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发表于 2011-7-22 22:14:57
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几家欢乐几家愁,不要气馁,也不要“求安慰”。都是受美帝国主义打压的人,做点务实的事情吧。
请作文上了3.5以上的同学分享一下作文是怎么写的,让后来人也好对以后的AW走势把把脉。
不用长篇累牍,就说这次作文,你是怎么写的就好,内容思路,能给出大概的框架更好。
就由我开始抛砖吧,我的AW3分。出分前,但是我自认为写的还将就,我也看过很多同学写的,自我感觉比他们强,但是人家也是3分,郁闷啊。
我的116GAW方法如下:
1,我把所有题目分成了40大类,北美范文看过十多篇,新东方那本作文书,按照自己总结的大类基本上每个都扫描过。
2,衔接式的语言和部分观点类句子,我是从陈圣元填空题目里面筛选出来的句子,不过当然要修改。(那些句子,个人 觉得确实经典啊,对写作确实有帮助,但是不知道会不会被判雷同)。
3,整体结构是都是最常见的形式,没有敢去做什么创新,怕万一碰地雷。有人说要insightful,但是这些观点怎么insightful也只有那么几样啊。 扯得太远了万一又扯不清楚,人家会不会以为跑题?而且有些观点个人认为很insightful,搞不好别人就不这样人为。
一:我的issue,当时的题目是"Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study. They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively." 这是我准备比较充分的题目,所以当时大笑不止。
大致内容:(考完后是中英文夹杂记录下来的,大家将就看) ,
思路: 1,让步,过分强调批判在学习初期会不好,教育首先是个模仿的过程。
2,说保持批判的好处和必要性,科学是螺旋发展的,提了下爱因斯坦超越牛顿的例子。
3,与现实结合。现代社会很多人抱怨思维枯竭,重要的发明定律已经被前辈们开发殆尽,提到了哥白尼,重点写了约翰纳什这个例子。(个人认为这算是个亮点,本来没有这段的,临时想出来的)
4,批判态度虽好,需要把握分寸,在不同阶段强调不同的学方法
框架:
某某说了个什么 I basically agree with that XXX, however, it's presumptuous ,at least unfairly to 运用到所有学生 uncritically。
admittedly, 保持批判会怎么样好。但是过于强调此点would undermine xxxx
,特别是思维不成熟的中小学生,,how can 中学生 去 question Newton的力学定律。首先,教育是从传承模仿和follow开始,只有学透了前人xxx,才能xxxx. imitation , far from being symptomatic of a lack in originality , is the first,also indispensable step in learning to be creative(这个句子是抄填空里面的).教育中的模仿的过程是枯燥的,但是哟必要。只有在掌握了扎实的基础后,才能够进行创新。不管是模仿还是创新,都需要巨人的肩膀。
但是,keep skepticism is XXX(好)。 Science is a cyclical XX with no end in questing for truth.(摘自填空句子)。 doors were closing on our past , and soon the axiom we had admired would become so obsolete that XXX.(摘自填空句子,个人觉的句子很经典)。 就像Elbert, which could xxx,his theory base on xxx,xxx may be xxx. (简单举了滥俗爱因斯塔的例子,大意就是说能在牛顿力学统治的阶段而超越,这就是保怀疑的力量。) 还举了Nikola Tesla交流电的例子。
Basing our range of consideration not merely on ther benefits of (某个范文的句子),周围的很多现代社会人抱怨思维枯竭,重要的发明定律已经被过去的前辈们开发殆尽,提了一下哥白尼,重点写了Nash这个例子。(因为Nash 是个现在社会的例子,而且可能相对用的人比较少,大意是说,Nash顶着压力对权威的skepticism,而且那么长时间的坚持,最后获的诺贝尔) ,然后说,这个例子鼓励我们当代的年轻人在科技非常发达的今天吗,学习中依然要保持审慎批判的态度等等。
To conclude,while the study with skepticism can be worthwhile, it has to be, undertaken in conjunction withxxxxx。 In the absence of the latter, ______ (这句是摘自新东方书得某范文)。但是最后强调质疑的重要,因为质疑才会有发展,正如盛田昭夫说的,XXXXX. (字数不少,绝对接近700)
个人评价,个人感觉思维中规中矩,内容也算丰富,语言也还不错,不知道究竟错在什么地方了,连3.5.都没有。因为有时候读官方范文也好,北美范文也罢,也觉得就那样啊。
二,arguement
题目是,muscle strain 后的二次感染问题。
思路方面,个人觉得我基本上把能扯到的都扯到了,因为是高频,写过两次,考试时比较轻松,临时加了点东西。
1段,反驳实验没有提到年龄,性别,对药物的敏感度差异。肌肉病情的严重程度。安慰剂是否会有副作用。
2段, 反驳两组的医生不一样,没有详细交代两组人治疗手法是否一致。药物治疗外,有没有安排复健类得运动也很重要。甚至质疑两组人的膳食是否一致及其影响。
3段,让步,即使实验数据正确,是否使用抗生素也需要长期和大规模的实验,质疑这个数据的可推广性。因为抗生素不可滥用。
我的结构:中规中矩的结构
The argument/claim that xxxx proposed in the article is well-presented, yet not thoroughly reasoned. Although the evidence enumerated may appear to augment persuasion xxx,(摘自某范文) more often than not is its impact is _inconsiderable if a Careful analysis of this supporting evidence is involved.(摘自填空)
By citing_______, the claim______ seems logical. however, observable as a fault of the assertion is a indiscreet conclusion without considering other possible factor to xxxx. ( 摘自填空) Such factors may include that the reliability of _________. is less credible than _____, or____. It’s possible that_____. ……….In addition/otherwise/ And more important ,_______ is a determinable consideration. Since the researcher has not adequately responded to this concern ,this reliability of the survey is exceptionable(摘自北美范文)
Furthermore, Having fully embrace the belief xxxxx,The xxx is discredited by the uncritical comparison without considering the different condition of XXXX(摘自填空)It’s entirely possible_______,even if ____. However , the researcher conjecture that ______ instead of providing any solid evidence about______(自己编的)
To say the least, even if they evidence is reliable _____. it’s presumptuous to. numerous examples illustrate the overriding influence that XXX (摘自填空) 。the evidence would lend support to the XXX’s claim only if The XXX typify the XXX of the survey /statistics. (摘自范文)Nevertheless, the XXX provides no credible evidence to persuade us. the thoughtless evidence, far from enhancing the proposal’s persuasion, reveals untenable (自己编的)
All in all, Taking into account all these factors judging from all evidence offered we may draw a conclusion that the XXX’s argument/application is not persuasive/cogent/ (自己编的), . before any decision are made about xxx, the xxx should assess most possible consideration XXX (摘自某范文)
个人评价:会不会是因为摘录了太多别人别人的东西?
求得高分的朋友分享经验。 |
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