[作文] 【Daily Writing】Julijone's TOEFL Writing Journal [复制链接]

lisq9989
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发表于 2011-8-4 17:30:46 |只看该作者

改好了，不错，加油~

8.3julijone独立放飞的小鸟修改.doc (31.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

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little_caty
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发表于 2011-8-4 19:48:22 |只看该作者

g2011.08.03- u5 }: x% t; A2 J# e3 X! o
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Independent writing

2010.01.15NA In order to become financially responsible adults, children should manage their own money at a young age.

In recent years, children’s financial management is valued very much. In spite of disputes, some people including me still hold the opinion that children should manage their own money at a young age in order to become financially responsible adults. I will defend my opinion in the following paragraphs.(没有查到defend my opinion这种用法，一般是defend myself against other people's opinions)

First of all, many people, especially those parents, worrying about whether the young children could handle this well.(this在这里指代不清，而且觉得这句话不适合做本段的主旨句） In my opinion, this kind of worry is completely unnecessary. How can a nestling fly if it is limited in the nest forever? Experiences will be accumulated by the children in the process of managing their money. So as parents, they should encourage their children to put it into practice. After all, children have much to learn to get them prepared for the financial response in the future. For example, they should learn how to use different methods of paying and how to transfer credit. It will be late to start these fairs after they grow up to adults.

Another advantage of this education from early age would be that the children will establish good financial and consuming habits. For instance, when I was young, my father sent me a deposit box as a birthday present and set up me an account. From then on, I gradually know how to make a budget of my own money to avoid financial deficit. If sometimes I use up my deposit in my account, I have to apply a “loan” from my father. Besides, I realized the importance of reasonable consuming, and I rarely bought new tools any more.

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Last but not least, it will be a little troublesome if the children are not in charge of their own money. There are so many occasions that the children need money. For example, a middle school teenager may want to buy a bouquet for his girl friend. If he must apply to his parents first, then perhaps he does not know how to make an excuse. It is inconvenient to ask the parents for money every time.+ C' @3 c: T, T6 p% |

To sum up, the parents should allow their children to manage their own money, so that the children will become responsible financially, either for themselves or for others.（改成benifiting themselves as well as others)

总体感觉语言很流畅，条理也比较清晰~

[作文] 【Daily Writing】Julijone's TOEFL Writing Journal [复制链接]

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