control; however, there is no need to interfere too much in the time that the children spend on watching TV. TV, serves as one of the most widespread public media, bring much benefit to both children and parents on the base of rational use.

In the first place, TV programs broad children’s vision far beyond the textbook. There are varieties of series of programs from science to art. Children can visually absorb knowledge such as physical experiment and art appreciation. Some of the TV shows combine the education with entertainment, which are named to be recreational education. It appears to be more attractive and easy to be accepted by the young. Children may find interested in the particular area earlier after watching the programs. In addition, some programs not only develop the intelligence but also turn to be instructive. Take talk shows as example, they usually invite some successful person to share the experience on the show. It sets up idol for the children and motivates them to imitate them.

Moreover, children need to have some rest after they have a full day. It could be a kind of reward for encouraging them to acquit well at school or finishing the assignment with high grade. Although it may occupy some time for parents to communicate with their children, parent still need to consider the kid’s need and offer some freedom for kids to choose what they are interested in. It may become a proper way to get along with their children, not just teach them as the identity of parents.

In fact, it is more important for parents to take care about what their children are watching rather than how long they watch it. I think that as long as the young is interested in some meaningful program, it benefits the children as well as improving the relationship between them and their parents.

sallyremyUID: 3120928

2# 栗孒

Children are considered as susceptible, immature and lack of self-control; however, there is no need to interfere too much in the time that the children spend on watching TV. TV, serves as one of the most widespread public media, bring much benefit to both children and parents on the base（basis） of rational use.(开头直接亮观点可以，但是ACAD那种Introduction会不会更好呢？从background写到题目，然后最后一句话再亮观点)% ^) ?- t$ W& f- Z$ V5 D' a& l" z
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In the first place, TV programs broad children’s vision far beyond the textbook. There are varieties of series of programs from science to art（用range...from可能更好）. Children can visually absorb knowledge such as physical experiment and art appreciation（跟前面对应的很好~）. Some of the TV shows combine the education with entertainment, which are named to be recreational education（有具体概念提出，很好！）. It appears to be more attractive and easy to be accepted by the young. Children may find interested in the particular area earlier after watching the programs. In addition, some programs not only develop the intelligence but also turn to be instructive. Take talk shows as example, they usually invite some successful person to share the experience（what experience?）on the show. It sets up idol for the children and motivates them to imitate them.
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Moreover, children need to have some rest after they have a full day. It could be a kind of reward for encouraging them to acquit(awkward expression,可改成perform) well at school or finishing the assignment with high grade. Although it may occupy some time for parents to communicate with their children, parent（s） still need to consider the kid’s(知道你想换词，但是有点inacademic) need and offer some freedom for kids to choose what they are interested in. It(指什么？)may become a proper way to get along with their children, not just teach them as the identity of parents.
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In fact, it is more important for parents to take care about what their children are watching rather than how long they watch it（这个观点很好，为什么不在前面写出？）. I think that as long as the young is interested in some meaningful program（s）, it(指什么？)benefits the children as well as improving the relationship between them and their parents.
文章整体通畅，也有具体例子说明，但是感觉观点不够出彩，我一开始brainstorming的时候就没往娱乐教育方面想的，另外观点可能有点少，再加上一段更好~看了高分感觉是5段法。还有就是你的观点是不要limit，可是你只是说了看电视的好处，没有说时间不要受限制的好处（关键在于limit，也就是时间）。最后一点：题目应该是为了孩子在学校表现得更好，你写了对家长也好（联系有点不紧密）。。explain中把理由多联系学校表现，我是这么考虑的。因为看得很仔细，所以提出了蛮多意见，别人估计也不会这么用心了，你看看行不行？继续加油！！

应小呆UID: 3109940

欢迎来改我的作文~ https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-1-1.html 7,4Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If parents want their children to do well at school, they should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.( f9 q0 O. J$ l Children are considered as susceptible, immature and lack of self-control; however, there is no need to interfere too much in the time that the children spend on watching TV. TV, serves as one of the most widespread public media, bring (and brings?)much benefit to both children and parents on the base of rational use.; q! E% W/ K$ a3 Q' I7 } In the first place, TV programs broad(broaden) children’s vision far beyond the textbook. There are varieties of series of programs from science to art. Children can visually absorb knowledge such as physical experiment and art appreciation. Some of the TV shows combine the education with entertainment, which are named to be recreational education. It appears to be more attractive and easy(根据对称，这个easy是跟在appears后面的，但appears在这里做谓语，而不是系动词，后面跟一个easy会不会很奇怪？）to be accepted by the young. Children may find interested in the particular area earlier after watching the programs. In addition, some programs not only develop the intelligence but also turn to be instructive. Take talk shows as example, they usually invite some successful person to share the experience on the show. It sets up idol for the children and motivates them to imitate them.9 _: Y9 O4 o9 d- ]8 ^  h Moreover, children need to have some rest after they have a full day. It could be a kind of reward for encouraging them to acquit well at school or finishing the assignment with high grade. Although it may occupy some time for parents to communicate with their children（这句话和半句的逻辑不太明白是什么？即使占用父母一些时间与孩子交流，父母还是需要考虑孩子的自由，不明白是什么意思）, parent still need to consider the kid’s need and offer some freedom for kids to choose what they are interested in. It may become a proper way to get along with their children, not just teach them as the identity of parents.（同不明白何意）# ?: C  `, p/ [; ?( z+ y In fact, it is more important for parents to take care about what their children are watching rather than how long they watch it. I think that as long as the young is interested in some meaningful program, it benefits the children as well as improving the relationship between them and their parents. 栗子酱你和我的状况差不多呢，我在建行实习，不过很水很水....... 我7月23号就要考了，各种不着调各种不靠谱啊~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 每天都睡到很晚才起床，还看动漫......似乎找不到感觉。 不过米有关系~我相信胜利一定在前方~（这是一种没来由的信心==）

栗孒UID: 3120977

3# sallyremy 好久不写头好胀啊好胀啊。。感觉码不出字啊>3<。。等今天的独立写完了，再把这篇好好改改。我也觉得有点偏题的赶脚。。。多谢捧场。。。

栗孒UID: 3120977

4# sizukaada
谢谢~提出了很多问题呢。。写完了我也觉得有点偏题来着，好久不写了，生疏了许多。。
今天写完了再把这篇改改，一起加油吧~~

栗孒UID: 3120977

7.5 In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

Most of the work method is divided into individual work and group work. Because the group work is more efficient and has higher quality than the individual one, it is more popular among the universities and enterprises. It puts emphasis on cooperation and communication. The group improvement is contributed on the improvement of group member’s knowledge and relationship so that it is especially important to accept criticizes from others.

In the first place, accepting criticize make individual progress. Every one may be pointed out several shortcomings which cannot be tolerated by others. It is sincerely raised from the group members. Through think about others recommendation; one could realize what to improve. Think about the recommendation one more time before you deny it, and you will find that some of the opinions are worth follow. Take myself as an example. When we were doing some group assignment, I always finish the work just before the dead line, even accompanied with some delays. My group members sometimes complain about this, which makes me put the time limit on the first concern now. With the criticism of others, it may help you get rid of some bad habits.

Accepting criticize also help to create a harmonious relationship with group members. The one who accepts criticize appears to be modest and easy going. Everyone has the need of being respected and recognized. If you have a consideration of others recommendation, it may give a good impression to others that you are polite, rational and introspective. On the other side, if you always reject to be criticized, others may think that you are too arrogant. Under this circumstance, estrangement will gradually appear.

Although in some cases, others have some prejudice on you, the argument may lack to be objective. You could reserve your opinion and discuss with them. Take each criticize sincerely and seriously, show respect to others and discuss the problem equally. Only in this way, it appears to be benefit a lot to both sides.

sallyremyUID: 3120928

6# 栗孒

你跟我还这么客气==“多谢捧场一刚”。。。。我心碎了:funk:

栗孒UID: 3120977

9# sallyremy
那本来不是一个小组的哇啦。。你那么热心帮我改了么，当然要谢谢你的咯。。。。

栗孒UID: 3120977

7.6 The government should support scientific research that does not have any practical use.

In recent years, a nation’s scientific research capability occupies a serious status in judging the national power. Financial allocation on the research work increases every year, while some of the programs appear to be lake of practical use. In my opinion, the government has the responsibility to support these research works, and the reasons are listed as follow.

First of all, it is hard to predict whether it may benefit the public in the future, although the research seems to be useless today. Everything makes progress evolutionally and may be accompanied by hundred times of failure. It is unfair to determine that the research is unpractical to use at the early period. Take bulb for example, people at that time could hardly imagine that they could keep the house bright as daytime without candles. Although Thomas Edison faced with a serious doubt of others, he eventually succeeded. Today, we take it common to use bulbs and even neon lights at home, on the street or in the office. He told us that experience is the best teacher. Only through the test of time, the real value of the research could appear.

Moreover, only government could take the responsibility of support large number of the research works. Because the scientific researches consume not only time but also money, most of the investment should come from the financial budget which is the wealth of the whole society. In addition, government has the power to call on experts from various field of study. Especially to some programs on nature resources and basic disciplines, the researchers who suffer a greater risk exposure and vapid work need to be motivated.

Although I agree with the argument, it still needs to do some prep evaluations on the programs. They should be put in the order of contribution and emergency, namely that the one could solve more problems should be considered first. It mainly depends on the contradiction of the society and the need of the public.

With a comprehensive consideration of the conditions, the government should take charge of the scientific researches, even though it appears to have unpractical use today.

sallyremyUID: 3120928

8# 栗孒


Most of the work method(s) is(are) divided into individual work and group work. Because the group work is more efficient and has higher quality than the individual one,（and） it is more popular among the universities and enterprises. It puts emphasis on cooperation and communication. The group improvement is contributed(based?) on the improvement of group member’s knowledge and relationship(through cooperation联系前句) so that it is especially important to accept criticizes from others.
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In the first place, accepting criticize make individual progress.（用法有点inacademic) Every one may be pointed out several shortcomings which cannot be tolerated by others. It is （they are 指缺点嘛~）sincerely raised from the group members. Through think（thinking） about others 'recommendation（还是用criticism吧。。不要偷换概念哦~~）; one could realize what to be improved. Think about(换个词吧。。think over) the recommendation one more time before you deny it, and you will find that some of the opinions are worth following. Take myself as an example. When we were doing some(舍去) group assignment,(in what? 具体一点) I always finish the work just before the dead line, even accompanied with some delays（改成or even miss it指期限）. My group members sometimes complain about this, which makes me put the time limit on the first concern now. With the criticism of others,（with用法感觉不太好。。可以考虑改成if从句） it may help you get rid of some bad habits.$ w4 o( S6 t' ^" n7 L# z0 N  ~. g

Accepting criticize also help to create a harmonious relationship with group members. The one who accepts criticize appears to be modest and easy going. Everyone has the need of being respected and recognized(acknowledged). If you have a consideration of（直接consider较为简洁） others recommendation, it may give a good impression to others that you are polite, rational and introspective（好词！！赞一个~~）. On the other side, if you always reject to be criticized（accept critizes）, others may think that you are too arrogant. Under this circumstance, estrangement(between ....and...) will gradually appear.
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Although(这句话转折在哪里啊？！) in some cases, others have some prejudice on you, the argument may lack to be（tend to be）objective. You could reserve(revise吧) your opinion and discuss with them. Take each criticize sincerely and seriously, show respect to others and discuss the problem equally（fairly）. Only in this way, it（无指代） appears to be benefitial a lot to both sides.（最后一句可以作为结尾段，前面的让步可以自成一段作为第三个论点：虽然有些意见有偏见，但是大多数还是对你有益处的）
最重要的问题是：文章没有突出个人successful啊！！至少提一下，不是team的
知道你实习回来一定很累，想快点写完。。所以作文中蛮多小错误，都帮你改粗来了~~
问一下：你看了很多作文举自己的例子是李笑来那本书吗？？
PS:你现在写一篇文章大概花多久？？

theflyfishUID: 2101420

写的不错，学习了。

应小呆UID: 3109940

7.6 The government should support scientific research that does not have any practical use.! ~7 c% j( }1 B* a# A! C

In recent（总感觉后面的句子应该用完成时态？） years, a nation’s scientific research capability occupies a serious status in judging the national power. Financial allocation on the research work increases every year, while some of the programs appear to be lake（lack） of practical use. In my opinion, the government has the responsibility to support these research works, and the reasons are listed as follow.（总觉得用research work 似乎不太明确，因为有部分research work do have practical use, such as the research of new medicine to cure cancer.另外就是我不太明白research work 可不可以有复数呢?不太会用work的这个意思，不知道谁能来讲一下==）

First of all, it is hard to predict whether it may（为什么用may呢？我理解的may是肯定性较小的一种推测，既然肯定性较小，所以应该很容易预测才对，就比方说it is easy to predict that it may rain heavily in the Sahara Desert.） benefit the public in the future, although the research seems to be useless today. Everything makes progress evolutionally and may be accompanied by hundred times of failure. It is unfair to determine that the research is unpractical to use at the early period. Take bulb for example, people at that time could hardly imagine that they could keep the house as bright as daytime without candles. Although Thomas Edison faced with a serious doubt of others, he eventually succeeded. Today, we take it common to use bulbs and even neon lights at home(在家里用霓虹灯？), on the street or in the office. He told us that experience is the best teacher. Only through（by？） the test of time, the real value of the research could appear.! t* T# \1 ~" t% t$ R2 b
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Moreover, only government could take the responsibility of support large number of the research works. （我觉得这个思路很新颖呢，我压根儿没往这边想==）Because the scientific researches consume not only time but also money（but also a lot of money）, most of the investment should come from the financial budget which is the wealth of the whole society. In addition, government has the power to call on experts from various fields of study. Especially to some programs on nature resources and basic disciplines, the researchers who suffer a greater risk exposure and vapid work(expose to a greater risk and suffer from vapid work?) need to be motivated.

Although I agree with the argument(which argument?), it still needs to do some prep evaluations on the programs. They should be put in the order of contribution and emergency, namely that the one could solve more problems should be considered first. It mainly depends on the contradiction of the society and the need of the public.& `1 D! x/ \& Y* ~7 e

With a comprehensive consideration of the conditions(这个结构真不错，我得记下来~), the government should take charge of（应该是support吧？这句话有点跑题了==） the scientific researches, even though it appears to have unpractical use today.

栗孒UID: 3120977

12# sallyremy

灭哈哈哈哈。。。。我知道你们会改的老认真的，所以就粗略的读一读就传上来了。。。;P
李笑来那本书我还没看过了。。。
最后一句拿出来做一段我是觉得太单薄了。所以就和让步放在一起了。。
还有。你还漏改我一篇。。7.5明明是我和你一个小组的。你缺改了别人的。。赖皮挖~

栗孒UID: 3120977

14# 应小呆

work用作可数名词时意为“著作、作品、成果”；用作不可数名词时意为“工作”。例如：
  That’s a work of art. 那是一件艺术品。
  I have a lot of work to do today. 今天我有许多工作要做。
度娘上这么写的。。。

predict的那个意见我一定谨记，我老是喜欢用may,但是又觉得不太正式，语气也不够。。
还有些地方。。。因为词穷了啦。变不出词了。。呵呵
关于那个霓虹灯。。。现在家里不是装很多彩色的LED灯带么。。。我想表达那种效果。。虽然一开始是想到的路上的霓虹灯。