echo作文贴 每天一练 求拍砖

joysionUID: 2815236

1# sanduke planters

Topic5. A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.9 D* k' ~1 F& D5 s. {9 r  L+ \
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Nowadays, most parts of the world are still experiencing the negative influence of great recession and my community is no exception. Some people may argue that the factory may bring problems such as environmental problems, for instance, water pollution. What is more, the migration who are attracted by work opportunities, which are hard to manage, is also likely to influence public safety. However, as far as I am concerned, I would support the building of the factory for following reasons.
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$ ~$ Z* m5 `' ]9 Y: j: ~& {First of all, the factory can stimulate local economy, which all residents can benefit from. On one hand, as new factory can spur investment from home and abroad, local economy can develop with more help from other places. The example of my hometown illustrates it well. Thanks to the convenient transportation and location near Korean and Japan, my hometown has got lots of capital which contributes not only the foreign factories but also local economy in different ways, for instance, the large amount of tax.
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Second, the factory will create more jobs, too. It is common sense that a new factory usually tends to employ local stuff, whose salaries are comparatively low. In this way, people who lose jobs during crisis can find jobs and as a result, with time passing by, the average income per person will become higher. And then people who used to be refrained from low income tend to enjoy their life by buying more cheap necessities, in return helping the local economy, and thus a virtuous cycle forms.
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Last but not the least, a new factory will also contribute to the local community services. For example, GM offer job training services to residents and Starbuck help the coffee planters increase the quality of coffee in a more environment-friendly way. By taking an active part in local community services, the factory not only bears the social responsibility but also wins respect for itself and helps itself develop.. k7 g' o+ G4 U) y
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Although some problems are unavoidable, such as a small amount of chemical water, as long as it maximizes the profit to local economy while bearing social responsibility, I strongly believe that such a factory can benefit our community a lot.

楼主的作文逻辑性很强的，学习了，稍微改动了一点。

prqeabcdUID: 2636608

语言非常流畅 建议楼主关键在思路上下功夫
托福作文的完美格式是 第一段背景后提出论点+3个理由
例如第一篇文章, 建议删掉What is more, the migration who are attracted by work opportunities, which are hard to manage, is also likely to influence public safety. 这一句(irrelevant), 在I would support the building of the factory for following reasons. 这句里加上你的3个分论点 (i support... because 1,2, and 3.) 这样就是完美的强力开篇
结尾段应该是主要论点的强调(重复）严禁引入新的观点（无法论证），重复后稍加深化，可以说些比较空的，比如社区经济的发展需要外来投资。

最后中间的3段的顺序
1st strongest
3rd strongest
2rd strongest
前后两段选逻辑最强最好论证的，中间放一个相对弱的观点，这样文章看起来更强力

满分的文章应该是一目了然就知道你的观点，并且可以说服读者相信你的观点

祝楼主成功

prqeabcdUID: 2636608

另外让步（although)的目的是让你的观点更明确更强力，大可不必费力去解释观点中的不足，托福作文是ESSAY不是ISSUE，只需要阐述一面